Never
by VampriesAreCool
Summary: What happens when it's over and the last words spoken to you, you know to be a lie. Can you find common ground again, or is there too much pain in the history to allow for it. Rated "M" for later chapters, some OOC happens in later chapters. The beta'ed version is now being posted with the title Far Away
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Added 8/17/2012 ~ There is now a beta'ed version of this story that I am posting, albeit slowly. If you don't mind waiting you can check it just go to my profile and click on the title Far Away.

Author's Note: So I was over lurking in the fourms this morning and came across this prompt, _I never loved you _(though now for the life of me I don't remember which one it was on and it seemed that it hadn't been posted on in a couple of years. So if this does happen to be yours let me know so I can give the credit for it) Anyway my muse ran with it and this was the result. Hope you all enjoy. Still don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with some one else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>"I never loved you!" she screamed at him before she slammed the door on her way out.<p>

He sat heavily in the chair, his mind racing back to a time when he heard those exact same words.

~~^~~ Flashback~~^~~

_"Just leave me alone." Lily said to him for the thousandth time since that spring, he had tried to apologize numerous times for his slip of the tongue though she would hear none of it._

_"But I'm trying to apologize, I was upset and angry. I never meant to say that to you."_

_"Maybe not, but you say it about everyone who is like me. A muggle born witch, what makes me so different than them?" Lily asked._

_"I love you." He stated quietly to her._

_She looked at him for long moments before she finally came to the fact that the only way he was going to leave her alone was to spout a lie and hoped he believed it._

_"I never loved you Severus, now please leave me alone." She watched him as the hurt passed across his face quickly covered by a sneer before he said,_

_"Great friends you have Lily, you allowed them to poison you against me. The ones that have treated me terribly, yet I didn't retaliate often because of you. Now you let them tell you that I'm the bad guy in all of this, and you believe they are right. You are nothing but a two faced mudblood bitch."_

_Her hand connected with his face, the crack of the slap being the only sound in the silence of the early evening. He turned leaving her standing by the water's edge._

_Lily knew that he had said those awful things to her because she had cut him deeply, it had been a lie. She did love him, but it was just must easier to bend to the will of her house than fight them any longer. She hoped that he had a good life, found someone else that would care for him and that he would care for._

~~^~~End Flashback~~^~~

Severus stared into his empty glass, as if it would hold all the answers. He never asked for this, nor did he want any of it. Forced into a marriage with someone so much younger than himself, he found himself caring for her despite his best efforts not to. After five years of her presence in his life, he found that she had made for an engaging companion.

She did what her duty was as his wife, she stood beside him though it cost her many of her friends. The two that he thought would truly run away were the two that stuck with her, Potter and Longbottom had become welcome guest in his home. All be it he was not here when they were, or they met coming and going.

He didn't deny her that, he found the longer they were together he couldn't deny her much of anything. As if she ever asked for anything from him. With the exception of the one thing she truly wanted from him, the one thing she never asked for, his love. He had overheard a conversation between her and Potter once six months ago.

~~^~~ Flashback~~^~~

_"What are you going to do once this law is repealed?" Potter asked._

_"What do you mean? There is no divorce in this world, it's forever Harry."_

_"But you are stuck in a loveless relationship." Something that Potter saw that Severus did not made the young man say, "Or maybe not, do you love him?"_

_Severus had not realized he stopped breathing just to be sure he heard her answer._

_"Yes, but you cannot say anything to anyone least of all Severus. He must never know this is how I feel."_

_"Why not?"_

_"He doesn't…. can't feel the same about me, I can never give him children. After the fourth miscarriage the healer petitioned the ministry to have the copulation part withdrawn he has not come near me since. If this law is repealed and they allow us to divorce I will go quietly though it will not be without a shattered heart."_

~~^~~End Flashback~~^~~

Now he understood, though it took him long enough to finally figure it out. Lily didn't tell him that she never loved him to hurt him, she had done it to set him free. Hermione didn't scream the same words at him to hurt him or justify her leaving at the first opportunity she was able. No they both were so much alike in that they both said those words to him to set him free.

He hurled the empty glass at the cold fireplace, though the shattering of the glass did nothing to calm him. He looked down at his trembling hands, he knew this time how she felt and he still allowed the one person in the world that looked past his outer armor to walk out the door. He raked his hands through his hair to try and halt their shaking.

He finally stood pacing, because of some law he allowed her into his home. Oh he made sure she knew it was because he had too, he didn't ask just shoved her into his old bedroom saying she could do whatever she wanted with it. He had only ever seen the inside of it when the damn ring tingled on his finger making it known that it was time for the copulation that the law forced upon them. He never once brought her to his bed, her bed was smaller all the better for the excuse to leave when he was done.

Somehow his legs had carried him to her room, the room that he never really looked at. Now that he stood in the door way staring at the room he was struck by how empty it truly was, there really seemed to be nothing that personalized the room as hers. When she signed the paper did she not say she'd be back to get her things? As he looked at the room as a whole now, not with the tunnel vision of the past entries into the room, he saw the only things that even suggested a woman lived there was the frilly scraps of material he saw through the open closet door, the ones she wore when the ring tingled.

This room reminded him of another he saw years ago, the one time he let Lucius talk him into going to one of the brothels in Knockturn Alley. He was struck by the comparison, did she really think of herself that way or was it he who treated her as a common whore? Did it really matter? He had treated her that way.

He walked over to the bed sitting down, he saw then the only personal thing in the room. A small music box that he had bought her for a wedding present at the insistence of Minerva, it was the only gift he ever gave her. He opened the lid to find that the music had an odd flat tone to it, inside laid the one photograph of their wedding and her ring laid on top of it. He hadn't even noticed that she had not been wearing it. He looked down at his own hand, the band of silver around his finger. A metal she had insisted on saying that she found gold to be gaudy, he had known she had done that for him.

He took out the ring placing it on his little finger, it barley fit to the first knuckle. He picked up the photograph, he looked as he always did not smiling. Hermione on the other hand had a small smile on her face as she looked up at him it disappeared only for the photo to reset itself.

He looked at the photo and the ring wondering when it happen, when had he let himself care for her, love her. He laid down on the bed on his side propping the photo up so he could stare at it, then he did something he hadn't done since the day he had heard those words so long ago, he cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: So here is Hermione's side of the story. Hope you all enjoy. Still don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>Hermione stood in the middle of her bedroom, the room that he had almost threw her into when he brought her here five years ago. The room was just as stark as when she had arrived, the music box on the bedside table caught her eye. She went over sitting on the bed opening the small wooden box to hear the music fill the room as she took out the photograph that laid inside.<p>

Five years ago she had been naive in her assumption that if she was dutiful wife, if she stood beside him when no one else would he would learn to at least like her. That had been her mistake, Severus Snape had no room in his heart for her it was taken by a ghost or by hatred. She had really thought that day that if he was just shown caring, love, and friendship he would change. Now looking down at the photo she knew that he would never change, he would always be the cold, abrasive person that he had been when she came to the wizarding world.

She picked up the music box, when he had given it to her on their wedding night she had hoped that maybe the outer layer he wore to the world was just that, an armor to protect himself against everyone. That through their vows he would know that he could trust her letting his guard down. In her immaturity she thought that he was holding out a gift to show that he would let her into his life. Of course that never happen, a year ago she found out why. Neville let it slip that Minvera all but forced Severus to buy her a gift for their wedding as was the tradition.

She looked at the box now, it might look empty but it held what had been her hopes and dreams. She threw it against the wall watching as it broke falling to the floor. She didn't worry about being heard, she had always put a silence charm around her room since the day he complained that her breathing at night kept him awake.

She laid back on the bed, she didn't know if she was angry at herself for deluding herself or because she still loved him with everything she was. The latter reason would be what got her through the next few hours, she would give him whatever it was he asked for though she knew it was going to be a divorce. She would leave with her head held high, then when she got to her parents house she would teach herself how to carry on without him in her life, she would learn to breathe again with this crushing weight on her chest.

She rose going to retrieve the box from the floor quickly repairing it before she brought it back over to the bed. She looked around the room again, she had woken early to pack her small amount of things away. She had taken everything that was hers in the bathroom after she showered this morning, she wouldn't leave a trace of herself in this house, except for the music box, photo, and wedding ring that she didn't want to take off her finger just yet.

The ring that tingled when it was time to meet the copulation requirements of the marriage law, the first few times he made no show as to what he thought of having sex with her. He would come in her room, stand in front of her making sure that she saw that he had to down a potion to be able to fulfill the obligation. Then one night after he left her alone the words he said played over in her mind, the next day she bought the first, what she had come to term, whore outfits. They were really just scraps of satin and lace, but the next time the ring tingled she worked herself into one then waited. It had done it's job, he didn't stand in front of her again downing a potion to show her that she was not sexually appealing to him. Of course now standing here looking at them she was disgusted at how they made her feel, like a common whore and not the wife that gave her husband what he desired as she had thought at the time. That thought hit home the last time the ring tingled, she hadn't dressed for him that night. The moment he was through the door he looked her up and down then left coming back with a potion, she had no idea if he thought that doing such would show her that he only wanted to see her as a whore or if he really did find her unappealing. Whatever the reason she would not wear one again until he asked her too, with words not actions.

She never found out if he would ask or not, two weeks later she miscarried for the fourth time and the healer petitioned for them to forego the requirement on the grounds that multiple miscarriages could have an effect on her mental health and Severus never came into her room again.

Hermione closed the lid of the trunk on bed, shrinking it she dropped it into her bag. She sighed as she sat back on the bed. She placed the photo back into the box, then took a deep breath before sliding her wedding ring off and placing it on top, closing the lid. She walked out the door of her bedroom of the past five years for the last time.

As she descended the stairs she heard him call for her, like she didn't know what he wanted. She stepped into the sitting room to have a piece of parchment put in front of her. She took it and the offered quill, willing her hands not to shake. She walked over to the table saying,

"Where do I sign."

"Below my name."

She looked back at the parchment, the moment the quill touched it he asked the one question she never thought she would hear from him,

"Do you love me?" the question was asked with no emotion what so ever.

She closed her eyes, she couldn't live this way any longer like an outsider in her own marriage. She signed her name to the paper quickly then watched as it started to shake then roll it's self up and fly toward the floo. She laid the quill on the table as she turned he said.

"I asked you a question."

"What does it matter now Severus?" she asked thinking it was too bad he hadn't asked her even six months ago she might have answered him then.

She walked toward the door saying,

"I'll be back for my things."

"Will you be okay?" he asked.

Why did he suddenly want to ask these questions now? She signed the damned papers, he was free of her. She plastered a smile on her face before turning toward him saying,

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Under her breath she said, "As if you ever did worry."

"Don't assume to know my thoughts or feelings." He said to her.

"Then don't ask me mine." She shot back taking a few more steps to the door.

"Do you love me?" he asked again still with nothing to give a hint of what he was thinking.

"Why? Why tell you? So you can have a laugh at me once the door is closed, I don't think so."

She was almost to the door her hand reaching for the knob when he said,

"What's so hard about one question?"

"I never loved you!" she screamed at him as she opened the door then slamming it behind her.

Once the door was closed behind her she leaned against it then slid down until she was sitting. Breathing again sounded easy enough, doing it was a totally different thing. She felt as if a part of her had been torn out, she never expected the end to feel this way.

Finally she stood, she went to the bridge to apperate to her parents house. It was the only place in the world she had to go.

She went straight to her room, she had been here this last week cleaning the house. She knew that when this day came she would be coming here. She laid down on the bed willing herself not to cry, but force of will did not stop the tears that became sobs from coming. She wondered if in time she would come to believe the lie she just screamed at him before she slammed the door.

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><p>Author's Note: Well I could continue this and give them a happy ending… eventually. The road to it is already started though I can already see that it's going to be a twisting rocky one. What do you all think, leave it as is or give them a happy ending? Comments make me smile and brighten my day.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Okay so here is the start to very long and rocky road to a happy ending, don't say you haven't been warned;) A small warning also, the following contains some bad language (more like a few bad words than anything) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p><em>A Year Later<em>

Severus stood outside the closed door of the bedroom Hermione had stayed in while they were married, he had not been inside the room since the day she left. Once he had woke up from falling asleep on her bed he had taken her ring along with his and put them on a chain around his neck. He closed the door not going back into the room in the last year.

He had held out a little hope for a while that she would be back, she had said that she would be to retrieve her things. She never came back, never sent anyone either so he had come to the conclusion that she either had taken her things with her or didn't care enough to come back for them. Either way he decided last night it was time to pack the room up, she wasn't coming back no matter how much he wished it. He had been too….. proud? Stubborn? To go after her, to admit he made a mistake in letting her go.

He took a deep breath as he opened the door, the room looked as it did when he closed the door last year. Why he thought it would be different he didn't know. He gave a flick of his wand removing all the dust that had collected in the last year. He placed the trunk on the bed before going to the still opened closet, he could have used magic but wanted to do this as a way to pack her memory along with what she had left behind.

He made quick work of the closet and the dresser in the room, most of the items were the scraps of satin and lace she had left. He smirked as he remembered the first time he walked into the room to her wearing one of these things, he didn't even think about it that night when he laid her on the bed she had just looked too damn hot in the little pink frilly thing that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. It wasn't like she needed to wear them, no he had been turned on every time he came to this room. He never let her know, he made sure as a matter of fact that she had every reason to think that he was not attracted to her. If she had only known that the 'potion' he took every time was nothing more than an endurance enhancer, he had wanted to make sure she received pleasure from their encounters though he wouldn't do anything she liked and told him she did twice.

Now he didn't know why he led her to believe different, no that was a lie. He knew exactly why he did it, now that he looked back on why he did such a thing it seemed petty. He had done it to have the upper hand, all it succeeded in doing was making her think all he wanted was a whore. It had all been a mind game that backfired on him in spectacular fashion.

He moved the trunk off the bed, stripping the sheets when the bottom sheet caught on something under the mattress he lifted it up to find a journal. Hermione's journal, he wondered if she even knew she left it here. He banished the sheets to the laundry room as he sat on the bed opening the book then closed it. These were her private thoughts, he had no business reading them.

He looked under the mattress and bed for anything else, finding nothing he banished the trunk to the attic. He took the journal to his room, sitting on the bed he opened and closed the book several times. He started to finger the rings around his neck, he never realized until she was gone that he would even miss her presence in the house. He remembered she spent a majority of time in her room, alone. But that wasn't quite true, she had just tried to stay out of his way. Could he really fault her? He complained about her being there enough. Over the last year he wished he hadn't, he had been so petty, he went so far as complaining once that her breathing kept him awake. That hadn't been the case, she had had a nightmare that woke him. He never heard her again, it was just another thing he made her suffer though alone.

He laid his hand on the journal again, did he even want to know what she was thinking? He did but he didn't, what would the book tell him about himself? What would it tell him of how she saw him while they were married?

He took the journal with him as he went to the eat supper, it set on the table taunting him as he ate. Then later in the sitting room as he drank firewhiskey. Finally he picked up the book opening it to the first page, the date caught his attention first. It was the date they married, then the words were that of a young woman with high ideas. She wrote about the wedding, how she was happy and hoped that in time he would be also. She also wrote of his treatment of her that night, she justified it by saying that he would have to learn that she could be trusted. She wrote how much that music box had meant to her, that in time she hoped that he would trust her enough to drop the cloak he wore for the world to show her his true self.

The next several weeks were full of words of her adjusting to living with him and the requirements of the marriage law. She wrote about how her parents had always shared a room but that she knew he had been alone so long that it would just take some getting use to on his part at having her around.

He started reading her entry a week later then slammed the book closed, he had no recollection of what she wrote he had said to her. Of course he was drunk that night, he had forgotten about the damn ring until it started tingling on his finger. He didn't recall going up the stairs, or even bedding her that night. Nor did he remember saying anything to her, but then why would she lie in writing her private thoughts?

He drank the rest of the whisky in the glass then poured another drinking it before pouring another then picking up the book again, this time he read each word she had wrote that he said to her. Her last line was what stabbed him the deepest, _if he wants his wife to be a whore to desire her I can do that for him._ He closed the book setting it back down, it was what he told her…. Called her that night among many other things that night. He didn't remember any of it, he thought about trying to pull the memory to look at it to see if she had taken it out of context. Not that he thought she did, he just couldn't remember and wanted to see for himself.

He stood going to his room where he kept his pensive, he finally found the memory of drinking that night. He pulled the slivery strand dropping into the pensive, taking a deep breath he leaned forward lowering his head to touch the surface. He was pulled into the sitting room….

~~^~~ Pensive Memory~~^~~

_He_ _sat in his chair, he had been drinking most of the evening. It hadn't been a good day, January thirtieth never was. He drank the whisky that his father had preferred when he was growing up, he hissed when the ring tingled on his finger. He drank another glass before standing, he slowly walked up the stairs. He stopped in his room for the potion then picked up another downing it before leaving the room, with his mind the way it was tonight he knew that there was not a chance in hell that he was in the mood to fulfill the requirement. He stood in the doorway of the room looking at her sitting on the bed twisting her ring around on her finger as she watched him take the potion he always took while he was standing there. _

_He stalked over toward her, for there wasn't another word for what he did, like a predator and she was some skittish prey. Once he reached the bed his mouth started working, words falling out of their own accord._

_"I don't see why, when you know I'm coming that you have to insist on dragging this out by being clothed. Now be the good little whore you are, remove your clothes at once." _

_He watched as she pulled her nightgown over her head, now that he was watching this from a distance he could see how scared she was._

_"That's a good little slut." He had already undone his pants, he shoved her back on the bed in one swift motion he was doing what was required. _

_He listened as he told her that she'd be nothing more than an unpaid whore to him, that he could find the same, for a price, in Knockture alley if he wanted._

_In his demeaning of her he went so far as to say to her…._

_"If I close my eyes I can pretend it's Lily I'm fucking and not some whore like you."_

~~^~~ End Pensive Memory~~^~~

He pulled himself out of the memory, not able to listen to his words any longer. If there had been any question as to whether or not she thought of herself that way it was erased. She saw herself that way because he told her that was all she was to him.

It had been the only time he was that drunk when he went to her, when he woke in his bed the next morning no recollection of the events the night before, he never drank that much again until the day she left.

He had given her every reason to hate him, never any reason to care for him or love him. The next page of the journal contained more of her thoughts that night, as he read them he was struck at how well she had read him.

~~^~~ Journal Entry~~^~~

_I know he was drunk tonight, I also know what today is I am Harry's best friend after all. But alcohol only lower inhibitions, leads people to tell what they really want without censor. Tomorrow I will go shopping for something to wear for him, since I have had time to calm down from what he said tonight I can see how he wouldn't ask me to dress like that for him unless he was drunk. I wonder if I should also obtain a red wig to wear, I just don't know about that. I cannot be her, I am me and though I could try I don't know how she would have reacted during sex. I really don't want to think about it either, maybe an image of Lily is all I can give him. Would he really ever see me if I did that for him? I know we have only been married six weeks, I know it takes time to adjust. I just don't know if my heart will survive the adjustment period, I do know that if he ever trust me enough turnabout is fair play, as they say. _

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

Severus set the book down on the bed, he never once let her have the upper hand in bed. Hell she had been so quite in the last couple of years they were required to have sex, the only way he knew that she even achieved climax was her tightening around him. Now that he thought about it he had made her that way, when they were first married she would tell him what she liked. He would never do what she liked again, he made her quiet in bed by not giving her what she enjoyed. He had taught her to keep her mouth shut about things she liked by withholding them from her.

He wondered if she ever knew or found out that he never had sex with Lily, they never went that far. Hell they never went anywhere, they only ever shared one kiss and that should have been his first clue that they were not meant to be.

He looked to the journal on the bed, reaching over he picked it up to read the next entry.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites. It means a lot to me that someone is enjoying this tale as much as I am. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>He read about her hopes and dreams for them covering over the next several months until he reached a day in the journal that only read, <em>Happy Birthday Hermione…. I miss my mum.<em> He read the words several times before he closed the book, he hadn't even bothered or known until that moment when her birthday was. He never bothered to ask, she knew when his was though. Every year they had been married he found a card laying on his breakfast plate on his birthday. He couldn't be bothered to ask when hers was though.

Her entry on their anniversary, another day in which he ignored her and left before she woke and didn't return until the next day. She wrote about how she wondered what she was doing wrong, she listed all the things she had done to appease him. How she silenced her room when he complained about her breathing, how she wore the 'whore outfits' because he seemed to like them. How she tried to help him with research, only to be told that she wasn't needed.

The next entry that caught his attention was Christmas, she wrote how they had breakfast together before she went back to her room to prepare to go to visit her friends that day. To be fair she asked him to go and he gave her some excuse why he couldn't, now that he thought about it she asked him to join her every year and every year he made an excuse. The end of the entry talked about how she wondered if he liked the present she got him since he didn't say anything about it when she returned.

He sat the book down opening the drawer on his bedside table, in it was everything she had given him. Every birthday card, every Christmas present, every anniversary card. She had tried so hard to make the marriage work, at the time he didn't care. That wasn't true, if he didn't care he wouldn't have kept everything. He did care, but just didn't know how to tell her or show her that he did. The last time he let his true feelings slip he became a broken man for a very long time.

The next one that drew him into reading it was when she miscarried the first time. He had no idea how depressed she was after that or how much she wanted him to do nothing more than comfort her. She wrote _He couldn't be bothered to stay, I only just lost his child and he had better things to do than sit with me._ He hadn't stayed, he left the moment he knew she would be fine. Looking back on it he was cold toward her about it, he remembered saying something to the affect that it didn't matter to him. What really stabbed him was how dark her musings had become after that day for almost a year. She wrote about staying in her room for days, only coming out when she had to force herself to eat and the only time she saw him was when the ring tingled. He read about her blaming herself of it, if she had done something different maybe she wouldn't have lost the baby and he wouldn't be blaming her now.

He never realized how much time she had spent hold up in her room after her miscarriage, in truth he didn't stay around to find out. Her strength was what struck him, she pulled herself out of that alone.

He read the entries after she miscarried, how did he not notice that she was that depressed when she lived in the same house with him? No he knew that she was upset, he just didn't really pay attention if she spent all her time in her room. He would have had to been here to notice, but he was just grateful that their required encounters were on hold for a time.

The entry about the miscarriages that got to him was the first time they had to have sex after her third miscarriage, he knew she had cried the whole time. At the time he thought she was just still in pain from what happen, well in a way she was just not the type he thought. By her own hand he now knew that she was terrified of becoming pregnant again, she wrote how she didn't know if she could handle another loss like that alone.

He read the entry of the day he overheard Potter and her talking, it was the first time she ever wrote in the journal about loving him. She wrote that she had since they married, but she would never tell him because his heart was with someone else, she couldn't give him children. She wrote about how if they allowed divorced when they disbanded the marriage law she would sign the papers if he asked her to, hopeful in the act of setting him free from her that he would find someone he could love and care for.

The irony was that he gave her the divorce on that day because he thought he was setting her free, that she could find someone her own age that would be able to give her what he had not been able or willing to give to her.

He slammed the book closed, throwing it across the room. Why was it he found out a little too late that what he loved and cared for was her? Why did she have to be so much like Lily in that aspect, freeing him to find someone else? He hadn't even wanted the silly girl, until the day he heard her tell Potter that she loved him. Why was it that was all he had to hear to bring all of his feelings to the forefront, to chip away the walls he had built around himself was her declaration of love.

He tried after that day, it was in her journal. She wrote how he would carry on a conversation with her now, she speculated that maybe he finally realized that she wasn't going to betray him. Now that he thought about it, in the last six months of their marriage she spent more time out of her room than in it. In that time he didn't see the inside of her room, he wondered if the two were connected. He had contemplated in those six months getting her to tell him she loved him, but it didn't seem fair to make her admit it to him when he wasn't sure he could ever say the words to her.

He reached for the journal again as dawn started to break, giving the world outside the window a hue of reds and oranges.

He opened the journal to the last entry….

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>He opened the journal to the last entry, he started to read….<p>

~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~

_I've spent the last week rereading what I have wrote in these pages, since the news came that tomorrow they were going to allow any couple that married under the marriage law to divorce if that is what they choose. I have no doubt that the moment midnight comes he will be giving me papers to sign to dissolve our marriage, which I will sign so that maybe he can be happy._

_As I read over the passages covering the first year of our marriage I am saddened by how naive I was. That first year was me doing all the adjusting and changing to appease him, to keep from being yelled at for some small infraction; breathing too loudly, hair in the bathroom, among countless other things that I did that annoyed him. The day after my birthday that year I was so alone that I stopped by my parents house to pick up the otter my mum got me when I explained a patronus and told her what mine was. I miss her terribly, she never missed my birthday. The same night I brought it with me I packed it away though he didn't say a word about it the total look of disgust on his face that I had a small stuffed animal on what was supposed to be my bed made me hide it in my trunk. _

_I wasn't allowed in his bedroom or in the basement, I was hardly allowed in any other room or when I entered a room he would leave it. I had had visions of shared meals and evenings, for being so bright I was so stupid. The day that really stabbed me was our anniversary, he left before I woke that morning and didn't return until the next day. I'm sure he had spent the day or at least the night with his preferred whore._

_The next year evened out some, I became accustomed to what he expected from me. I stayed out of his way most of the time, but we still had to meet the sexual requirement of the marriage law, which I tried to enjoy myself in. I did learn in the year to keep my mouth shut if I liked something he did to me, if I said anything about enjoyment he never would touch me or do what he had done again. It was too bad that it took about seven different things that I enjoyed to figure that out. I know I must have seemed like an ice queen, I ended up just lying there not giving any indication if I liked anything or not. _

_By the third year I had mistakenly thought that he had become accustomed to me in the very least, that was until I found out I was pregnant then miscarried. I had never thought before in my life that I would miss something so much that I never even really had in the first place. I had been delighted when I found out that I was carrying his child, I had thought that he would surly appreciate the baby I would give him. When I told him that I was pregnant he looked so relived I can only assume that it was because he wouldn't have to lower himself to come to my bed any longer at least for a while. When I first noticed I didn't feel right I didn't say anything for several days, I didn't want to be a bother to him. The night I loss the baby I was standing at the sink after I had ate supper, the pain that hit me was so sharp that I doubled over and screamed. I barley remembered him coming into the kitchen and picking me up off the floor, he carried me to the floo taking me to St. Mungo's. After they told me what happen I couldn't help but cry, I tried not to. I had learned to not show weakness to him, I had asked him to stay with me that night. I needed him and I had thought that he would be sympathetic since it was his child, but he had some excuse as to where he had to be._

_In the months that followed I was convinced it was my fault, something I did wrong so I read everything I could get my hands on about conceiving. It wouldn't happen the next time if I could do anything to stop it._

_I noticed after that he stayed home more, he would watch me though I pretended not to notice. I convinced myself it was him showing that he cared for me. Of course I found out later that he was told to keep an eye on me for signs of depression, soon as he didn't see any I was ignored again. There were no more suppers together, no evenings spent reading._

_The sad thing that hit me in that time was that I knew I loved him, his faults, his bristling sarcastic tongue and all. All I wanted was to save him, give him the life he deserved to live after all he had sacrificed for everyone. I know that makes me sound like a martyr, I am not I just didn't believe that he deserved to be locked up in Azkaban for less crimes than others paid their way out of. What I felt wasn't the bright flash of a young love that would only end the first time something else came along, but a feeling deep in my soul that I couldn't deny any longer. It was the kind that made it hard to breathe when you thought about not ever being with that person again, I didn't even care how he treated me anymore._

_After two more miscarriages they said that it was all my fault that I couldn't carry a baby, it had something to do with the Cruciatus curse, honestly I didn't pay attention after the healer said that he would petition for us to not be bound to the copulation required by the law. It was the only other time I asked anything of him, I asked him to stay with me. The bastard huffed out an almost laugh before saying 'I don't think so'. I knew that he would always blame me for what I could not give to him, he would hate me for not being able to bear a child. I curled into myself that night, knowing that when the time came, when the whispered rumors about divorcing would be allowed I would give him up to find what he needed as I had no delusions any longer that it was me._

_The day Harry asked me about loving him it amazed me that I was able to keep from crying when I said that I did love him but I would leave with my shattered heart when the day came. I didn't tell Harry about not being able to breathe when I even thought about it._

_Now I sit here writing this I am finding hard to catch my breath, soon I will be giving up my whole world. Soon I will have to leave this room that has been my sanctuary and prison for the last five years, sign my name to a paper that I want nothing to do with then walk out of this house for the last time and learn to breathe again with the crushing weight on my chest that I know is my broken heart. _

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

Severus reread the pages many times before he closed the book, his hand automatically went to the chain he wore. He had jaded her, he knew that fact as well as he knew that the same was done to him. When he got around to asking about her feelings it was too late for her. He set the book aside and the glass he had in his hand. Standing he went to the opposite wall, looking at his refection in the mirror that hung there he finally said,

"You know the feeling all too well don't you? To have your heart shattered and stomped on. You made her feel the same way, only worse." He drew back his fist punching the mirror, the glass shattering around his hand embedding small shards into his fist. He laid his head against the wall next to the mirror as he only concentrated on the pain in his hand.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. So I have a question, I have been going back and forth on how Severus should approach Hermione. My question is this, do you all think he should write to her or show up at her door? Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>Hermione stood in the kitchen of her childhood home waiting for the water to boil. A year ago today she signed the paper that Severus had given her then walked out the door, she still didn't believe the lie she told him. Try as she might she couldn't make herself believe that she never loved him, she had and lying to herself didn't change the fact.<p>

The only contact she has had with the wizarding world since that day are with Harry, Neville, and at times Luna who is married Neville a few months ago. She started taking courses at a local school in any number of things that caught her attention, the first she took was a cooking class. After five years of being told that her cooking was only passable to uneatable it was the first one that caught her attention. Though she didn't understand her need to better herself in those areas, he wasn't around to care any if she could cook now or not.

She worked as a waitress at a café down the street, it was enough for her. Her wand was packed away in the attic along with everything else she kept from the magical world. She had tried for years to fit into that world, it never happen. Then the day he finally broke her she gave up on it, there was nothing there for her nor would there ever be. All that world was to her was heartache and disappointment, she lost too many things to a world she loved. Things she'll never get back again, her parents, friends, her childhood, everything that mattered.

Now she lived a solitary life, the few dates she had went on in the last year trying to reclaim something of a normal life didn't do anything except reinforce her belief that men were mean to the point of being cruel to any woman. The only one that she went on more than a few dates with she kicked out of her house when he said something one night about a news story that sounded so much like Severus that she lost it. He never called or came around again.

She was better off alone, she knew that. She couldn't see past the first man she ever loved more than life and knew that she never would. She had learned to live with the fact that she loved someone who was not good for her, that she would never want anyone but him. When she accepted that fact she found that she could deal with some of the emotional baggage that came from the five years they were together better.

She sat at the table with her tea, a letter from Harry asking her to lunch next week. She'd go as it had been a month since they met, but she hated the looks he always gave her it bordered on pity and at times she wanted to scream at him that he needed to direct that look elsewhere. He had told her every time that they were together that she looked like hell, suggesting that maybe she should talk to Severus.

No she didn't want to talk to that man, she was trying to live without him. It had taken her months to not cry herself to sleep at night, or tear up when she thought about him. No she would never talk to him again it was just too hard to even think about him. Hell she moved back into the muggle world to be damn sure that she never ran into him again in her life.

She wrote a short note to Harry knowing that his owl had waited for her outside in a tree. Once she tied the note to his leg sending him on his way she turned on the radio before sitting with a book on the sofa, not half way down the page tears came unbidden and she angrily swiped at them before throwing the book on the coffee table. She stared into the cold fire place as she thought of the big failure she had, she couldn't make a marriage work. Damn she had tried, she had done all the things she had seen her mother do growing up, it still wasn't enough for him. She had given him the whore he wanted and it still wasn't enough for him, she had lost herself in what he wanted and still at the first chance he got she was gone.

Why had he asked her that last question? In over five years he didn't care if she even liked him let alone loved him, then all of a sudden it was the most important question. She should have returned the question to him but by that time he had made his feelings clear and she had lost so much of herself that she couldn't bring herself to give voice to the question. Maybe the answer would have scared her, she didn't know now.

In the deepest, darkest reaches of her heart she wished they were still living together. She still loved him above all else, it was not healthy she knew. The way he treated her through the whole of their marriage was wrong, but she still couldn't help how she felt.

She remembered all the far off looks he got when he didn't know she was watching, how when in his unguarded moments she saw someone so different than who he presented to the world. She knew he was a very broken man, she had silenced her room, he never did his own. He talked when he dreamed, the first time she heard his inner dialog about how he didn't want to follow through with killing the headmaster she had cried the rest of the night. In time she knew the two nightmares that woke him the most; killing Dumbledore and Nagini. Though she never asked him about them.

She finally laid down on the sofa, she was tired. It seemed that every time her mind went round and round about him she found herself almost unable to keep her eyes open. She pulled the throw pillow under her head as her eyes closed knowing that more than likely she would dream about him while she slept.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. I would also like to send a huge thank you to FLSongbird722, toriashley, and autumn126 for answering my question from yesterday. I think I finally have his actions worked out. I'd also like to let everyone know that I'm kind of telling the back kind of telling some of the back story using the journal and Severus point of view, at least for the part where they were married. The rest of the details of how they ended up married will be in later chapters. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p><em>Two Years after the divorce papers were signed<em>

Hermione stood looking out of the window of her bedroom onto the back garden, it was two years ago today that she signed those papers for him. She wondered if he found someone that he could love and would be able to give him what he desired, like she ever knew what that was. He wouldn't have told her even if she had asked, he spent too much time resenting her for saving him from Azakban. She finally came to the realization that he truly thought he deserved to be in that awful place.

It was strange to look back on it now, half the wizarding world wanted to hail him a hero and the other half wanted him to spend the rest of his life paying for giving up half of his to rid the world of Tom Riddle.

She had spent hours trying to find a way out for him whether he wanted it or not, when it came down to the final days of his death eater trial the marriage law came into being. Mr. Kaseload came to her with the idea of betrothing herself to Severus as a way to turn the undecided in Severus favor, she never expected Severus to agree.

She could only guess what Mr. Kaseload told Severus, but if his actions when they were married were anything to go by then Snape hated the thought of it. She had no idea why he agreed to it, but it was the deciding factor that won him his freedom which was what she thought he deserved.

Hind sight really was perfect vision, she saw it now from his point of view. He traded two masters for one, her. She thought maybe that was the reason he treated her the way he did while they were married.

He couldn't have known that she didn't want to control him, all she had wanted was an equal partnership but he refused to listen to her when she tried to explain it to him. Instead he got the upper hand from the beginning, showing her who was in charge and that everything would be to his design and no one else's.

Instead of asking her he assumed that she thought he should be indebted to her, not that that was what she had ever wanted. Maybe that was the reason she never stood up for herself with him, she wanted to make sure he knew that she didn't marry him because of some need to control him. She did it so he could be his own man, no masters. Not one person telling him what to do, in doing such she let him use her as a doormat.

In the five years they were married he tore down most everything that made her who she was until what was left was an emotionally unstable wreck, at least inside. No one seeing her would notice anything was different, but she doubted everything she did now. She was working at getting better about how she thought of herself, but it was a long road to recover that which she lost to him.

The thing that still got to her after two years was that she still loved him, even after all he said to her the way he treated her she still found that she couldn't believe the lie she told him. She wondered if it mattered anymore as long as he believed it.

She pulled herself away from the window as it started to rain, well it matched her mood at least. She wondered downstairs to the kitchen to have a cup of tea, she looked out the window down the street. She found it odd that when her whole world stuck it to her she ran home, the one place she felt safe.

She drank her tea before going and lying on the sofa, she was tired she even knew that it was because she was more depressed today than she had been in a while and it always seemed that caused her to sleep more.

~~^~~ Dream~~^~~

_She was crouched down beside the boathouse, she heard the voices inside. She vaguely wondered if Voldemort discovered that Snape had been a spy then dismissed the idea when she caught what was being said. The dark wizard wanted control of the elder wand, but he wasn't going to get it killing Snape. Facts rushed through her mind; Harry telling her that Draco was the one who disarmed Dumbledore, Harry wrestling wands away from Draco in Malfoy manor, the story of the three brothers, the wand being passed by being won. Voldemort was wrong, killing Snape was not going to gain him power over the elder wand. Then she heard it, Snape hitting against the glass then Voldemort telling the snake to kill. She covered her mouth with her hand to keep from screaming. _

_She followed Harry and Ron into the boathouse to see Snape against the window bleeding profusely, she watched in horror as Harry tried to stop the bleeding that was not going to help she thought as heard Snape's voice then Harry yelling at her for something._

_Once they turned to leave she turned back taking another look at the man she was sure wasn't what he seemed. The boys ran out the door as she went back, something wasn't right about this. He was a potions master, and was a smart man. She started riffling through his pockets until she found what she was looking for, anti venom and a blood replenisher. _

_She spelled the wounds in his neck watching at it closed then the snake bite also, she poured the potions down his throat. As she stared to stand his hand grabbed her wrist, she looked down into his eyes seeing a scared boy not the hard man he had become a moment before he closed them again. _

_She consoled herself by saying if he died then it was not because she didn't try to save him._

~~^~~ End Dream ~~^~~

Hermione sat straight up, she had not had that dream in a long time, most of the time it was more of a night mare and she woke screaming when the damn snake attacked him. A fleeting thought crossed her mind, did he resent her for trying to save him and the fact that it worked? If he didn't want to be saved then why have the potions on him? She shook her head as she stood, she'd never know the answer to either question.

She rose going to her computer, it was time to find more to occupy her time so thoughts of Severus would stay at bay.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile. Oh and another thing, I finished a chapter today, that's why I'm updating. I like to have a buffer of several chapters done between what I'm posting and what I'm writing, so as long as I can get a chapter wrote a day I will post that day. Of course as with real life this is dependant on nothing major happening to keep me from writing.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>Severus woke this morning, not wanting to drag himself out of bed today. It was two years today that he let her sign the divorce parchment and leave, yes in the last year he had come to the conclusion that he allowed it to happen. He could have stopped it at anytime, one word or just a few would have led her to turn around. Would have stopped the quill from scratching her name on the parchment. He was sure of it, but he didn't say a word.<p>

This last year had been strange, Minerva contacted him again to ask him to reconsider taking the post of potions professor again. It would seem that since Slughorn retired the position had become like the defense against the dark arts during the time Riddle had cursed it. In the seven years since Horace retired the position has had a different professor every year, mostly due to incompetence in the professor they hired. Two of them had gotten themselves killed teaching the class, the other five were let go due to the number of accidents during the school year.

Did he really want to go back to teaching children who didn't want to be there, who didn't pay attention so that he scared them into doing so. But then he saw the statics that she sent along with her request this time and it galled him that the board hired incompetent potion instructors that allowed so much to happen in classes. He had heard the rumor that went around the last few years, it was said that he cursed the class. Nothing was further from the truth, he would not endanger the lives of children like that. But when they had at least four bad accidents a year he could see how a rumor like that started.

He had until mid July to give her his answer, until they went on the hunt for another incompetent dunderhead who had no idea how to teach potions. He was leaning toward taking the post, only to have something to do. If it did nothing else but take his mind off of Hermione it would be worth it to him.

He sat up in the bed, opening the bedside table drawer he pulled out the journal. Her journal that he placed in the drawer a year ago, he wondered if her words would have any less impact this year as they did last year when he read it. He opened the book and started reading.

Almost twenty four hours later he was finished with it again, and no it was the same this year as last. He saw in her words what he had done to her over the five years of their marriage from her perspective, he had been right last year he had done to her what was done to him only he had increased it by tenfold.

He placed the book back into the drawer as he went to shower, his mind still going over what he had read. Was it even good to look back at this once a year? It only severed to remind him of what a downright bastard he was, how he could be cutting and cruel to someone.

For some reason a memory came to him, the day his representative came to tell him that there might be a way to avoid Azakban.

~~^~~ Flashback~~^~~

_"There may be a way for you to still be able to avoid Azakban, but I don't think you're going to like it much."_

_Severus only grunted at the man he didn't care, why didn't they just leave him alone? This is what he deserved for all he had done, he wasn't meant to live past the war but yet here he was his purpose fulfilled but his life still carried on._

_"Do you want to hear it or not?" _

_Severus stared at the wall behind the man._

_"You know you would think that with all the people who are working to see to it that you go free you might be a little more grateful to them."_

_Severus only snarled at the man._

_"Fine, here is what is being put into the works. I don't know if you've heard or not but the ministry passed a marriage law, someone had come forward with the idea of being betrothed to you as a way to show the wizengamot__that you are reformed and can be trusted."_

_Severus was shocked__ by this, not about the law he had heard the rumors about it and guards talking about it, no what shocked him was that someone wanted to use it to free him._

_"And who is this fine upstanding member of the community that would lower herself to marry and bed a death eater?" he finally asked as he saw the flash across the other man's face and Severus knew the other man thought that if he talked fast enough Severus would be on board with this idea._

_"Hermione Granger."_

_"Absolutely not." He spat out, leave it to that insufferable girl to come up with an idea like this. She was his student, young enough to be his daughter there was no way he was going to marry her._

_"Why not, between herself, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley they pull a lot of weight in the wizarding world. By this one action on her part it would show the wizengamot that she truly believes you to be an upstanding member of the community and in your innocence."_

_"No, you go back and tell that child that this will not happen."_

_"You do realize where you are right? You do realize that you have no rights as it stands right now. You do realize that she could file the papers of betrothal and you are powerless to stop her."_

_Severus slammed his fist down on the table drawing the attention of the guards in the room to them, but when they saw that it was just a small outburst they went back to talking amongst themselves._

_"I will in no way accept this, that girl is young enough to be my daughter it's not right and I will not let it happen. Why can't they see I am where I belong?"_

_"She's more than old enough to have made her own choices, I also disagree with you this is not where you belong or I wouldn't be here now."_

_"I don't give a damn if she's old enough by law, I will not accept this proposal."_

_"You still think you have a choice in the matter."_

_"Are you saying that it's already done?"_

_The man never answered Severus he stood leaving the room, and he took that the answer was positive._

~~^~~End Flashback~~^~~

Severus stood under the spay of the shower wondering where that memory came from, he hadn't thought about it for years. Then another thought flitted across his mind, what if the man had led him to believe that the betrothal papers were already filed when they were not. Winning Severus' freedom sure propelled the wizard's career higher.

He had known somewhere in his mind that Hermione wasn't that underhanded, but he had been so angry that his future was being planned out for him again that he never saw past it to really think about it. Now that he was years removed from it she never acted like she had done it to control him, matter of fact it was the opposite.

As he dressed he thought over Minerva's offer again…..

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. I was going to post this chapter this morning but ran out of time before my doctor's appointment. Which by the way was really good news, my blood work came back great and she was very happy. I am too, Yeah me! So I'm going to celebrate by posting this chapter and the next one too. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p><em>Three years after the papers were signed.<em>

Severus had arrived home last night, headed straight to the shower then bed. It seemed that the dunderheads knew that he wanted to escape early and were having none of it. He huffed out a laugh when he stepped into the shower, he would never admit it to anyone but he would rather teach Longbottom again than half of the students he had this year. Not one of them stood out, not one of the older students knew what the hell they were doing. It was hard work undoing all the improper teaching they suffered, if any of them passed NEWTs or OWLs he would be surprised.

He accepted the job, his only condition was that he would leave after class on the fourteenth of May and not return until the morning of the twenty second. When he made the request he saw the look of first shock then understanding that passed over the headmistress' face but to her credit she said nothing but to accept his terms.

He laid in bed after his shower, he had thought that taking the job at the school would quiet his thoughts at night, it didn't work though. When the day was finished and he was lying in bed in the dark and quiet his mind traveled to her. Being back at Hogwarts had let him in on the gossip in the wizarding world, he had found out that Hermione left the wizarding world for the muggle after the divorce and though some of them had tried to talk to her she really didn't have anything to do with anyone other than Potter and Longbottom. Could they really blame her, he knew how most of the people that were close to her treated her before and after she married him.

When he woke with the dawn the next morning he wondered about the dream he had that night, it was defiantly not of the usual variety and he wondered about where it came from. It was some insignificant event when Lupin was teaching, he had caught Potter out after curfew with a parchment that he cast a reveal on. That was it, he woke up. He went to get something for breakfast, he had skipped lunch and supper yesterday.

When he opened the journal and started reading it this year the dream returned to his mind, he wondered picking up his wand he cast a reveal spell then flipped to a page that he knew only had few words on it to find the page fill. So she hid her more private thoughts from even herself.

He stayed on the current page, before it only contained a line about her birthday. Now it was full so he settled in to read.

~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~

_I had a thought, I wonder if he resents that I saved his life. I know he didn't think he would live, but now I wonder if he was so ready to die that in saving him all I have earned is his ire. I am still haunted by nightmares, there was so much blood. It's always crossed my mind that if he didn't want to live then why did he have the potions on him that night? Did he think his life so horrible that unknown to Riddle he was helping Severus commit suicide, just as Severus had done for Dumbledore? _

_I can't even honestly say why I did it other than I saw past several details that never made sense to me to see who he really was. I felt that he deserved to live in a world he help create free from death eaters and dark marks, and a very dark wizard that wanted to rule it. Why should he die for a mistake made in his youth? _

_Today is my birthday and as such I am going to make a wish. I wish that Severus would enjoy this second chance he has been given and not hate it so much that life is doing nothing but passing him by._

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

He set the book down, it wasn't her saving his life that he resented. No, not at all it was the way she used him to get him out of Azakban that he resented. He didn't have any rights at the time and was steamrolled into marriage with her, though in the last year he wondered if his feelings toward her in that matter were misplaced.

He flipped back to the beginning, not really much had changed in that first year. There was one entry that caught his attention, why she never said anything to him he could only guess.

~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~

_I was woken by him screaming, it's not like this is the first time but this was the most heart wrenching. It's almost like he can't wake himself from the grip of whatever nightmare he's in, it's painful to sit here against the wall and listen to him for now that the screaming stopped the words have started. He talks when he doesn't wake up, mostly an inner dialog that the world should never hear. _

_Tonight it's about Professor Dumbledore, I never saw the memories. I only heard bits and pieces about them, tonight the one that sticks out in my mind is Dumbledore telling Severus he was the only one that knew if it would damage his soul to help him avoid the end that was sure to come. For someone who was suppose to be so wise Dumbledore was such an idiot, of course murdering someone damages your soul. There is a difference between killing to stay alive and pre meditated murder and that is what the old man asked of Severus. _

_Of course it tore Severus' soul apart, his mentor the only person who ever believed in him asked him to commit an unforgivable act to what end? Make sure Riddle didn't doubt him? Fat lot of good that did, he still tried to kill Severus. _

_He talks about how he doesn't want to do this anymore, and how he hates the day he is sure to come. Some about how the headmaster had said please just to get him to do it when he hesitated. What tears at me the most is that the words sound like they are coming from a child, a lost, lonely child that is trying to cope with all of it._

_I wish he would allow me into his rooms, it breaks my heart that I can't go comfort him. To sooth away this part of his past, if not to forget then to at least comfort him until the nightmare passes. _

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

Severus laid the book down, he poured himself a drink slamming it back then poured another before returning to his chair. He could tell by her writing that she was upset that night, it was just another thing to hate himself for. He never meant for her to know such things, he couldn't control his dreams. Though he could have silenced his room, instead of playing those fucking mind games with her about how he would do anything he pleased. In doing something so petty he exposed her to his worse memories.

He stood again, he knew the next entry he would find that would cut him deeply. It was embedded so deep in him and he regretted it from the moment he did it. He grabbed his coat going outside, he needed a walk, some distance between him and what he knew was to come.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of SeverusHermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. I'm a little apprehensive about posting this chapter, I know the journal entry is going to make some go WTF! (It made me go WTF! And I wrote it) I can promise though that if you stick with the story until the end it will make sense. Enjoy!

Edit update: So something was mentioned in a review that made me go back and reread this chapter. In doing so I found a line that was suppose to be deleted and somehow I missed it. So I'm putting the corrected chapter up. It really just creates a conunity error, a small one. So if you want to reread the corrected version I have updated it.

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

Severus felt as if he had wondered around the whole town by the time he returned, he knew he was avoiding what was to come in her journal. He knew what he had done by heart when he returned, he played it over enough in his mind while he was walking. The only thing was to see it from her point of view, or did he want to? Even if he didn't he would still read it, he would read every word.

As he had walked the chain around his neck had ended up wrapped around his hand as he thought about how he had that one time beat her down mentally. In his anger he wanted to show her that though she manipulated him into marriage he would do as he pleased. The thing was he wasn't so sure anymore that she was the one who manipulated him, he had begun to think that she was a pawn in it the same as him. If he ever found that to be true he would never be able to make up to her for the way he treated her.

He took the bottle of whisky and sat with the book in his chair, he knew he was going to need it to get though this entry. He easily found the entry he was looking for, and it had been hidden before. Taking a deep breath he started to read.

~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~

_Tonight was one of the few times since we married that Severus ate supper with me, of course when it was finished I found out why. He commanded me to stay in my room tonight, not to come out until morning. Of course when I heard him leave I didn't understand why he would do such a thing if he wasn't even going to be here. It didn't take more than a couple of hours to find out, I was sitting at my bed working on some research when I heard the front door open._

_I heard him on the steps before I heard a giggle, a woman giggle. A fleeting thought crossed my mind about what he was doing bringing some woman here, the thought didn't sit well if he thought I would be a party to a threesome. I could sink to new depths for him but that was not a line I was not willing to cross even for him. _

_When I heard his bedroom door open and the woman, who was obviously drunk say something about his huge bed I didn't want to hear anymore. I silenced my room only to have the charm drop a moment later, when I tried again something blocked me._

_I had been privy to many things that happen in that room, nights I am sure he amplified the sound so I could hear him masturbate knowing that he preferred that more than coming to me, his wife. I tried not to let it bother me, but somewhere deep inside I knew no matter what I did or how I presented myself to him he would never find me attractive or desirable. _

_I tried to block out the sounds, but nothing seemed to work. It was like they were being feed directly into my head. I heard him say things that I longed for him to say to me, there was no mistake as to what they were doing. There was no mistake in how much he was enjoying himself._

_It really didn't matter what he did, I was still bound to have sex with him when the ring said. I just now know my place, he told me once that I was no better than a Knockturn Alley whore. Tonight he showed me that was all I am to him._

_Then as fucking fate is a cold ass bitch my ring started tingling. I had to accept him into my bed, no matter how much I had just been hurt. I had to allow him the most inanimate of touches and try not to think of how he just fucked someone woman in the way that I want him to fuck me. _

_He came to my room, drank the damn potion in front of me then did what could only be described as rutted around on top of me until he was finished. I couldn't do anything but bite my lip to keep from crying until he left. My heart hurt so much and my chest, I was scared that something might be wrong but didn't say anything, maybe if I did die this nightmare of a life would be over._

_I felt so degraded and dirty that I had to take a shower, once I asked if it was okay to leave my room. It didn't help at all, maybe when all is said and done I'll just move on to be the whore he has turned me into._

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

Severus held on so tightly to the rings in his hand as he read that they left deep indentions in his palm, one almost breaking the skin. He loosened his hold shoving his hands through his hair, if he had ever wanted to have her back, this entry show him that he would never have her with him again.

In his anger he did something so terrible to her, all in the name of showing her that he was not going to be lorded over by her. Hind sight showed him that she never once wanted to be his master but his equal.

He had at the time meant to cut her deeply, but in the light of day he felt empty at his actions. He avoided her for months after that, he couldn't stand the pained look in her eyes.

He pulled his hands down looking at the one that still held the rings, he stared at the tiny scars on the back of it. Scars that were left when he punched the mirror, he had removed all the glass but didn't heal his hand he left it as a reminder of how many much deeper scars he left her with.

Past his hand something caught his attention on the page, at first he thought it was just an ink splatter then he reasoned that it looked to uniform to be a splatter. He took his wand pointing at the spot saying 'dilato' a footnote appeard saying,

_I tried but keeping it is just to painful 3/2_

He had no idea what the footnote meant but he intended to find out, although a suspicion spread over him that she had removed the memory and hidden it.

He spent the next few days reading over the journal, he found extended entries but nothing else new of the caliber of his blatant unfaithfulness to her.

He spent the next few days adjusting himself to the new information he had found in the journal, he didn't dare call it accepting. He would never accept that he treated her that way, something had to be behind it. He just couldn't put his finger on what that was.

Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. I hope I didn't lose many of you with this chapter.

Dialto is Latin for Expand.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.

Dialto = expand


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. One more chapter after this then a fateful meeting. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p><em>Four years after the papers are signed.<em>

Severus wondered around his house, another year was pass since he had read the Hermione's journal. The past year had not been a great one, he had spent many nights in contemplation of his actions during their marriage. Of course his mind always traveled to that one act, the one that he had done in anger to show her she wasn't his master…. Mistress, whatever the case was. The one truly unforgivable act he committed against her. It had been a mistake, he knew it the moment his bedroom door closed and that muggle woman he brought home started stripping her clothes off.

He still followed through with it, he was the one who tarnished the rings he still wore around his neck and the vows he took. Was it any wonder that she lie to him when she walked out the door, he lied to her through the whole of their marriage. He degraded her ever chance he got, in whatever means he could from sex to cooking to cleaning. He kept her out of parts of his life when there was no need to.

He had tried all year to think what that small script at the bottom of the page meant, the only thing he could come up with was one to two possibilities. She had either obliterated herself, which seemed unlikely after what happen with her parents. The second, more viable answer was that she removed the memory, but what she did with it he didn't know. He had found nothing when he packed up the room three years ago.

He took the rings from around his neck letting the chain dangle from his fingers, he watched as the twirled in a circle. He thought about the reveal spell he had come across this year, the long forgotten one. He was going to try it on the journal, see if she had anymore secrets hidden in the depths of the pages.

He wound the chain around his hand as he picked up the book then his wand, he said the spell then opened the book. Oh yes she had hidden more depths in this book, he started to read the very first page that was different and the date was about six months before they married.

~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~

_I am still astonished that Severus agreed to Mr. Kaseload's idea of the bonding, I was sure there wasn't a hope in hell of Snape's acceptance of plan. It was such a farfetched idea I was sure he would dismiss it out of hand, or at least there would be lot of fighting make him see that he needed to accept this as a way to avoid Azakban which he didn't deserve. _

_When Mr. Kaseload informed me Severus agreed and to file the bonding papers I almost thought it was too good to be true. Now it's just a waiting game for the processing of the paperwork. Not that I'm not taking this seriously, I will try to be the wife he deserves to have I just hope I can live up to the expectations._

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

Severus looked at the date again then said,

"Why that lying, conniving, fuck ass."

The esteemed Mr. Kaseload lied to him, he told Severus the day before this entry that the bonding papers were filed already.

He might have come around to the idea given time, he knew for sure that Hermione could make a convincing argument when she wanted to. But the choice was taken from both of them, to what end? Further the career of some low level employee, if he ever…. No. _when_ he got his hands on him he would regret the day he crossed Severus Snape.

Everything he had done had hinged on the fact that Hermione had not given him a choice, when in fact she did. He just wasn't privy to it. He rose going to his desk, he wanted to request a meeting with Mr. Kaseload but changed his mind. If he saw the man in foreseeable future his future would surely be in Azakban.

Instead he wrote a quick note to Draco inviting him to lunch tomorrow, if there was anything to know about Mr. Kaseload Draco would either know or be able to find out.

Of course none of this would erase the past, none of it would get him Hermione back. He was sure that door was slammed, literally and figuratively four years ago.

He went back to the journal, going through the pages he didn't come across anything new until the last page.

~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~

_Well I suppose if your reading this page then you are a more powerful wizard than I am a witch, I suppose that goes without saying. I am hoping that as I forgot this journal that it would not be uncovered._

_I suppose I should get on with it since I know how you hate me unnecessarily talking, so here it is._

_I have no idea what I did to make you hate me so, why you felt the need to lord over me at every turn or degrade me. I've stopped trying to figure it out, it hurts to much to go round and round in my head. All I have tried to do was have an equal partnership with you, of course I should have known better nothing can be equal with you. _

_I removed two memories, or I have removed one. The other will be removed when I finish writing this, I placed both of them somewhere in the room you so graciously told me was mine and I could do with what I wanted. I believed you when you said that, then the first time I tried to bring something of mine you…. Well I suppose that is all water under the bridge now. _

_Anyway one is a memory that I can remember I was not able to live with, though I don't remember what the memory was of. The other will be of this journal, I have no reason for doing this other than I don't want these musings to look back on. Really why would I when it's full of miserable memories of me trying to be what I thought you wanted and me not liking what I had become. _

_Don't get me wrong, I do love you that is why I will sign the fucking divorce papers hoping that in doing that act you will not hate me as much as you do. You'll be free to find what you want and need. _

_I would say I am sorry, but I don't believe I have done anything wrong to be sorry for. I am sure you could list them and the parchment would be tens of feet long. _

_I will tell you one thing and I hope that it haunts you for the rest of your life, I love you with all my heart. I'm sure you don't believe me, or think it's some crush or something not real but ask yourself this. If I didn't love you greatly then why would I allow you to treat me like dirt under your feet for over five years._

_HG_

~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~

Severus sat the book on his lap, his hands were shaking so he fisted them. He knew when she walked out the door telling him she never loved him she had lied to him, he didn't blame her for lying to him. Not anymore anyway, she was doing the only thing she could at the time, protecting herself. Isn't that what they all did, didn't he lash out at Lily when she told him she never loved him? Pain will make you do many things that you will regret in the long run.

Then his mind traveled to the memories she left in his house, he was sure what the other one was. He slowly stood going to her room, the room he had not opened the door to in three years. Once he was standing in the room he took his wand laying it in his hand saying,

"Point me Hermione's memories."

He watched the wand spin before pointing toward the closet, inside he found a place in the wall that looked different. Pushing on it the area gave way easily and standing inside were two small bottles, he slowly reached in taking both bottles. One bottle had nothing written on it, the other said. 'DO NOT OPEN' he knew that was the one. He took them with him to his bedroom and the pensive he kept there.

Sitting on the bed with the bottles he put the one with no writing in the drawer, the other he stared at as if it was Nagini ready to strike. He knew what memory it contained, just as he was sure he would look at it as penance for giving her the memory in the first place.

He unwrapped the chain from around his hand placing the rings back around his neck before finally taking the bottle and going to his pensive, he opened the door pulling out the pensive then poured the memory in. taking a deep breath he leaned over his nose touching the surface.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Warning: There is mention of self-harm in this chapter. This is a retelling of the journal entry in chapter 10, and you can skip it or the pensive memory and still know what's going on in the story. I wrestled with whether to add this chapter or not, but came to the conclusion that the journal entry was more a glossed over version of events where the memory is more exact. I also wanted to add his reaction to actually seeing what he caused.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>Severus was pulled into her bedroom, he stood in the corner watching the memory unfold.<p>

~~^~~Pensive Memory~~^~~

_Hermione sat on the bed, a book open in front of her. She took furious notes as she read. She jumped when she heard the front door open then closed. She closed the book, a look of expectation of her face as she heard his feet on the steps. _

_Her face fell as she heard a distinctly female voice say,_

_"So talk, dark, and handsome are you going to have your wicked way with me?"_

_"Something like that." Severus answered._

_Hermione looked scared, Severus had to step closer to hear her whisper._

_"Please, I don't want to…." He saw tears fall from her eyes. Now that he was really looking at her he saw her hands shaking._

_Hermione heard his bedroom door open then shut, the voices seemed louder now. _

_It seemed to Severus every sound in this room was amplified._

_Hermione laid down on the bed covering her head with her pillow, he could tell she was crying. _

_Words came floating into the room, there was no mistake as to what was going on. _

_Hermione threw the pillow across the room, she stood pacing at first. Then she stopped at the wall that separated their rooms, she leaned against it sliding to the floor. She drew her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around them. _

_Severus came over sitting beside the memory Hermione, he told himself it was so he could hear her. But the truth was that even though this was just an image of a memory he wanted to be this close to her._

_"Why?" she asked quietly "Why make me listen to you?"_

_Of course the only answer she received was the sounds of sex coming from the next room._

_When her head banged into the wall behind her Severus jumped, he never pegged her for that type of behavior. _

_"Why can't you say that to me?"_

_Severus watched her as her tears never dried, her breaths came in gasp. _

_"You could love me like that." _

_The sounds from the next room became more urgent, Severus knew it wouldn't long now until it was over._

_"Why am I not good enough? What have I done wrong?"_

_Her head hit the wall again,_

_"Why can't I hear those words from you, any words. I've done everything you've wanted, I whore myself to you and you still want to flaunt that I'm not good enough. Maybe death would be…."_

_She never finished the sentence when yelling from the next room told of shared climaxes. _

_Severus watched as she sobbed then stood pacing her room, the pain on her face was hard to see. Knowing that he was the one that put it there was like a knife in his heart. _

_If the pain now was hard to take her next actions broke his heart._

_Hermione walked back over to the wall, she fell to her knees yelling at the wall. _

_"I love you, that's all I ever did. Why do you think that is so wrong?"_

_She was sobbing as she hit the wall with her open hand. _

_He had no idea how long they were there but she finally stood going to the bed she laid down on it. Finally she said._

_"What did I ever do that was so wrong that you treat me like….. like….." her tears and sobs started again and she wasn't able to speak._

_It was heart breaking to watch her, he wanted nothing more than to pull her to him telling her that it was a mistake._

_He stood there watching her as he heard the noises from the next room then feet on the steps. He watched Hermione as she twirled her wand between her fingers staring at it as her tears dried finally. He could feel the pain coming from her. _

_He watched in horror as she finally took the wand without a word cutting herself, she closed her eyes just breathing deeply then closed the wound. _

_He heard her hiss and look at the ring on her finger, the anger flashed across her face then pain. _

_He stood watching as her memory of himself came into the room, she had been right in her journal he did nothing more than rut around. _

~~^~~End Pensive Memory~~^~~

Severus stumbled back from the pensive, his breathing erratic. A wave a nausea hit him he turned quickly to the bathroom, retching on his knees in front of the toilet. He could count on one hand the times in his life he was truly sicken by his actions, the last time was when he stood on the astronomy tower and cast an unforgiveable at Albus Dumbledore.

"What have I done?" he whispered to himself.

He stood getting a wash cloth to wipe his face then rinsed his mouth before brushing his teeth, he avoided the mirror in front of him at the moment he couldn't stand to look at himself.

He went back to his room, never looking at the pensive he laid down on the bed with his arm thrown over his eyes while his other hand went to the rings around his neck. After what he did he knew he didn't deserve to have her back, it still didn't stop him from wanting her back to do it right this time.

His mind traveled over the memory again, the pained look on her face at his actions was burned into his mind. He had hurt her so greatly, more than she ever deserved. But the one fact that made him shutter was that she hurt herself because of him, he caused her so much agony that she couldn't or didn't know how to deal with it except with physical pain. He was just like Tobias, the one person he never wanted to be like, the only difference was that he didn't strike her with his own hand but he had physically hurt her just as much if not more than if he had.

Tears came unchecked, she had been so young and trusting. Smart enough to know that he didn't love her though that was what she craved from him, all he had done was show her how cruel he could be. She wrote about a crushing pain in her chest, now he knew precisely what she was feeling when she talked about learning to breathe again.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. Next chapter tomorrow, they shall meet, breifly.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

I know this was suppose to be posted this morning, but as fate would have it I didn't have internet service most of the day. Hopefully they have it fixed now, *crosses fingers*

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

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><p>Hermione rushed around getting ready to go out to lunch with Harry, she hadn't seen him in months. To be fair though, she had been truly busy since she found that the more things she did to occupy her time the less she thought about Severus. If she worked so hard that she was so tired at night she didn't think about him when she went to bed.<p>

She knew she tended to dwell on the bad, the times he made her feel like nothing. The truth was that there were times they talked, she even started to understand his humor. She had told him about the troll in her first year and how she had lied to protect Harry and Ron even though they were the ones that sent her crying to the bathroom in the first place.

She had tried to ask him about his years at Hogwarts but he refused to tell her anything about his childhood. She wondered if it was really such a bad experience or if he just didn't want her to know anything that she already didn't know about him.

She heard the clock in the sitting room strike on the half hour, swore to herself then made a mad dash for the door.

She entered the restaurant spotting Harry immediately, walking over she stopped at the table saying,

"Hi, been a long time."

Harry looked up then went to motion to the chair across from him when he did a double take,

"You cut your hair." He blurted out.

"So it is noticeable." She smiled at him, she knew it would be a shock to anyone who had not seen her in some time. She had went from long hair almost to her waist to a very short almost pixie style, cutting her hair also made it a lot darker than it had been now her hair was a dark reddish brown. She sat down as he chuckled.

"It was just a shock is all, I would have never expected you to do that."

"Good, I like doing the unexpected." She said as she sat. She could play and talk a good game anymore but the underlying fact that she still loved Severus was there.

"So how have you been?"

"Good, working a lot."

"I gather when it took a month to get a lunch date with you."

"It keeps me busy."

"You mean it keeps your mind off of someone."

Damn how she hated at times that Harry knew her so well, but then again she really didn't think she'd have it any other way.

"You know it's been four years."

"I know, what I don't understand is that you never told him. You know things might have worked out."

"No they wouldn't, and I really don't want to talk about it." She had a hard enough time still trying to get through her day.

"Okay, so how are the jobs going?"

"Keeps me busy, how are the kids doing?"

"They are great, James wants a boom that will fly higher but I'm not comfortable with that yet. Ginny thinks I'm just being over protective."

"She might be right, but then again at times I think a foot and a half off the ground is too high for a toddler."

"Yeah I know."

They ordered then talked about what the different Weasley's were up to, Harry was in the middle of telling her of a prank George pulled on Molly when he stopped in mid sentence.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus had agreed to meet Draco at a muggle establishment for lunch, shaking his head for someone who did really care for muggles the young man sure enjoyed their food. They walked in together, Severus looked around spotting Potter almost immediately.

"My, my. I wonder if Mrs. Potter approves." Severus said causing Draco to draw his attention to where he was looking.

"Well I never pegged him for the mistress type." Draco said. "Come on, let's go meet the chit."

Harry's eyes widened which drew Hermione's attention causing her to turn to see what drew his attention to cause such a reaction. She looked over her shoulder then whipped her head around, that couldn't be who she thought she saw. Damn it all to hell, she left the wizarding world to never see him again.

"That's….. that's…. not…."

Harry stared nodding at her which made her start to stand, Harry grabbed her hand saying.

"Don't."

"Harry, I can't." She whispered back.

It was too late to bolt by then, Draco and Severus were standing next to the table Draco was saying.

"Well Potter, I see that…. Granger?"

"Hello Draco." Hermione said then looked up at Severus which was a mistake, everything she had tried to bury came rushing back with a vengeance but she tried to go forward anyway saying,

"Sever… I'm sorry." She said looking at Harry then back at Severus before bolting up and squeezing past Draco running out the door.

Severus turned to take a step then thought better of it, how could he go after her after all he did to hurt her.

"Go." Harry said looking up at him, when he looked back at the young man continued, "you will always be what she wants, who she'll always love. Always."

Severus got the impression that Potter was trying to tell him something, yet he stood still rooted to the spot he stood on.

"I can see you want to go after her, go." Harry said again.

Severus looked at Draco who nodded at him then turned rushing out the door to find her.

Draco sat down in the chair that Hermione vacated saying,

"So our part is done, the rest is up to them."

"Don't think were done by a long shot, now we are going to have to be sounding boards until they are past whatever it was that made them stay apart."

"And here I thought my work was done."

"I think it's just begun."

Hermione took off down the street in an attempt to put as much distance between herself and Severus as she could. She was going to kill Harry the next time she saw him, she might even drag out her trunk and send him a howler for this.

Then her mind registered the shock he had showed at seeing Malfoy and Snape in the restaurant. Maybe it was just fate that brought them to that place.

She still had to get home, her safe haven. She had left the wizarding world so she wouldn't run into him ever, it hurt to see him.

She made it several blocks, before she decided that he didn't follow her. Why would he, he was the one who wanted rid of her.

~~^~~SS/HG~~^~~

Severus ducked around the corner of a building out of sight, taking his wand he laid it on his hand saying,

"Point me Hermione Granger."

The wand laid there in his palm still, nothing. He tried several times but to no avail. Finally he turned going back to the restaurant where he left Draco to find him and Potter still sitting at the table talking. He had known that since the war they had become friends. Severus wondered if he could back out of lunch, he just wanted to be alone to relive the past several moments.

Severus sat down next to Draco before saying,

"Potter, why am I not able to be pointed to Hermione Granger?"

"Might be because she doesn't exist."

A thought that never occurred to Severus suddenly slammed into his mind, maybe she had moved on. Married someone….

"Potter." Malfoy said interrupting Severus's thoughts.

"She is still Hermione Snape."

Severus's head shot up as he caught the eye of the young man sitting across the table who explained.

"In the muggle world she would have to apply for her name to be changed back, she never wanted to."

"Why?" was the only thing Severus could think to ask.

"What she told me was that she kept it to remind her of the mistake she made," when Severus curled his lip Harry hurried to say, "She told me once when she was drunk that she left everything with you, but kept the name as the one thing she couldn't give up. The second one is the truth."

Severus was stunned into silence, he had no idea what to say. She kept his name, kept the name of someone who caused her so much pain. Why would she do that?

Potter stood saying,

"I have to get back to work, Malfoy. Severus, do anything to open that door again. Believe me she wants you to even if she doesn't know it."

Once Potter was gone Draco said,

"Well now that all of that is over with." He took the seat Potter had just left before saying, "You're not seriously considering going after that mud….."

Severus head shot up, with a voice deadly calm he said.

"If you finish that word I swear Malfoy I will cut your tongue out so you will not be tempted to use that word in my presence again."

Draco's mouth clamped shut, if he had any doubt about how Severus felt about Granger it was erased in a moment. He changed the subject,

"So what did you want to meet with me about."

Severus was glad for the change of subject,

"I want to know everything about Mr. Kaseload."

"Your wizengamot rep?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Do you really think that's any of your business? Let's just say I believe his actions were less than honorable."

"Since when have you worried about honor?"

"Since it cost me so much." Was all Severus said as the waitress came to take their order.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione made it home before collapsing on the sofa in tears, she had left the wizarding world to avoid him. She knew that she would always love him, it was just something that was. The weight on her chest was back with a vengeance making it hard to breathe.

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

So they finally meet again, what do you think?

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus sat in the great hall at lunch a week later when a letter was dropped beside his plate, he shook his head as he picked it up opening it.<p>

_Severus,_

_Come to supper tonight so we can discuss that matter you asked me to look into._

_DM_

"All is well I hope." Minerva said as she paused behind him.

Severus didn't answer just rose leaving the great hall, nothing would be right again until he found out the truth.

That evening the first words he spoke to Draco was,

"What did you find out?"

"Well a good evening to you too." Draco said.

"Draco."

"Let's go to the study."

Once they were seated with a glass of whisky each Draco started talking,

"Mr. Kaseload's career took off after he won your case, but I think you already knew that."

"Yes, what I want to know is about his practices."

"What is it you really want Severus, what do you think he's done."

Severus expected this, even knew that he was going to have to tell the young man what he suspected had happen.

"I think he lied to me about the bonding papers."

"What did he tell you." Draco asked not sure if he liked where this was going after some of the things he heard in the last week.

"He told me that it was Hermione's idea, he led me to believe that the papers were already filed."

Draco stared at Severus in shock, he had no reason not to believe what the wizard across from him said. Still that was not the way it happen. Draco set his glass down before saying,

"That's not what happen."

"Then tell me the way it was."

"I... don't know."

"Draco, tell me now." Severus commanded.

Draco sighed, he knew that tone. He was going to have to tell Severus what he knew, but he wondered why Granger never told him in the first place.

"Mr. Kaseload approached us, saying he had an idea for something that would turn the majority of the wizengamot in your favor. That's when he told us of using the marriage law to your advantage, he asked Granger if she would be willing to file the intent to bond papers. She told him only if you agreed to it, he told her you had."

"I would have never agreed to that." Severus said quietly, his mind reeling from this new information. But this revelation really wasn't new was it? Hermione had said as much in her journal, maybe it was just hearing it.

"I don't see why it matters now, the purpose was severed."

Severus stood pacing,

"Severed it's purpose? And what would that be? To anger me? Let me believe that I had no choice in the matter? That she did file the papers behind my back to replace the two masters I just got rid of?"

Draco watched Severus, he knew without a doubt there was something that he didn't know.

"You thought that she wanted….. what did you do?"

Severus stopped turning to the young man, maybe a glossed over version would suffice.

"I was beyond angry with her, I would treat an elf better than I treated her. I mentally broke her so far down I'm surprised that she has any semblance of a normal life."

"Do you love her?" Draco asked out of the blue.

"What?"

"Do you love her?"

"I care….."

"No, do. You. Love. Her?"

Severus dropped back to the sofa, putting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands before finally saying,

"Yes Draco, I love her."

Draco finally asked quietly,

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to hex Kaseload back to Merlin himself."

"I understand that, and there may be a way to get back at him. I meant about Granger."

"There's nothing I can do, I did terrible things to her."

"I can't believe I am going to say this, I agree with Potter do anything to open that door again."

"I don't know where to begin."

"You'll think of something."

The rest of the evening was spent discussing what to do about Mr. Kaseload, Severus wanted to confront him but he was sure if he went alone he would be back in Azakban quickly.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione sat at her table drinking tea thinking over what happen last week, she had been sure that if she had ever saw him again she would at the very least be able to speak to him. Though she left the wizarding world so that wouldn't happen, but her courage fled the moment she saw him. Then she tried to speak to him, it was just…. Overwhelming. So many things she wanted to say, or do. But the one that bothered her the most was after she came home, she had a fleeting thought that she wanted him to love her. Like that would work, she was broken and no matter what she thought … felt he deserved perfect, He was broken too and in her mind only perfect would fix him.

Why she still wanted him was beyond her, he had done so many hurtful things to her in the five and a half years they were together….. until the last six months. In the last six months he had almost been what she had craved for the five years before that.

What made her lie to him that day? She knew the answer to that. What would have happen if she had told him the truth? Would life had been like it had the six months before she left or the five years before that. This wasn't the first time she had contemplated the question, of course the answers never resolved anything but to cause a sleepless night.

She stood frustrated with her feelings and thoughts, none of it did her any good. She was still divorced, she was still alone and she would more than likely always be alone. She needed to do something to get her mind off of her thoughts of Severus and a life she would never be able to have with him.

She finally started pulling things out of the cabinets, cleaning always seemed to take her mind off her problems.

Hours later with every dark corner in the downstairs cleaned, even under the stairs. She sat on the sofa, her mind finally clam for the moment when a thought flitted across her mind. Damn it, now she recalled the look in his eyes when she saw him last week. It wasn't the loathing that she had seen so many times, as a matter of fact it wasn't any negative emotion at all. If she was pressed she'd say it was loneliness and maybe longing. But he never wanted her so why would he be lonely without her or longing to have her? She must have imagined it, maybe it was time to just go to bed and forget this past week.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>In the three months that followed that day Severus had ran into Hermione he had tried to decide how best to move forward, trying to pay heed to Potter's words that she wanted him to find a way. He just found fault with everything he could think of, letters could be sent back or left unopened. Showing up on her doorstep could lead to a door being slammed in his face. He just didn't know how to precede with what he wanted to do.<p>

A knock on his door brought him out of his musings,

"Enter."

Severus looked up from his lesson plans to see Potter stepping into his office.

"Severus."

"Harry."

Harry took a step forward then stopped waiting to be invited to sit finally saying,

"I'd like to talk to you."

"Go on." Severus said, he really wasn't in the mood for visitors today.

"So what are you going to do about Hermione?" Harry cut to the chase.

Severus looked up at the young man standing in front of his desk, how did he answer a question that he didn't even know the answer to?

"Is that really any of your business?" Severus finally asked.

"I'm making it my business, it's been three months."

"Very good you can count time."

"Come off it, you can sit there and pretend all you want but I know you want to go after her as much as she wants you too."

"You know….."

"Then what was that in the restaurant?"

"A lapse in judgment."

"Bullshit, I know better."

"You know nothing."

"Right, I know that it's been over four years and she's never gotten over you. For the life of me right now I have no idea why, but she loves you. I know I'm tired of seeing her so depressed about this, now what are you going to do?"

"What would you have me do? She slammed the door right after she told me she never loved me, so you are mistaken." Severus had no idea why he was fighting this, he knew she had lied to him when she said that. He could tell the young man in front of him was worried about his friend. So why in the world was he refusing to just say he would open that door, that is as soon as he decided how to do it.

"How thick are you? She lied to you to make you happy, or so she thought."

Severus in that moment gave up, it was not something he did often but the words he just heard stabbed him and he was just tired. After several moments he said quietly,

"I know."

Harry sat down in front of the desk, if Severus knew this then why in the hell did he let her leave?

"You know?" Harry said dumbfounded.

Severus looked up at, that's when Harry saw the pain in his eyes.

"Yes, I knew when she left that she was lying. I didn't stop her so she could be happy."

"Did either of you ever talk to one another? She….. Listen I know there were things that she was unhappy about, but I know she wished that you would at least treated it like a real marriage."

"I wish I had too." Severus said quietly.

"So fix it, whatever it takes."

Severus wanted to say he didn't know how, but then he didn't know if he wanted the young man across from him to know that he was uncertain about something. Maybe more than one opinion about what to do wouldn't hurt, and it being from Hermione's best friend couldn't hurt.

"Then share your thoughts on how I should go about doing that?"

"You want to know what's not going to get you shot down."

"Yes."

"There is nothing, if you owl her she will return it. If you show up at her door it will be slammed in your face. The best thing I can tell you is persistence and patients."

"Thanks, that's a lot of help." Severus said to him sarcastically.

"It's all I've got, this is not something that's going to be fixed over night."

"I know." Severus said on a breath, he still wondered if it could be fixed at all.

"I do have another question that's been on my mind."

Severus nodded indicating for him to continue.

"Why did you refuse visits when you were in Azakban?"

"What are you talking about?"

"After they took you to Azakban; Minerva, Hermione, myself, and several others asked to visit you. Hermione especially wanted to after you agreed to the bonding intent but Mr. Kaseload said you refused visits from anyone."

Severus gripped the quill he had in his hand saying,

"I was never made aware of any such request."

"What? But we all asked, he said he asked you but you said you didn't want to see anyone."

"The great Mr. Kaseload apparently liked to leave out details, he never passed any such request on."

"None of them?"

"No, as a matter of fact the more I hear about him I want to bring him before the board of representatives. Do you know if too much time has passed for me to be able to?"

"I can check, I'll let you know tomorrow."

"Very well, if that is all."

"Yes I should be getting home to….. Why don't you join us for supper?"

Severus looked up before saying,

"I don't think so."

"Okay, I'll let you know tomorrow about bringing him before the board."

"Thank you." Severus said, two words that he never used lightly.

"You're welcome."

The next day Severus sat in his office when an owl came in dropping a letter on his desk before leaving.

_Severus,_

_In answer the your inquiry yesterday you only have until December thirty-first to file your grievance with board._

_Harry _

Severus took out a clean parchment, now that he had a reason…. No that wasn't true, he had a reason before to write her but this seemed a better way in than any other. He knew of her tendency to take up causes, now if he could just get her to take up his then the door would be open to him again.

_Hermione,_

_I am bringing Mr. Kaseload before the board of representatives as some of his actions have come to light and his intentions were not the best. I realize when I take this action you will more than likely be called before them, or if you wish as his actions affected you also you may wish to take action with me._

_Severus_

Well there it was, direct and straight to the point though he was sure it wouldn't matter as he fully expected her to send it back to him unopened. He made his way to the owlery to send the short message. When the task was complete all there was to do was wait.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione was sitting at the table with her books open, she was taking a computer class this time when an owl pecked on the window. She didn't think twice about opening it, Harry sometimes sent her letters from work so the unfamiliar owl didn't bother her.

The writing on the note she saw as she untied it did, what in the world could he want after four years? She didn't care,

"Come back here." She called to the owl on the sill, she gave him a piece of toast before she tied the note back to its leg then said.

"Return to sender."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus didn't have long to wait, by supper he had the letter returned to him, he wrote 'urgent' on the outside of the letter taking it back in the morning to be sent back to Hermione, he was almost certain that this would go on for a few days before she finally accepted the letter.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione rushed into the house, she was running so late to her computer class. Today had been the day from hell at work, one that she wasn't even supposed to be working. But she picked up the extra shift to be the only waitress there, every customer seemed to be in a bad mood today which did nothing to improve hers. Then to top it off Kathy, the evening waitress was two hours late. Of course Hermione couldn't fault her for being late, her child was sick. But still Kathy knew she was going to be late and it was suppose to be your responsibility to find someone to cover for you if that was the case.<p>

She finally made it home in time to throw other clothes on, not even time to shower and she was still going to be late to class.

When the owl flew in to the house when she opened the door she knew it was Snape again, what in the hell did he want? Didn't he get it, she really couldn't talk to him it still hurt too much. She changed before coming back to deal with the owl, then said out loud.

"What the hell am I doing, it can keep until I come back."

She shooed the owl out to the back garden saying,

"I'm running late, you'll just have to wait."

She had spent five years giving in to what Snape wanted, now was her time to do as she pleased and by God she was going to her computer class.

After the class her friend Gina asked her why she was late, after relaying her day to her friend Gina drug her to a pub for a couple of drinks, well with Gina it's never just a couple and by the time she stumbled in the door at two in the morning she had forgotten about the owl sitting in her garden.

Well she had forgotten until four hours later when the thing pecked on her bedroom window, wanting to deliver its letter. She finally sat up, with her eyes half open she walked over opening the window letting the brown owl in. She looked down at the letter it carried before saying,

"Not interested, return to sender." She shooed the owl out going back to bed hoping that Severus would get the hint that she wanted to be left alone.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus was at breakfast when the owl returned his letter to him, he sighed. He had known this would happen, but it didn't make it any less troubling that she had returned it to him. He took the letter wondering what else to add to get her to open it.

He sent the owl away after sharing a piece of bacon with it.

After lunch he took the letter back to the owlery to send again, he just kept going though his mind that Potter said 'persistence'.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione finally got out of bed at noon, she went to shower. Today was her day off and she intended to spend a quiet day doing nothing but relaxing.

Forty-five minutes later when she emerged from the shower there was another owl furiously scratching at her bedroom window, when she opened the window the owl flew in going out of her room, downstairs to the kitchen. Hermione sighed as she followed.

She gave the owl a piece of meat out of the fridge and she looked at the letter it carried, now under the word 'urgent' was also written 'business'. She had no idea what he could want, couldn't he just forget her.

She sat at the table lost in her thoughts, she had tried so hard to at the very least act like she was moving on. Why now of all times was it so important for him to contact her? There was no business left between them.

She took a piece of paper that was on the table writing,

_Snape,_

_We have no business between us, it was all said and done four years ago._

_Granger_

Yes she signed it with her maiden name, there was no reason for him to know that she never changed her name back from his.

She tied the note to the owl's leg then said to him after giving him a piece of toast,

"Return to sender."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

When the owl returned that afternoon Severus wasn't surprised, when he saw the extra note attached to its leg that was what surprised him. He gave the owl a treat before sending him away.

He sighed deeply as he opened her note, it was short. After he read it he knew what his next move would be without a doubt.

He left the classroom going out of the castle to Spinner's End, this was his off weekend and he hoped that by the end of it she would at least be on speaking terms with her. He changed his clothes as he thought about his next line of action. Maybe he should have showed up at her door in the first place, it would have conveyed the importance of his mission. He chuckled, his mission. Now it was twofold, the main objective was to get Hermione back, the lesser was to make Kaseload pay for what he had caused by his deceit.

He apperated to a park not far from the Granger home, as he walked down the street toward her house he started to have a feeling he had not had in a very long time, he was nervous. He shook his head trying to clear away this feeling, he had nothing to be nervous about.

Well actually he did and he paused, all the what if's traveled through his mind. What if she slammed the door? What if she told him to leave? What if….. he walked around the block, his hand automatically going to the chain around his neck with their rings on it.

He knew what he wanted to achieve, but now he started to wonder how long that was going to take. He knew in this moment he would do anything to get her back to him, he just hoped that she could forget the past allowing for them to have a life together.

With his mind calmed he started toward her house again.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione stared at the fireplace, her mind had been on Severus much more than she was use to. It seemed that since she saw him her thoughts went to him and their marriage every day again. She had thought she was over that part, but seeing him brought up all the buried feelings she had for him. Then to top it off she had to let him know that she was still bothered by running out not able to even say his name.

She heard a knock on the door, sighing she stood to answer it thinking it was Gina who had called earlier wanting her to go to a party. Hermione yelled as she walked toward the door.

"I don't want to go Gina, I have to….." all of her thoughts fled as she opened the door to see the one person she never thought would be on her doorstep.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	17. Chapter 17

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Well I had not intended to post two chapters a day but the writing has been going well and I'm anxious to get them out there for you all.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione went with her first reaction, she still had her hand on the knob so she pushed it closed then turned leaning against it trying to catch her breath. How did he still have that affect on her, she hadn't seen him in years and yet she still felt a deep pull to him.<p>

Severus stood on the step, not really surprised by her action he had even expected it, what he did not count on was the hurt he felt at her actions. He wasn't leaving until he accomplished what he came to do, of course he knew that he was going to have to do something that for a very long time he thought was beneath him. But for her he would do whatever it took, knocking on the door again he said,

"Hermione, I just need to talk to you about something."

Hermione slid to the floor on the other side of the door in tears, why now?

"There's nothing we need to talk about, go away."

He could hear that she was crying. He said to the closed door.

"There is, it's about how my case was handled."

Hermione took a deep breath before saying,

"That was nine years ago, I'm sorry things didn't go your way. Now please leave."

Severus laid his hand on the door, then his forehead before saying quietly,

"Please Hermione let me in so we can talk."

"You don't understand, I can't."

He stepped back from the door, he remembered there was a door into the back garden. He walked around the house, finding the door he unlocked it letting himself in. He found Hermione, the sight nearly more than he could handle at the moment. She was sitting on the floor in front of the door, her knees drawn up to her chest her arms wrapped around them and her head laying on her knees. It was so reminiscent of the memory she left that he dropped to his knees in front of her, he wanted her to forgive him for everything he had done to her. If he thought it would get him anywhere he would beg her to forgive him.

He reached his hand out, hesitating before laying it on her head.

Hermione felt a hand on her head, jerking her head up seeing into the black eyes of Severus Snape. She jumped up saying,

"Get. Out."

"Hermione listen….."

"I'm not bound to you any longer, you made damn sure of that. I do not have to listen to you anymore."

"Please, listen to me. I have found out some new…"

"I. don't. care." She reached for the phone to call the police, but Severus flicked his wand at it killing the line.

"Damn it, you cannot just break into my house."

"Kaseload lied, to both of us." He hoped that the facts would calm her enough to listen to him.

Hermione stared at him for several long moments before saying,

"I really don't give a damn anymore, now would you get the hell out of my house."

Severus looked up at her as he was still on his knees in front of her, only one other time in his life did he ever knell before someone that he wanted something from that time was Lily's protection and still it wasn't enough.

"Hermione." He sighed, "I want to bring Kaseload before the board of representatives, I need you to tell your side of what happen."

"Severus, don't you understand? I cannot help you, I left that world the day I lost the last thing I cared about. I cannot and will not go back, all that has ever been there is heartache."

Severus knew she meant his treatment of her, how he wished he could take it all back and undo what he did to her. He finally said,

"I doesn't matter, I can file the grievance on my own but when I name you as someone that he lied to you will be required to appear before the board. I don't want to force you to do anything , but if you insist on not listening to me you'll leave me no choice."

"Like you've never done what you damn well pleased to begin with."

"What's that suppose to mean?" he asked.

"Nothing." She snapped at him.

"Tell me what you meant."

"I'm not bound to tell you anything, so just go with nothing. Anyway you never gave a damn and I'm not about to believe that you do now."

"What?"

"Oh this is all a game to you, it always was. It's the 'let see how much I can tear down the Gryffindor'. Well I'm not playing anymore, I don't care what you do or threaten me with."

"Hermione, I never meant to make you think that."

"Really? Could have fooled me with all the bitching you did about breathing to loud or walking to loud or…. Oh screw it, just my basic living gave you something to use against me."

"I was angry." He stated calmly and truthfully.

"Yeah right, you were having a tantrum for five years."

"I am not a child."

"No you're not, you are an adult who refused to deal with anything in an adult way."

"That may be true." He said, knowing it was but not wanting to admit it.

"Oh I bet that hurt, a Gryffindor was correct."

She was trying to goad him, he knew this. He would not raise to it, so he said.

"Let's sit down like adults and talk about what Mr. Kaseload did, if when I'm done telling you what I found out you still do not want to seek justice then I will not bring it up again."

"And what's in it for me?" she heard herself asking even before she had thought about it.

Severus thought about how Slytherin that sounded but he would do anything to help them move past this. He couldn't think of anything, nothing that would aid him in the long run so he finally asked,

"What do you want?"

"The last ten years back." She said quietly then louder she said,

"I have no idea, what are you willing to give?"

This was getting them nowhere. He finally had an idea, but it was long shot.

"When I am done telling you my story then I will sit and listen without a word at one thing you think I did wrong to you while we were married."

Hermione seemed to consider this before asking,

"Anything?"

"Yes, anything."

"And you won't interrupt, or try and justify your actions."

"No I will not."

Hermione sighed finally saying,

"You've got a deal." Hermione thought that maybe it would be therapeutic to get things she's kept to herself for years out there.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	18. Chapter 18

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Well I had not intended to post two chapters a day but the writing has been going well and I'm anxious to get them out there for you all.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione made herself busy making coffee as she wondered just what in the hell she was thinking even letting him stay, let alone tell her what he thought of how he was wronged by Kaseload and more than likely her also. She would listen then tell him of the one thing that irked her most in their marriage. She hoped that once she was done he would just honor her wishes and leave. Of course he never honored her before so she didn't think he would now.<p>

Severus watched her as she worked around her kitchen making coffee, he knew she was stalling. He even allowed her that, though he didn't mind so much the longer she took the longer he got to watch her. He tried to compare her now to the woman that walked out the door telling him that she never loved him.

She looked tired to him, like she hadn't slept well in a long time. He knew the look well, it was one he had carried for more than half his life. He would never wish it on her though, she looked too thin also and he caught himself wondering if she ate well or nibbled as she had done through most of their marriage.

He watched as she turned looking over her shoulder at him asking,

"Milk, sugar?"

Severus was so lost in his thoughts at that moment of how stupid he had been to let her walk away without a fight, she really was a beautiful woman.

"Both." He finally answered when she cleared her throat.

Hermione wondered why he was looking at her like that, it was the way she had wished he would have looked at her when they were married.

Finally she sat across from him saying,

"Let's hear it." She knew she sounded snappish but she just wanted this over with, in the back of her mind she was wondering if Julie would take her shift in the morning if she called her tonight she didn't think she would be up for working tomorrow.

"In a conversation that I had with Draco he told me something that I was not aware of, though maybe I should have been. He relayed a tale of how Kaseload approached you when the marriage law was enacted about an intent of bonding with me."

"Yes he did."

"When he approached me about it he told me it was your idea, he also led me to believe that the bonding intent was already filed."

"What! I didn't file them until….."

Severus raised his hand to stop her words then said,

"Hermione I know what date I talked to him on and what date the papers were filed with the ministry. I know now that you didn't file them until after he led me to believe that I had no choice in the matter."

Hermione was stunned, he didn't think he had a choice.

"What do you mean you had no choice? I wouldn't have done it if you had not agreed."

"I know that now."

"What's that mean?"

"I didn't know then, Kaseload led me to believe that it was already done."

Hermione stared at him, then it came around to her. She had to know,

"What excately did Kaseload tell you?"

"That being a prisoner afforded me no rights, no choice in the matter."

"But…. I would have never agreed….. Oh God." Hermione laid her head down on the table.

"Hermione….. are you okay?" he wanted to reach out and touch her, smooth her hair down. Her very short hair that still shocked him.

"No," she raised her head, he saw the tears in her eyes before she said, "he told me you agreed, something told me not to believe it. I couldn't see you agreeing so quickly to marrying me but when I asked to talk to you he told me that you said you didn't want to see me until the day we married."

Severus watched as she swiped at her face as tears over spilled her eyes, without thinking he reached across the table to lay his hand on hers. When his fingers barley touched the back of her hand she jerked it back saying,

"Don't touch me." Hermione knew that if he touched her she would be lost, nothing he did to her would matter. It was frustrating, knowing that in a heartbeat she would agree to anything if he touched her.

Severus drew his hand back, he wanted to comfort her. It was a strange feeling, he hadn't wanted to be near anyone until the day she left and now all he had thought about for the last four years was being near to her. Finally he said to her,

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"A little late for that don't you think?"

He took a deep breath, he had known this wasn't going to be easy. He didn't even know if he'd ever gain her trust back, but he knew he would do whatever it took to get it back. Finally he said,

"I know my actions were not the best, I did them with intent and for that I apologize. But I did try to change eventually.

"Too little, too late."

"Perhaps you are right, no I know you are right. This all would have came out years ago if I had saw past my anger at being forced into another situation that I was at someone else's whims….."

"I'm not Dumbledore, I would never keep someone alive to send them to die. I would never use a choice, a rash choice, you made in your youth to keep you subservient to me. I had no visions of a true marriage, all I wanted was for you to be able to be free. At the time I felt that you didn't deserve to be in Azakban, I still don't. But I never wanted to control you or be your master, hell I thought the best I would get out of the deal would at least be an equal partnership. Boy was I ever wrong, you made sure that I knew you hated me for saving you from that awful place you also made damn sure that I would feel…. Less like a person all for wanting to help you. Maybe life isn't fair, maybe I did something in a former life to deserve what you did to me."

"No." Severus broke in on her tirade, "I've had time to think about my behavior, a lot of time…."

"I don't care, you still acted that way." She stood, sitting still was just not something she could do right now.

She took a deep breath before saying,

"This is going to take a while, I need to make a phone call to get someone to cover my shift in the morning."

He flicked his wand at the phone, at least she was now willing to listen to him. He heard her talking to some telling them that she wasn't feeling well, he heard her thank them then nothing for a long time.

Hermione hung up the phone standing there she tried to collect herself, she needed to get all of her emotions under her control. There was a problem to be dealt with, Kaseload had lied. But to what end? To make himself look better? That was the question that needed answered, she would help file the papers but there were going to have to be ground rules. Yes she would help him this last time, her sense of fairness was too strong to just tell him to go.

She walked back into the kitchen asking,

"Okay, what do I need to do?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Well I had not intended to post two chapters a day but the writing has been going well and I'm anxious to get them out there for you all.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>"Excuse me?"<p>

"You said something about filing this together, what do I need to do?"

"Your going to agree to going back into the wizarding world for this?" he was surprised by this.

"No, I agree to file a joint complainant with you as what he did effected both of us."

Severus didn't really know what to say, he didn't expect her to agree so quickly.

"I can have the complaint done by the end of next week….."

"Why don't we work on it now?" the sooner she got him away from her and these feelings that were rearing their head the better she would be.

"Can I tell you something Hermione." He asked.

"You can tell me anything you want to, you always did whether I wanted to hear it or not. No matter how much it cut me."

He sighed, she had a point, what he didn't want was her throwing him out when he was this close to her.

"We could work on it this weekend, then I could take it on Monday to the ministry."

"Very well, now what did you want to tell me?"

"I've missed you." He stated plainly

She let out a laugh, a cold sound that should never come from her before saying in a very cutting tone,

"What, your whores costing you too much? Need the free one?"

"No Hermione."

"Then prey tell what is it do you miss, my abysmal cooking skills? My breathing too loud? My not walking softly enough? Oh I know you miss laughing at me when I lost your child."

By the time she was finished she was breathing hard, all of these feelings that he brought forward in her were crushing her.

Severus looked at her, he wouldn't hide from what he did to her. He would let her tell him what ever she could to erase what he had done to her. Finally he said,

"Hermione I didn't know how to…. It doesn't matter, I told you I would not justify what I did there is none for my actions. Go on it's your turn."

"This is not a game Severus."

"I know it's not, but I did agree that you could tell me one thing. Voice whatever you think I did wrong."

"Think you did wrong? So even I give voice to it you're going to think that it's just me over reacting and that you did nothing wrong?"

"I…" what could he say? He did word that in such a way that she would have took it that way. "I meant….. I don't think I was innocent in whatever it is. I should have worded it differently."

"Yes you should have. Do you want to work on this complaint tonight?" she asked changing the subject.

"What about….."

"I've changed my mind, the sooner we get this finished the sooner you can go back to whatever happiness you've found."

The 'and leave me alone.' Was left unspoken but he understood.

"Hermione, you've put too much in the fact that my happiness was contingent on your ability to bear children."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Damn it Hermione, it…. I hurt you. Of course it matters." He wanted to get it all out, he had told her one thing but if she wanted to list everything he would let her he had to somehow find a way to repair the chasm between them. He took a deep breath letting it out slowly before saying,

"I was led to believe that you filed those damn papers, without my knowledge or consent. I was very angry not thinking straight, I'll admit I did and said a lot of things to show you that you were not going to be my master. I didn't realize until it was too late that you never wanted to lord over me."

"No I didn't, I wanted you to go free. I just didn't think you'd throw ever vow out the window, no I didn't expect you to love me. But somewhere I thought you'd honor me at least, but that never came either."

Severus knew she was right, he purposely didn't adhere to any of the vows he took. She did though.

"Your right you did hurt me, a lot. When you ask me to tell you one thing I can't pick one there are so many of them. Do you know because of you I took cooking classes, and even though the instructor wondered what I was doing in her class I still took them but yet I'm still scared of cooking for anyone because what if your right."

"I only said that to hurt you." What else could he say?

"I know you did, and you succeeded too."

Now was the time for him to step up, admit to everything.

"Hermione, I want to talk about how I acted toward you. It was uncalled for, I should have known better. I should have never said all those hurtful things to you. I wasn't about to allow you to rule my life, so I did those things to have the upper hand to show you that I was in control of my own life."

He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Hind sight is really perfect, I saw every way I treated you while we were married. You deserved none of it, even if you had filed the papers without my consent. I should not have tried to tear you apart for it, it was and is a mistake on my part that I deeply regret. If I had given it a chance the whole five years could have been like the last six months was."

"What did make the last six months so different?" she asked, the question out before she could censor it.

Severus knew what had changed his mind, four words that when he heard her say them made him start to questions his actions of the five years before that. Telling her this at this moment was probably not the best idea.

"Ask me later." He finally landed on, "after I say everything I have to say to you."

"Severus, this is my home. My rules, if you do not want to respect that I'm sure you know where the door is. I am through with unanswered questions, I'm not biting my tongue any longer because that is what you do in a marriage to avoid a fight. Unlike your home, there will be understanding in mine. You will not make me feel any array of emotions that you have in the past within these walls. If you are unwilling or unable to accept this then the best I can say is you need to leave, we can arrive at someplace to work on this but it will not be here where I should be safe from all of the evil in the rest of the world."

He looked across the table at her, he knew by her expression she was not going to give an inch on this. She was right, he set so many rules for her in his home that he should have expected this. He was pretty sure that she wouldn't like the answer but what else could he do, he wanted her back and to reach that goal he had to be honest with her now or he would never get the chance to even try to get her back.

"I overheard something by accident, no I never spied on you or what you did or talked about with your friends. This I honestly overheard at the time."

"Okay, I'll take that under advisement now tell me."

Severus sighed before saying,

"I overheard you tell Potter that you loved me."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	20. Chapter 20

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Well I had not intended to post two chapters a day but the writing has been going well and I'm anxious to get them out there for you all.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione was up pacing in a flash before saying,<p>

"That was a private conversation, you had no business listening in. Oh but you made sure you had the right, your house, your way. Right?" Hermione was livid, that was something she never wanted him to know. He didn't deserve to know her feelings, hell he didn't even deserve them. Not after everything he did to her over the course of their marriage, but damn if she didn't find a small part of her that wanted him to be telling her the truth right now. That by hearing her say it that he found he at least cared for her in some small way.

"I know I told you that, but I honestly was not spying on you. Frankly at the time I didn't give a flip about what you and your friends talked about. It was just by chance that I happen to overhear."

"How do I know your telling me the truth now? For all I know your telling me all of this to further your own ends, filing this grievance against Kaseload would look much better if both of us filed. How do I know your just saying anything to get me to help further your ends?"

"I know my past actions give you ever reason to doubt what I am saying now, I can….." What could he do, show her his memory of it? Take Veritaserum so she would believe him? That would come soon enough he knew, when the board called them to voice their accusations they would both have to submit to it.

"You can what?" she stopped turning placing both hands on the table in front of him leaning down so she wasn't far from his face before quietly saying,

"You made my life a living hell for five years all because you thought I wanted to control you, did you ever once think to ask me what I wanted from you?"

"No." he said honestly.

"Did you ever think to ask me why I did it, even if it was a lie you were told?"

"No."

"Did you ever think of my feelings at the time?"

"No."

"Then why in the hell when you over hear one thing did it make you change your view of me?"

He looked down at the table, his hair falling around his face as he quietly said,

"Hermione, it didn't make my view of you change. When I heard you say that you loved me it tore down walls that I had worked hard to build against you." He said so quietly that Hermione wasn't sure she heard him.

"What?" she asked sitting down again.

"I remember when….. the boat house. When I opened my eyes again to see you over me with your hand on my chest I knew if anyone was to figure out how to at least give me a chance it would be you. It was in that moment that I found myself starting to care for you, something that I told myself couldn't happen."

Hermione was stunned into silence, which was a rare occurrence. What could she say after that revelation? Finally she found a question in her mind that once discovered wouldn't let go until she found herself asking,

"Then why be so….. cruel to me?"

"I….. After I woke up in St. Mungo's, I….. I convinced myself that you only helped me so that I would owe you…."

"That's a very Slytherin way to think."

"That is what I am, I built walls against you because the last time….. I misread someone's intention I spent almost twenty years making up for it."

She knew he was talking about Lily, she really wanted to know what happen between them but thought if he wanted her to know he would tell her.

"I never…" Hermione stopped talking, she couldn't do this anymore. It was too much she needed to just go to bed, this was all too much too quickly. "Stay, leave I don't care. We can work on the grievance tomorrow, I just can't….. I'm going to bed, if you stay upstairs to the left is the guest room I'm sure you can find it. If you leave be sure to lock the door on your way out."

Hermione turned running up the stairs, going into her room that use to be her parents she laid across the bed hugging a pillow to her. As an afterthought she used one of the few wand less spells she could warding and silencing the room before she burst into tears.

Severus sat at the table stunned at the turn of events, he had known that some of the things he wanted to say would be hard, for him to say and her to hear. He just never expected her to run away, he stood then cleared their cups from the table and washed them before he started turning off lights in the house.

He took the stairs up to the room she had indicated then turned, he wasn't sure but he thought her room would be the one across from his. He stepped toward the door to be met with wards, he knew they were not very strong and he could go right though them. But that was no way to gain her trust back so he lightened them so he could hear her if need be.

When he heard her crying he stopped at the door thinking what he wouldn't give to go comfort her, though he knew it would be unwelcomed at the moment he laid his hand on the door lowering his head, he had no idea what to do. He knew he had brought out emotions in her that she had thought long buried, hell if he was honest with himself he was not doing well at the moment either. Seeing her again, seeing the pain he had caused her was hard for him. He had known to expect it, and he had swore that he would be honest with her this time. He just didn't realize how hard that was going to be to bare his soul to her, or how long it would take.

He had mistakenly thought that by the end of the weekend they would be on at the very least speaking terms. Now he knew that it was going to take a lot longer than a weekend to undo all the damage he had done to her.

He walked into the room across the hall, he took his jacket off before lying across the bed. His memories were swirling around his mind now, most of which he didn't want to remember. He knew he was going to have to relive most of them if he had a hope in hell to have her, he was going to have to lay his soul bare to her to fix all the damage he caused her.

He just hoped that in the end it would be enough.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	21. Chapter 21

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday, I got busy with housework and writing that I just didn't have time, but I'll make it up to you all as this is the first of four chapters I'm going to post today.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Sleep didn't come easy or last long for Severus, he found himself several times standing outside her bedroom door just to check that she was sleeping. When it was finally quiet he figured she had fallen asleep.<p>

Before dawn he went back to the kitchen searching for coffee, finally finding it he made some before sitting at the table with a mug. His mind was racing with all that he wanted to tell her, it seemed that now he started he didn't want to stop until everything had seen the light of day.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione woke just as the first rays of sunlight were streaming through the window, she turned on her back groaning. She had no idea how long she had cried last night but she felt hung over and a lack of sleep.

She didn't know what to make of what Severus had revealed to her last night, only that it was too much and she had to escape. His words about having to build a wall against her struck a nerve in her, she didn't save him so he would owe her. She had done it because it was the right thing to do, nothing else. To hear that he had started to care about her but that made all the shit from when they were married what? Him fighting his feelings for her? He could have displayed it differently.

No, he was playing a game that had to be it. She couldn't be that easy, he must be board at the moment. That was it, he was just doing this to shatter her heart again. She wouldn't allow it, couldn't allow it. She would help with the grievance against Kaseload because the man lied, but she wouldn't get sucked into Severus' game.

She was sure she was going to have to think like a Slytherin to beat him at his own game, how hard could that be you just needed to think of yourself first. Be cold, cutting, and aloof. Surely she could do that for a day or two. She hoped she could anyway, she just didn't know if she was strong enough to do it. At least not where he was concerned. If she had one weakness it was Severus Snape, but maybe she could use what he was doing against him.

"No, I will not lower myself for him again." She said out loud. No she would just tell him she didn't want to hear him about his suppose feelings for her.

She dressed before leaving her room to the smell of coffee and bacon, she wondered if he left last night or stayed. Looking in the room across the hall her question was answered by the rumpled look of the bedding.

When she stepped into the kitchen she saw a sight she never in her life thought she'd see. Severus was dressed in only a white shirt and black slacks standing at the stove, he must have felt her eyes on him because he turned looking at her, she was struck by how striking he was then admonished herself for thinking that way to hear him say,

"Morning, coffee?"

"Yes."

She found a mug being placed into her hand as she sat at the kitchen table, moments later a plate was set in front of her of bacon, eggs, and toast.

When he sat across from her with his own plate he said,

"Eat up, I think we are going to have a long day ahead of us."

After she took the first bite she suddenly realized how hungry she was, skipping meals yesterday must have set her off because the other possibility was too farfetched to even think about.

Once they were finished and the dishes cleared he said to her,

"I'm sorry I upset you last night, that was not my intention. I was doing something that I told you I wouldn't, I said I wouldn't explain away what I have done to you but I found myself trying to. There was…. Is no excuse for the way I treated you."

"Let's just work on what the grievance."

"Not yet, I still want to tell you….."

"No I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear about how much you loved Lily. I don't want to hear how you supposedly have or had feelings for me. I just want to work on this so you can go."

"Very wel….. No, I want to talk about it. I want to hear your thoughts on what I did."

"To what end? I can see nothing come from this game your playing."

"Damn it Hermione it's not a game, I'm not here to play with you or your feelings."

"That's all you've ever done. You don't say you care about someone then call them a whore and a slut, or the reverse in our case. You don't have hidden feelings for someone then abandon them when they need you, and I needed you."

Severus watched as she swiped at her face, he started to reach across the table but then stopped remembering what happen last night.

"I know, I don't know what to say."

"I don't want you to say anything, I just want to work on this grievance so it will be done then you can leave."

"I don't want to leave, I want….."

"You want? I spent five….." a thought came to her and she overrode her own brain to spit it out without censor. "Oh I just figured you out, you called her a mudblood which she never forgave you for but then everyone sat around when that truth came out saying, 'poor Severus, in love with a dead woman for twenty years.' Like it was some great feat, it's not. It's just you refusing to have a life of any kind, so what your first love didn't love you back it happens to all of us. Now I get it, you tear someone down before you can even admit you have any kind of feelings for them. You did the same to me, you just took it to the extreme and now are blaming it on some little man who lied."

Severus had stood while she was talking, pacing around the kitchen as she kept talking.

"Sure you have feelings for me after you tear me down to nothing, leave nothing, to what end? So you can play hero again? I'm not dead so you couldn't possibly love me, maybe you wanted me to do myself in then they could say 'poor Severus, never got over his mudblood wife.' But you are wrong it always is just a game with you."

Hermione was breathing hard by the time she was done, she watched his back as he had stopped pacing then he moved so fast that she didn't have time move, he pulled her chair away from the table then dropped on his knees in front of her placing both of his hands on either side of her on the armrest so there was no chance of escape. When she looked at him she saw the pain that was in his features and in that moment wished she could take it all back, when he finally spoke Hermione had never heard so much emotion in his voice.

"Don't ever say that, I…." she watched him as he swallow and in his next words she heard the emotion thick in his voice. "I don't ever want to think about you being anything other than alive, I'm so sorry that I made you think that. You are wrong, I told Lily that I loved her. She was the one who didn't love me, or so I thought for a long time now I'm not so sure it was she didn't love me, but that she bowed to her house wishes because she was tired of fighting them. You are so much stronger, if I had thought it would have made a difference the day you left I would have told you that I love you but I know what a bastard I had become, I'm sure you wouldn't believe me just as I am sure you don't believe me now either."

She watched as he stood turning his back to her, she swiped at her eyes. The words were out there and she couldn't take them back now, and she found that she didn't really want to. She wanted him to know how bad he had made her feel. She caught herself before she apologized for saying what she had, no she wouldn't do that either. She sat there staring at his back, she didn't know what to say. Finally she heard him ask her quietly,

"Did you really think that?"

"Think…" she had to swallow to get the words past her dry throat, "Think what?"

"To do yourself in, as you put it."

"I…."

"The truth."

"Once."

"When?" he asked though he was sure he knew the answer.

"The last time…. Last time I…. when you….."

"When you thought I laughed at you for not being able to have my child." He said finally saving her from having to say it.

"Yes." He knew she was crying again.

"I wasn't laughing at you, far from it. I could see how much pain you were in, pain that I couldn't brew something to make it go away and I had no idea what to do for you. I never meant to make a sound at all, and I'm so sorry that you mistook the sound I made for a laugh, for it was far from that." He turned to face her before saying, "I am weak, I couldn't stay watching you cry and know that I couldn't do anything about it."

It never dawned on Hermione that he would have cared enough to be upset that she was upset, before she could say anything he said,

"I watched as each time you became more depressed, I have only ever seen one other person that depressed. I didn't know what to do then either."

She looked up at him before saying,

"Your wrong, there was one thing you could have done but refused every time. I didn't need a potion, or anything but you to hold my hand."

Severus stared at her, would it have been that easy? Was that had been all she needed, to know that he wasn't going to abandon her to fate?

Hermione jumped up suddenly it was too much to be in this room with him, she needed to be wherever he wasn't right now. She started to walk out of the kitchen when he asked,

"Do you want me to leave."

She looked back over at him before saying,

"No."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione spent the next hour in the shower crying, she was confused about Severus and her feelings for him. She wish she knew what to do about all of this. Finally she gave up trying to ease the tension in her body with the hot water.<p>

When she went back down stairs Severus was sitting at the kitchen table, she stopped in the doorway uncertain what to do or say at the moment.

"Why are you here?" she finally asked.

Severus licked his lips that were suddenly dry, why was the truth so difficult to say out loud.

"I regret not stopping you." He said quietly.

"Right, like you have any regrets."

"I have many, many regrets in my life but the one I regret most is letting you sign that damn divorce parchment."

"I can't do this today, not after earlier. You need to go right now."

"Hermione, don't…."

"Just please go."

Severus sighed, so this wasn't going as he had planned. He finally stood before asking,

"Do you still wish to file the grievance with me?"

"Yes, I'll contact you."

"Very well, we only have until December thirty first to file."

"Okay."

Severus collected his coat stopping in the kitchen again before digging in his pocket, he sat a small bottle down in front of her before leaving.

When Hermione heard the front door shut she jumped up going to the fire place she threw in floo powder, Harry had insisted that she keep the floo open to his house.

"Harry Potter." She yelled in to the hearth.

"What." She heard before she saw him. "Hermione? What's wrong?"

"Severus was here."

"I'll be right there."

Harry stepped through the floo to find Hermione sitting on the sofa not really looking at anything, tears running down her face. He sat down beside her taking her hand in his then finding her suddenly in his arms. He rubbed her back soothing her before asking,

"What happen?"

"He came here last night telling me about Mr. Kaseload lying to us, all of us. It even makes sense, you know how we were not allowed to see Severus."

"What did he want from you?"

"He asked if I would agree to file a joint grievance against Kaseload."

"Okay, then what happen?"

Hermione relayed some of what was said by both of them, there were a couple of things she kept out as Harry didn't know the time she thought about killing herself, but she pretty much told him everything that happen since he showed up last night.

Hermione stood asking,

"How about some coffee or tea?"

"Coffee would be good."

They sat at the table with their mugs before Hermione said quietly,

"He apologized for how he treated me, made it sound like some defense mechanism. How am I suppose to forgive him for the way he treated me?"

"Do you want to forgive him?" Harry asked.

"I use to think I didn't, but now I don't know."

"But didn't you say that the last six months were better?"

"Yes, that time was more of what I had expected the whole time to be. But the five years before that were awful, I don't care that he thought I filed the papers to make him indebted to me he had no right to treat me the way he did."

"No he didn't, but do you think he's being truthful now?"

"I don't know. I want to believe he is, but then how am I suppose to erase almost the whole of our marriage. I don't know if I can even forgive what he said to me."

"What about forget?"

"I don't know, the bigger problem is I want to believe him. I truly do, but I don't know if I could ever trust him again. He degraded me so much that I still don't trust men."

"Hey, thanks."

Hermione gave him a small smile before saying,

"You're not a man, you're like a brother. You know what I mean, to let someone that close again equates to letting them treat me terribly."

"So don't allow it."

"That's easier said than done."

"No it's not, I know you still love him. I think you have for longer than you even realize it, why else would you have set at his bedside while he was in a coma? I think you should at least let him tell you what he wants to say, you owe that much to yourself."

"I don't know if I am strong enough to do that, not with him."

"I think you are."

~~^SSHG~~^~~

Severus returned to his house, he sat in his chair staring into the cold fireplace trying to come up with what to do next. He had not expected to be forgiven, at least not right away. But he had thought that her sense of fairness would at least afford him the time to tell her everything he wanted to say.

He didn't get half of the things he wanted t say out before she asked him to leave, he knew some of it would be hard for her to hear. He never thought that she wouldn't want to hear anything about Lily, she must have known about the memories he gave Potter. It was the only thing that made sense that she didn't want to hear about Lily.

He leaned forward putting his head in his hands, he fucked up his second chance at happiness by letting emotions rule his mind, or the wrong emotions. You would think that he would have learned to censor himself after what he said to Lily in anger. He was doomed to make the same mistakes over never learning from his past.

Her speech after breakfast was the one that struck a nerve with him, was he really like that? Could he really only care about someone once he tore them down? But that couldn't be true he knew when he woke up with her in the boathouse that he cared for her, but he hid it. Built walls around it to protect himself. At least that is what he told himself, now it was just an excuse.

He took the chain from around his neck, wrapping it around his hand staring at it.

He really didn't deserve to have her back with him, he was too much like his father. His father did the same thing, tearing down his mother until there was nothing left but the shell of the person she use to be.

He wondered, no he knew that was what he had done to Hermione, just in a different way. Yes he swore he would never lay a hand on a woman like his father, but he could verbally do just as much damage if not more.

When he asked if she thought about suicide he had expected her to say no, he knew he had that memory. The memory that she choose to remove because it hurt her too much, he was surprised when she said that she had. The reason was what really tore him apart, when he told her about not knowing what to do he was the most honest he had ever been with her. He had cared about her, no matter the walls that he put up and it killed him to see her in so much pain that he couldn't heal in some way.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.

.


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>A knock on the door brought him out of his musings, he wasn't in the mood for company going to the door with the intention of telling whoever it was to get lost. When he opened the door he found Draco standing on the other side.<p>

"What do you want?" Severus asked in a tone that would tell most anyone that he was in no mood for company.

"Well hello to you too, I was out today so I went by the school but they said you had come home for the weekend so I thought I'd see if you wanted to get some lunch."

"Not really, if that is all….."

"What's the matter?" Draco asked quickly before the door was shut in his face.

"Nothing that you need….."

"Don't give me that, what happen?"

Severus walked away from the door knowing that Draco wouldn't leave until he got an answer, sometimes the boy was more trouble than either of his parents ever thought of being.

"So what happen?" Draco asked as they walked into the sitting room.

"What makes you think something happen?"

"Oh I don't know, could be that you look terrible. So what gives?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that, something is up."

Severus sat down before finally saying,

"I went to see Hermione last night about filing a grievance against Kaseload."

"I thought you had done that weeks ago."

"I was busy, so I went to see if she would file a joint complaint since we were the two most affected by his lies."

"Let me guess, it didn't go well."

"No it didn't."

"What did you expect?"

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"Just what I asked, did you think that you'd show up and all would be forgiven? I heard some of the things you said to her at times, it's not going to be easy."

"I thought I would make more headway than what I did."

"It's going to take time, if you are not willing to invest it then I suggest you forget her."

"Who's side are you on?"

"Yours, but you would have to see yourself from where I am. If seeing her is going to upset you this much then….."

"Stop, I don't want to hear it."

"All I'm saying is…."

"I've made up my mind, I'll do whatever it takes. It's just going to take longer than I thought."

"How can I help?"

"Excuse me?" Severus couldn't have been more shocked if the dark lord had come dancing through his sitting room dressed in drag singing _Sweet Transvestite_.

"What? I can see, I know somewhere deep down she has cared for you for a long time or she wouldn't have spent all that time sitting with you while you were in a coma at St. Mungo's."

"What?" Severus asked a little too loudly.

"You didn't know this?"

"Of course not, why would she do that?"

"You'd have to ask her."

"I will, if she ever allows me in her house again."

"She will."

"How do you know?"

Draco had no intention of answering that question, there was no way Severus or Granger could ever know that Potter and him had taken upon themselves to get these two stubborn people back together. There was also no way he was going to be the one to tell him that he was there the night she had the last miscarriage or what he did. So he went with his original question.

"How can I help?"

"I have no idea."

"You know grand gestures would work wonders."

"I'm not going to….."

"I know you're not one for them, but that only means it would mean a lot more coming from you."

"I wouldn't know where to begin."

Draco shook his head, how did someone become Severus' age and not know how to get a woman. Of course he knew the answer to that also, Lily Potter. Well maybe now was the time for a crash course in how to woo a woman.

"If your serious, start with a clean slate." Draco said.

"That's what I was trying to do."

"Well with your history it's going to take longer than a day or two."

"I've been trying to work up to seeing her for four years now."

"But still you have to give her time to use her mind on what you divulged to her, I take it that's what you did."

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"Something about not being able to hear anymore today after last night and this morning. She asked me to leave so I did."

"Did she leave an opening for you to see her again?"

"She said she would contact me, though now that I think about it she left the wizarding world."

"She still talks to Potter, I'm sure she has access to his owl."

"I suppose."

"You know once you tell her everything you want to your going to have to listen to her."

"I already have, too some of it anyway. I would have never thought she could be so…."

"So like you? You taught her well."

"I suppose I did, it's what I taught her that makes me wonder about myself."

"So change."

Draco made it sound so simple, but wasn't that what he was trying to do?

"I've been trying to."

"I know, but it's going to take time. Hell you treated her badly for five years, you cannot undo that over night."

"I beginning to find that out."

"Good, now how about some lunch?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

The song _Sweet Transvestite_ is from the movie _Rocky Horror Picture Show_, which in my warped sense of humor I found funny and that Severus would know about this movie being raised in the muggle world. If anyone is interested there is a link in my profile to the clip from the movie on youtube. Honestly, after seeing that movie I could never see Tim Curry the same way again. I always have flashes of seeing him in drag and makeup singing this song, which in turn has me LMAO.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	24. Chapter 24

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Here is the last chapter for today, I'm hoping to have enough done to do some major posting on Friday. There is a reason for it, you'll just have to stay tuned and see what it is.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione sat out in the back garden a few days later, pretty soon the leaves on the few trees she could see would be changing color as autumn came. She had decided that the garden would be the place to sit while she tried again to decide what to do about Severus. She had went back and forth on whether or not to speak to him again that she felt like her mind was in a tennis match.<p>

"Hello?"

Hermione turned to see Neville come around the corner followed by Luna, Hermione smiled at them though it didn't reach her eyes.

"There you are." Neville said as he came up to her bending down to give her a hug.

"How have you been?" Hermione asked.

"Good, great even. We have some news to share with you."

Hermione had a good idea what the news was but she waited for Neville to tell her, when it seemed that he wasn't going to share his news Luna finally said,

"We are to be bonded in a hand fasting ceremony at Christmas."

Hermione squealed as she stood hugging them both before telling them to sit, it really was good news if two people belonged together it was these two, they complimented each other so well.

"I'm so happy for you both." Hermione said smiling at them both.

"Well it's about time don't you think?" Neville asked.

"Yeah it is." Hermione said wistfully as her mind traveled to her own bonding with Severus. Damn and here she didn't want to remember that day.

"So how are things going with you Hermione?" Luna asked.

She looked at the couple across the table from her, there really were only three people in the world that knew her well enough anymore that she would talk to about Severus.

"Severus was here on Friday and Saturday."

"What?" Neville asked a little more loudly than he intended.

"Why did he come to see you Hermione?" Luna asked.

"It seems that Mr. Kaseload lied to everyone, Severus and all of us."

"About what?" Neville asked.

"Just about everything, he led Severus to believe that I had already filed the bonding intent before I ever did. Apparently he never told Severus that any of us wanted to see him before he was freed. I am sure that there are others but….."

Hermione trailed off, she didn't want to ruin their happy news with the things that Severus and her talked about that night or how she couldn't deal with him the next day.

"But what?" Neville asked.

"Never mind, it will keep."

"Did he upset you?"

Hermione sighed, Neville was one of the few people who stood by her through the whole thing with Severus and she knew he deserved to know what was said.

"Yes, but not in the way you think. He had been trying to write to me about Kaseload, I kept sending them back unopened so he came to talk about that."

"But in the course of that interaction other things were talked about?" Luna asked.

"More like said, but yeah. Things I didn't know, it was….. enlightening but at the same time upsetting. He apologized for his treatment of me."

"Do you believe him?" Neville asked.

"I don't know."

Several moments of silence passed before Neville said,

"Have you ate yet Hermione?"

"No." she answered slowly.

"Good, I'm going to go pick up a pizza. I'll be back in a little while."

Hermione furrowed her brows but didn't argue, she hadn't really given much thought to food in the last few days and pizza did sound good.

Once Neville was gone Luna said,

"I have a question that I would like to ask you."

"Sure." Hermione said.

"I would like for you to be my ribbon bearer for the hand fasting."

"What? Really? I would love ….. it's going to be….."

"We don't know yet, but I want you there. I don't care what the rest of them think, if they don't like my choice they are more than welcome to not attend."

It was the first time Hermione had ever really heard Luna talk in anything other than her small lithely voice, it took Hermione back to hear anything other than the sing song quality that Luna usually carried. Luna had reached over laying her hand on Hermione's saying,

"I would like to have you there for me."

Hermione thought about, what were the chances of Severus attending Neville's wedding? None.

"Okay Luna I would love to be a part of your wedding."

"Oh, thank you." Luna stood hugging her before she sat back down asking,

"Now that is done, what are you going to do about Severus?"

"I honestly have no idea, I want to believe that he is in earnest but then a part of me wants to believe that t he's playing a game."

"Can people change?" Luna asked seemingly out of the blue but knowing Luna nothing was ever out of the blue, it just always seemed that way.

"I would have to say yes, I saw a brood of Weasley's change toward me."

"You know some people have no idea what they have until it's gone." Luna looked toward the corner of the house where Neville had left. It was common knowledge that Neville hadn't figured out that he was in love with Luna until she took that five year job in America.

"The thing is Luna, he did and said some pretty nasty things to me while we were married."

"Where there never anything but bad memories made?"

Hermione had been thinking about that same question for four days now, the answer was….

"No, the bad memories just seem to be the dominate memories. He told me a lot of things, but I don't think he even scratched the surface of what he wanted to say to me. I just don't know if I can take that walk down memory lane with him."

"Then write it in a letter, have him do that same."

"Does he really seem like the letter writing type to you?"

"If he truly wants to make amends he will on your terms."

"Maybe, I may do that because having him sitting here expecting me to tell him isn't going to get it, there is too much pain for it to not come out calmly."

"Good, you know even if it's just to reconcile the past it will be good for the both of you."

"Maybe so." Hermione was already drafting a letter in her head to him, the other problem was she would have to borrow Harry's owl to send it. She didn't think that would be a big problem since he also encouraged her to do almost the same.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	25. Chapter 25

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus was sitting at breakfast mid week when an owl that he recognized flew into the great hall, it was Potters owl. His stomach tightened with his first thought that Hermione had wrote him finally, though it hadn't been that long really. When the owl reached him he looked at the writing as he untied the folded paper from its leg, it was from Hermione. He absently set a piece of bacon on the table in front of the owl before standing to leave the great hall.<p>

Once he was locked in his office he unfolded the letter, nervous as to what she had to say. Over the past several days he had flipped back and forth from she would write to he was a crazy old man that would never hear from her again. Now that he was sitting here with a letter from her he noticed his hands were shaking.

"Stop it." He commanded himself he laid the paper on his desk taking a deep breath before reading it.

_Severus,_

_I agree to file the joint claim against Kaseload, we can meet to work toward that end if that is acceptable to you. I am usually home most evenings and this coming weekend, though I would like notice that you will be coming by to work on the complaint._

_In regards to our personal matters, I cannot relive the events of our marriage every time we are together. The best I can offer is to exchange letters for now, it's just….. I can't do more. _

_Hermione_

Severus reread the letter twice before it finally sank in that she had not shut him out, was she really going to let him into her life in some small way for now? Of course now the question was what did she want to write about regarding their marriage?

He was going to have to obtain an owl, they couldn't keep using the schools or Potters either. He would take care of that today. Right now he was itching to write back so he took a piece of parchment and a quill, that's when it dawned on him she had wrote on muggle notebook paper. He didn't understand until that moment that she really did leave the wizarding world, but what hit him was that he would do anything to bring her back into it. She was a gifted witch, always had been if anyone deserved to be in this world it was her.

He set to start his letter but then had no idea what to write, facts were fine when it came to Kaseload but what about them? He started hoping that he would figure it out as he went.

_Hermione,_

_Your terms are fine, if you don't mind I could come by tomorrow evening to work on the complaint. I would like to have it filed before the first of September._

_I would never ask you to relive the deplorable way I acted during our marriage, I think you are correct about writing to one another concerning those events is for the best at the moment. To what end would like this exercise to take?_

_Severus_

Severus thought that maybe it sounded too impersonal but what else could he do? He needed a way in and this seemed to be the way back into her life.

He left going to Diagon Alley to purchase an owl, when he returned he took up his quill again adding to his letter to her.

_PS I have obtained this owl for our letter writing as using the school owls for this is not right or is using Potters owl. Feel free to name her whatever you wish._

He had chosen a chestnut brown tawny owl for the pure fact that it's color reminded him of her hair, well when it was long. The very short hair she had now was just not right to him, she should always have long bushy hair, well at least long.

After he sent the owl on its way he sat at his desk his mind not on the study plans in front of him, he wondered if she would take offence if he brought take out tomorrow night then he remembered her words that she took a cooking class because he had told her numerous times her cooking left a lot to be desired. He wondered if she would ever cook for him, he knew that if he asked she would refuse to. He couldn't say that he blamed her either.

He stood going to his private rooms, maybe his mind would settle in a little while to finish his work.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione had just arrived home when an owl she didn't recognize was pecking at her kitchen window, she opened the window to see the writing on the note attached to its leg. She knew he would be quick with a reply.

She read three times to make sure she wasn't reading it wrong, he agreed to what she wanted. He asked what she wanted out of the letter writing and then the owl. Of course it crossed her mind yet again that he was playing a game with her. She sat picking up the pen and tearing the bottom of the parchment off before she wrote back.

_Severus,_

_Tomorrow evening is fine to work on the complaint, I shall be home after five._

_I honestly don't know what I want the end result to be right now, I just know there is a lot that I need to voice as I believe you do to. What do you see the end result being?_

She looked over at the owl, he told her to give a name to owl. She giggled when she thought of all the muggle names she could call the owl and drive Severus crazy at the same time.

_I will have to think on a name for the owl._

_Hermione_

Hermione rolled the parchment attaching it to the owl before sending her on her way.

She made her supper as she thought about how to deal with all her emotions that were still too close to the surface even for her own liking.

The next morning Hermione was cleaning when she heard the owl at the window she opened it letting the owl in thinking she really needed to think of a name for her. Taking the note she feed the owl a treat as she opened the letter.

_Hermione,_

_I can be there at about five, please don't take offence as I don't know your schedule, I could pick something up for supper if you like._

_I would like to say that I would like to go back to the start, but as that is not possible for I don't want to forget what my anger cost me. I would say a clean slate to maybe try to do everything properly this time. But as you said many things need to be voiced by both of us before we arrive at any end or beginning. I should have never let you leave that day, tell me everything you want to voice._

_Severus_

Hermione had no idea where to start, there were so many things some not being his fault. She took off the bottom of the letter writing,

_Severus_

_Five is fine, though brining something might be for the best as I still do not feel comfortable cooking for you._

_Hermione_

She tied the note to the owl letting her out before standing, when a sharp pain ran across her lower abdomen she grabbed her stomach sitting back in the chair taking deep breaths until it passed. It was getting worse, she should go to the doctor but was scared of what could actually be wrong. When it passed she stood going back to her housework.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	26. Chapter 26

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus stood outside her front door, he had no idea why he was nervous. Well he did, but he didn't want to even think about it right now. He couldn't, this was a business meeting nothing else. Maybe if he kept telling himself that he would see it that way soon.<p>

Hermione opened the door when he knocked stepping back letting him in. Severus couldn't help stealing a look at her she was dressed in shorts and a tank top.

"I thought we could work at the kitchen table."

"That is fine, I brought fish and chips."

"Great, I've been working around here most of the day I'm starving. It smells good."

They ate in relative silence, Severus kept trying to steal glances at her from the curtain of hair around his face as he ate. When he thought about it, it was something he tended to do when they were together. Most of the time he told himself that he did it too keep an eye on her, now he wasn't so sure. She had become such a beautiful woman, he still didn't understand what she ever saw in him, a snarky old bat that would rather bite out words at her than anything else.

"So what do you think we should put in the complaint?" she asked.

"The truth, you do know that it doesn't have to be complete. They will call for a meeting so Kaseload will answer the charges," he sighed knowing that this next bit might not sit well with her, it didn't with him when he found out about it. "We and any one we name will be called to give their account of what happen at the time, it is a veritaserum testimony."

Hermione's head whipped up from her plate as she said,

"What? Why?"

"When a lot of the death eaters brought their representatives up before the board it was usually them telling the lies, this was a way for it to be discouraged."

"What about Kaseload, will he have to submit to veritaserum also?"

"If we request it and we have a good argument for him to then yes they will require him to."

"Well we had better have a very impressive argument as to why he must submit to it also then."

"Hermione, I've been thinking about this and though I know you don't want to talk about the time we were married, I have a question that pertains to the complaint."

"I know, some of what happen while we were married is going to come out during this. It does pertain to this, and that is fine I'll deal with it. I just can't sit here right now talking about every little thing that happen."

"Are you sure, we could go about Kaseload another way."

"No we cannot, this is the best course of action or do you want to end up in Azakban this time without a chance to get out?"

"It doesn't…. yes it does matter and no I don't want to become a resident. I have some things that I would much rather have."

For some reason Hermione got the distinct impression he was talking about her, but she wasn't sure if the past could ever be erased enough to give herself what she truly wanted.

Severus watched her as it seemed the emotions she had been trying to hide played across her face, he would move forward with this. He hoped that by the end they would have some kind of relationship, he did have a plan if he could just make it work.

"So what do we need to say in this complaint?"

"Just that we would like him brought before the board for unbecoming practices, that new facts that were brought to both of our attentions led us to believe that he was untruthful with us and others. It doesn't have to be complete, that's what the meeting with the board is for. We just need to be convincing enough for them to require that Kaseload take veritaserum."

"I still don't understand why he did it other than to further his own career."

"That may be reason enough."

"I suppose, maybe I just don't understand how anyone can be that driven to lie like that."

"People will do many things for themselves."

"What happens if he can overcome the effects….."

"We could request that we brew the veritaserum, as long as a member of the board is present it is allowed. It would be the strongest allowed without side effects. We would be required to use the same though."

"I do not have a problem with that."

"Excuse me?"

"It's your…. I trust your skills as a potions master, I always have."

Severus was surprised by this saying without thinking,

"It's my skills as a human being that you don't trust."

He knew the moment that he saw the look pass over her face he had said the wrong thing, he just didn't know what to do about it now. Luckily she said,

"Let's get started." Not really ignoring his statement but she didn't want to deal with it right now.

Severus pulled out parchment, quills, and ink. When she looked over at him he said.

"Though I don't mind muggle paper I would think that a board with the ministry would frown on it. Do you not have anything from….." he didn't finish the sentence, it was more than likely one of the off limit topics for this.

"I packed my trunk in the attic, I haven't even been up to see it since then. So do you want to write it or should I?" she knew he had small spidery penmanship where hers was larger and more rounded.

"Would you mind?" he asked.

"Not at all." She took the items from him then asked him about formatting, once she had all the required information she looked up at the clock seeing that it was almost ten.

"Can we finish this another day, I have to be up at five to go to work."

"I don't mind, a week from today?"

"No, next week I start new hours and will be off Friday through Monday the other days I'll be working twelve hour days."

He thought that was a bit much, but then again he had no idea what she actually did for employment. Finally he said.

"So how about Monday then?"

"That would be fine, anytime after five I have plans for the day."

"Very well I'll see you then." He said as he walked to the door with her following him, at the door he turned saying, "Thank you for agreeing to file the complaint with me."

"Your welcome."

He had to fight the urge to lean down and kiss her cheek, he knew that if he did it would not be appreciated. He was down the steps before she said,

"Send the owl back so I can write."

He turned to look at her, she was chewing on her bottom lip a habit that she had had the whole time he had known her. So she had wanted to write and was apprehensive about it.

"Very well, see you Monday."

"Monday."

Hermione busied herself putting everything up before turning off the downstairs lights going up to bed, though she knew sleep wouldn't come quickly tonight, her mind was still going over his comment about not having skills as a human. Of course he was right, he really didn't have any people skills. She laid down after putting on her sleep wear thinking that in her first letter she might address what he said.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	27. Chapter 27

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus sat at his desk, he had sent the owl back with a short note thanking her again for her help. Now he was working on the last of his study plans for the school year. He laid his quill down standing to stretch, he had been at this since he came back from breakfast it was now afternoon. He wanted to finish these so he would have time to devote to a letter from Hermione, though it had been several days and he hadn't heard from her.<p>

His hand went to his lower back as he walked into the classroom to find a bottle of anti-inflammatory potion, he was getting old and being bent over a desk for hours did not do his back any good at all. He walked around the classroom until the potion took effect as he went to his desk his mind traveled back in time as he turned around to see a young Hermione sitting in his class always with her hand raised. It had irritated him to no end that she knew the answer when he couldn't get his Slytherin's to try to best her. Well that and she could spout any text verbatim to any question he asked, but didn't understand that there was more to potions than just knowing the ingredients and effects.

An owl swooping into the room made him look up, well she finally wrote. The owl landed on the desk holding out its leg to him, he took the rolled parchment from her before finding a treat for her before saying,

"Go on visit your friends, it will be a while."

The owl hooted at him before taking off again, Severus took the letter to his private quarters before daring to look at it. Taking off his coat he sat in his chair with her letter, he didn't know if he wanted to open it now or not. His hands started to shake at what it could contain, it might be the same as her journal but this would require a response from him.

Finally he opened it,

_Severus,_

_The owls name is Morgan, yes as in Morgan La Fey but I have always liked the name._

_I know I am the one who asked for this, but now that I am at the task I really don't know where to start knowing that we were both lied to by Kaseload. Maybe that would be a good place to start, at the beginning. I know I held my tongue enough as that was how I was raised, I had seen my mother do it enough times with dad and when I'd ask she would always say, 'to keep a happy marriage I bite my tongue count to ten then later once I'm not so upset we talk about it like adults.' I followed this advice, the only problem was that when later came you were never there to talk things out calmly. _

_I know there were times when my feelings wouldn't have been wounded so bad if I had been able to voice the hurt later, calmly instead of holding it in letting it fester. Yes I will take part of the blame for that, but I also lay it at your feet as you were the one who refused to speak to me unless you deemed it needed. If I approached you about anything you either took one of two stances with me, either you ignored me altogether or bit my head off for speaking at all. And yes I know that only went on for the first couple of years, but by then I didn't know how to approach you any longer about it, head on never worked and I know how you despised that approach._

_I didn't deserve to be treated like that, even if you thought that I went behind your back though I don't see how you thought that. Oh I know you painted all Griffendors as being the Marauders and wouldn't see past that. Though from what I understand from Harry they made your school life hell, honestly was I ever like that? I just keep thinking that if you had not closed your mind to any other explanation other than what I was trying to gain, which by the way was only your freedom, you might have known sooner than almost ten years later that I never wanted to be your master…. Well I guess it would be mistress. _

_You never bothered to ask what I wanted, you just assumed. _

_That's all I can write at the moment._

_Hermione_

Severus laid the letter on his lap looking into the fire place, he knew this venture was not going to be easy. She had been right on several counts. He never gave her much of an opportunity to speak her mind to him. He really hadn't given her any room in the first couple of years to even voice her opinions let alone tell him how he had done something to hurt her.

Severus finally walked over to the desk sitting down writing his letter to her, though he thought that it would not go over well he still wrote what he felt.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione was dead tired, she knew these new hours would get to her until she got accustomed to them. She was just glad that she had the next almost four days to prepare for Monday night, she thought that she was going to need all her mental strength to deal with Severus.

The owl pecking at her window the next morning drew her attention, she let Morgan in then went to sit down when she had a pain race across her lower abdomen sending her to her knees as she curled up on herself.

Finally the pain passed, she stood up shakily with the help of the table getting herself into a chair before she said to Morgan.

"Maybe I should go to the doctor."

The owl looked at her as if to say, 'well of course.' In that moment she missed Crookshanks.

"Well let's see what you have brought me today shall we?"

She untied the letter reaching for a treat for the owl but Morgan flew out the window again before she could even stand up.

"Hum, well may she knows that it takes a little to get over those flashes of pain."

She laid the letter on the table in front of her and began to read.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	28. Chapter 28

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Here is the last chapter for today, so I am getting a little anxious about getting this story out to you all. Especially the closer I get to the end in writing it, it's the reason for the four chapter updates.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p><em>Hermione,<em>

_I realize now that for a very long time I didn't see past my anger at the marauders and what they did to turn Lily against me, and yes I am sure my view of all Griffendors were tainted by them. But they did make my life from the time I entered Hogwarts a hell that I could not escape. It seemed for a very long time that I left one hell for another._

_In them turning the only person that had ever been a true friend to me against me for no other fact than my house and thirst for knowledge in any form of magic. I made them right, why not be what they had been accusing me of for years? Lily's final rejection was my deciding factor in joining the death eaters, no it was not the day that I called her that awful name, it was the day she told me that she never loved me._

_Sound familiar? It's the same words you said the day you left. The day I should have done everything to stop you. _

_Yes I will agree with your assessment that we both shoulder some of the blame for not speaking to one another like adults, though I do think mine is more. I'm the one who made the rules, I'm the one that refused to hear you. But I also believe that you could have tried harder if you had truly wanted to tell me something._

_Severus_

Hermione tore off the bottom of the parchment before she thought about what she was going to write, she didn't want to rush head long into something that was the reason she asked about writing. Time to think about what to say, unlike when she opened her mouth last week about how he tore her down. She sighed standing, she would write later when his letter didn't bother her so much and make her want to defend her actions.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus was just getting settled in on Saturday night when Morgan came flying into the room to land on the arm of his chair, he set his book aside as he took the rolled up parchment from her before giving her a treat and sending her on her way.

_Severus,_

_I don't know if writing is such a great idea either, the only thing it's afforded me was the time to cool off before I wrote back._

_I am sorry for Lily's treatment of you but listen well to me, I AM NOT LILY EVENS. I don't bow to pressure from other people, you should know that. You were there when almost everyone I knew turned their back on me for marrying you. I didn't give into what they thought, I stood up for what I believe in. _

_Hermione_

She was right, he knew that and he also knew that comparing them was not the right thing to do either. He had told her the last time that she was stronger than Lily. Lily worried too much about what others thought of her, Hermione didn't care as long as she did what was right.

She might be right though, writing letters was not the best idea. There were always things that were lost on paper, but he also thought that their meetings would devolve into what they had last time if they tried to talk it out.

He would be seeing her on Monday so he decided to only write her about that, it was short and more than likely she would think she upset him with what she wrote.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus arrived Monday at five, she had brought home take out for supper this time.

When they walked into the kitchen she had everything ready at one end of the table saying,

"Let's eat, then we can work on that."

When they were almost done eating he finally said,

"Hermione," when she looked up at him he continued, "I told you last time we met that you were stronger, I meant than Lily ever was. She worried about how people saw her, she did everything to that end. I know you are not her, the only comparison I can make between the two of you is that you both said the same words to me for the same reason. Don't think that I don't know what being bonded to me cost you, I know very well why do you think that I never complained about Potter or Longbottom visiting? Because I saw that when it was all done they were the truest of friends and I did not want you to not have that in your life."

Hermione didn't know what to say, she knew she had been a little short in her letter to him and figured she had angered him into his short reply back. She watched as he stood taking his plate to the sink, finally she said,

"I didn't mean to make you angry, well maybe it did. I don't know, there are so many things that were never said that should have been. It's been years, sometimes I would just rather forget it all other times I want to scream for all the wrong that was done to me by you. Yet I know I am not perfect and there were things I could have done differently that might have changed the outcome."

Severus turned leaning against the sink asking,

"What do you want to scream about?"

She turned to look at him before saying,

"All of it."

"As in?"

"You want an example?"

"Yes."

"Okay, but you're not going to like it."

"Don't worry if I like it or not, remember this is your house. The rules are yours."

"Very well, the first night you called me Lily while we were having sex. I wanted to push your ass off of me and yell that I was Hermione." When he opened his mouth she said, "Let me finish, I know that certain things will remind us of our past and that actions will be a reminder of certain people, but knowing that and having it happen to you are two different things. Knowing that information does not make it hurt any less, especially when I was doing everything to be what you wanted in the bedroom."

Severus listened to her, he never remembered calling her Lily. Though he might have if he was angry enough at the time. He said the first thing that came to mind,

"I never had sex with Lily."

Hermione was shocked and stammered.

"But…. But you said… but."

"Now we're back to me saying things to hurt you because I was angry."

"Did you want to?" Hermione asked quietly

"No, I never did which now looking back should have been my first clue that I was not in love with her."

"Had you ever….." Hermione was going to ask if he had ever had sex before her but her censor kicked in, in the middle of the question and she clamped her mouth shut.

"Have I ever what?"

"It's really not a question that I should ask you right now. I will if you really want me to, I do abide by my own rules."

"How about a deal between us when we talk about these things."

"What kind of deal?"

"Once every time we can beg off a question to be asked later."

Hermione thought it over, could she give him that much? Of course it would save her from asking this question right now.

"I'll agree to that as long as the question is answered later."

"Very well, now maybe we should get to work on the complaint."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	29. Chapter 29

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Two hours later they were half way through the complaint when Severus said,<p>

"Why don't we continue this on Friday? I'm sure you have to work in the morning."

Hermione looked up at the clock, he was right it was almost ten, she had a twelve hour day tomorrow.

"Can we make it Saturday?" she asked as she capped the ink bottle.

"I suppose, you can still write if you choose to."

"If all of our conversations would be like they were tonight I wouldn't mind it, but when they devolve into cutting remarks or without censor then it bothers me. Yes I know I was the one who said those things last time, I apologize not for what I said but I could have said it a different way."

"Don't, I spent years speaking to you like that."

"Yes, and I can't say that it won't happen again."

"I'm not asking you too."

After she closed the door behind him she smiled, tonight was nice and didn't devolve into a mess of her running her mouth or him being cutting. She didn't dissolve into tears when she finally laid her head on the pillow an hour later.

As she stared up to the ceiling she thought there were still things that needed to be said, yes she still had many things that needed voiced. But when he asked tonight her for an example she gave him one, yes it hurt to talk about it but she could honestly say she felt better for having told him.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Friday afternoon Morgan came flying in the window that Hermione had opened to air the house, soon it would be cold again so she wanted to enjoy the warm weather while it lasted. She went to the owl sitting on the kitchen counter taking the note from her leg giving her a strip of bacon left from her mostly uneaten breakfast.

_Hermione,_

_I am sorry but I am going to be unable to make our…. Appointment tomorrow, could we reschedule for Sunday?_

_Severus_

Hermione wrote him back saying it was fine. She had some chores to do outside for the coming winter and this would give her a chance to get that done this weekend.

Of course as things worked out she didn't get most of it done and Severus had to beg off the whole weekend, he never said what was keeping him and Hermione didn't think it was her place to ask so she spent the next week wondering what it was.

They had decided on Saturday again, when there was no owl the day before or that morning she found herself excited that he would be here. Of course she chided herself for feeling that way, there was still much that needed to be said between them but was it really wrong to feel this way? Even if it was just for the chance to voice everything he did to her.

By late afternoon Morgan showed with a letter saying that he was sorry but he would have to reschedule for next Saturday. She wrote back sending the note back with Morgan.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus sat in a room with Potter, Malfoy and several others including Percy Weasley, three rogue death eaters had made their presence known and Severus was compelled to help capture them, if you could call it that. They held him in a cell telling him that if he didn't help it would be a one way ticket back to Azakban. Which angered him, but he'd have to say that Potter and Malfoy both were downright pissed about it.

Potter finally was able to get him use of Morgan so he could send a note to Hermione, it was short but he didn't want her to know what was happening right now.

Now Morgan was returning landing in front of him he took the note, something told him that this was not going to be a good thing,

_Severus,_

_I apologize but I will be unable to meet any time next weekend as I have a date, or dates. It's not right that I keep canceling on them to meet with you. It will have to be the weekend after that. That is if I can find the time._

_Hermione_

Severus crumpled the paper in his fist, he couldn't decide if it was a lie to hurt him or the truth to do the same. One thing he was sure of, he had hurt her by having to cancel the last two weekends.

"What's wrong." Draco asked.

"Nothing, let's just get this over with."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing."

Harry had watched this exchange then said,

"You didn't tell her."

"No I did not."

"Why?"

"Why do you think, she lost everything to keep me out of Azakban now they want to send me back. How do you really think she would take that news?"

"Better than lying to her." Harry said walking away.

"I'll just…." He wanted to say fix it, but he knew he would just have to listen to her about this also.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

The next Friday night Hermione was sitting at the desk in the study, she was mindlessly going through the computer. It was late but she couldn't get her mind to settle, she had lied to Severus. She hadn't had a date in a long time but she didn't want him to think that all she seemed to be doing lately was sitting around waiting for the days that he came to work on the complaint.

When she heard a noise she went to check, when she heard it again from her front door she went over looking out to see said person standing on her front stoop. She wondered what he was doing here before she opened the door saying,

"What are you doing?"

"Hermione, your home." Severus said surprised to see her.

Hermione knew he was drunk, if she didn't his stumbling into the house would have clued her in.

"Your drunk." She stated.

"Thank you Miss. Granger, fifty points to Griffendor for your near perfect skills of observation."

Hermione walked away leaving him standing in her foyer, she was not about to deal with a drunk Snape. It was bad enough when she had too.

"Come on 'Mione."

Hermione spun around, why had he just sounded like Ron Weasley

"Out, out of my house. Your drunk, you sound like Ron and I do not have to deal with you. Get the fuck out."

"You're not suppose to be here anyway." He said.

"You're the one who is not suppose to be here, I told you that I had plans this weekend."

"Dates." He said,

"What?"

"You said dates, see." He was pulling a waded piece of parchment out of his pocket to hand to her.

"I know what it says Severus I wrote it."

"Yes you did, now we play that game where I hurt you though no fault of my own then you see how deeply you can cut me."

Hermione sighed, that was exactly what she was doing but she would never tell him that.

"Oh please, nothing hurts you. Your are the hurter, not the hurtee."

Before she could stop him he took his wand pointing to the palm of his right hand and a gash appeared bleeding.

"See, I can be cut too."

"Severus!" she yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Showing you."

She grabbed his wrist pulling into the kitchen so he wouldn't bleed on her carpet, pulling him to the sink she said,

"You need to heal that."

"Nope, I don't heal easy."

"Damn it Severus." She grabbed his wand out of his hand then said the spell healing his hand before turning to leave him standing in her kitchen.

"Hermione." He said slurring her name. She turned to face him. He never turned to face her as he said,

"You did accomplish what you set out to do. It did hurt, more than you will ever know."

Hermione ran from the room, she heard the door shut a little later. She sat down with paper and pen writing to him.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	30. Chapter 30

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus was sitting in his office when Morgan came sweeping in landing in front of him, she eyed him like she knew what he had done and didn't approve of it.<p>

_If you were being honest about me hurting you then times it by an infinite number and you might touch the pain you caused me._

He dropped the paper on the desk, what was he to say to that? There was nothing he could say, it was mistake to go to her house and then when she was there he was surprised. Being drunk didn't help, he wanted to show her that he could be hurt too. In doing so he more than likely lost ground with her, between that and the ministry. He took a piece of parchment writing,

_Let me know when you want to finish the complaint, if you still want to._

He sent the letter back with Morgan.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione was still mad at what he had done, all to prove a point. He didn't have to do it in such a way, what right did he have to complain that she hurt him anyway? It was nothing compared to what he did to her.

When Morgan landed in front of her she took the small note attached to her leg then read it. She went inside to her fire place, before she could throw in the floo powder a pain hit her lower abdomen that had her on her knees. She tried to breathe through it thinking she really needed to go to the doctor. When it finally passed she threw the powder in yelling "Severus Snape!" she had wanted to surprise him and had Harry connect her floo to his office, rooms and home. Now she didn't care, as soon as she could she was having Harry close the connection again.

"Hermione?"

She heard him as his head appeared in her fireplace.

"Any time you get your ass here." Was all she said before she backed out going into the kitchen.

She heard him come through the floo then say,

"Hermione."

"Let's just get this damn thing done so we won't be… so we don't have to see one another again."

"Hermione, that's not….."

"No! I'm not going to feel bad that your feelings getting a little bent out of shape because you have no idea the pain of hurt feelings or how bad someone can be cut open by someone they love. I don't want to hear how the one time you say I hurt you then have the balls to compare it to all the pain you caused me."

"I was not comparing what I felt to what you did. I was drunk, you were not even suppose to be here. I just wanted you to know that what you wrote me hurt."

"I don't care."

"Yes you do."

"So now you know what I feel? What I think?"

"No, of course not."

"Then how dare you tell me that I care when I say I don't."

"Damn it." He growled, "there were things that were out of my control or I would have been here."

"What was her name?" Hermione asked sweetly.

"What? No I haven't… it was nothing like that."

"Sure."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.

"That I spent the better part of five years waiting on you, in more ways than one. I swore I would never do that again yet here again I spent days waiting on you again."

Severus took a step toward her without thinking, he reached out only to have her side step yelling,

"Don't touch me."

Severus dropped his arm turning to the floo he threw in powder saying, "Harry Potter."

Hermione stood there watching dumbfounded, she wasn't listening to what was said until Harry was standing in front of her.

"Tell her where I've been for the last two weeks."

"She didn't believe you?" Harry asked.

"I never got a chance and I really don't think she's going to listen to me now."

Hermione looked between them as they spoke then said,

"She is standing right here, what the hell is going on?"

"Severus has been in the dungeons of the ministry for the last two weeks. He was released very early yesterday" To Severus he said, "I told you to tell her."

"Yes, yes. You were right."

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"The minister of magic wanted his help in catching some rogue death eaters."

"What? Why would Kings…. He's not the minster anymore is he?"

"No he's not." Harry said.

Hermione looked between Harry and Severus before saying, "Percy."

"Yes." Harry answered.

"Why didn't you just tell me last night while you were here?" Hermione asked Severus.

"I….. You know why."

"But I would have tried harder to understand." She said.

Harry slowly backed out of the room flooing home.

"I only thought of one thing last night, and being drunk didn't help calm the thoughts I was having."

"What was that?" Hermione asked.

Severus licked his suddenly dry lips, he didn't even want to admit it to himself let alone her. Not right now anyway, but he felt that he wouldn't get much further he didn't admit to something. So quietly he said,

"Someone else touching you."

Hermione couldn't have heard him right, there was no way she heard that right.

"What?"

He looked up at her before saying louder,

"Someone else touching you."

"No… no…. no…."

"Hermione…."

"No, your not allowed that not after five years of knowing that you…. No."

"I nev…"

"I don't believe you, you were gone too much. Congratulations now you know how you made me feel for five years."

"I never….. I haven't…"

"Does it really matter?"

Severus backed up to the wall, he had no idea what to say. If she felt only half of what he did last night for the five years they were married then….. He really didn't deserve her, not at all. Hermione stood staring at him with her arms across her chest. He finally pushed off the wall before saying,

"I'm so sorry, you will never know how sorry I am. You need not worry, I won't bother you again."

He turned walking away from her toward the fireplace.

Hermione didn't know what to say, or do. He was going to walk out of her life and she wasn't sure she wanted him too, not anymore. Her breathing became erratic before she finally said.

"Stop!"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	31. Chapter 31

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>He stopped but didn't turn to face her, she didn't know what else to say. They had come quite a ways in the month that they had been talking again, but at this moment she had no idea what to say. He finally got it, or a portion of it. She didn't feel like she expected to feel at this moment, she didn't feel the triumph that she thought she would if she ever made him feel like he made her feel.<p>

Severus stopped but he couldn't turn around and face her, not now. Not now that he truly understood how he ripped her apart for doing nothing more than caring whether or not he spent the rest of his life in Azakban. Finally he found his voice and hoped like hell that it sounded normal when he spoke.

"Hermione, I…. I have to go. All I do…. It doesn't matter I have to leave." He left off the 'so I don't hurt you anymore.'

"No, stay here. Severus promise me you'll be here when I get back."

"I can't Hermione, you got your wish. I understand now."

"No…. yes it was something I wanted, but now I wish I hadn't."

"It doesn't matter, I don't want to…. Not since you walked out the door, no that's not true. For a long time before that I haven't wanted to hurt you, yet here we are years later and I'm still hurting you."

"Damn it Severus, I didn't get the chance to run from it and you won't either. You will stay here and face me, just as I had to face you."

He knew he owed her that, but he didn't know if he could do it. He didn't turn to face her still but nodded.

"Promise me you won't leave until I return at least."

"Hermione…. I promise I will be here when you return."

When the front door shut Severus sat down on the sofa, he had no idea he hurt her this badly. Yes he read her journal, but it didn't convey how bad it hurt to think someone else had their hands on her, kissing her, making love to her.

His hand went to the chain around his neck, before he started crying. This was not a pain he would have wished on anyone, but not her at all.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione went to the new café a few blocks over, after paying for her coffee she sat at one of the computers, unknown to Severus she had been playing around with a wireless webcam she picked up. It was sitting in her living room right now. She logged in as she was suppose to, then brought up the camera.

When she saw him sitting on the sofa she sighed knowing that he didn't bolt the moment she closed the door, then it dawned on her that his shoulders were shaking. That couldn't be right, this was Severus Snape. The cold bat of the dungeons, nothing upset him.

A little voice in her head said, 'but he cried the night he gave Harry his memories.'

"Damn it." She whispered as she logged off the computer then closed it she stopped for take out on the way back.

By the time she opened the front door tears were running down her face, she really never meant to hurt him that much. Finally she called out because she knew that he wouldn't want her to see him crying.

"I brought supper, come to the kitchen."

She tried in vain to dry her tears but no matter what she tried it didn't work, when he came into the kitchen he stood watching her swipe at her face as she set plates on the table. He walked toward her reaching out but then dropped his hand knowing that she didn't want him to touch her at all.

She turned smiling at him, it was a sad little smile then she shocked him as she stepped toward him. She still stopped a couple of feet away laying her hand on his arm she said,

"Fish and chips."

"Smells good."

"Comfort food." She said turning toward the table, he couldn't stop himself he reached out taking her hand as it left his arm. She turned back toward him as she squeezed his hand before saying,

"Very small steps, okay."

He knew what she meant, she wouldn't be jumping into bed with him any time soon but she would welcome his touch.

He let go of her hand as they sat across from one another at the table, finally she said.

"Severus, I apologize for leading you to believe that I was going on a date. I let my mind run away with itself when I shouldn't have."

"Don't apologize Hermione, you didn't do anything that I hadn't done to you or led you to think."

"But I didn't think that you….." when she stopped speaking he said.

"What? Cared enough for it to bother me?"

"Yes." She said as she swiped at her face. "It bothers me that I did that to you."

"Don't, please Hermione don't think that. It was…. A lesson for me, now I understand."

"It's a hard way to learn something."

"I…. yes it is, hell I even deserved it. Can we…. Go forward from here?" he asked and for the first time he was nervous about the answer.

"We can try."

"I cannot ask for more."

She gave him a small smile then went back to eating, he watched her through his hair when suddenly her face paled considerably. He looked up then not caring that she saw him, finally he asked.

"What wrong."

"Nothing." She said but her voice sounded off.

Finally he reached over lifting her chin to look at him, the moment he saw her eyes he knew she was in some kind of physical pain.

"Don't lie, what's wrong?"

"It must be the grease, upset my stomach. I'll be right back."

She left the table going to her room upstairs, hoping she made it before she lost her supper.

Severus knew she was lying to him, but he couldn't force her to tell him. He waited for her to come back, when she did, she looked better with more color. So he let it go for now asking,

"Do you want to work on the complaint tonight?"

"Not really, can we do it tomorrow? Maybe mid morning, I have some jobs that I need to take care of around here in the morning."

"That will be fine, can I use the floo to return tomorrow?"

"Yes, are you leaving?"

"In a little while, I haven't been sleeping well the last couple of weeks."

"I understand, how much more do you have to do to be ready for the school year?"

"Not a lot, mostly just obtaining supplies. Wait, how do you know that I'm teaching again?"

"When I asked Harry to connect the floo to your house he asked if I wanted it connected to your office at Hogwarts also. He told me that you were teaching again."

"I see, you know Minerva would love to see you."

"Maybe in the future, I just don't know if…."

"You know she never held what you did against you."

"I know, I just couldn't face any of that world after I left."

Severus stood not wanting to say anything else right now, he took their plates to the sink washing them before turning around to see Hermione's head down on the table. He slowly walked over to her squatting down before saying,

"Hermione, are you sure your okay?"

Hermione took a big breath of air before saying,

"Yes, it's something that I have to sort out myself."

He laid his hand on the back of her head smoothing her hair down, he would do anything for her but he also knew there were things that you had to deal with alone.

"I liked it better long." He said seemingly out of the blue to her.

Hermione raised her head looking into his eyes only a handful of inches from hers finally she said,

"My hair? I thought you hated it, you complained about it enough. Ever since I can remember."

"Just because I thought it would ruin potions or I didn't like having the drain in the bath stopped up doesn't mean that I didn't like you hair longer, it suited you better."

Hermione didn't know what to say, she sure didn't want to tell him it would long within six months it seemed her hair also liked being long. She was sure that by Christmas it would be past her shoulders again, her hair always grew very fast or so her mother told her.

Severus stood saying,

"I'm going, I'll see you about noon tomorrow?"

"I should be done about ten so I would think any time after that."

"I shall be here, I think we will be able to finish tomorrow then I can take it to the ministry on Monday. School starts on Thursday."

"I know, that's why I need to get these jobs around here done."

"Get some sleep Hermione."

"You too." She said as he walked into the living room to floo back to Hogwarts.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	32. Chapter 32

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Here is the last chapter for today.

I have another question for all my wonderful readers out that, in writing this story I'm coming to the part where there is forgiveness, love, kisses, you know the fluffy stuff. I keep going back and forth on how much to write when they get to the bedroom, one time I think 'just shut the door and then move on to the next day', then I think that the buildup deserves more than that, or then there is always the 'OMG it's porn' option. You all have been so great and encouraging that I would like to know which you would prefer to read, so let me know.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione had laid in bed half the night thinking about the events of yesterday, no she had not forgiven everything nor forgotten. But after Severus left she had went to the study to watch what the web cam had recorded, what she saw shocked her to no end. She had watched as he paced, threw powder into the floo once, and cried twice. It was enough to convince her that maybe he held some kind of remorse for his treatment of her. Though she knew this was not going to be anywhere near an easy endeavor but she truly wanted to see where it went this time.<p>

She went outside with her coffee at dawn mulching the plants in the back garden then in the front, she washed the windows on the ground floor first then climbed the ladder to the second floor thinking again how she would love to be able to replace the windows with tilt in kind so she wouldn't have to climb a ladder twice a year. Of course even that would not be able to take care of cleaning the gutters twice a year.

She had been so lost in working that she didn't hear the floo or Severus come through.

Severus called her name when he came out into her house but she didn't answer, he noticed the ladder against the house and went outside to investigate. The sight he encountered had his heart in his throat in a millisecond, on the ladder was Hermione cleaning the second story windows. He knew she was not fond of heights, hell he even knew somehow that she had only been on a broom three or four times.

"Hermione Jean Snape, what the hell do you think you're doing." He yelled from the ground then mentally kicked himself, 'good going Snape, scare her into falling.'

Hermione looked down at Severus before saying,

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Get off the ladder Hermione."

"Let me get this last window done then I'll be down."

Severus paced the whole time she was up there knowing that her fear of heights could cause problems and it worried him how many times she had done this since she moved back here.

He stood with his wand barley concealed as she made her way down the ladder when she was finally on the ground he said,

"Why were you up there?"

"Cleaning the windows, it's something that has to be done."

"But hire someone to do it."

"Yeah like I can afford that, it's fine."

"No it's not, you don't like heights."

"How do you know that?"

"What?"

"Think, how do you know that I don't like heights?"

Severus thought then a conversation they had the spring after they were married came to him.

"You told me."

"Yes, when was that?"

"When you said the windows here needed to be cleaned, and asked if I could help you with the job."

"Yes, and you never answered me so I've been doing them myself since then."

"I don't want you on a ladder like that, if you don't like heights you could have an accident."

"I've been doing this job for over ten years, now your going to worry about me?"

"Yes, where are your friends? I'm sure…."

"I've never thought to ask them."

"Of course not, are they done?" he asked hoping like hell that they were.

"The windows are, I can do the gutters later."

"No you wont."

"Don't you start teaching on Friday?" she asked.

He knew he was going to get nowhere, but he would hire someone if he had to. But he didn't want her on that ladder again.

Hermione went into the house shaking her head, Severus followed wondering how to keep her busy today and tomorrow so he could get someone to clean the gutters while she was at work.

"I'm going to grab a shower, you could make some coffee if you like."

She went up the stairs, when he heard her door shut he went for the phone book looking up what he needed.

By the time Hermione was finished he had someone coming on Tuesday to clean the gutters and leave a note that it was done.

By early afternoon they were finished with the complaint, leading Severus to ask.

"Would you be against spending the day with me tomorrow?"

"As in?" she asked as she washed the coffee cups.

"I don't know? I can have the complaint at the ministry by eight then we could go somewhere. Is there a sight you want to see?"

"Not really, though…." She trailed off thinking that he would never agree to it.

"What?"

"Never mind, it's silly."

"Hermione, tell me. You might be surprised at what I find enjoyable."

"I was just thinking that I would love to go to Blackpool before winter."

Severus was not expecting that but finally said,

"Okay, if that's what you want to do."

"No, lets do something that we both will enjoy." Though she had no idea what that would be.

When he didn't say anything she finally said,

"Would you be against a movie day?"

"Movie day?"

"Yeah, we could watch movies all day."

"I don't know."

"Well then how about this, come over after the ministry and we can just see what happens after that."

"Very well."

After they ate an early supper, that was ordered in Hermione finally asked a question that had been on her mind most of the day.

"Severus, what happens once they have the complaint?"

"They will judge the validity of the claim then if they believe there is sufficient cause they will call a hearing on the matter."

"What about the veritaserum?"

"They will inform us as soon as they make a decision on if there should be a hearing."

"I take it we will be brewing it at Hogwarts?"

"Yes."

"Then Kaseload, you and I will be required to take it to testify?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any other answer?"

"Yes." He smirked at her.

"Fine."

They drank coffee sitting at the kitchen table for a little while longer before he finally said,

"I should be going."

"Okay." Hermione said as she stood to wash her mug.

Severus sensed that something was wrong, he stood going to the sink with his mug. When he placed it in the sink he put his arm around her shoulders before asking,

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, I don't want to argue with you today."

"I won't argue." He said.

"No but if I start I'll be yelling before I'm done."

"What am I missing?"

"Nothing Severus, it's fine."

He looked down at her, wishing she would voice what was troubling her. Then out of the blue it hit him, he took her hand leading her into the living room he sat in the chair there pulling her down onto his lap before saying,

"It's okay Hermione to be sad about it, don't keep it to yourself. It will eat at you until nothing will get through to you."

Tears burned her eyes, she couldn't believe he remembered. She almost forgot today, she always tried to keep herself so busy that she wouldn't remember then she always felt bad that she forgot.

"I always try to stay busy."

He didn't say anything, just rubbed his hand up and down her back as she told him how she dealt with the last miscarriage she had, it was the one she had the most pain with and had carried the longest. She explained to him in detail how much it hurt and how the healer told her the baby was a girl. He never knew that. When she sobbed he pulled her to him saying quietly,

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, I should have been. You shouldn't have been alone."

"I wasn't alone." She said.

"Good, see I knew your friends would be there for you."

"No, Ginny didn't give Harry the message until the next day and Neville wasn't at home to get the message until the next day."

"Then who are you talking about?"

"Who I would have thought to have been the most unlikely person."

She started crying again, when she calmed he asked.

"Who was that?"

"Draco, he came in not long after you left. I couldn't stop crying and he crawled into bed with me holding me. Later he told me how upset Astoria had been when she miscarried and he couldn't imagine how much more it would have been if it had been further along."

When Severus didn't say anything she asked,

"Should I have not told you?"

"No, it's just something Draco told me now makes sense."

"I see."

She started crying again, he wrapped his arms around her wondering how many times she cried like this alone over what was lost.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	33. Chapter 33

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

So it's Friday, well today is my birthday and as such all of you who have followed this little story of mine are getting the gifts. I'm posting the next ten chapters today for you all, I'm amazed at how much love this story has received and at times I'm speechless. I appreciate it so very much and love all of you, it makes me want to get this story finished so I can move on to the next Severus/Hermione story.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione woke the next morning in her bed, she didn't even remember climbing the stairs. She sat up looking across the hall to see Severus asleep on the bed in the guest room, he had left both doors open. She laid back down wondering how many more years would go by before she would finally come to terms with loosing that baby. The rest seemed to pass and not bother her this much anymore, it was just something that happen that she couldn't control. But that last one was harder to deal with, maybe it was because she was further along than before.<p>

Her mind traveled to Draco that night, he had done something so unexpected. He never said a word until later, when her tears seemed to calm from uncontrolled sobbing to plain crying. That was when he told her that Astoria told him how much pain it was to loose a baby, and that when it first happen she told him to just keep his mouth shut and hold her. She would always be eternally grateful to Draco for that, and Astoria too.

Now she wondered if Severus understood, she had been surprised that he remembered at all. Then when he pulled her into his lap comforting her as she cried over Megan, yes they told her the baby would have been a girl and her mind automatically named her. Now she wondered if that had been such a good idea.

She finally went to shower before going down to make coffee, she knew the ministry would be open in about an hour and Severus talked as if he wanted to be there early. She heard him a few minutes later, then on the stairs. She handed him his coffee when he came into the kitchen.

"How are you doing this morning?" he asked.

"Better, thank you. You will never know what you did means to me."

"It should have been a lot sooner." He said before sitting at the table.

"Better late than never." She said to him.

"Sometimes it's too late."

Hermione let the comment go, thinking that when he was ready he would tell her.

"Is that really the time?" he asked when he looked at the clock.

"Yes."

"I'll be back, unless you want to go then we could….." he stopped when she started shaking her head.

"Okay, I'll be back."

When three hours later he still wasn't back Hermione started to worry, she was almost ready to owl Harry when she heard Severus at the door.

"Damn bureaucrats, just a lot of pencil pushing dunderheads."

"I take it your experience wasn't the greatest."

"Not at all, if I had known that I would be filling out paperwork for the better part of two hours I would have waited until school started."

"It will never change." She said before going back to the bookcase she was cleaning.

"Do you ever stop with the cleaning?"

"Not really, but this only gets it twice a year."

"You need a…." Severus stopped talking when it dawned on him what he almost said.

"I do not need a house elf. Anyway it was good enough for me to do when we were married."

"What's that suppose to mean?" he snapped at her.

"That you never noticed how much I did in that house." She snapped back at him.

"Yes I did, I just didn't say anything."

"So that's suppose to make it all that much better?"

"Yes." He snapped again.

"Well I'm sorry that unlike you I cannot read minds. I have to be told things, or showed. Your good at that right? Showed me enough didn't you."

"Yes, I'm just a sadistic bastard. I don't even know why you want anything to do with me."

"At the moment I don't either."

"Good enough to get what you wanted though."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Nothing."

"No, I want to know what the hell you mean by that."

"Do you really? I was good enough to be here letting you sob all over me last night, now you just throw all my good will back at me."

"Excuse me? What does one have to do with the other?"

"If you're going to play stupid it's a good idea to not actually be smart."

"Oh why don't you go back to your little world where you can pine away for your lost love and jack off while thinking of her."

Hermione left the room, she had no idea what was said to cause everything to devolve so fast and frankly she didn't care either. She froze when he called after her,

"I'll just do that, at least it will be hotter than queen of ice you are."

She finally found her feet again running up the stairs to her room. She locked the door before sitting on the bed.

Severus stood there after he heard her run up the stairs slamming her door. What the hell just happen? He sat back down in the chair, his hand going to the rings around his neck. How did they go from the dunderheads at the ministry to her telling him to go masturbate and him calling her an ice queen.

Once he thought about it, did they really argue over cleaning house? He knew he was cutting with his remark about her cleaning his house, he noticed. He was just loathed to tell her when they were married.

He charmed the rag she had to clean the books putting them back before he let him mind wonder to what to do about this.

Hermione was surprised when she came down a couple of hours later to find Severus sitting in the chair where she had left him, while she was in her room thinking, she came to a conclusion that she didn't like but she didn't know what else to do.

"Severus, your still here."

"Yes, surprised?"

"Yes, I thought you would have left."

"You forgot to add, 'you always did.' Are you slipping?"

Hermione sat on the sofa before saying,

"No, I didn't even think that. But I have been thinking."

"Oh, what have you been thinking about?"

"This, us. I'm starting to think that there is too much pain that I carry from the past to move in to the future."

Severus never turned to look at her, he only said.

"If you think so."

"I do." She said quietly.

"Your are the only one that can answer that question I suppose. So that's it then?"

Hermione wanted to say no, her mind was yelling at him to fight for her but he just stared at the fireplace.

"I suppose so."

Severus stood throwing powder into the fireplace he stepped in as she watched, as soon as he started to disappear she yelled,

"Damn it, don't go. Fight." But it was too late he was already gone.

Severus came out in Spinner's End, he made it to his chair before he let out the breath he was holding. He had no idea how to erase the past, he heard her yell at him to not go and fight. He had no idea how, she wanted him to not give up. He was out of ideas on what to do, he found himself in her room. He laid across the bed, it was the closest he would ever be to her again. Tears came to his eyes as he now knew that what he had done had caused too much damage for anything to fix.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	34. Chapter 34

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

I'm not entirely happy with the this or the next two chapters, there is a reason for them that comes out in the end, but I've tweaked them to death and finally decided that they are just going to have to be parts that I'm not jumping up and down for joy over.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione made it through the day of work, though she didn't know how. When she came home there was a note on her door proclaiming that the gutters were cleaned by a company compliments of S. Snape.<p>

This only brought on another round of tears that had her laying on the sofa until she fell asleep dreaming of Severus being bitten by Nagini.

She had no idea how she made it though the next two days to hold up in her house for the next four crying when she wasn't angry that he didn't think she was good enough to fight for. On Monday she received an owl from the ministry saying that the hearing was scheduled for mid November, and that the veritaserum brew date was the second week in October at Hogwarts. She had no idea how she was going to get there, but she had to be present for the brewing.

She finally found it easier to move through her day, but nights were something else. When her mind chased itself around over how quick they went from trying to him leaving.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus moved through his day to get to his evenings to drink, any number of times he wanted to go to her house. But the last time he did that drunk it was not good. He was a terror to the children and staff equally making everyone take bets on what was going on with him.

Finally the brew date was the next day, he sent her an owl with a short message that she would be retrieved at eight the next morning to come to Hogwarts.

Hermione sat at the table when an owl pecked on the window, she opened it letting the bird in. She knew who the note was from, when she opened it giving the owl several bites of her lunch. She read the few words before going to lay on the sofa again. She just wished this was all over, so she could go back to life before all this started.

The next morning Draco was at her door at seven thirty to take her to Hogwarts,

"What happen Granger?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something happen between the two of you, I had thought things were going pretty well."

"Let's just say I'm not worth fighting for and leave it at that."

He didn't ask anything else and neither did she.

Finding her way to the dungeon was easy, the easiest part of the day. While they brewed the potion the atmosphere was tense to say the least. Severus only spoke to her when he gave her an order, which she followed. When they were finished he left the room sending Draco in who walked with her back out to take her back home.

The next week seemed the longest of her life, things kept running around in her mind keeping her from sleeping through the night.

When she returned to work on Tuesday she was happy to have anything to take her mind off of Severus, right after lunch she felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen, this time though it was too much and she felt herself black out as she fell to the floor.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Harry was walking down the hall of Hogwarts, he was guest lecturing in Defense Against the Dark Arts today and after what he heard from Draco yesterday he wanted to tear Severus a new one, though something told him it wasn't all the potions masters fault.

When he reached the potion master's office he knocked on the door before opening it without being invited.

"He just stepped in," Harry saw him over at his floo on a call. "It's for you Potter."

Harry walked over to the fire place saying,

"Yes?"

"Harry, you need to come home now."

"Ginny, what's wrong."

"Big D was here, something's wrong with Hermione." Harry turned when he heard glass breaking to see Severus pale more than he already was. "They took her to a hospital."

"Which one?"

"St. Vincent's?"

"I'll go straight there, I don't know…."

"It's okay, just…."

"I know Gin."

Harry turned to Severus saying,

"Come with me."

Severus was shaking his head backing up, his mind taking him to a time long ago when he was called to another hospital.

"I can't." Severus said.

"She needs you Severus, you can do this for her."

"She said….."

"Lying, remember. Come on, we need to go."

Harry produced his patrouns saying,

"Headmistress, meet us at the entrance."

He pulled Severus out of the office along with him until Severus seemed to be following, when they reached the entry doors Minerva was waiting for them. Harry explained what was going on before dragging Severus out the door with him to the gate.

When they finally reached the hospital Harry had to talk to no less than five people to find where Hermione was, when they finally found her they were stopped outside her door by a nurse saying,

"No visitors."

"I'm her brother, this is her husband and you are not going to stop us from seeing her."

When an older man came up as the nurse said,

"Doctor's orders."

"I'll take care of it, please check on Mrs. Daniels." To them he said, "Please tell me one of you is Harry and the other is Severus."

"Yes." They both answered.

"Thank God, she's been asking for both of you. Refuses to have anything done until she sees you, you have to keep in mind that she's heavily medicated."

Severus finally found his voice asking,

"What is wrong with her?"

"We are not exactly sure, our ultrasound machine seems to be on the blink. We need to do surgery to find out for sure, but she wouldn't consent until you both were here. I have some papers you need to sign Mr. Potter."

"Lead the way." Harry turned to Severus saying "Go to her."

Severus slowly opened the door sticking his head around it to see Hermione lying in a bed, her face was almost the same shade of white as the pillow she was lying on. His mind traveled back to that night a few weeks ago when she came back with fish and chips telling him small steps. She had turned that pale that night, now he wondered if he should have pushed her to tell him what was wrong.

He slowly stepped into the room closing the door behind him, he took a deep breath the last time he had been in a muggle hospital room was when his mother died. He walked up to the bed, finally reaching out he took her hand in his, he noticed that his hands were shaking. He watched as her eyes fluttered open, then look up at him. He could see that they were glassy, telling him that they did indeed have her medicated.

"Sev'res?"

"Yes," he leaned down brushing her hair back from her forehead with his other hand before laying his arm on the pillow above her head then kissing her forehead.

"You left." She said.

He laid his forehead on her before saying,

"Yes I did, I never will again. Anything you want, you want me to fight for you I will. You are worth it."

"All I did was love you, why that so wrong?"

"It wasn't, don't think that. I just don't know how to….."

"How what?"

"Hermione….."

"Please."

Severus sighed before saying,

"I don't know how to deal with loving you."

"Let it happen." She said before she closed her eyes again.

"I sat with you." She finally said.

"I know."

"I'd do it again."

"I know."

"Do you know why?"

"No."

"Because I love you."

Severus pulled his head back, looking into her eyes. Finally he framed her face with his hands before saying.

"If you remember none of this, remember what I'm saying right now." He took a deep breath before saying,

"I love you, you must come back to me."

He watched as her eyes closed again and a small smile played across her lips.

Someone cleared their throat by the door, Severus turned to see Harry standing there.

"Are you done? They really want to get her in surgery, I have a question for you though. I'm sure the ultra sound was because of uncontrolled magic from her, will it not mess with the machines in the….."

Harry stopped when Severus started shaking his head before saying,

"No because she will be in a drug induced sleep it will quiet her mind which controls most of the aspects of magic."

"Okay, well…." Harry said walking up to the bed while Severus stood up, "God, she's so pale."

Harry took her other hand, she looked over at him smiling before saying.

"Ron'll be mad he knows your holding my hand."

Harry shot a look at Severus who in turn shook his head,

"No he won't," Harry said. "He knows you're my sister."

"Not yet."

Severus had let go of her hand moving to the end of the bed before saying,

"I shall take care of it Miss. Granger, do not worry about Mr. Weasley. You should be resting."

"Yes, sir."

Harry squeezed her hand causing her to turn to him saying,

"You know I love you don't you Harry?"

"Yes, and I love you too. So how about letting them fix you up so you won't be hurting anymore?"

"Yes." She said as she differed off again.

They came shortly to take her to surgery, Severus followed them along with Harry. When they stopped Harry went up to the gurney first saying.

"I'll be here when you come out, love you."

"You better be." She said.

Harry moved further away as Severus came up to her he leaned over whispering into her ear,

"You have to fight, so you will be here for me to fight for you. You understand?"

"Yes."

Severus kissed her lips lightly before he pulled back seeing a small smile on her lips. He stepped back then let go of her hand as they took her through a door and down a hall, he watched until they disappeared around a corner.

"Let's go to the waiting room." Harry said at his side.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	35. Chapter 35

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Once they were seated in the waiting room Harry finally said,<p>

"The doctor said that they think all of her female organs are scared. Bellatrix did it with that curse didn't she?"

"Yes." Severus answered through clenched teeth. It angered him that he couldn't do anything about this. That it was someone he called friend at one time that did this to her all because she was muggle born.

"I hope I made the right choice."

Severus turned looking at him waiting for him to finish, when he didn't Severus finally asked.

"What choice?"

"I told them that if it really was that bad to remove them all, the doctor talked like it would just get worse."

"You made the correct choice."

"How do you know?"

"She must have been in pain the day after we caught the last of them, while we ate supper she paled. I should have forced her to tell me what really was wrong then."

"You do know this is Hermione, she is as stubborn as they come and she is not going to tell you anything unless she wants too."

Severus knew Harry was right, but it didn't stop him from beating himself up about it.

An hour passed, Severus had paced most of the time. He knew all of this was out of his hands, he couldn't do a thing about it. He had to trust someone he didn't know to take care of the most important thing in the world to him, the most precious. The one thing he would give up everything for, and never miss any of it. When it came down to it he'd even give up his magic for her. His mind travelled again to her cut open lying on a table when his thoughts were interrupted,

"Don't think about what they are doing, it will only drive you crazy." Harry said.

Severus sat down before saying,

"I hate hospitals, in my experience they only bring death."

"Not always, there is also healing, and don't forget life. Have you been listening to the announcements?"

"No."

"They announce every time a baby is born, hear that?" Harry asked as music came across the speaker again.

"Yes."

"It's played five times since we've been sitting here, so hospitals don't always only bring death."

They sat in silence for almost another hour before they were called to a room off of the waiting room, as they waited for the doctor Severus clenched his fist to stop his hands from shaking.

The doctor finally entered saying,

"Well, she did amazingly well. We did end up performing a total hysterectomy, there was no other choice there was just too much damage. But she's fine, in recovery. Well I hesitate to say all is well, when we woke her she was screaming about snakes."

Severus looked away, knowing she more than likely had that damn nightmare about him. Harry said,

"She has a huge fear of snakes, always has."

"Well that sounds reasonable, I would like one of you to sit with her while she's in recovery though. It's disconcerting when she starts screaming about them attacking."

"You go Severus, I'll go let everyone know she will be okay."

"She may….."

"No, I know for a fact that she would rather see your ugly mug than mine."

"Insolence."

"Yeap, you go. I'm sure I'll see her soon enough."

Harry left when the doctor left taking Severus to Hermione. He walked down the hall toward the exit pulling out his cell phone to call Big D first before he got to Hermione's house to use the floo. When he looked up from dialing he saw Draco and Astoria coming toward him he held up a finger to hold off questions until he was done.

"Deb?"

"They said Hermione will be fine."

"No, it had something to do with scar tissue."

"Yes."

"I'm sure that won't be a problem."

"Sure, talk to you later."

Harry closed the phone saying,

"Draco, Astoria."

"We heard what happen, how is Granger?"

"They said fine, but it really is going to upset her."

"What did they do to her?" Astoria asked.

"The doctor called it a hysterectomy."

"Oh no." the woman said as Draco had a questioning look to which she said, "you really didn't pay attention in muggle studies, they just took everything from her that gave her ability to have children."

"Oh no, she's not alone is she?" Draco asked thinking about how badly she took the miscarriage she had.

"No Severus is with her, the doctor said she kept waking up screaming about snakes."

"Where are you going?" Astoria asked Harry.

"I was headed to Hermione's to floo Ginny, Minerva, and Luna. The doctor said it would about two hours before they moved her to a room, your more than welcome to come with me or if you really want to go up and wait you can."

"Let's go." Draco said to Harry as they all left to Hermione's house.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus was led to a small room that Hermione was in, she looked to be sleeping at the moment.

"Go on, the nurse will be in periodically to check on her."

Severus slowly walked up to the bed, he took her hand again. He stood there for what felt like hours watching her sleep. He knew it wasn't that long, but he wanted her awake to hear him, the nurse came in checking the machines then left again without a word.

When she squeezed his hand he leaned over the bed whispering to her,

"Hermione wake up, it's just a dream."

He watched as she eyes popped open and she looked around before saying,

"The snake… you….."

"Shh, I am fine. Remember you saved me, you gave me a chance that I didn't deserve."

She reached up laying her hand on the side of his face before saying,

"Dream?"

"No, this is all very real."

She moved her hand tucking his hair behind his ear. She smiled at him before saying,

"You are alive."

"Very much so."

"Nagini?"

"That was all a long time ago, she won't hurt anyone remember? Neville killed her."

"Yes, when she tried to come after Ron and I."

"From what I understand."

"Don't leave me anymore."

"No, never."

She laid her hand back down closing her eyes again as the nurse came back in checking the machines then asking,

"Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?"

"Coffee would be nice, thank you."

"Sure, I'll be right back."

Severus thanked the nurse again when she brought him the coffee, he never let go of Hermione's hand as he sat by her bed in the recovery room. When she would squeeze his hand he would wake her and they would basically have the same conversation they had the first time ending with him telling her he wouldn't leave her anymore.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione started to wake up, she felt strange. Like she was waking after a night of sleeping too long without interruption. She went to move her hand to her eyes to rub then when she noticed she couldn't, she looked down to see a head of long black hair laying on top of her hand.

She paid no attention to the room around her, her only thought was what Severus was doing like that and not in bed with her. She went to reach across herself to move his hair out of his face and that was when her memory returned, she passed out at work. After that it was mostly flashes of images crossing her mind.

She finally reached across herself, ignoring the pain in her stomach, she brushed his hair back from his face. Then she ran her fingers through his hair, keeping it back out of his face.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Okay so the part about the music playing when a baby is born came from real life, a hospital my mom was in for a time would do this every time a baby was born. I thought it was sweet and added it, I have no idea if they do this everywhere or not.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	36. Chapter 36

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus woke slowly as fingers were being dragged through his hair, he had no idea that such an action could bring such a feeling a calm over him. Then it dawned on him where he was and that it had to be Hermione.<p>

He opened his eyes to see her smiling down at him, finally she asked.

"What are you doing here?"

He straightened before saying,

"To be with you."

"Why? I thought after…. I thought…"

He stood up leaning over her still holding her hand he laid his other arm above her head while brushing her hair back with his fingers.

"Hermione to me you will always be worth fighting for, what I want us to have is worth fighting for. I don't want you to shut me out and I will try my hardest not to shut you out either. I know we still have a ways to go, I'm not going to pretend it will be easy but the end will be worth it."

She reached up laying her hand on his cheek before saying,

"Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

He smiled at her before saying,

"If it is I don't ever want to wake." He kissed her forehead before someone clearing their throat made him jerk upright to see a smiling doctor standing in the doorway.

"I just wanted to check on my patient then I'll be out of your way." The man whispered, that was when Severus noticed that Potter was asleep in the chair on the other side of the bed and Draco and Astoria were asleep together in another chair.

He had moved to allow the doctor access, he heard them mumbling but couldn't make out what was being said. Finally the doctor said,

"Well I would think that you'll be able to go home in a few days, maybe Friday or Saturday depending on how you do."

"Thanks." Hermione said before he left, then she got a good look around the room before saying,

"I have no idea where to start, the flowers or wake them."

Severus sat back down saying,

"You might get Draco and Astoria to leave but you'll never get Potter to move."

"I know, he can be quiet the mother hen at times."

Severus chuckled before saying,

"Let them sleep, they'll be up soon enough."

"So then where did all the flowers come from?"

Severus pointed one vase out saying,

"Someone Potter kept calling Big D."

"His cousin Duddley."

"Petunia's son?"

"Yeah, want to hear how karma can bite you in the ass?"

His heart leapt at the smile that crossed her face, for some reason he knew he was going to like this.

"Sure."

"D met, fell in love with, and married a witch. Debbie, never misses an opportunity to tell Petunia how Harry saved the wizarding world, how her grandkids are all going to be going to the school her sister did, and how that 'awful boy' was a major contributor to bringing down Voldemort."

"I am sure Petunia had much worse names for me."

"It was the only one Harry and D ever heard her say, Harry had assumed she meant James but after he…. The memories he was pretty sure she was talking about you."

"More than likely."

"And those?" she asked pointing to some sitting by the window.

"Who do you think?" he asked knowing that if she thought about it she would figure it out.

Hermione stared at the flowers, suddenly it came to her.

"Neville."

"Yes, and those over there are from Mrs. Potter."

"Ginny?"

"Do you know another?"

"Sadly no, but she….."

"Don't worry about it right now."

"I'm not going to, it won't matter anyway too much time has went by."

He took her hand again before saying, "Yes there has been."

Hermione got the impression that he was speaking about more than the dead friendship between her and Ginny.

Severus stood again he wanted to know but was scared to ask,

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.

He came back to the bed taking her hand in his again, leaning over as before so he could see her properly before asking,

"How long have you been in pain?"

"I don't really know, I kept ignoring it. Three or four months I would guess."

"And bleeding?"

"About the same."

His heart lurched, he had to count to ten before he even opened his mouth or he was going to be very cutting. She could have died from this, the thought scared him more than he wanted to admit.

"Severus?"

"Hang on." Then he said under his breath "Eight… Nine."

Hermione watched him, he was counting which meant that he was upset with her and trying to keep from yelling at her.

"Do you realize you could have bled to death?" he finally asked calmly.

"No, I mean it never crossed my mind."

"Please don't keep things like that to yourself, if you can't tell me then tell someone. I don't want to lose you."

The next thing Hermione knew she was opening her eyes again light pouring into the window, Draco and Astoria were the only ones in the room with her.

"I sent them to eat." Draco said.

"And they listened?" Hermione asked.

"As long as we almost swore a wizard oath not to leave you alone." Astoria said. "How are you feeling."

"Sore, but not like it was."

"What about what they had to do?" Astoria asked.

"Really I am fine with it, I already knew children were never going to be part of my future. It really doesn't bother me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am, now don't worry about me."

"Like that is going to happen." Draco said.

"Anyway, that means I can spoil everyone else's kids rotten and hype them up on candy and send them home."

"Don't even think about it." Draco said.

"Oh and I know a few of the jinx that Fred and George….."

"Granger." Draco said slowly making Hermione giggle then hold her stomach saying,

"Ouch. You really can be too easy sometimes Malfoy."

Astoria stood saying,

"I need to take a walk, I'll be back."

Once she was gone Draco seriously asked,

"Are you sure your okay with this?"

Hermione took his hand saying,

"Yes I am, I've time to come to terms with never having children. But thank you for asking."

"Anytime, and you know you can't spoil him any more than I do."

"I wouldn't bet on that."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

By the time Friday came Hermione begged to go home, she was so board doing nothing. The doctor finally relented as long as someone stayed with her for the next few weeks.

Severus had taken it upon himself to take that job, with Astoria coming over during the day along with Luna when the other couldn't make it.

By the next Friday Hermione said to Severus,

"I will be fine alone while you're gone you know."

"The doctor said…."

"I know what the doctor said, but having someone here all the time is getting on my nerves."

"Do you want me to…."

"I didn't say that, but I went from a mostly solitary life to having someone here twenty four seven. Plus you look tired trying to be there and here, you should just come on the weekends."

"Hermione what if something happens?"

"I have lived alone for five years, I think I can handle it."

"Hermione, please don't fight me on this." He said in a voice that told Hermione he was to the point of begging her to do what he wanted.

"Then stop walking on eggshells around me, you always side step subjects that might cause words between us. The doctor never said anything about not talking about things that need to be talked about."

"Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, it's just to know that I can bring something up and you won't avoid it."

"Okay I'll stop doing that."

"Good."

Severus couldn't concentrate on his essays he was grading after that, there was something that he needed to bring up with Hermione before this went any further but he would be damned if he could think of a way to do it. He would have to bring up the memory she left at his house, then he wanted her to see his though he knew this wasn't the best idea but he needed to really have a clean slate with her.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	37. Chapter 37

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione was enjoying a few hours alone before Severus would come back, she really needed him to stay at the school. It bothered her that he was going back and forth for her and wearing himself out in the process. Maybe if he could see that she would be fine on her own he wouldn't want to hover so much. She had always thought Harry was bad as they got older, it was nothing compared to Severus.<p>

She heard him coming through the floo as she finished with supper, yes she finally decided to cook. She just hoped that even if he didn't like it he would keep his mouth shut. He came in the kitchen then said,

"Should you be doing that?"

"I am fine, and yes I don't think the doctor would like it if I starved."

"I could….." he clamped his mouth shut when she shot him a look changing the subject.

"Minerva asked about you today."

"Did you tell her that I'm fine, even if you don't think so." She shot at him.

"No, I told her you were doing good. I'm suppose to ask this of you," Severus had no idea how good this would go over but Minerva wanted her to visit the school. "Minerva would like for you to visit, then as we were talking we had an idea."

"What is that?" Hermione asked setting the plates on the table.

"Why don't you come and stay at Hogwarts while you recuperate. You were worried about me traveling back and forth between here and there. I'm sure I could find a few elves that wouldn't mind helping you while I was teaching and then I wouldn't worry so much about you being alone if I know you can just call one of them."

Hermione thought it over as she set the table then sat down in the chair before saying,

"Is that such a good idea?"

"Why not? It would put my mind at ease and let you have the chance to be alone."

Hermione thought about it, it was true. He would have more to occupy his time if he stayed at the school, and she really didn't have a reason for not visiting right now. She still had five weeks off work, she looked at Severus finally saying.

"Okay."

"Now I….. You agreed?" he was a little shocked he had expected a fight.

"Yes, what did you think I'd fight you all the way to the front gate?"

"Well, yes I did."

"No, I can see how it would be better than seeing how tired this back and forth is making you and then I could have my solitude also. So yes, I'll come and stay at Hogwarts for the next five weeks at least. You do know I will have to go back to work when I'm released."

Severus nodded, he had hoped by then he could convince her to stay with him. He still had that one thing he needed to talk to her about, maybe once she was at the school.

By the time they had her packed, at the school and to his rooms Hermione had to admit she was wore out. The walk was a bit much to do so soon, Severus asked.

"Are you okay, you look a little pale."

"It was just the walk, I think I want to go lie down."

He led her to one door saying,

"Your room, the bath room is through there and there is also an entry from your room, mine is on the other side." He looked down at her tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before saying,

"If you need anything don't hesitate."

"Thank you."

He leaned down kissing her forehead leading her to ask,

"In the hospital, you saw me before they took me to surgery right?"

"Yes."

"You kissed me right?"

"Yes."

"So why haven't you since then?"

Severus really didn't know other than the little thing in the back of his mind having to do with her forgotten memory was holding him back. He leaned down kissing her on the lips before pulling back asking,

"Better?"

"I suppose, I just wanted to make sure I didn't dream everything up."

"No you didn't, now go get some rest."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

By her third week there, Severus could tell she was doing better. The hearing was next week, there was something he wanted out of the way before then. When she came back from visiting with Minerva he said to her.

"Hermione we need to talk about something."

"Okay." She said as she sat down on the sofa in the sitting room.

He pulled out a small bottle that contained the memory of the journal asking,

"You know what this is?"

"A memory."

"Yes, it's yours."

"Okay, have you seen it?"

"This one? No I have not but I do know what it is of."

"What is it then?" Hermione didn't like where this was going, she felt a strong sense of foreboding settle over her.

"This particular one is of a journal you kept while we were married."

"Have you seen this journal?"

"Yes, that is how I found out about the memory."

"So you read it also?"

"Yes, but you also left me a note in it."

"Okay."

"This," he said pulling out another small bottle "is another memory you left at my house."

"Have you seen it?"

"Yes, this one I have."

"Will I want to see it, remember what it contains?"

"I don't know, if I go by that you left it with me then no I would say that you never want to remember this."

"Then why even bring this up?"

"Because Hermione, I can't move forward until you decide on what to do about these."

"You think I should see them to make a choice about us."

"I do, I think that this will be the deciding factor for you. No matter how much I want you in my life, I can't knowing that you don't know this. But if you choose to view them or at least this one, I have one you need to see first."

"What is in the journal?"

"Mostly how I treated you, some of your hopes and dreams. But most of it was how badly I betrayed you and hurt you."

"Well I already know that."

"Yes, you only removed the memory of writing them down."

"What's the other memory?"

"Something terrible I did to you in my anger at being forced into a bonding with you, I am in no way proud of what I did and I did regret it as soon as I did it."

She had watched him as he talked, she didn't know if she wanted to see the memory or not. She liked how things were now, it was almost like he expected this memory to change her mind totally.

"You think I should view it." It was a statement more than a question.

"Yes I do, Hermione I'm trying to do the right thing though I might lose you. Going back on what I promised you a few weeks ago."

"Are you saying that we won't move forward until I see this?"

"I can't take us to where I want to be knowing that this is out there."

"Very well, show me."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	38. Chapter 38

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

So by now I'm pretty sure you know what memory he's going to show her and which one of hers.

Warning: Mention of self harm in this chapter.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus summoned the pensive from the other room, Hermione watched as he pulled a memory from his head dropping it into the bowl. She stood going over to the table, she leaned forward lowering her head into it and was transported to a bar.<p>

~~^~~Pensive Memory~~^~~

_"So you'll do it?" Severus asked the blonde sitting next to him._

_"For that kind of money I'll do anything you want honey."_

_Severus stood motioning the woman to follow him._

_The scene changed to outside his house as he opened the door saying,_

_"From now on you need to act the part."_

_"Anything you say sugar."_

_She watched as the woman stopped on the steps and giggled then followed him the rest of the way up._

_Hermione watched as Severus looked to her closed door, a look of deep sadness passed across his face before he schooled it back to his normal features._

_Once the door was closed the woman started to strip her clothes off, Severus walked up to her stopping her hissing,_

_"No, just what I asked for."_

_The woman looked disappointed but jumped on the bed._

_The next few minutes what happen shocked Hermione. They made a whole lot of sex noises and such then it sounded like climaxes._

_Hermione watched as Severus threw money at the woman leading her back down stairs and out of the house. He came back up the stairs going back to his room standing by the wall that separated their rooms._

_She moved so she could see him, her stomach tied itself in knots when she realized he was crying._

_The memory suddenly changed to her room._

_Hermione sat on the bed, a book open in front of her. She took furious notes as she read. She jumped when she heard the front door open then closed. She closed the book, a look of expectation of her face as she heard his feet on the steps. _

_Her face fell as she heard a distinctly female voice say,_

_"So talk, dark, and handsome are you going to have your wicked way with me?"_

_"Something like that." Severus answered._

_Hermione looked scared, Hermione had to step closer to hear herself whisper._

_"Please, I don't want to…." She saw tears fall from her eyes. _

_Hermione heard his bedroom door open then shut, the voices seemed louder now. _

_Hermione laid down on the bed covering her head with her pillow. _

_Words came floating into the room, there was no mistake as to what was going on. _

_Hermione threw the pillow across the room, she stood pacing at first. Then she stopped at the wall that separated their rooms, she leaned against it sliding to the floor. She drew her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around them. _

_"Why?" she asked quietly "Why make me listen to you?"_

_Of course the only answer she received was the sounds of sex coming from the next room._

_She watched herself bang her head into the wall behind her _

_"Why can't you say that to me?"_

_"You could love me like that." _

_The sounds from the next room became more urgent._

_"Why am I not good enough? What have I done wrong?"_

_Her head hit the wall again,_

_"Why can't I hear those words from you, any words. I've done everything you've wanted, I whore myself to you and you still want to flaunt that I'm not good enough. Maybe death would be…."_

_She never finished the sentence when yelling from the next room told of shared climaxes. _

_Hermione walked back over to the wall, she fell to her knees yelling at the wall. _

_"I love you, that's all I ever did. Why do you think that is so wrong?"_

_She was sobbing as she hit the wall with her open hand. _

_"What did I ever do that was so wrong that you treat me like….. like….." her tears and sobs started again and she wasn't able to speak._

_She finally took the wand without a word cutting herself, she closed her eyes just breathing deeply then closed the wound. _

_She hissed and look at the ring on her finger, the anger flashed across her face then pain. _

_She watched as Severus came into the room, drank that damn potion then rutted around on top of her._

~~^~~End Pensive Memory~~^~~

Hermione pulled out of the memory, the memory she now remembered fully. She gripped the edge of the table to keep herself upright, breathing in gasp. It took her a little while to get the memory to settle back into her mind, finally she turned.

Severus was standing looking into the fireplace, she stared at him for the longest time without saying a word. Finally she found a few but none of them could convey how she felt at this moment.

"You son of a bitch."

Severus said nothing, didn't move. She didn't know what pissed her off more at the moment, the memory of him doing that to her although it was in a new light or the fact that he just stood there.

She turned around completely before saying,

"What? You have nothing to say? Too fucking bad you couldn't have kept your damn mouth closed while we were married."

Severus watched her out of the corner of his eyes, as he saw her pale then raise the sleeve of her shirt looking down at her arm.

"I thought Bellatrix did them all." She said quietly then louder she said, "Well how do you feel now? Knowing that you had that much power over me?"

She started to walk toward her room then changed her mind she walked up to Severus then did something that she never thought she'd do, she drew back her fist and punched him. When he looked up at her she saw the small trail of blood from his lip, for a moment she felt bad then it was gone when she remembered every time she bleed because of him.

She raised her sleeve showing him her right arm saying, "This is the only thing on my arm that Bellatrix left me with, all the rest are compliments of you."

She turned running from the room, then the dungeon. She had no idea where she was going to go, she didn't even have her wand but there was no way she was staying anywhere near him.

Severus watched her leave as her words finally sunk in, he turned to follow her though he knew that she wouldn't appreciate it but he couldn't let her run around the castle like that. He would take her wherever she wanted to go.

He looked everywhere he thought she would be, the last place was the one he never went to anymore and most of the students knew that, the astrometry tower. He started up the steps, he had not been here since the night he killed the headmaster. He didn't need the pain that accompanied the place, but if she was there he would follow.

Hermione was standing on the wall looking over the grounds, this really was a beautiful place. She heard footsteps, she wondered briefly if it was Filch coming to catch a student out of bed.

Severus stopped on the top step his heart fell to his feet when he saw her standing on the ledge, the wind whipping her hair around her face.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	39. Chapter 39

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Warning: There is mentions of self harm and abuse

On another note I have to say this is by far my favorite chapter in this story.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>"You want to know what's really sad and I hate myself for being so weak for?"<p>

"No." he said to her.

"After everything, all the degrading outfits, the names, the silence, the ignoring, the times you left on days that should have been important to us, all the times you couldn't bring yourself to look at me, all the times you had to take a potion to have sex with me. Even after all that, I still love you. How pathetic is that?"

"I lied." He said to her making her turn to look at him.

"Well I lied too, to myself. To you, to everyone. Tell me yours and I will tell you mine."

"I never took a potion to obtain an erection to have sex with you, never. It was just another way to hurt you if you thought that I had too. It was only ever a mild form or pepper up potion."

"I lied about these scars, only a couple are yours the rest was the other time I was weak."

"Hermione, come down I have something I want to show you."

"No, I like it here."

"When was the other time you were weak?" he asked.

"Between my fourth and sixth years, his name was Connor. Believe it or not, he treated me worse than you did."

"What did he do to you Hermione?"

"Told me everything a girl wants to hear, then drugged me to have sex with him. After that I might as well of been nothing."

"What do you know of my father?"

"Nothing, I never saw the memories."

"There was nothing of him there. You've heard of death by a thousand cuts?"

"Yes."

"That's how he killed my mother, he did so as surely as if he pulled a gun and shot her. He was abusive, physically and mentally. I swore I would never lay a hand on a woman, I never have. But there are times that I think maybe I should have, you surly would have healed quicker than the abuse I dealt out to you."

Hermione looked at him, he never lowered his head. He held her gaze, she jumped down from the ledge taking a step toward him. She watched as he swallowed, then saw the tears fall from his eyes.

"Don't say that Severus."

"No, I was just as bad as he was. The only legacy he left me was his nature, I know how to hit without there being any evidence. I know how to kill someone with words, a little at a time, just like him."

Hermione took a few steps closer but said nothing.

"He use to… to beat on mum out of fear, all because he feared us. Then it was her and I he beat on, I was so damn weak I couldn't wait to get to school. Of course that didn't stop him from beating on her, then me during the summer."

He removed his robe, then his frock coat before unbuttoning his sleeves as he talked,

"I couldn't take it, the night he threw me down the stairs I was….." he looked up at her before saying, "Hermione I understand what it is to think your weak, I know that at least it's a pain you can have some kind of control over."

He rolled up his sleeves as he talked then held out his arm to her, she looked at him then at his arm. The dark mark was long gone, but then she saw the scars running up and down his forearm. When she gasped he said,

"I'm so sorry I did that to you, you'll never know." He went to his knees in front of her, tears falling freely. "You'll never know how much I detest myself for making you feel that way. I could see nothing for the anger I was carrying with me over what at the time I thought you had done. I was so wrong, so very wrong to treat you that way. I spent four years after you left looking for a way to get you back to me, I've spent the last four months trying to make amends for what I did to you. Now I know I don't deserve it, none of it. I don't deserve your love, I will never be able to make up for hurting you like that. Knowing all of that still doesn't keep me from wanting it with every piece of my broken soul, it doesn't keep me from wanting to beg you to forgive me for everything I ever did wrong to you. It doesn't stop me from hoping that you'll someday be able to forgive me for it all, that you'll give me your heart as you have mine and are able to trust me not to shatter you again."

Hermione had tears streaming down her face, it was the most honest he had ever been with her. She dropped to her knees in front of him saying,

"Oh Severus….." she took a big gulp of air trying to calm her tears so she could talk. "I have one question, why did you cry that night?"

He didn't have to ask what night, he knew it was the memory he showed her. He took a big breath of air before saying,

"Please don't ask me that, I didn't show you the whole memory. I left part out because you…. I didn't want…. I was ashamed of what I had done to you, and what I did after."

"What did you do?"

"Please, don't make me tell you."

"Show me."

He held out his right arm to her, it took her a minute to realize what he meant.

"You see Hermione, I'm just as weak if not more than you are."

The next thing he knew she flung herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck sobbing, trying to tell him something. He wrapped his arms around her, knowing that this wouldn't last but wishing with all that he was that it would. Finally he picked up what she was trying to say and pulled back saying,

"What?"

"I don't want this memory if it's going to cost me you, it's not worth it. We were doing fine until this memory, I want that back. I want to heal from all the hurt, I use to think that you needed perfect to fix you, now I only need you to fix me. I'm not saying that it will easy, or that it won't take time. But I want to try."

Hermione didn't care if it made her weak, was it so wrong to love him and want his love in return? It was her choice to make, she was at a crossroads and this time she wanted him to know that she was here because she wanted to be with him.

"I only have one request of you."

"Anything." He said with more hope than he felt in a long while.

"I want you to remove your memory of it also, all of it."

"Hermione…."

"No, those are my terms. I don't want either of us to remember it, it was a mistake you made. I honestly don't know if I could ever get past it and I would rather forget it than have it and not have you at all. I just want to give us a fighting chance, and I don't want you carrying that memory around with you either."

Severus looked at her, she wanted him. His heart sang. All he had to do was remove one memory of something he had done wrong, so very wrong. She had been right, they were doing pretty well until tonight.

"Okay, I'll agree."

"Kiss me Severus, like you mean it."

"Hermione…."

"It's just a kiss."

He framed her face in his hands before capturing her lips with his, when her tongue darted out touching his lips he deepened the kiss. Their tongues slid against each other, then he explored her mouth etching into his memory this moment, the feel of her mouth against his. The feel of his fingers moving though her hair, her hands moving down his chest to rest on his waist. A fleeting thought of how he was almost fifty and had never had the delight of something this intimate.

Finally she ended the kiss, placing small kisses at the corners of his mouth before pulling back.

"See just a kiss. Now let's go and get rid of these memories."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	40. Chapter 40

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

I'm not overjoyed by these chapters on the hearing either, but they've been tweaked to death so I'm just going to have to not be jumping for joy about them.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>They had come back to his rooms, when she said get rid of the memories she meant it. She wanted them totally destroyed. She had him tear out the pages out of her journal and burn them, then when he went to put his memory in a small bottle she stopped him saying,<p>

"No, destroy it. I want no chance of either of us remembering this." He did as she said, then she took his wand removing her own and destroying it also.

That was four nights ago, now it was the day of the hearing.

"How is this?" she asked ask she came out of her room in only what could be described as a business dress, he pointed to a dress robe hanging on the bathroom door saying,

"Minerva dropped it off for you."

"It will have to be resized."

"Put it on and I'll take care of it."

As they walked toward the front gates Severus said,

"You know this is going to drag up some really bad memories."

"Yes, and I am sure afterwards we are going to have to remind one another that it wasn't true. That we have worked out most of our problems."

They walked to the hearing room hand in hand, when Hermione caught Draco and Harry look at one another she whispered,

"I knew it, I'm going to kill him… both of them."

"What?" Severus asked.

"We were set up."

Severus looked at Potter then Draco, he could read Draco and there was defiantly something.

"The restaurant?"

"Yes." She hissed at him

When they reached the others waiting she said to Harry and Draco,

"I will deal with both of you later." Then she smiled when she saw Harry pale a little.

"It was his idea." Draco said.

"Oh don't worry Draco, I will deal with you too. Remember third year."

She smiled at both of them as they walked into the hearing room.

The hearing seemed to drag on for hours, Kaseload seemed to have questions for everyone. Most were misleading, but everyone answered truthfully. Finally it was their turn, Hermione was first. She took the veritaserum then took her place in the middle of the room.

"Please state your name."

"Muggle or Wizarding?"

"Wizarding dear." The older lady beside the head questioner asked.

"Hermione Jean Granger."

"Please tell us when you first met Mr. Kaseload."

"About a month after the battle of Hogwarts."

"Where was it you met him?"

"At St. Mungo's"

"What was he doing there, to your knowledge." The man added when Kaseload started to object.

"He was there to meet with the defendant he was assigned by the office of defenders."

"Who was that dear?"

"Severus Snape."

"How did you come about to meet him?"

"I was visiting Professor Snape at the same time."

Severus listened intently, he had not asked her about this and he was very interested.

"Was he not in a coma for six months?"

"I believe so." Hermione answered.

"Then why visit someone who would not be able to visit with you?"

"I am muggle born, it's believed that coma patients are still able to hear and feel in that state. No one else seemed to care that he was alone so I would go and visit with him."

"You mean in the muggle world?"

"Yes."

"When did Mr. Kaseload approach you about bonding yourself to Severus Snape?"

"About seven months after I met him, no it was eight months."

"Did you ask to visit with Professor Snape before you filed the papers?"

"Yes."

"And what were you told?"

"That he refused my visit."

"Did this sound reasonable to you?"

"Yes, for the most part."

"What happen when you were refused a visit?"

"I informed Mr. Kaseload that I would not file the papers unless Severus agreed."

"When were you informed that the papers could be filed?"

"About three days later."

"Did you find this request strange?"

"That Severus agreed so quickly, yes. But Mr. Kaseload assured me that it was fine to file them."

"Did you request a visit at this time?"

"Yes."

"What were you told?"

"That it was denied by Severus."

"When did you discover Mr. Kaseloads alleged deceit?"

"About five months ago when Severus told me that he had discovered the stories didn't match up."

"What do you believe would have happen if not for Mr. Kaseloads alleged deceit?"

"I would have visited with Severus trying to convince him that this course of action was a good option."

"How was your marriage with Professor Snape?"

Hermione didn't want to answer the question, but knew she would have to anwer.

"It was not the best time of my life."

"Where there any ramifications due to Mr. Kaseloads alleged deceit?"

"Yes."

"Please elobrate."

"I bore the brunt of Professor Snape's anger over being what he believed to be herded into marriage with me."

"Very well, we have no other questions. Mr. Kaseload?"

"Miss Granger, when we met did I not ask you what you would do to ensure that Mr. Snape would not spend time in Azakban."

"Yes you did."

"What was your answer?"

"Anything."

"So by your own admission you would lie or cheat to gain Mr. Snape's freedom."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am sure."

She watched as Mr. Kaseload sighed looking as if she had just told him a lie, then the thought came across her mind. He's an actor, he knew he lied and was trying to find any way to shift the blame even giving these grand gestures in the hearing.

"Head questioner, I believe she is overcoming the effects of the serum."

"That is not possible, please continue." A woman in the back said.

"Then I have nothing else as she is lying and you are letting her get away with it."

It was Draco who asked the questions for their side,

"Miss. Granger, did you believe that Severus had agreed to the bonding when you filed the papers?"

"Yes."

"What led you to believe this?"

"Mr. Kaseload told me."

"Did you have any reason to believe he was being less than honest with you?"

"No."

"That is all." Draco said taking his seat.

"You may return to the gallery Miss. Granger."

Hermione walked back over to her seat next to Severus who took her hand squeezing it before his name was called.

He took the serum then took the middle seat.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	41. Chapter 41

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>"Please state your name."<p>

"Severus Tobis Snape."

"Please tell us when you first met Mr. Kaseload."

"The day I woke up in St. Mungo's."

"What was he doing there, to your knowledge." The man added again when Kaseload started to object.

"He told me that he was assigned by the office of defenders to defend the charges against me."

"When did Mr. Kaseload approach you about bonding yourself to Hermione Granger?"

"About three weeks after I met him."

"Did you ask to visit with Miss. Granger before the papers were filed.

"Yes."

"And what were you told?"

"That it was already done, that as a prisoner I had no say in the matter."

"Did this sound reasonable to you?"

"Yes."

"When did you discover Mr. Kaseloads alleged deceit?"

"About six months ago in a conversation that I was having with my Godson Draco Malfoy."

"What do you believe would have happen if not for Mr. Kaseloads alleged deceit?"

"I would have visited with Hermione trying to convince her that this course of action was a bad option."

"How was your marriage with Miss. Granger?"

"Rocky at best. I did not show my best side."

"Where there any ramifications due to Mr. Kaseloads alleged deceit?"

"Yes."

"Please elobrate."

"I displayed my anger at Miss. Granger for I believed was her deceit in bonding with me."

"Very well, we have no other questions. Mr. Kaseload?"

The man waved the option away as he furiously wrote on a piece of paper.

"Very well, let it show that Mr. Kaseload has no questions. Mr. Malfoy?"

"I have no questions."

"Very well, we shall move on then. Mr. Kaseload."

"I move to have these charges dropped as…."

"I think not Mr. Kaseload, please come forward."

Once Kaseload had taken the middle seat, Severus reached over taking Hermione's hand in his intertwining their fingers together. Hermione smiled at him a second before the opening question drew her attention.

"Please state your name."

"Conner Redding."

Severus felt Hermione stiffen beside him looking over she paled almost before his eyes. His mind started flying through conversations they had had trying to find this man's name. Then he remember on the tower the other night and squeezed her hand in his.

"Why have you been going by Mr. Kaseload?"

"To get back at that bitch."

"Of who do you speak?"

"Hermione Granger."

"But you look nothing like him." Hermione blurted out.

"It's called a glamour, ever heard of it sweetheart?"

Hermione started shaking, Severus was trying to get one of the boards attention to get her out of there.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"Why not, you forgot you were my toy. What better way to teach you than let someone else have a go at you, I'm sure the dear hated potions master could teach you what a whore you are."

Hermione let go of Severus's hand jumping up running out of the room, Severus followed her to see her turn at the end of the hall.

When he turned the corner he saw her leaning against the wall, he laid his hand on her shoulder and she jumped looking up at him fear plain in her eyes.

"Please tell me I have not just played again."

Severus looked around seeing a door he opened it to find the room empty, he led her inside before saying,

"No, never."

"But how do…."

Severus cut her off saying,

"The serum, it will last for hours. Ask me anything you want to know, I can't lie to you."

"No, it shouldn't…."

"Don't think about the right and wrong of it, just ask what you want to know."

"Are you playing a game with my feelings."

"No."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Would you ever want to be bonded to me again?"

"I honestly don't know."

"What would you give up for me?"

"Everything, even magic."

Tears sprang to her eyes, he couldn't have told her anything more telling than that. Then she thought of another question.

"Did you have any lovers before me?"

"No."

"Did you have sex before me?"

"No."

"Make love?" Hermione knew it depended on how you viewed something if the question was answered truthfully.

"No Hermione, you were the first person I was ever with and I wish I had taken the time to enjoy it rather than how I did it. You are also the only woman I want in my bed."

The next thing he knew Hermione was in his arms kissing him, finally he pulled back saying,

"My turn."

She stepped back nodding at him.

"I know I wasn't your first, what he?"

"Yes."

"Did you want him to be?"

"No."

"Did he force you?"

"In a fashion."

"Explain that."

"There is a muggle drug called a date rape drug, he slipped it into my drink then did it taping the whole thing. Told me that if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me and he would show everyone the whore I was."

Severus filed this information for later then asked,

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Will you ever forgive what I did to you?"

"Yes, in time."

"Do I make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Could you be happy with me forever?"

"Yes."

"Would you come back to the wizarding world?"

"For you yes."

"Would you live with me?"

"Yes."

"Can I kiss you?"

"You better."

He reached out taking her face in his hands, pulling her to him then lightly touched his lips to hers. He just started to deepen the kiss when they heard a throat cleared, they broke apart turning toward the door.

"So we are off the hook?" Harry asked.

"No." they both said in unison

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	42. Chapter 42

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>That night sitting in Hermione's living room she said,<p>

"Severus."

"Yes." He looked up from the book he was reading.

"I cannot ever live at Spinner's End again."

He looked at her for some time before saying,

"I don't think I can any more either."

"When we get to the point of wanting to live together can we live here?"

Severus looked around before saying,

"I don't see why not."

"And can I keep a stuffed otter on our bed?"

"What is it with the stuffed animal?"

"It was the last thing my mum ever gave me."

Severus reached for her hand when she took his he pulled her toward him setting her on his lap before saying,

"You can have anything you want on our bed, as long as you're in it with me."

She blushed when he said that so he continued with.

"I was thinking,"

"Oh no."

"I know, anyway over spring break why don't we go to the see your parents. I know they won't know you but you can at least see that they are well and doing good."

"I don't know, that's a part of my life that I don't want to revisit it hurts too much to know that they have a life without me."

"I understand, if you change your mind…"

"Thank you for offering, I do appreciate it greatly."

He hugged her to his chest saying,

"I may not be much on grand gestures of love and such but I don't want you to ever forget that I care about you."

"You know there are still things that haven't been said."

"Of this I am aware, and I'm sure they will come up in time. We will both take a page from your mum and count to ten then talk about it like adults for I don't want to ever have to find you on a ledge again."

"Tell me about your mum."

"Hermione…."

"Please."

"Okay, she use to make potions in the kitchen when I was little. She'd set me on a stool next to the counter, the older I became the more she gave me to do."

"So your passion for potions came from her?"

"Yes I suppose so."

"What was the first magic you did?"

"When I was four we were visiting Grandmother Prince, Tobis came in wanting to go. Grandmother told him to find a bed and sleep it off she was not done visiting with her daughter, he started to advance on them then the rug came out from under him."

"You didn't, did you get into trouble?"

"Not by Tobis, I was on the other side of the room and he couldn't prove I did it. But when we got….."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it would have a bad memory along with it."

"No, it's part of my past that I've never shared with anyone. I want to share it with you, it's just some of it is hard to talk about."

"In time Severus."

"Yes, in time."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

The next morning Hermione asked,

"You know it's only two days until the week end."

"Yes?" Severus knew where she was going with this.

"I am doing much better now."

"Yes, you may as well just ask. I might just fine with it."

"I know I said that I would stay with you at Hogwarts but can I stay here? You'll be back tomorrow night anyway."

"Promise me something."

"Yes?"

"That you won't lift anything, you won't over do, and if you're going to clean anything make it a light cleaning."

"I promise, I wasn't intending on any of that."

What she was intending on was trying to make her way back into the wizarding world. Of course she had no idea what she was going to do, but she knew she would never ask him to give it up for her and she was sure he wouldn't ask her to give up her life for him.

"Very well, but I want to hear from you tonight."

"I'll floo you at nine?"

"That will be fine, I'll be back in my rooms by then."

He reached out grabbing her arm as she went to pass him, pulling her to him his mouth captured hers in a searing kiss that took her breath away. When he pulled away she stared up at him then smiled a smile that he was sure was only meant for him before saying.

"You're going to be late."

"I would risk it for another kiss."

"And what would the students say of the old git of the dungeons if they knew you were late just to grab another snog? I would think that you would lose ground in trying to separate them when you caught them."

"I would much rather snog you all day than teach that bunch of dunderheads."

Hermione felt her stomach tighten at his words, then she said.

"Would you just go make potionteers out of the next generation of dunderheads."

He kissed her again before saying,

"Two days." He turned walking to the floo as she watched him.

A half hour later she threw powder into the floo calling out Minerva's name,

"Is everything alright dear?"

"Fine, I wanted to talk to you about something. I was wondering if you could find a little time to get away today or tomorrow for tea."

"I can come around this afternoon, are you sure everything is well?"

"Yes, fine. I just made a choice and I would prefer to surprise Severus with it."

"I shall be there at two, is the floo okay to use?"

"Yes, I'll see you then."

Hermione went to the café she worked at, after everyone came out to hug on her and see her and tell her how much better she looked than before she finally sat down with Robert who asked,

"So when are you coming back?" he asked.

"I'm not, or I will for a few weeks until you can find a replacement for me but I am moving on."

"Well hell it's about time, I always thought you were better than this dead end job."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't misunderstand, I'm grateful you chose to work here. You are honestly one of the best employees I ever had, everyone respects you. You work hard, but I always felt you could have been so much more than waiting tables. Though you should know that some of the regulars have asked after you every day, maybe we can work something out after your released to work for a few weeks, but I'm thinking the twelve hour days are out."

"Yes, the doctor already said that for a while I shouldn't work over about six a day. But I can come back for a little while, I'm surprised that they even worried. I really didn't mean to make anyone worry about me."

"They love you Hermione, Simon, John, and Nick ask every morning about you. Then a lot of the regulars want updates on how you're doing."

Hermione swiped at her eyes, she never really thought about it. It was nice to know that everyone cared about her.

"So when you are able come back and we will work something out for a few weeks."

"I will, thanks Robert."

He nodded as she left his office, when she reached the dining room she was almost attacked by two ten year olds who both threw their arms around her. She cringed when it caused a little twinge of pain then she heard their mother saying,

"Now boys what did I tell you? Miss Hermione had to have surgery on her tummy and it's going to be sore for a while."

"Sorry Miss Hermione." They said in unison as they both took her hand leading her to their table.

Once she was sitting with them the boys asked,

"When are you coming back….." Dakota started.

"Miss Grace never gives us extra whip cream like you do." Dillon finished.

They reminded her so much of Fred and George when they did that, she leaned over whispering to them,

"I'll have a talk with her okay, see if she'll give you a little extra for me."

"Okay." They both said.

Their mother smiled before saying quietly,

"You're not coming back are you?"

"No, not permanently anyway."

"Good, I'm glad to see you finally moving on."

"I think I'm finally ready to."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

So virtual cookies to anyone who can tell me where I got the names of the three men. (Yes there is a common factor there;)

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	43. Chapter 43

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

I know it's a little shorter than normal, but the next seemed to carry on and on and I wanted stop where it seemed natural.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Once she had the tea severed she sat back on the sofa as Minerva asked,<p>

"So what is it that you want to surprise Severus with?"

"I'm ready to come back to the wizarding world, I'm wondering about an apprenticeship."

Hermione had watched as the older woman's face lit up, it struck her in the moment that she had been missed in that world.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, and since they have raised the age limit for apprenticeships you are still eligible. What subject would you like to study?"

"Honestly potions, but…."

"Yes I think Severus would be resistant to an apprentice. Though if we work together we might be able to persuade him."

"Wouldn't our… relationship interfere with it?"

"Not that I can see. You don't realize how many couples out there were master apprentices first. It's not frowned on as you would think, especially after the war."

"I'm not comfortable with deceiving Severus."

"No, of course not. I'll present the idea of an apprentice tomorrow in the staff meeting, either niggle it out of him or tell him you overheard me talking about and if he considered it. You want to spend more time with him correct?"

"Well yes."

"Then tell him it's a good idea, a way for the two of you to have more time together. It's not a lie, if he takes you on as an apprentice then you will be spending quite a bit more time together."

"I'll think about it." Hermione really wasn't comfortable with lying to Severus, not after their past. She would figure something out.

Minerva stayed for about an hour talking about others she could apprentice under, when she left Hermione smiled. This is what she should have done when she finished her NEWTs, instead of trying to work for the ministry. Then being a freelance research assistant, she would love to teach children. Now that she wasn't going to be having any.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus sat in his rooms that night, he missed her being here. His hand went to the chain around his neck, he took it from around his head holding them in front of him looking at the rings.

He was so close to getting her back with him, every conversation took them closer to that end. There were times when he would see a shadow cross her face and he would ask, she'd snap then they would calm and talk about it. It really was so much better than the huge fights that had them both hurting.

He looked over when the hearth glowed green, he placed the chain back before going over to talk to Hermione.

"Severus."

He knelt placing his head into the fireplace.

"Hermione, how are you feeling?"

Hermione sighed, she was quickly tiring of that question.

"Fine, how was your day?"

"I was teaching, how do you think it is?"

"Is it not getting better, you've been there three years. Surely you have undid some of the damage done."

"I suppose your right, even the seventh years are not as incompetent as the first year I taught here again. It's a wonder any of them passed their NEWTs."

"Your seventh years were fifth years when you started there again, I'm sure your advanced potions now only has very few students."

"Six, and I question my judgment about three of them."

"But they obtained O's on their OWLs."

"Yes they did, but I don't want to talk about them."

"You sound tired, why don't you try and get some sleep."

"I suppose I should, though I don't know how well I'll sleep knowing your alone in that house."

"I'm perfectly safe, you set the wards yourself."

"That's not what I meant." He said quietly.

"Severus, you'll be here tomorrow night."

"I know, get some rest Hermione."

"I will, you do the same."

Severus ended the call going to his room stripping before lying in bed, sleep did come quickly but his dreams that night were strange. He dreamed of the boathouse, but the terror that usually accompanied the dream was not there. Hermione was there, going through his pockets finally finding what she was looking for and giving him the potions. He woke suddenly sitting up in bed, that seemed so real it unnerved him.

Looking at the clock it was just half past four, he knew he should try to sleep some more but the images from the dream kept haunting him. Hermione kneeling beside him, her hand on his chest begging him to live. Finally he rose going to the shower, if he wasn't going to be going back to sleep he might as well start his day.

By the time his first class started the dream was a memory, forgotten as just one of the many others he carried with him.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	44. Chapter 44

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Here is the last chapter for today, I know I said ten chapters but since the last one was a little short I decided to upload this one also.

Yes I am that much ahead on this, I've been working on this like crazy to give this big update today.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione spent her morning getting her things in order, if she was going to be spending most of her time away she needed to have things for the house taken care of. Along with her financial and other important business.<p>

By the time she arrived back home is was afternoon, she called Luna who was on her way out the door. She wished her well, setting up a day next week for Hermione to go dress shopping with her for her own dress for the handfasting.

She tried Harry next, but he was out and couldn't be reached. She tried Astoria next to get Draco.

"Granger, what's up?"

"I was wondering if Astoria was busy."

"She's not here right now, her mother has taken ill."

"Oh, I hope she will be okay."

"She should but Astoria wanted to go see her, is there anything I could help you with?"

"Well, if you wouldn't mind. I need my trunk out of the attic, but I don't want Severus to know yet and I don't trust my levitation skills so much since I haven't used them in years."

"I have Scorpius, but if you don't mind."

"No, not at all. I would love to see him."

"I'll be a few minutes."

"That's fine, thanks Draco."

"Anytime."

Draco ended the call only to throw powder in calling for Potter, when Ginny appeared he said,

"Tell your husband that plan is working."

"Really? She's going to come back to the wizarding world."

"That's what I just said. I've got to go, we'll see you all tomorrow."

Hermione was in the kitchen mixing up some juice when she heard the floo, she ended up having the thing connect totally to the network.

"Er Mione." She heard Scorpious running, she called out,

"In the kitchen dear."

When he came running in she bent down to pick him up when Draco said,

"Don't."

She stopped looking at him,

"He's too heavy, here."

Draco bent picking up his son then setting him on the counter so he could hug Hermione.

"Thanks, I didn't even think about it."

She handed the boy a glass of juice to which she received a kiss then she said,

"Well boys, how about a trip into the dusty old attic. I bet there are toys up there too."

They all went up stairs, then more stairs to the attic. She laughed when the toddlers eyes became round at all the things hidden up here.

"What this?" he asked running toward a toy bow and arrow set.

"That is Robin Hood's bow and arrow set, my favorite tale."

"What no Cinderella."

Hermione made a face saying,

"I don't think so, no I wanted to be maid Marion since I couldn't be Robin Hood."

She sat down on another trunk opening hers, she took her wand out then out of the box. When she picked it up she was surprised by the warmth that traveled up her arm into her heart. It was like finding a long lost friend and a lost piece of yourself.

She went over opening another trunk for Scorpius saying,

"I thought there were toys up here."

Draco and her watched as the boy looked in the box then went to pull something out but stopped. Hermione said,

"It's okay Scrop, you can play with them."

"So Granger what did you want moved?" Draco asked.

Hermione turned to him she seemed surprised before saying,

"I thought when I called that I wanted my trunk taken down, but I think I just didn't want to do this alone. I'm sorry, I didn't ever realize…."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Is that stuff safe?" Draco asked pointing to his boy.

"Yes, I wouldn't have let him at it if there was anything in there that could hurt him."

"I know you wouldn't." Draco said as he looked over to see a stack of photos, "Who are these?"

Hermione looked over before saying,

"Family photos, they use to be around the house but I couldn't look at them so I packed them up here."

"Why are there none of you?" Draco asked without thinking.

"I removed myself from their life, it worked on photos and paper work and what was in my bedroom at the time."

Draco cringed, he forgot about that.

"I didn't….."

"It's fine Draco."

Scorpius came over carrying a small dress that made Hermione laugh,

"I had forgotten about that."

Hermione looked at Draco, then the toddler then pointed her wand at herself transfiguring her clothes into a maid Marion dress.

"This, it was the only dress up I ever played."

"I see."

They went through several trunks, in the process she had transfigured Scorpius clothes to that of Robin Hood in a loud whisper said to him,

"There, now you are my hero. Who should we make dad there, the mean sheriff of Nottingham?"

When Scorpius laughed nodding she shot the transfiguring spell at Draco who looked up from what he was reading to look disgruntled, but when he saw the look of pure joy on his sons face he smiled.

"Oh no," Hermione said, "The mean sheriff has me prisoner, you must save me Robin of Locksley."

Draco took off running when Scorpius went to chase him.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus came through the floo to Hermione's house, when he heard voices from upstairs he went to investigate. As he got closer he heard a child laughing and Draco saying, "You'll never catch me."

Severus arrived at the top of the attic stairs unnoticed by them, he took in the scene before him smiling. Hermione was sitting on a trunk in the middle of the room in a beautiful dress, while Draco had a robe on that was long trimmed in fur running from Scorpius who was dressed in what he guessed was a Robin Hood costume. When the boy noticed him he yelled running to him.

"Sev'res," Severus bent down picking the boy up saying,

"What is going on in here?"

"I'm Robin."

"I can see that."

"I 'ave to save her." He pointed to Hermione, "From the mean 'errif." Pointing at Draco.

"You don't say."

Hermione was looking at him, he knew that look. She was about to do something, he saw her move her wand. Which stopped all other thoughts, she had her wand. The next thing he knew his clothes were transfigured and his hair changed a beard and mustache added and Draco had changed.

"That's much better, Uncle Severus can be the mean sheriff and your dad can be Will Scarlet your friend."

Draco looked up at Severus before saying,

"Damn Hermione he looks like him."

Draco picked up the magazine he had been reading earlier handing it to her pointing to a photo, she looked at it then up at Severus. She smiled as her insides turned to jelly, Draco was right he did look a lot like that actor.

Severus stalked toward her, there was no other word for it. He leaned down kissing her before saying,

"She's mine Robin of Locksley and you'll never have her."

Hermione laughed interjecting ever so often for Robin to save her, finally Severus let the boy catch him at her feet. The boy climbed on top of him saying,

"Give up?"

"You got me."

Scorpius climbed on Hermione's lap saying,

"She's my 'Er Mione."

They all laughed as Draco said,

"I think we should be getting home, I'm sure mum is home by now."

"See mummy?" Scropious asked.

"Yes, let's go see if mum is home."

Scorpius started to hand the arrows back to Hermione who said,

"If your dad doesn't mind you can keep them."

The boy looked at Draco who said,

"Yes, let Hermione spoil you. You can keep them if you want."

Severus stood picking up Hermione in his arms before saying,

"So it would seem Robin abandoned you to me my dear Marion."

He then set her down sliding her down his body until her feet were on the floor, she smiled up at him before canceling all the spells saying,

"That was a little…. Would love to remember it later though."

"You don't say."

"Well yeah, you do look like him. But I would never ask for something I'm not willing to do."

"We shall see, let's go see them off."

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><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Okay, Robin Hood is my favorite tale. My favorite telling of that tale is Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, which is the first movie that I remember seeing Alan Rickman in, which in turn made me fall in love with him (Something about the voice). Which in turn when I write these stories or read them I always see Severus as the Sheriff of Nottingham that Rickman played. I hope that made sense.

Oh and I could never see Hermione as being into the whole princess thing.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	45. Chapter 45

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Yeah there is only one chapter today, I had a massive migraine yesterday (I know, hell of a way to spend my birthday)that led to not being able to concentrate on writing and finally sent me to a dark room. On the up side sound doesn't bother me when I have one so I was listening to my MP3 player and come across a song that I think fits this story so I'm considering a video to go along with this.

Warning: Talk about abuse is contained in this chapter.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>That evening Hermione asked,<p>

"Anything interesting happen today?"

"Not really."

"Oh."

Severus sat his book down turning to look at her,

"What's on your mind?"

"I overheard Minerva talking about apprentice….." she sighed, she couldn't even try to lie to him.

"I talked to Minerva yesterday about an apprenticeship at Hogwarts."

"I see, in what subject?"

"I was interested in potions, she…. Well she came up with a whole thing to tell you that it would be great for you to have an apprentice then we could spend more time together, which technically is true but I'm not going to deceive you like that. If you don't want to have an apprentice I'm sure Professor Flintwick would love to apprentice me in charms."

"Slow down Hermione, you wouldn't enjoy an apprenticeship under me." Though he couldn't really come up with a convincing argument as to why not, it would be seven years of her with him.

"You know what kind of teacher I am." He finally said.

"Yes, I see your point." Hermione was disappointed, she was kind of hoping that he would be enthusiastic about the prospect of teaching her again.

"Hermione, it would put us in a relationship again where I am in control and you're not. I cannot and will not do that to you again."

"I understand."

"Then why do I get the impression that I have hurt you again."

"No…. well yes, but I really do understand what you're saying. I just hadn't thought of that part of it."

"What did you think of?" he asked calmly.

"Equal partnership more than you dominate me, I should have known there is a reason they are called masters."

"Let me think about it, I'm not promising anything but I will consider it."

She smiled at him before saying,

"If you don't think it will be a good fit I really do understand."

"Yes, you've said so. I just don't like the thought of hurting you in any way now."

"Severus." She said a little later and he knew by her tone this was not going to be pleasant.

"Yes Hermione."

"You said you were…. That your father threw you down the stairs, why?"

"I said it so you would understand that I know what it's like to have no control over someone hurting you but you can control hurting yourself."

"No, why did he do that?"

"Hermione, you really don't want the answer to that question."

"Would I have asked if I didn't want to know?"

Severus sighed, he knew that she wanted to know. He just didn't want to tell her.

Severus looked away from her, his face turning red at the memory of what he had done to raise Tobis' ire that night. It was really embarrassing, and a memory he really didn't want to share with her.

"He caught me doing something that he deemed was vile."

"What could be so bad that deserved that?"

Severus sighed, this one act of abuse was the reason he had only ever had sex with one person in his whole life. The woman sitting on the sofa next to the chair he occupied.

"Masturbating, he caught me masturbating in the shower."

"What? How old were you?"

"Fourteen."

"But that's normal."

"Not to him, he pulled me out of the shower kneed me in the groin then shoved me down the stairs telling me that if I couldn't get a girl to sleep with me then I needed to be a man and rape one to get off since that was what they were for."

Hermione gasped, her hand over her mouth. Tears burned her eyes, now she wished that she hadn't asked. Finally she said,

"I shouldn't have pushed you to answer that."

"No, I told you I wanted to be honest with you and that includes my past. Yes what he did affected me more than I even knew until that night we were on the astronomy tower."

She wanted to asked what he meant but bit her tongue to keep from doing so.

"Until that night I didn't realize that from the time he did that until our bonding night I never was interested in sex, that it was because of what he did that night. No I never had the desire ever to have Lily in that way, yes before that happen I was a normal teenager fantasying about girls but never her."

"If you had to take an erection potion….."

"No, I never had to. I even thought I would have to, I had it with me but…. I don't know, that first night you were so…. That you truly wanted me in that way it shifted something inside me, I desired to be with you. Of course I blamed it on the charm, but it never went away. I always had the desire to have you."

Hermione was torn between feeling hurt for him, anger at what his father did to him for something that was normal, and desire for him with his words of wanting her. She didn't even know what to address first.

She was too quiet, which he knew meant her mind was traveling at lightning speed. He looked over at her to see pain, anger, and something else take turns crossing her face. He moved to sit by her on the sofa before saying,

"Hermione?" he reached out brushing her jaw with the back of his fingers, she turned to look at him. "Tell me what's on your mind."

She sighed,

"I don't know whether to be angry at your father for punishing you in such a way for doing something that's normal, to be hurt that you were hurt that way, or to kiss you for wanting me."

"Well I know which one I would prefer you go with." He said to her smirking.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

She leaned over lightly touching her lips to his, she allowed him entrance when his tongue ran across her bottom lip. She had a fleeting thought of he always kissed like they either never had before or it was the last time he would ever kiss her.

When he pulled back he said,

"Yes I prefer that to the your other thoughts."

"You really don't want to know them now." She said with a smile.

"I want to know all of what goes on in that mind of yours."

"Oh I'm sure you would love to know." She winked at him.

Severus groaned before saying,

"You know you're going to kill me witch."

"You'll die happy."

He smirked at her before standing saying,

"I'm going to bed."

"Okay, good night."

Severus made it to the steps before saying,

"Hermione."

She turned to look at him saying,

"Yes?"

"Would you consent to share a bed with me," he had to admit why he wanted it. "I want to hold you."

Hermione set her book down standing she walked toward him flicking the light off saying,

"Yes, I think I might like that also."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	46. Chapter 46

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Hermione didn't return to Hogwarts with Severus, which he didn't like and told her so. She couldn't see the need for her to return when she was going to have to come back home the next day to go dress shopping with Luna Tuesday.<p>

Severus kissed her breathless Sunday evening before he left to return to the school which sent Hermione in a night of erotic dreams that frustrated her the next day. She had decided that she would not have sex with Severus until the slate was clean and there were still a few things which needed to see the light of day, at least for her.

When she came down Monday morning she saw a rose sitting on the table, it was a magic rose charmed into existence. She knew Severus was not a man who would ever show at her door with flowers and fancy dinners or grand declarations of love. It made this small red rose mean even more to her.

She stared at it while she sat at the table drinking her coffee, when she saw Morgan outside the window she let the owl in saying,

"He just left yesterday, what could he possibly need to say?" she took the note unfolding it.

_Hermione,_

_I miss you._

_Severus_

Hermione smiled, it was the most unexpected thing she ever thought he would do.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus wanted Hermione with him, he wanted her here. Not living in her parents' house, he wanted her in this castle, in his rooms, and in his room. Holding her while they slept was calming, it was the first night in memory that he didn't have any dreams. Nothing, he woke the next morning feeling rested for the first time in so very long.

Then to come to Hogwarts for the week he had a terrible night, plagued by nightmares of rogue death eaters and crazy men. He knew he couldn't force Hermione to come here to stay, unless….. He could give her the apprenticeship she wants, he would have her in his bed every night.

The one thing he didn't understand was he wanted her in his bed, to hold. He still didn't want to bed her, it was more that he felt she wasn't ready for that step yet more than him not desiring to make her his again.

He was waiting for the clean slate, he knew he was. He wanted nothing from the past carried over to the present. Of course he also wanted it to be more than just sex, and that was all he knew. All he had ever seen, at revels they only had sex. His father was nothing but about sex when he talked about it, he could let Hermione tell him but it was downright embarrassing to be his age and not know how to make love to a woman.

In a sudden inspiration he went to his desk and started writing, the more he thought about the idea the more he found that he didn't have a problem with it.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione felt like she had tried on a thousand dress by the time they stopped for a late lunch early supper, Luna sat across from her saying.

"I liked that one with the open mid drift."

"I don't think so, what about the pale blue one with the sleeves?"

"I just didn't think it did anything for you."

"So we will be back at it tomorrow?"

"More than likely, you mean we haven't went to all the stores yet?"

"No, not by a long shot."

"So how are things going with you and Severus?" Luna asked.

"As well as they can, there are still a few things that need to be worked out but we are getting there."

"That is good, I'm happy for you."

"You know what, I'm happy for me too."

"That's good, you deserve it. I'm just glad that you found one another again without the anger this time."

"Yeah, but I had to forgive many things and let them go." That statement led her to think what he had forgiven, he told her once that she could have tried harder to talk to him if she really wanted to. But he never told her if he forgave her for not doing so, or when she apologized for what she said about him tearing her down. Now that she thought about it she never heard him forgive her for anything.

"Luna, can you apperate us to Hogwarts when we are finished with supper?"

"Well, I suppose. I could surprise Neville, I assume you want to surprise Severus."

"Yes." Only not in the way Luna thought, "Maybe we can check the dress shops in Hogsmead in the morning. Make the trip worth it."

"That sounds like a great idea."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus finally was able to put the last things on the paper he started last night, the more he thought about it the more he was really coming around to the idea. It would be a way for her to have the apprenticeship she wanted without having to give up all the power to him.

A knock on his door drew his attention, when he opened it he was surprised to find Hermione standing on the other side.

"Hermione."

"Severus, we need to talk." She said walking into the room.

"Sure, how did…."

"Luna, she went to see Neville so I might be here all night."

He walked toward her saying,

"You won't hear me complain."

Hermione backed up away from him making him stop asking,

"What's wrong?"

"I was thinking,"

Severus didn't say anything but thought 'oh crap.'

"About what?"

"Us, this." She pointed between them, "I have been forgiving a lot, letting a lot of it just go because I want to heal and for us to move forward. Every time though I ask for yours you pass it off as if you deserve some of the things I have said or how I treated you. Do I not deserve your forgiveness?"

"What? You've done nothing compared to what I have done to you."

"You never hit me, yet I punched you."

"You were…."

"Angry? Yes I was though now for the life of me I can't remember why though I do remember telling you I was sorry but you passed it off like it was nothing. I. Punched. You. What makes me any different than your…. Tobis? I was angry and struck out at you."

"Hermione, your nothing like him. I probably deserve more than that from you…."

"See that's what I mean, you require my forgiveness of the past to move forward. Do you not think that I also need your forgiveness to heal?"

"I never thought about it, I wronged you so terribly that the few little things you've said or done really amounts to nothing. But if have to hear me say it, I forgive you for punching me."

"I don't want you to just say it, but mean it. I do honestly forgive you when it comes to that."

"I don't deserve…."

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, yes you do. We all do. By what you just said it's not going to matter how much I forgive you'll never really accept it, nor will you ever truly forgive me."

When he didn't say anything she said,

"I know you have remorse for what you did, I've seen it. That tells me that you truly want to be forgiven for your actions, but you also have to accept being forgiven."

Severus sat down in the chair he was closest too, how did he miss that? Yes he did carry a ton of remorse for what he had done not only to her but other actions he took. Yes he truly wanted to be forgiven for all of them that he asked forgiveness for. Yes, she was right he had no idea how to accept he had been forgiven for them.

He looked up at her, she wanted him to get this he saw that. She truly wanted him to understand this so she could be forgiven.

"I don't know how." He finally said.

She went to kneel in front of the chair when he stopped her saying,

"No, I don't ever want you to kneel in front of me." He pulled her onto his lap.

"You accept that I have forgiven you and let it go. Take my cooking for example, you have asked for my forgiveness for what you said about it. I gave it and let it go, you notice that I started cooking again for you. I wouldn't be able to if I hadn't let it go. You have to accept that I have forgiven what you said about it, then just let it go."

"Hermione, that is simple. I knew that when you cooked for me that I had been forgiven me for the comments about your cooking I made. It's harder when it comes to…. Remarks about sex that I made or comparing you to…. Well you know."

"Yes, I do know. Some things are harder to forgive than others, You just have to trust that when I say I have forgiven you that I have."

"Do you want an….."

"No I don't need an answer, I just want you to think about it. I truly want to be forgiven for things I said and did so we can be us."

"Very well I will think about it."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	47. Chapter 47

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

On another note I made the video, the link is in my profile. The song is Far Away by Nickleback and when I heard it on Friday I knew it was meant for this story, if you listen to the lyrics it's almost as if they go together. It was unintentional, I hadn't heard the song in a while and if I had this story would have a different title;)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione went to stand when he wrapped his arms around her saying,<p>

"Just where do you think you're going?"

"I was going to find a book, maybe a cup of tea."

"No, I've missed you and I'm not ready for you to move just yet."

Hermione sighed, it was hard to be upset when she was wrapped up by him.

"You do realize that it's only been two days."

"Yes, but it seems much longer."

"Bad dreams?"

"Yes."

"I have them too."

"I know, you had a reoccurring one in the hospital."

"Really, what was it about?"

"The boat house and Nagini."

"Oh no." Hermione wanted to die, she knew that dream woke her screaming.

"It wasn't that bad, the doctor let me sit with you in recovery because of it."

"Huh, I don't remember. But…."

"What?"

"Well it seems kind of silly now."

"I can't imagine anything from you being silly."

"And here I always thought you thought I was just a silly girl."

"You were eleven, of course you were a silly girl. Now what do you think seems silly."

"I kind of remember telling Harry that Ron would get upset if he knew that Harry was holding my hand. But it's like it's in a fog."

"You were very heavily medicated."

"I did tell him that didn't I?"

"Yes you did, but I told you I would take care of it."

"I remember that too."

"Do you regret it?"

"What, the surgery? No, even if I did I wouldn't say anything for I never want Harry to beat himself up over the choice he made for me. It was the right choice to make, one I would have made had I been able too."

"Good, I have something I want you to read over on my desk."

"You know I have to get up to go get it."

"Are you or are you not a witch."

She went to take her wand out of her pocket when he handed her his, she took it saying.

"Accio Snapes writing."

A long parchment flew to her from the desk, she grabbed it settling in to read it as Severus rub his hand up and down her back. When she finished she looked at him shocked saying,

"Are you serious?"

Severus smirked with the first thing that came to his mind, but then thought it might not go over well.

"Yes I know your Severus."

"Yes, very much so."

"But this….. but…."

"Mark the day, I made Hermione Granger Snape speechless. You were the one who wanted an equal partnership, this gives you the potions mastery you desire and me what I desire in trade."

"But I'm not a master in the subject, far from it."

"I'd bet you know more than I do."

"Still how am I….. when….. what if I still am not….."

"I'll still apprentice you until you are."

"But this gives me all the power in…."

"And being your master will give me all the power in the classroom, it is a fair deal. We both get what we want and I thought that was what equal partnerships were about."

"It is, how long do I have to think about it?"

"As long as you want. Though it is better if the apprenticeship starts at the start of a term."

"I'll have an answer by Christmas."

"Very well."

After several moments of silence he said,

"So can I convince you to stay until the end of the week?"

"No, it's back to dress shopping in the morning."

"I see."

"Though I am looking forward to seeing you on Friday at home."

He smirked at her before asking,

"How are you feeling?"

"Good, no pain at all now. My appointment with the doctor is next week, Thursday afternoon."

"Are you going back to work then?"

"No, well yes but only until Christmas Eve apparently I am missed and worried about. The grandfathers are very worried according to Julie, the twins just don't like that Grace doesn't give them extra whip cream."

Severus shook his head thinking he was going to be going out to breakfast or for coffee a lot in the future.

"Your going back just to make sure that they will know your okay."

"Yes."

Hermione laid her head on his shoulder, they sat in silence. She played with the buttons on his coat neither speaking, finally Severus said,

"Hermione."

"Umm."

"Let's go to bed."

She sat up looking at him, then stood pulling him up with her. He led her into his room where they both took turns in the bathroom changing their clothes, Hermione came out climbing into the bed. Severus wrapped his arms around her pulling her close him. Right now this is all he wanted from her, just her allowing him to hold her as they slept.

"Severus?"

"Yes."

"Something's been on my mind but I don't know how to ask it."

Severus was pretty sure it meant that she wanted to know something about his childhood, that he said he would share with her.

"Just words Hermione."

"That night on the astronomy tower you said death by a thousand cuts, how did… what did you mean about him?"

Severus sighed before saying,

"Once he found out she was a witch he…. Did everything in his power to break her down, broke her sprit, then her wand, then her until there was nothing left. She had nothing left to live for."

"She had you."

"I wasn't enough, I never was."

Hermione turned in his arms to face him before saying,

"Severus, none of that was your fault. Your father beating you, your mother's coldness toward you. You did nothing wrong, you didn't ask to be born to them. They chose to have you, even if they didn't deserve you. They took a clean slate and damaged it. Your father taught you how to hate and be angry, your mother taught you that you can count on no one that no one would ever find you worthy of their affection. I'm amazed that you can be as loving and caring as you are, for no one who was suppose to teach you how to be did their job."

Severus reached up tucking her hair behind her ear, this amazing witch who forgave him of a lot of the things he did to her out of anger. This beautiful woman who only ever wanted to love him, wanting nothing in return. He swallowed past the tightness in his throat. All she wanted from him was his forgiveness, she never asked for anything else from him. Yes she told him what he had done to hurt her, but she never asked him to apologize for it. Even now, almost thirty plus years later she was upset over his parents treatment of him. He wanted to tell her so much, how much her love for him changed him. Made him want to rise above everything to be a better person for her, someone worthy of her affection.

"Hermione….. " he couldn't say it yet. There was nothing he could say until she had forgiven him for all he had done to her, if that day ever came. He pulled her to him holding her, she wrapped her arm around him rubbing his back before saying,

"There is one other person you need to forgive, yourself."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

I also wanted to say I went with the movie version of what happen in regards to Nagini's attack, I thought it fit this story better than the book.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	48. Chapter 48

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

On another note I made the video, the link is in my profile. The song is Far Away by Nickleback and when I heard it on Friday I knew it was meant for this story, if you listen to the lyrics it's almost as if they go together. It was unintentional, I hadn't heard the song in a while and if I had this story would have a different title;)

ghzowy: Thank you for your wonderful comments and your welcome. I want to wrap up a couple of things before I address the issues or Ginny and the wizarding world in general, but it is coming.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>It hadn't taken long the next day for Luna and her to find the dress, it was a beautiful floor length dark green and sequence dress. Soon as Hermione saw the dress she thought it would be perfect, Luna agreed that it would be the perfect dress for a Christmas wedding. Next was a shawl to wear as the ceremony was outside and the dress had no sleeves. They finally decided on a dark green shawl to match the dress and black lace fingerless gloves to complete it.<p>

By the time Hermione arrived home that evening she was wore out, the last two days were the most she had done since the surgery. Then there was spending the night with Severus after their talk, he kept wakening her to pull her closer to him like he was afraid that she was going to disappear if he didn't keep a tight hold on her.

All these little things told her more than anything he could say to her, him holding her close to him. The remorse she had seen in him over what he had done to her. She knew he craved her forgiveness, but hadn't accepted it fully yet.

She laid down on the sofa with the remote flipping through the channels until she found an old or maybe it was a new Doctor Who episode, didn't someone say they brought it back? She watched as a man who bore a striking resemblance to Barty Crouch Jr. run around on the screen with some blonde girl.

Hermione wasn't really paying attention to the show as she closed her eyes, the next thing she knew someone was shaking her. When she finally opened her eyes to see Harry over her she asked,

"What's wrong?" she asked

"Nothing, I flooed and you didn't answer and I started to worry."

"Yes mother, I just fell asleep here watching TV."

"Are you okay? You don't ever watch TV, well hardly ever."

"Yeah, I'm fine I just was a little tired from dress shopping with Luna and spending the night at Hogwarts that I just wanted to rest."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"Yes we are doing okay, but no as in he won't forgive me for things I've said and done. He brushes it off like he deserves what I did. I punched him, thing is I can't for the life of me remember why. He brushed it off like it was nothing."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing, he's so use to being beat down for nothing that he thinks that he deserves it."

"I'm sorry Hermione, I can see this is bothering you."

"Well I told him that he needs to learn how to accept forgiveness, how to forgive others, and himself. I just hope he really does think on it."

"He loves you, of course he will listen to you."

"I hope so, I need him to forgive me or we are going to go nowhere."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus came home on Friday, Hermione didn't need to ask how the rest of his week was if the look on his face was anything to go by. She more or less stayed quiet and out of his way until he asked her if she would sleep in the same bed as him.

When they woke up on Saturday morning Severus made coffee before showering then bringing her a mug before he said,

"Hermione is there anything else that I did to you?"

"We covered; cooking, cleaning, anger, cutting remarks, silence, not talking, ignoring, you not being there on important dates, miscarriages, me being led to think that you were out with whores, calling me a whore and a slut, and that I'm not Lily."

"I'm sorry for all of it, from the cooking to the comparing you to Lily. If I had it all to do over I would and treat you the way my wife should have been treated."

"What brought all of this on?"

"I've been considering a lot of things, I knew you forgave the cooking remarks when you had supper ready the first time. Some are not as easy to know that I'm forgiven for, I find myself questioning if I will ever be forgiven for calling you a whore or worse. They were words that should have never left my mouth in regards to you, but then it comes back to being angry which I….."

"Severus." Hermione interrupted him, "Comments about my cooking were easy to let go of when you eat anything I cook now and though you never say a thing one way or another you clean your plate, I have figured out if you like it you always are for seconds. Have you not noticed that some food has been cooked repeatedly?"

"I… yes."

"So let it go. You apologized, I have forgiven you."

He nodded at her, then she said.

"Cleaning, yes you never said you noticed that I had, but that's not really that bad of an infraction and one I should not have carried with me for this long. Yes I know it caused words between us that time, honestly I have no idea where that came from either but I'm beginning to think it was just other issues comeing out that way. We both need to just let it go and forget about it."

"I can do that, but I do have a question to ask you later."

"Okay, silence you've more than made up for now. You talk to me now, you listen to what I have to say. It has shown me that you are trying. You don't ignore me anymore, you address issues that I have or we wouldn't be talking about this now. So yes I have forgiven you for both of those."

He nodded again.

"Forgetting important dates, I'm just going to have to take it on faith that you won't ignore them in the future. I'm sure you will be bound to forget some of them sometimes, but you know the one thing that above all that brought about my forgiveness in that, you remembered the date," she took a deep breath this was always hard to talk about. "You remembered the…."

Severus sat down on the bed with her saying,

"You don't have to say it, I understand."

"That meant more to me than you'll ever know. It led to me forgiving the other three times also."

He took her hand in his squeezing it.

"The anger, I'm still working on forgiving. But I believe that when all the other things are done then it will be also. The others are tied to this one and when I can forgive them it will be all together."

"So I'm not in as bad of a position that I had led myself to believe."

"No your not. Though I will say that we are always going to have tiffs between us, we are two different people with a different set of driving forces, but I also think that if we overcome the past then there will be nothing that can not be overcome."

Severus leaned over kissing her on the lips, it was just a small meeting of the lips then he pulled back saying,

"How about breakfast?"

He took her hand leading her down stairs to the kitchen, when she stopped in the doorway gasping at the charmed roses sitting on the table she turned asking,

"What are they for?"

"An important date." He whispered in her ear that sent a trindel of heat down her spine she turned back around wondering what she was missing, he leaned down behind her saying,

"Don't tell me, you don't know what today is."

Hermione turned a shade of pink, she was racking her brain trying to come up with what today was when he finally said.

"Four months ago today you allowed me back into your life." Then he pulled her back against him whispering into her ear, "This is where I want to stay, always."

Hermione leaned her head back against his chest before turning her head up to him, he lowered his head to hers capturing her mouth with his. She slid her tongue across his lips, he deepened the kiss sliding his tongue around hers then into her mapping out the feeling again. She turned in his arms, her arms going around his neck so she could thread her fingers through his hair. He allowed her the same as she ran her tongue across the roof of his mouth making him moan before he broke the kiss saying,

"Let's eat, I have a surprise for you."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	49. Chapter 49

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Hermione would be lying if she said she wasn't a little put out by him stopping them from going any further than that kiss, but she also knew that until she forgave him about the remarks he made about her and sex they couldn't do more.<p>

She sat down to bacon, eggs, and toast. He had kept it all warm with a charm, she smiled as he refilled her coffee mug handing it back to her before taking his seat as she asked,

"So what is this surprise?"

"The nature of a surprise is that it be kept secret until the right time."

"Now you can't blame a girl for trying."

He grinned at her, he really wanted to do this for her. Finally he said,

"Just dress warmly."

"Please tell me it was nothing to do with the woods."

"No it doesn't." he furrowed his brows wondering what brought that on when she said,

"Good, I had enough of that when I spent months in a tent with the boys."

"So no camping over the holidays then?"

When she looked up at him he couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face which brought her to say,

"Well I was thinking maybe we could…." She had to think of something he would not like in the least. "Play Mr. and Mrs. Clause for the kids at the school." She couldn't help but laugh before she got it all out at the look that came across his face, yes she got him.

"Very funny, what would you have done if I agreed?"

"Died of shock."

"Well we can't have that now can we."

Hermione's attention was drawn to the roses, they were green this time with silver glitter. She didn't care, it was a grand gesture coming from him and she appreciated it.

"Thank you for the flowers."

"You're welcome, though I expected you to make a comment about the colors."

"No, and anyway when I add the red and gold one you left me they will set each other off."

She heard his fork hit the plate drawing her attention away from the flowers.

"Hermione, I've never left you anything."

"Yes you did, a charmed rose last week when you left and I stayed here."

"No I didn't."

"But it was sitting on the table after you left when I came when I came down for breakfast on Monday….." she trailed off at the look on his face, someone had been in her house. They made it past his wards, his wards. Suddenly she was scared, someone came into her house uninvited but what frightened her more was that they broke through Severus' wards.

"You're not staying here alone again." He stated calmly, and frankly she didn't want to. Suddenly her safe haven, the place where no evil was suppose to touch her became anything but.

"No I'm not." She said flatly

"I'm sorry, but this changes the plans for today."

"Don't worry about it, what am I going to do?"

"We."

"What?"

"What are we going to do, you're not in this alone. You'll never be alone again if I have my way."

Hermione found that his statement filled her with warmth and a longing she didn't know she desired.

"First we are going to pack anything you need, then you're coming back to Hogwarts with me. It's still the safest place in the wizarding world."

"But whoever it was broke your wards, there's no reason to….."

"I know, but it's much safer than here. Yes it's concerning that someone broke my wards."

"Okay then what?" Hermione asked, not wanting Severus to dwell on doubting himself.

"We talk to Minerva, though I am sure there will be no problem she's not going to let you out with someone after you."

"But I have to go back to work next week, I at least owe it to my friends there that I caused to worry to see that I'm fine and have just decided to move on with my life."

"I know, and I understand that it is important to you. We'll figure out a way." He didn't want her to give up her chance to say goodbye to these people.

"Okay." She said taking her dish to the sink, she looked out the window as she heated the water to see an owl laying on the walk way, she gasped drawing Severus' attention. She knew it was Morgan, Severus came up looking out the window to see what drew her attention and caused her to start crying.

He pulled her to him when he saw the dead owl, the one he bought for them. He shut the water off leading her to the sofa in the living room before saying,

"I'm calling Potter, then I'll take care….."

"Please bury her." He looked down at Hermione, he saw that it was important to her.

"Yes, I will."

He went to the floo calling Harry to come through.

Harry stepped in followed by Draco, Severus didn't want to know and Hermione looked at them both before saying,

"I will deal with you two later." Still upset with them for setting her up and upsetting her life, but she also wanted to hug them for giving her the life she didn't know she craved back.

Severus explained what happen, then about the owl outside.

"Harry, remember where we buried Crooks." Hermione said

"Yes."

"Next to him." Morgan was more than just a postal owl, she had reminded Hermione of Crookshanks so much that she always wondered if the owl was a familiar.

"We'll take care of it, why don't you go pack." Severus said.

Hermione went upstairs followed by Draco, she pulled a bag out of the closet before she noticed Draco standing in the door way, he finally said.

"You know I keep waiting for the punch in the face."

"You'll be waiting quite a while, hell would probably freeze over first."

He cocked his head to the side, something happen that he didn't know about he was sure of it.

"Oh why not? Old times and all of that."

She threw some shirts and jeans into the bag then grabbed a few things from the bathroom before saying,

"I punched Severus." She told him as she zipped the bag closed.

"You what?"

"You heard me, funny thing is I don't even know why I did it. He hasn't forgiven me for it either. No, my days of punching are over. Unless it's to save my own skin."

Draco walked toward her saying,

"Granger, he will forgive you in time."

She nodded when he reached her laying a hand on her shoulder she turned stepping into his arms crying.

Severus and Potter came back inside going upstairs to find Draco with a crying Hermione in his arms. Draco looked up motioning Severus over, he moved transferring Hermione to him before leaving with Potter to go back down stairs.

When they were in the kitchen Harry said,

"Someone Avarda'd the owl."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but remember the hearing last month."

"Yes."

"They let Redding out."

"You have got to be joking, when did you find out?"

"Last night, but he's been out for a week now."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus stood there holding a very upset Hermione who kept trying to talk but he couldn't understand her.

"Shh, tell me later." He whispered to her as he rubbed her back.

Finally she pulled back saying,

"Sorry for sobbing all over you." She whispered lowering her head.

Severus sighed, he wished he could take those words back. He lifted her chin so she would look at him before he said,

"Don't be, I'm sorry I ever said that to you. I didn't mean it, I was just…. It was just…. Hell I still don't know what happen that time. But I swear to you that I never meant a word of it, I want to be here to comfort you."

"Okay." She said, not sure if she really believe him or not but just didn't have the strength to deal with it right now.

Severus leaned down kissing her forehead before asking,

"You all packed?"

"Yes, let's go."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.

On another note for anyone who doesn't know, there is a link in my profile to a video that I made for this story. The song is Far Away by Nickleback and when I heard it I knew it was meant for this story, if you listen to the lyrics it's almost as if they go together. It was unintentional, I hadn't heard the song in a while and if I had this story would have a different title;)


	50. Chapter 50

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>On Tuesday of the next week Hermione was sitting in the Headmistress' office waiting for her to return from whatever had called her away when she looked up to see Dumbledore looking down at her. She had avoided speaking with the former headmaster in the times she had been here, but today she was in a mood. One that she didn't want to display to Severus, but she knew if she didn't speak up soon she would being having a row with him over nothing.<p>

"Good day Miss… Mrs. Snape."

"Professor."

"How are you doing today?"

"I've honestly been better, I've had to leave my home because someone thought it would be great to break into my house and kill our owl."

"I have heard."

Hermione didn't say anything else, she hoped the man would ask what was on her mind. Finally she got her wish.

"I sense something else troubles you."

"You got that right."

"Would you care to talk about it, though I have a feeling that I am the cause."

"You really are on a roll today."

"So speak your mind Mis Mrs. Snape."

Hermione stood pacing,

"Fine you want to know, you took someone who made a mistake and made them spend the next almost twenty years in servitude to you."

"Severus…."

"Oh, I'm not done. Not by a long shot."

"Then please."

"Flash forward twenty years, said man is sitting in Azakban for doing what you ordered him to do. The wizemont was a breath away from keeping him there all for following your orders and doing what he was told to do. At the same time they pass some asinine marriage law that his defender, if we can even call him that, found a way to use to sway them. He approaches me to bond myself to him, well of course I agree but only if Severus does also. All along the defender is lying to everyone, telling Severus that I filed the intent when I had not, telling me he agreed when he had not."

She took a breath before continuing.

"Then we are bonded, and I start my five years of hell with him. Not because he doesn't like his freedom no, because he was lied to by his defender, thinking that I did all of this behind his back to become you. To lord over him like you did, I have to deal with the brunt of his anger over this. I spend the first two years being belittled and degraded all to show me that I was not going to control him like you did. Do you think he ever stopped to ask me why. Oh no, he didn't he just painted me with the same brush he did you."

She felt tears burn her eyes but she was not about to start crying,

"But at the same time I also have to listen to his nightmares, his inner dialog. I get a front row seat to how frightened he was when Nagini bit him, oh but that's not all. I get to listen to how much he anguished over having to kill you, how much he didn't want to do it. I'm the one who got to listen night after night to a frightened little boy who was bound to do something that went against everything he was."

She turned looking into the portraits eyes,

"Because you bound him to kill someone that he looked up to and held in the regard of a parent."

Hermione turned to leave then stopped when she saw Severus standing there at the door staring at her looking shocked. She ran past him, when he tried to grab her arm she pulled away saying,

"No, not right now." She ran down the stairs past the gargoyle then down the hall to the dungeon steps.

Minerva saw Hermione run from the steps to her office in the other direction, when she reached her office to find Severus standing in the door way she asked,

"Did you and Hermione have words Severus?"

"No, it wasn't me she had words with." He gave a pointed look at the portrait of Albus before turning, sweeping out of the office.

Minerva walked up to her desk asking,

"What did you do?"

"Oh Mini, I committed more sins than I even want to admit."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus found her on the astronomy tower, when he walked up toward her she asked.

"Do you remember the last time we were up here together?"

"Yes."

"That was when I knew, no doubts."

"Knew what Hermione?"

"That we were going to be okay, when you went to your knees telling me that you understood…. Showed me that you understood me. No one has ever understood me before, until you."

She turned to him saying,

"We are both so broken, for a long time I thought that nothing would fix me. Sure I'm brave, face everything head on so no one will know I have any weakness. But under all of that I'm really just a scared child who only ever wanted to be accepted for who I am. You have no idea how alike we are Severus."

"I'm beginning to understand." He said quietly.

"Yes, I know you are. As am I also."

"Hermione, I didn't know you knew or heard any…."

She waved her hand saying,

"It's an inner dialog, that is something no one is meant to hear. I feel like I intruded on yours and I should apologize for it."

"No, don't."

"I said feel like, I'm not going to because it wasn't my fault I heard it. Everything in that room was amplified as you know it was."

"Wait, what?"

"Everything from your room was amplified in mine, I found a spell that would…."

"Son of a bitch." Severus said suddenly when it dawned on him.

Hermione stopped talking when he. Finally she said,

"What?"

"I gave you my mother's room."

"I still don't….. oh."

"I never even checked for charms knowing how he was about them I just assumed that there would never be any."

"So you mean that all of that I thought you did on purpose to hurt me was an accident?"

"Yes."

Hermione reached up rubbing her temples trying to ward off the beginning of a headache.

"Okay, so you never did it to spite me telling me to silence my room so my breathing wouldn't keep you awake but make yours louder to hurt me."

"No, I told you to silence your room because when you had nightmares, it tore me apart."

"Severus."

"Angry, remember."

"Yes." She sighed. "Though to be honest I am getting a little tire of hearing that."

"I'm sorry, but half the things I told you the first couple of years I don't or didn't remember until I read that journal."

"I know, it's…. it just takes time."

"Yes, you keep saying."

"Severus."

"No, I'm not mad I just am stating a fact. Come on, let's go find you a headache potion."

She took Severus' hand as they descended the steps toward the hospital wing.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.

On another note for anyone who doesn't know, there is a link in my profile to a video that I made for this story. The song is Far Away by Nickleback and when I heard it I knew it was meant for this story, if you listen to the lyrics it's almost as if they go together. It was unintentional, I hadn't heard the song in a while and if I had this story would have a different title;)


	51. Chapter 51

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

It been a month today since I started this little story, though it's not so little now. I honestly thought when I started that it wouldn't be over about 25 chapters, I just finished writing the 63rd chapter and over 80,000 words. (Yes I'm ahead, but I like having the cushion in case something comes up.) I still am shocked that I've had that mcuh to say, or maybe it's the muse. This story took turns that I never even expected, but it has been great.

I just wanted to thank all of you for sticking with it, I was speechless when I ran across last night where you could see how many people had your story on alert (Can we say newbie?) it was over 40 it was something that I never expected. Thank you all so much.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione went to the headmistress' office for a visit the next morning, no she wasn't sorry for how she acted or what she said to Dumbledore the day before. She just now felt bad that she ran out without talking to her former head of house.<p>

She knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Hermione opened the door entering the office, Minerva looked up smiling as she said.

"Hermione come in, have a seat. Tea?"

"Yes please."

Hermione finally glanced up seeing the empty portrait, Minerva followed her gaze.

"He thought it would be better if he wasn't here."

"I see." Hermione was a little miffed that the man couldn't face her.

"Yes, he seems to think that you lay a lot of things at his feet."

"Only what he deserves."

"I see."

"I'm sorry Pro…. Minerva I know you were close. I just don't agree with some of his actions concerning some of my loved ones."

"I understand, I really do. You've probably not said anything that I haven't to him before myself."

"Oh, I don't know. I have a bit of inside information where Severus is concerned."

"I suppose you do. So have you talked about the apprenticeship?"

"Yes, we're still thinking about it."

"Good, so things are good with Severus then?"

"As good as they can be at the moment."

"I do have to say I was surprised when you left our world, I wouldn't have thought that you would have turned your back on this. You always loved magic so much."

Hermione knew this was coming, she was even sure that the witch across from her would be the one to voice it.

"I was connected to magic in some way for almost fifteen years, and lost too much to this world. Friends, my family, finally my heart. When I left…. Everything, I never intended to come back, ever. It was all just too painful to be in this world, a world that I was sure had sucked everything I was from me."

"What changed your mind?"

"Time, distance, understanding. It all has helped."

"But Severus is the main reason." Minerva said quietly.

Hermione studied the woman across from her before saying.

"Yes, I would never ask him to give this up."

"But wont….."

Hermione shook her head saying,

"That is why I have decided that an apprenticeship would be good, even if things go wrong I would have a way to keep living even if I am alone. The last time I was….. unprepared for being alone. I was still young enough to hope that he would come around and stop me from leaving. Now that I'm older, and I hope wiser I will be prepared for anything."

"That sounds like you think that Severus will…. Cast you aside."

"I….. I'm trying not to think that way. I keep telling myself 'you never know what is going to happen' but there is still doubt that I don't know if it will ever be erased, to many things happened for there not to be."

"I can understand that." Minerva said.

They chatted some more about differ subjects until Hermione said.

"I should be getting back, classes should be over by now."

"Yes, I shall talk to you again soon I hope."

"Yes, I have enjoyed this greatly."

"So have I."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Unknown to the two in the headmistress' office they were overheard by Severus. It was just another time that he overheard something that he wasn't meant to. But once he heard the words he couldn't un-hear them. He turned from the door going back to his rooms.

Once there he pulled out a bottle of whisky, not Ogden's but the muggle kind that worked so much better and quicker. He poured himself a glass as his mind traveled over her words again and again.

Hermione walked into their rooms closing the door before turning to see Severus sitting in his chair with a bottle and a glass. She sighed, she wasn't in the mood for dealing with a drunk Severus. She knew he had bouts of depression, she even understood it but her mind kept flashing over the past when he was more cutting with his remarks when he was drinking. She didn't say anything as she walked to her room.

Severus watched her as she came in, then as she stood there looking at him. She never said a word to him just walked off toward her bedroom. The longer he sat there the more things kept running through his mind. She was going to use him to eventually leave, like everyone else did.

He stood walking toward her room, if she thought that she could do that he would return her home and be done with all of this. He was not about to lay his heart at her feet only for her to stomp on it.

Hermione jumped when the door slammed open, she looked up to see Severus standing in the door way, she wiped at her eyes.

Severus stared at her for several moments not really knowing what to say. Finally he found his voice,

"If you don't want to be here, I can arrange for you to return home."

"What?" Hermione was shocked, wondering what the hell brought this on.

"I will not be used to gain what you desire."

"Severus what in the hell are you talking about?"

He walked further into her room before saying,

"You're so sure that I will throw you out again."

"No I'm not."

"And now you lie, I heard you talking to Minerva."

So that was what this was all about.

"Severus." She said calmly. "If you had not taken what you heard and come down here to drown in a bottle, you might have found out what I meant. I had intended to come talk to you, but I refuse to play this game. Your drunk, I don't want nor do I have to deal with you when you're like this. So just take your ass back in there and drown whatever it is you feeling in that damn bottle and later when your sober I will talk to you."

"How dare you talk to me like that." He hissed at her.

"Because I will not be intimidated by you. Or is this all just a lie? A game to see how much more damage you can do to me, what do you want the end to be Severus?"

"I use to think I wanted you, now I'm not so sure if all your doing is playing with me. Some sort of revenge for making your life a hell?"

"No, I'm not playing a game Severus."

"Then what the hell was that I heard."

"Fear Severus, a very real fear. Maybe I'm jaded, but I know learned a lesson well."

"What's that mean?"

Hermione stood going to the bathroom bringing back a sober up potion holding it out to him she said,

"If you really want to talk about this right now you are going to have to be sober."

He snatched the bottle out of her hand downing it, within moments he felt the fog over his brain lift. He looked at Hermione who said,

"Sit." Pointing to the chair in her room. Once he took the chair she said…

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	52. Chapter 52

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>"Severus, you don't realize what leaving cost me or even what being with you for five years cost me, or hell you don't even realize what being in this world has done to me. Yes I want to be here, I want to be with you. But there is doubt there, doubt that I don't know will ever be erased. There are times when I wait for the other shoe to drop, for you to decided you don't want to be with me. One word would have been all it would have taken to make me turn around, I had to deal with all of that alone. All that pain that Ron was right, I was just not worth anything. You compounded that by five years of telling me how everything thing I did was either wrong or irritated you."<p>

When he started to say something she held up her hand stopping him.

"I was still naive enough at the time to think that you would change your mind about divorcing me, when that door slammed that day I had to learn to live with all that crushing pain. All the doubts that maybe I just wasn't good enough for this world, I had to deal with all of that on my own. I won't lie, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. For the last four almost five years I've picked up the pieces of my shattered life, tried to put them back together all the time knowing that I would be here in a heartbeat if you wanted me. Knowing that I was that weak when it came to you, that I would let you toss me aside again if it meant that I got to spend more time with you."

She stopped to breathe before continuing,

"Of course time trying to put myself back together taught me to doubt everyone and everything, or maybe having to put my life back together myself jaded me. I am here, I truly believe that you are trying to make up for the past. But that does not quiet my doubts or how truly frightened I am that you'll change your mind. You know you told me that you acted that way because you walled yourself off from caring too much about me. I still have to keep a part of myself back, at least for now. If I don't and this is all just a game your playing with me I will not survive this time, I know this."

Severus sat and listened to her, things he had never heard from her before. It made his heart clench in his chest the way she spoke of having to deal with all of it, the four years he spent working up the…. Courage to even attempt to have her back with him. The four years he spent reading her journal, learning how he shattered her with his words and actions. Finally he asked,

"Can you honestly say it would have made a difference if I had tried to stop you? In those last six months I had not changed that much. I understand doubt and even fear, I carry those with me also. I spent our time apart learning how much I truly hurt you, how one word could cause so much damage. I needed that understanding to move forward to what I wanted, you. You'll never know how badly I wanted to stop you from leaving, but then you said four words that stopped me. Words that I had heard before, yes they hurt as much this time as when Lily said them. It took me a long time to figure out that she didn't say them because they were true, she said them because they weren't. When I heard the same from you, a young woman who tore down my walls all because she loved me. I froze, in that moment I understood you gave me what you thought I wanted. In that moment I understood that all I ever wanted had just slammed the door."

He took a breath, calming himself for what he was going to reveal next.

"I wondered around the house before going to your room, I sat on the bed just…. Lost. I was lost, I opened the box on the side table to find the picture of us. I watched it for a long time, then it came to me. I could have been so different, I could have talked to you. I controlled everything, because I felt as if everything was out of my control. I made a choice the day we were bonded, it was the wrong one. Of course I have to lose to see that, I laid there crying because I knew in my heart that I had done that to you. When I left that room I closed the door and didn't go back in for a year, I couldn't face what I had done. Don't misunderstand, I still wanted you back with me. I wanted to do it right, I just didn't know how to undo what I did. I spent three years reading and rereading your journal, hoping that it would give me a clue as to something I could do to have you back. There was nothing there but the pain and misery I dealt out to you. Then that day I saw you in the restaurant, I followed you out. I was prepared to do anything to just have you listen to me that day, I would have… I still would throw myself at your feet and beg your forgiveness."

Hermione wipped her eyes, she had no idea what to say. Finally he said,

"I'm not playing a game with you, I'm not here to make you hurt to make myself feel better. I want this, I want you with me for all of time. I know we still have a ways to go, I know there will be doubt. You'll doubt that I am not playing a game and I'll doubt that you can find it in yourself to still care."

"Yes, we do still have a ways to go."

He wanted to go to her, hold her tell her that he still needed her in his arms but he wasn't sure it would be the right thing to do right now. She looked up at him finally then motioned him to join her, he moved to sit on the bed with her. She took his hand before saying,

"Would you do something for me Severus?"

"Anything." He answered quietly.

"If you overhear something, come and ask me about it before going off depressed and crawling into a bottle over it. I promise to be as honest as I can with you."

He reached up caressing her jaw with the backs of his fingers before answering,

"Yes, I will try to remember to do that for you."

She smiled at him leaning over she kissed his cheek,

"Thank you."

"Will you do something for me?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Always be honest, I cant fix what I don't know about."

"Yes I will."

He wrapped his arm around her hugging her to him. He pulled her to lay back on the bed with him, she curled up against him with her head on his chest, his arm wrapped around her. In moments they were both asleep.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	53. Chapter 53

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione woke alone in her own bed in the dungeons, it was strange since that first night that Severus asked her to share his bed they hadn't slept apart when they were together. She turned over knowing that she wasn't going to be going back to sleep anytime soon, she sat up grabbing the parchment that Severus had gave her last week. An agreement between them if he accepted her as an apprentice, she had been shocked by what it contained. If he taught her to be a potions mistress he wanted her to teach him about how to please her. Sex, he wanted her, twenty years his junior and her experiences consisted of a date rape drug, that other thing and him. To teach him how to please her, of course it made sense to her. But still, she didn't even know the answer to that let alone to be able to tell him.<p>

She stood going to the door, she thought she knew why he didn't know about… how did he put it? How to make love. She even understood that after knowing what his father did to him, but she wanted to make sure that was why.

"Did I wake you?" Severus asked when she stepped out.

"No, what time is it?"

"About nine, we are good right?"

"Yes." She said as she sat down, "I want to talk to you about this." She showed him the parchment.

"Very well."

"How… Why…. Damn it, do … is this." She stopped talking chewing on her bottom lip, she wanted to know but didn't really know how to ask the question.

"It's because of what Tobis did, I…."

"It put a stigma on any kind of relations of that nature." She said.

"Yes, I'll be damned if I was going to rape someone when I had to listen to it then see it when I was a death eater."

"That brings up another question, how in the world did you…. What I mean is some of the others talked like they were just a forced as the victim."

Severus smirk at the memory, it was the first lie he had told the dark lord and when it was believed it made all the others come naturally.

"I told the dark lord what happen, then led him to believe that I was…. Damaged. I am a potions master after all."

"You took a potion so you couldn't…. um obtain an erection."

"Yes, every day for a long time. Finally I was able to not have to go, then the dark lord was gone. Malfoy tried to get to go with him to brothels but the potions effects were longer lasting than I even thought they would be, that and when I did it I didn't know that the potion also striped you of the desire to have sexual relations."

"I see."

"It wasn't for not wanting to, not that there was anyone….. I cared about. But I did go to a brothel once, but that just was a waste of time. Nothing happen and I went on with things."

"Okay." She didn't like hearing it but she also knew he was older than her and had to have life outside of this school.

"I now believe there was a reason for it, fate had other plans. Now I'd give anything to have done it right the first time with you."

"At least I remembered the first time with you." She said looking off into the fireplace, her words not really penetrating her brain until a few moments past.

"What?" Severus finally asked.

She turned to look at him, before saying.

"Because of the drug I really don't have a clear memory of losing my virginity."

Severus felt his blood boil, that was the last thing he expected to hear. Then a little voice in his head said 'was what you did any different?' he sneered at his inner thoughts.

Hermione saw him sneer and thought it was directed at her,

"It's fine, I got over it a long time ago. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

He looked over at her, his face changing before he asked,

"Other than giving you a drug, how was I any different?"

"I wasn't forced, I agreed to the bonding and that included the sex. I mean I am…. Was….. no am damaged, I didn't expect much from the whole thing."

"And I lived up to that didn't I." he snapped at her making her look back at the fireplace. She counted to ten twice before saying,

"I'm not trying to say you did anything wrong. It's just what it was."

Severus had calmed before he spoke again,

"I didn't mean to imply…."

"Severus, stop. We never talked about it, well we did but not in a fashion that would have me telling you that secret from my past."

"You could have told me, I would have tried to…."

"To what? You were angry remember? The only thing I had ever know was angry sex, to me it was normal. That's why I don't know if I can do this, I don't know what pleases me. I just know what doesn't."

Severus stood going over to sit with her on the sofa, he took her hand laying it on his thigh. He had learned something in the last few weeks, if they were touching neither of them seemed to get as upset as when they were not. He spoke calmly but truthfully.

"I know you know a few things that you like, I know this because when I figured them out I wouldn't do them again."

"I know, I just didn't realize that you knew you even did that."

He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand, just giving a moment to pass before he spoke again.

"You know this," he pointed to the parchment, "can be whatever you want it to be. You are agreeing to giving me complete control in teaching you potions to obtain your masters in it. I am agreeing to give you complete control in the bedroom, I spent years controlling what happen in there I don't want to anymore. I want to give you that, I want you to show me what I should have done. I want you to enjoy it as much as possible, and honestly I don't think you would not make sure that I enjoyed it also."

This was not the best conversation to be having with her hand on his thigh, he didn't really get why the thought of this small slip of a woman controlling him in the bedroom stirred him but it surely did.

"There are a few things I would like to add to this agreement."

"And that would be?"

"I want four date nights a month, two out and two in. Nothing fancy just dinner maybe dancing or a movie. Then the two in I want one that I cook for you and the other you cook for me."

"Not that I'm saying no or even against it but why?" He really wasn't against the idea, he just wanted to see if her reason was the same as his.

"Because we will be living here, together. Because I've never really been on that many dates, because it gives us something besides magic to do. Plus dating is the part where you build the anticipation of what is to come."

"Okay add them."

She grabbed the parchment and pen writing them in then he said,

"Anything else?"

"I don't want to be the one always in control, I want to be made love to also. When we get to that, which brings up another question. Time frame, how soon are you going….."

He cut her off saying,

"You do not have to fulfill your part until you are ready to, I'm not going to push you into having sex with me. I will be here for some time, as you will also. There is no need to rush, I want you to be fully comfortable and ready without doubt or question when that time comes."

She smiled at him before saying,

"Well there really is nothing else I can think of to add, you seem to have done a thorough job with this. Can we add a provision that it can be changed if something comes up?"

Severus took the quill adding that to the bottom before they both touched their wands to the parchment binding the contract.

"Now all you have to do is accept me as your apprentice."

"You do have to apply with Minerva, but you know she's going to be more than willing to have you back here."

"I'll talk to her tomorrow." Hermione said as she laid her head over on his shoulder, she was always amazed that they could talk about the really tough or touchy subjects now and not have it come down to yelling matches or tears. Well there were still tears, but a lot has passed for there not to be.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	54. Chapter 54

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione went to the great hall for breakfast the next morning catching Minerva at the head table.<p>

"I've… we've decided, I want to apply for potions apprentice."

"That's the best news I've heard in a long time, come to my office at lunch time. We'll get your application started, will you be able to start in the winter term?"

"Yes."

"Good, I for one am happy that you've chosen to come back to our world." Minerva looked up at the entrance before saying, "I know someone else who is also."

Hermione turned to see Severus walking their way, she gave him a small smile before turning back to the older witch asking,

"You think so?"

"Yes dear." Flintwinck said from the other side of the headmistress, "Would you like to come assitist me with my charms classes today?"

Hermione had been assisting professors while she was here, it helped and was more like a refresher in some of the classes.

"I'd love to." She answered as Severus took his seat beside her.

"To what?"

"Assist Professor Flintwick today."

"Ah, it's a good idea you need to update your skills in some areas."

"Yes, thank you Mr. Obvious."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye before saying,

"You do realize insolence will not be tolerated."

"You do realize that I am not your apprentice yet." She retorted.

"I suggest you gain control over your mouth before the start of term."

"Or what? You'll control it, I'm sure you'd love that." She said.

"You would too my dear." He whispered to her then louder he said.

"No but there are always punishments for lack of respect."

"I'm sure any punishment you could dole out in the classroom cannot be worse than the five years we were married." Soon as the words made it to her ears she gasped, she covered her mouth with her hand before looking over at him. Yes he was not happy with her retort, he was sneering at his empty plate.

She pushed her plate away before standing to leave, she said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I'll see you tonight."

She hurried out of the hall leaving Severus to stare after her thinking 'so much for letting things go.' As he pushed his plate away suddenly not hungry.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

That evening when Hermione returned with an arm full of books that she set on the sofa before saying,

"Severus, I apologize for what I said this morning. I thought I had let most of that go, maybe I have but there are still things that bother me."

"I realize that, and don't worry about speaking you mind with me. I have been thinking, you're not some right out of school student, I shouldn't treat you as such."

Hermione didn't say anything as she sat on the sofa.

"We have a history Hermione, there is no way around it and no way to ignore or escape it. We are both going to have to adjust to the dynamic our relationship is going to take soon."

"Yes we are, I….." she stopped talking, she felt like she was saying the same things over and over.

"I received an application for an apprentice today." He said changing the subject slightly.

"Really, now who in their right mind would want to spend the next seven years having you teach them potions when your nothing but an old scathing git who's not happy unless all your students are miserable."

"I've never made them miserable for my own enjoyment, I have always scared or bullied them into paying attention. It's the only way I know to keep accidents from happening."

"I know, but then you scared Neville so bad that he made mistakes."

"No as much as if he was on his own or paired with someone else."

Hermione looked over at him, did he just say that he paired her with Neville because she was good at potions?

"Don't look at me like that, you were capable in potions I just matched your strengths to his weakness."

"Damn are you feeling well?"

"I fell perfectly fine." He said to her.

She stood going to lay a hand on his forehead.

"What are you doing?"

"You must be running a fever, or something. You just paid me a complement of my time as a student. You never complement students unless they wear green and sliver."

He looked up at her seeing the humor in her eyes, 'cheeky woman' he thought. Grabbing her around the waist he pulled her down on his lap saying,

"Hermione," he took a breath before saying, "I accept your apology for punching me, you are forgiven."

She stopped smiling staring into his eyes, tears burned her eyes.

Severus reached up tucking a stray stand of hair behind her ear, letting his finger tips caress her cheek as he withdrew his hand.

Hermione licked her suddenly dry lips before saying,

"Thank you." She leaned over kissing him, in moments he had deepened the kiss his hand resting on her thigh while the other was in her hair. She laid her free hand on his chest, her tongue sliding around his. Finally he pulled away looking at her, he still had a ways to go he knew but it seemed that every step he took, every day that passed brought them closer, closer to the rest of time with her.

"Your welcome Hermione. Now about you returning to your muggle job for the next couple of weeks."

"What? I don't want….."

"They still have not located Redding, you cannot stay at home as long as he's out there. At least not alone, I spoke with Minerva today and can move my seventh years to the end of the day on Tuesday and Thursday next week. The students are leaving on Saturday for Christmas break so next week won't be a problem."

"I'll have to talk to Robert tomorrow about those two days, then maybe Monday, Wednesday, and Friday the next week should cover everyone."

"Very well, but I don't want you there alone."

"Yes I know Severus. I'm sure with the story we've come up with Robert is not going to have a problem with you being there during my shift."

"How about supper in tonight? We could celebrate my new apprentice, and your new apprenticeship." He smirked at her.

"Yes, let's do that." She kissed his cheek before standing to go to the kitchen to fix supper. Severus joined her and together they prepared their supper.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	55. Chapter 55

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

The chapters I posted yesterday and this one just seem blah to me but it will pick up shortly.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus accompanied Hermione the next afternoon to her doctor appointment, then they stopped by to talk to her boss who was a little surprised but also upset that someone was stalking Hermione and readily agreed to Severus hanging around while Hermione was there. Once they had a schedule worked out they left with Hermione saying,<p>

"I would like to go by and check on the house while we are here."

"Let's go then."

He took the key from her keeping her behind him as he opened the door with his wand at the ready as he walked into the house. The wards had been reset, by Severus, Harry, and Draco so she wasn't too worried that someone got into the house this time.

Everything seemed in order as they walked through, she went to check the study as he went upstairs to check the bedrooms.

Severus checked the guest room and the small room she had toys and a small bed in for when friends with children visited her, nothing seemed amiss with them then he opened the door to her room.

On the wall above the bed written in what looked to be lipstick was wrote, 'You forget you're my whore slut.' On the bed laid a video tape. He looked around the room but that seemed to be the only thing. Sighing he walked back downstairs with the tape to tell Hermione what was up there when he heard her yell. He stepped in to see that the room had been trashed, she was standing by the desk as she looked up at him before saying,

"Redding did this, didn't he?"

Severus held up the tape that was in his hand saying,

"I would think so, the wall above your bed has a message for you."

Hermione sighed before asking,

"Do I want to see it?"

"Probably not, just more of the same that he said at the hearing. But he did leave this."

"Great." Hermione said as she sat down at the desk laying her head in her hands, she bumped the mouse making the monitor power up as Severus was looking around the other side of the room. When the screen finally came on she gaped at the images, it was the video that she had inadvertently got of Severus that night that she knew that he felt remorse for what he done and she chose to give him a chance. She hit the button on the keyboard to get rid of it but nothing would take care of it until another window popped up saying,

_Does he know that you did this? Does he know he finally got my discarded whore? Did you let him read your journal on here, I would think he would find it enlightening as I did._

Hermione gasped drawing Severus' attention, he came over where she was looking at the screen as if it would attack her. He read what was there, he assumed that the 'he' was himself, but the rest was just to get to her, Severus had played that game with her he knew it well.

"What don't I know Hermione?" he asked quietly.

She turned to him then back to the computer, she sighed.

"That day after you came here drunk, I had been playing with a web cam the night before I had it set up on the mantel in the living room with what happen I forgot about it until after I asked you to stay here until I came back. I didn't realize until that night after you left that I had it on still."

"So what are you telling me?"

"That it recorded while you were here alone."

Severus remember that day, what he went though after she left. How he let his emotions through as he sat there in her living room alone keeping his promise.

"You watched it I take it."

"Yes, but I can't bring myself to be sorry for it. What I saw gave me….. Severus you're not the most open man, it showed what never comes across with you when you talk, it's what made me chose to try. It showed me that you had remorse for your actions, between that and the night before… I can't be sorry for that."

Severus watched her as she spoke, his first reaction was to be angry that she did that without his knowledge, though she was right he was not that open when it came to showing feelings that would portray him as weak, really did it really matter until a few days ago he never knew that she heard his nightmares she didn't tell anyone, even him about them with the exception of Dumbledore's portrait. She had kept his secrets as far as he knew, so he was certain that she would keep this one.

Severus leaned against the desk before saying,

"I understand what you're saying, and frankly I don't mind that you saw that as it led you to take a chance again. What I don't like is that now Redding has seen it also, though I don't see the end that he would use it for doesn't mean that he doesn't have one."

"I'm more worried about my journal I kept on here."

"What was it about."

At her look of shock he said,

"No, I don't want to know _'what'_ you wrote. Just what you wrote."

"I started It when I came back here, I was hurt, angry, and upset. There was a lot those feelings in there about you, then Ron and him to some extent."

"I see."

"Your angry with me." She stated flatly.

"For what?"

"That I kept all of this stuff on here instead of getting rid of it."

Severus reached over laying his hand on hers on the desk before saying,

"I'm not angry, not with you anyway. I understand your need to keep a journal about that time, why would I be angry about that?"

"I meant the video more."

"I don't care, remember I don't give a damn what other people think of me." He didn't say 'just you' but he saw in her eyes that she understood.

"I'm going to have to have the aurors here, so they can see what he did."

"Yes, I'm afraid you are."

"Well then let's go call them and get this over with."

She hated that everyone in the world she wanted to go back to would know about this, see this.

"You could just call Potter, I'm sure he would come over and take care of it for you then no one else would know unless it was needed later." Somehow Severus know that it wouldn't be, he had been around enough to know that Redding had done many other things that would hang him, so to speak that this might not be needed at all. Well unless she needed it to have closure for herself.

"Let's do that, I just can't….. I don't want a lot of them knowing this. Is that wrong? I know it makes it look like I have done something wrong…. Maybe I did."

"No, you did nothing wrong where he was concerned. He just, he reminds me of a lot of the death eaters…. An opportunist who just preyed on someone who was an easy target at the time."

"Is that what you did?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"I did what I was ordered to do, by both sides."

"I didn't….. I don't know what made me ask that." She said looking at the desk.

Severus looked down at the top of her head before reaching over to lift her chin to look at him.

"Don't, you can ask me anything you want to know. I can't say I'll always answer but I will try."

"I know."

"Let's go call your friend to sort this."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	56. Chapter 56

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>It was well after midnight before they returned to Hogwarts, Hermione went straight to bed but Severus told her he would join her shortly. He wanted to have a drink beforehand.<p>

What he had really wanted was to sit in the dark and fume about how that man had treated a child, and not just any child but Hermione.

Potter had said that he needed to see what was on the tape, but after they forwarded though some of it. Redding had recorded more than Hermione had even thought about, when they got down to the main reason of the tape Potter stood up after a minute or so turning it off saying he had seen enough. Severus hadn't, he wanted to know exactly what this vile person had done to her. After Potter left he turned it back on, he could only watch a few minutes before he had had enough also.

It had not been easy to not show is anger, if he ever got his hands on Redding he was sure the man wouldn't see the inside of Azkaban let alone dementors. Severus was sure he could make the man beg to be kissed.

Hermione laid in bed awake, she knew Severus had been upset since they watched that tape and now that she was just still her mind was going in circles about how mad he was at her, did he see her for what Conner said, and even Ron.

Maybe coming back to this world was a mistake, maybe she had only been meant to be in this world to help Harry and when that was over she wasn't meant to stay. It seemed everything tried to tell her that, from before she had even chose to go back and be a muggle again.

She knew what the right thing to do was, to allow Severus the option before he could be work himself into being angry enough to force her out. Tears came with the thought, she had found that this time she found Severus to be what she had wanted before. He was trying to be a loving partner that he knew she wanted, maybe it was time to give him what she thought he wanted.

When he finally came to bed he pulled her to him holding her close to him, as he always did. It was hard to make the words come but she knew she must, even if it was just to give him the option.

"Severus, if you've changed your mind I will understand."

Severus loosened his hold on her before turning her to face him,

"Change my mind about what?"

"Us, an apprenticeship, all of it."

"No, I have not changed my mind. Far from it."

"But I thought that…."

"I am angry, but not at you. I'm angry that someone did that to a child, that what he did caused you to not demand more. That you thought you were only….. that you deserved to be treated that way. I wish you had tried harder to tell me that happen."

"Would you have believed me?"

"I would have tried."

"I'm sorry I didn't try harder to talk to you, but at times I was….. scared if I pushed I would push you too far."

She didn't have to say what she really thought would happen if she had done that, Severus knew what went unsaid.

"I wouldn't have done that."

"I know that now, I didn't then."

"I know, I don't hold it against you. I forgive you for not speaking up more, though honestly now I'm not so sure that several things needed to happen before we could get to here, to this time."

"You may be right."

He reached up brushing her hair out of her face before leaning over but he hesitated when it dawned on him that they were in bed and a kiss may not be welcomed.

Hermione closed the distance between them lightly kissing his lips, when his tongue lightly traced her bottom lip she let him deepen the kiss. All too soon he pulled back kissing her forehead before laying back down pulling her to him.

Hermione listened as his breathing evened out, she couldn't find sleep that night as her mind went in circles for another reason. She had figured out while Severus and Harry had went through the study and bedroom that she would never reach forgiveness where sex was concerned until she closed the door on her first experience, and possibly on what Ron had done also. But it also didn't stop her from wanting Severus to snog her silly.

She knew it was crazy to lay here going in circles about kissing, not for the first time she thought that if that was how he kissed always deeply and without reservations then how would snogging be. And on the rare occasions she wondered about sex too, this time would he do that with the same passion that he seemed to kiss her with every time. There had never been any kissing before, and to be honest there wasn't a lot now either. But when there was it was, hot was the only term she could come up with for his kissing. Who knew Severus Snape could kiss like that?

The next morning Severus woke to an empty bed, laying his hand on the pillow he didn't feel any warmth so she had been up for a while now. He laid on his back for some time wondering how he went from a few short months ago to being alone and thinking that it would always be as such to having the one person back that loved him and didn't ask for anything from him but forgiveness for the what he considered tiny things she had done.

He threw his arm over his eyes as he tried to gain a few more moments of rest before starting the day, he closed his eyes. He felt as if he had just closed his eyes when he heard a voice from his past,

_"Severus."_

_"Lily?" Severus sat up in bed looking across the room seeing the red hair young woman standing leaning against his dresser with her arms across her chest, he cocked his head to the side. This was not the Lily that he held after she was killed by the dark lord, this was the one from their youth that never forgave him._

_"You must fight Severus, she is your destiny as you are hers." She dissipated in inky smoke as a pensive memory does._

Severus sat straight up in bed looking at the spot where the image from his dream stood. He scrubbed his hands down his face, that had to be the strangest dream he had ever had. When he lowered his hands he saw Hermione standing in the same spot holding a tray saying,

"Breakfast?"

He half smiled at her before saying,

"Sounds good."

Hermione walked toward the bed handing him the tray as she took a seat on the side of the bed picking up a piece of toast and her coffee.

"Smells good."

"Yeah, hold your comments until you taste it."

He shook his head before taking a drink of coffee then asking,

"What are you doing today?"

"I'm going to look into a project for my apprenticeship."

"What are you thinking of attempting?"

"Don't think that I regret what happen, I don't."

Severus thought that maybe she did with a preface like that.

"I want to try to make a potion that will at the best erase at the least lessen the effects of the cursitous curse in woman, specifically reproductive organs."

"I see." He said wondering if she was regretting what happen.

"I just don't want others to go through this. For me I was resigned to the fact after a lot of heartache that children wouldn't be a part of my future, I just don't want another woman to suffer that part of it."

Severus reached over laying his hand on hers before saying,

"Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't had to go it alone."

Hermione turned her hand over to hold his before saying,

"That's in the past, to me you've made up for not being there. I just wish sometimes they hadn't told me anything with the last one."

He rubbed his thumb along hers asking,

"Why?"

"In my mind I named her, it makes her all the more real by doing that."

"What name did you chose?" he had no idea why he wanted to know but at this moment it was all he wanted to know.

"Megan."

Severus studied her for several moments, running the name around in his mind before finally moving the tray to the side table.

Hermione watched him, his hands were shaking as he moved the tray. When it wasn't between them he pulled her to him wrapping his arms around her.

Severus had no idea why but she was right, running the name around in his mind he saw a child. A very real child that had her mother's features but his dark hair and eyes. A child that never had a chance to be, in that moment he realized what had been lost.

Hermione wrapped her arms around his middle, she was struck by his whole body shaking.

"Severus?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head as he buried his face in her hair. Finally she heard him say,

"I'm so sorry, I should have been there for you. I…. I never….. never realized what was lost."

Hermione ran her hand up and down his back, tears coming to her eyes. It took him years but he finally got it, he finally understood. Though now she hated that he did, it was a pain that she wouldn't wish on anyone. Why was it when he finally understood something that she wished he would have, even wished that he would feel what she felt, why did it leave her feeling a lot less triumphant that she thought it would?

"Severus." She said pulling back from him, "I….. hate this."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	57. Chapter 57

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

I meant to post this earlier but got to writing and lost all track of time.

Enjoy!

FYI: I'm still in search of a beta so if anyone cares to volunteer or has any suggestions I'd be forever grateful.

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus looked at her finally asking,<p>

"What do you hate?" hoping that it was not him, but still not entirely sure that she wouldn't still give up on him one day and walk.

"That you feel this way, that I wished you to feel this way. Five years ago I would have given anything for you to feel this pain, when you walked out of that room I would have given up anything for you to hurt like I did. But now just like before I don't feel that sense of triumph that I always thought would come when you finally hurt like I did."

Severus took a deep breath trying to calm his emotions before saying,

"Why do you think it would give you a sense of triumph?"

"Because it did you."

He took her hand before he said something that he was sure was going to regret, finally he said.

"I never felt that way, just because I was angry and wanted to make your life hell didn't mean that I wanted to cause you so much hurt and pain. Though I know now that doing one did the other."

"Yes it did," she glanced over at the clock. "You have class in half an hour."

"Nothing I ever do is going to make up for it, is it?" he asked.

"I don't know Severus, but I am still here."

"Yes you are." He said leaning over kissing her forehead before going to change for the day.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione spent the majority of her time researching the potion she wanted to develop, when she wasn't going home to work at the café. Today was her last day there, tomorrow was Christmas Eve and Neville and Luna's wedding.

She was starting to become anxious at seeing the all of the Weasley's again, well it wasn't really all of them. Charlie, Bill and Percy wouldn't be there. But Ron would and he was the one who worried her the most, at best he was unpredictable. Of course Harry and Draco would be there also, as would Severus. Hermione didn't even want to know how Neville had talked the potion master into attending but was forever grateful that he had.

Severus was sitting at the end of the counter with a cup of coffee and an open book, he looked up at her when he felt her eyes on him she smiled before turning back to the conversation she was having with the three older men at the other end of the bar.

"So girly, you met your knight in shining armor?" Simon asked. Him and Nick were American and were always coming up with terms for her that she had never heard before. To him she said.

"No, more like my prince." She smiled at him before saying, "I'm going back to school."

"Good for you, I always thought you were too smart for this place." John said.

"Maybe I am, but it was what I needed for a time."

"There is nothing wrong with that, don't let them tell you any different." Nick said.

"I'm not, I'll be right back." Hermione walked over to Severus asking,

"Need more coffee?"

"Yes, thank you."

"You're welcome, so only an hour left."

"Yes, but you can always come back here as much as you want." Severus finally figured out this was sort of a family for her, and the three men at the end of the bar had told him together and separate that if he did anything to their Hermione there would be hell to pay. He smiled at the memory, they cared for her and only wanted her happy.

"I intend to." She went back over talking to the girl that was taking her place. Severus was sure that she was informing the girl to give the twins that in his opinion would put the Weasley's to shame, extra whip cream once she was gone.

Severus had been here enough to notice that the same people were usually here every time, once in a while someone no one knew would come in but in the past three weeks that had only happen twice and someone else waited on them, 'just in case' Robert said gaining Severus' respect.

When the door opened Severus looked up then back down at his book but kept watch at what was going on, the man was not a regular. Hermione moved to behind the counter letting Grace go to wait on him.

When the man stopped, Severus hand went to his wand. He was leaving nothing to chance, not now.

The man jumped the counter before Severus could fully pull his wand out, grabbing Hermione by the throat and using her as a shield. The dark haired man looked at Severus saying,

"Don't even think about it old boy." Severus pulled his hand back, out of the corner of his eye he saw movement but looked back saying,

"Do you really think you're going to get away with this?"

"Well of course I do, you see even if I die after I kill this mudblood you'll still be alone with her blood on your hands. Just like all the others you betrayed."

Severus had not betrayed anyone but death eaters. He glanced over at Hermione before looking back at the man that held her. She was scared, he could see it in her eyes. He just hoped that she didn't do anything rash.

"You don't even remember do you?" the man asked.

"What do you believe I should remember?" Severus asked taking on a tone of pure hatred toward this man who now held his whole world by the throat, literally.

"Because of your betrayal to the dark lord she died."

In Hermione's ear he said,

"That mans betrayal of us cost me my wife and yet he doesn't even remember. I wonder how long it will be before he won't remember your name."

"Don't listen to him Hermione." Severus said.

"You shut up Professor, you have no right to speak any more. Not when all you speak is lies," turning his mouth to Hermione's ear he said.

"Now my dear, how shall it be? Avarda Kardva? Quick, pretty painless. Or maybe the Cruciatus until every bone in your pretty body breaks? Not near as quick and painless, but then Severus there could live with the memory of you screaming. Or maybe Sectumsempra?" Hermione gasped, she remember this spell it was the one that Harry had used on Draco in their sixth year and then Voldemort used on Severus in the boat house to gain the power of the elder wand.

"Oh so you do know the spell our dear professor here developed."

With every spell Redding mentioned Severus felt his heart clinch, each was worse than the one before the last being his own damn spell, one that he developed to use against the marauders. Now this man wanted to use it to take his angel from him.

Severus looked over out of the corner of his eye to see the three men at the counter, each had their hands under the counter and each held a wand. He looked back up, he needed a plan quickly.

"Look at me, how could you know what was going to happen?"

"Oh I didn't know, it was just luck that I received the job from the defenders office."

"No, with Hermione."

"I didn't know that either, it was also a piece of luck that I happen across her the same year that the so called information you gave got my wife killed. She was just a mudblood they are so easy to fool."

Hermione tried to calm her breathing, she had been a fool then. She had believed what he had said to her, all of it.

"So tell me Redding how did your plan work out?"

"Well I didn't intend to let her live past the next year, she didn't remember what I told her anyway. The spell didn't work on her."

Severus cocked his head trying to piece together what he was talking about, he started to move further down the counter keeping Redding's attention. What spell could he possibly mean, the imp…. No.

"That spell doesn't work, that was why it was abandoned. It was too unpredictable."

"It worked well enough when I had her doing small things, it was the killing you that didn't work. When she came back that year, that was when I figured it out. You still didn't know, then the war heated up and I wasn't able to go after the dark lord's favorite pet."

"What did you figure out?" Severus said still moving down the counter slowly.

"It's what made it all perfect, when it all came together. I could make her pay for not doing what I ordered her too, I could make you pay for killing my wife."

"But I didn't kill her."

"Your false information did as surely as if you used the killing curse on her."

"But forcing a bonding, what could that possibly accomplish?"

Hermione just stood there listening, the grip around her throat was loosening the longer Redding talked.

"Oh that was just to punish this mudblood, what could be worse than her hated potions professor that she didn't even know she was in love with, when she figured it out it would make all the vile that you could give out all the more painful."

"Then why are you here now?"

"Because she has forgotten who she really belongs to, since you came back with your complaint. Only this time you…."

Redding trailed off tightening his hold on her throat before Severus said,

"Enough of this, let her go."

"I don't think so, see now you'll know what it is to lose the one you love. To watch as she dies in front of you."

Severus had his full attention, the three men at the counter slowly stood. Simon who was the furthest from them slowly went over the counter. Severus kept Redding's attention on him, glancing at Hermione then back at the man holding her by the throat he finally said.

"I don't think so."

Severus looked back at Hermione, he didn't have time.

Quickly he looked back at Redding before saying,

"You are assuming that I care for her, what do you think that you're the only one allowed to have fun?"

He heard Hermione whimper at his words, words that made bile rise in the back of his throat. He meant none of it, but he was a spy for too long to not make it seem convincing.

"What?"

If this man thought he held power of Severus he was going to be sorely mistaken.

"You heard me, do what you want to her. It's not that hard to replace one with another."

The man looked wildly between Severus and Hermione.

Hermione had tears streaming down her face as she pleaded with Severus,

"But…. You … said….." she sobbed breaking Severus' heart but his main objective was to get her away from Redding, he'd make it up to her. It was just another lie, it was not meant to hurt her.

"Oh shut up will you." Redding said to her.

Simon had made it to behind Redding, he dug his wand into the other man's neck saying,

"Let her go for you do not want to know what we are allowed to learn where I come from."

"I'd like to see you try old man." Redding said.

When another wand dug into his neck Redding turned his head to see three wands pointed at him, only to turn back to see Snape's wand pointed at him also. With a wicked grin he dropped his hands pushing Hermione toward Severus whispering a spell before saying,

"Have her, she'll never be the same."

Suddenly Hermione grabbed her head with both hands screaming.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	58. Chapter 58

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

FYI: I'm still in search of a beta so if anyone cares to volunteer or has any suggestions I'd be forever grateful.

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus jumped forward grabbing for Hermione before she fell, he wasn't quick enough and end up going to the floor with her.<p>

"Hermione, what's wrong?"

"My head." She panted out.

He pulled his jacket open pulling out a small bottle while asking,

"Pain?"

"Yes." She hissed at him.

"Drink this." He said placing the bottle into her hand.

In her ear he whispered,

"I didn't mean a word of it Hermione, not one word."

"Could have fooled me." She said.

"What!"

Severus looked up to see a red faced Redding looking down at them.

"Do you know why that spell doesn't work and has not been in use in hundred years or more? Because a simple pain potion counteracts it. Idiot."

Suddenly Severus remembered the man, he was a follower of the dark lord not a marked one. He looked the man up and down before saying,

"I remember you now, it wasn't my information that was faulty. It was your failure that killed your wife, I remember when the dark lord ordered it so."

"You lie."

"No, it was you inability to lie."

"No."

"Yes, you didn't do as the dark lord commanded and he deemed that if you couldn't maybe if your wife was gone that the next time you wouldn't hesitate."

Three aurors came in during Severus talking taking Redding into custody as Harry came up to Hermione still on the floor in Severus' arms.

"Are you okay 'Mione?"

"Yeah, I am." She turned to look at Severus asking,

"Is it really over?"

"I more than made up for it though, every mudblood, every muggle I could get."

"What is he talking about?" Harry asked.

"He was a low level follower of the dark lord, not a death eater. The dark lord would order followers to commit acts to prove their worth, he didn't do what he was suppose to, I would think that if you can get him to talk you'll find a fair few unsolved rapes in his wake."

"Go home, I'll take care of this." Harry said.

Hermione tried to stand, all that pain that had felt like thousands of hot needles in her head made her weak. Severus helped her stand before the three at the counter came up to her saying,

"Come back to visit soon and we'll explain it to you." Nick said as they each kissed her cheek before letting Severus apperate away with her.

When Hermione opened her eyes she wasn't where she had expected to be, when she said home she thought he would take her to Hogwarts. Then she looked up at him, no this was home. Not the house, but the man still holding her.

He helped her up the stairs and to dress for bed, when she crawled under the covers followed by him he wrapped her up in his arms tightly before saying to her,

"I'm sorry I said those things, I just wanted him to think you were not important to me. If he thought that then he might have let you go."

"I know, it's okay." She yawned. "Is it really over?"

"Yes it's really over."

"Good, now I can close that."

"Yes you can."

She was asleep in moments, Severus laid there with her in his arms. That had been way too close for him, he almost lost everything tonight. He never wanted to lose her, his angel. His Hermione.

Hermione woke with a start, she looked over at Severus when his arms tightened around her. She looked around the room, her room at her house. Then everything came back to her, the café, Redding wanting to get to Severus, using her because she was a mudblood.

She managed to get herself out of bed without waking him, she went to the bathroom first then sat in the chair in the room pulling her legs under her as she looked out the window to the street below. Things were so clear in her mind now, she wondered how that happen. Before when she tried to think about it, it always seemed fuzzy like trying to see though a thick fog. Now it was like that fog lifted and she could see.

Of course the images were ones she'd rather forget, things she had forgotten were there now. She had always thought it was one time that Connor drugged her, boy was she wrong it was close to ten but now she remembered. She remembered his hands on her, the memory causing her to shiver as she sat there.

Severus woke to an empty bed, he rolled over to see Hermione sitting in the chair looking out the window. He could see the tears running down her face, he went to her kneeling in front of her before saying,

"Hermione, what is it?"

She slowly looked down at him, the next thing he knew she was in his arms sobbing. She was trying to tell him about what happen to her but he couldn't understand her save for a few words. When she finally calmed she sat back against the chair saying,

"It wasn't my fault."

"No it wasn't."

"It wasn't yours either."

"No it wasn't."

"He took my virginity."

"Yes he did."

"I couldn't give it to who I wanted to have it, like I even knew who that was at the time."

"Yes."

"He wanted me to kill you."

"Yes he did, but he didn't count on one thing. Girls always have crushes, I don't know one year since I've been teaching that at least one girl didn't."

"I suppose so."

"Though they are usually Slytherin."

"Not always."

"No, not always."

"I didn't have a crush on you."

"No you didn't."

"At the end of my sixth year you broke my heart."

"I know." Somehow he knew that what he had done broke a lot of people's hearts.

When she didn't say anything else he finally asked the question that he had been scared of since he laid down with her.

"If it had not been for Redding's influence would you have bonded yourself to me?"

Hermione stared at the window for a long time, so long that Severus thought she wasn't going to answer. Finally she looked back at him before saying,

"Yes I would have, what he did was not create the feelings I had it was more like enhance them."

"I still hurt you again."

"Yes you did, but I don't want to talk about it right now. I want to settle everything he did, it's time for that to be over in my mind."

Severus reached over taking her hand in his, she turned her hand clasping his.

"Let's go back to bed." She said.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	59. Chapter 59

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>When Hermione woke again it was almost time for her to leave, she was taking Luna to breakfast today before they went to Hogwarts to get ready of Luna's wedding.<p>

Severus left when Luna arrived at the house, Hermione and him both knew that things were not settled but Hermione told him that she didn't want to think about them and ruin Luna's day so they agreed to talk about it later.

As they were walking from the gates to the castle Luna asked,

"How are things with Severus and you?"

"Fine, besides what happen yesterday." She hadn't wanted to ruin Luna's wedding day but the blonde had insisted that Hermione talk about it a little. "I have a question for you."

"Yes?"

"I've never slept in the same bed with someone, well in more than a friends way. I don't mean to ask a personal question, one this personal anyway but I have no idea who to ask."

"Hermione, stop. Ask your question."

"Maybe it's not a good idea, Severus is such a private person."

Luna laid her hand on the other woman's arm before saying,

"I know he is, I'm not going to go spread things around."

"I wasn't saying….. I didn't mean to imply that you would."

"We all need someone to talk to."

"I know, I'm just not sure if I should be complaining about this. That's not true, it's not complaining. It's more of I have a huge lack of experience and don't …. Let's just go, I don't want to ruin your day. It'll keep until later."

"Do you really think I'd let anything ruin this day? Are you sure?"

"Yes, it seems silly anyway."

"Very well, but I do expect you to ask when Neville and I return."

"Okay, come on let's go get ready."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus went to the ministry of magic when he left Hermione with Lovegood, he had something to settle and settle it he would. When he walked in to the office of magical law enforcement Potter looked up to see him.

"Severus?"

"I want to see him."

"You can't, you know that."

"Don't fight me on this Potter, you'll lose."

"Don't get me wrong, I know how you feel. I would like to do the same to him, but I can't allow it."

"You were not the one standing there as he held her by the throat."

Harry sighed, he really did want nothing more than to let Severus alone with Redding for ten minutes. He was sure the man before him would tear the other apart in half that time. But he was obligated by this office to not allow it.

"I know." Harry sighed, he had been here all night wrapping this up. All he wanted to do was go home and hold his family.

"How's Hermione doing?" Harry asked hoping that the question would distract Severus.

"Dealing with it, she shouldn't have to. None of it, just two minutes is all I ask."

"I can't bend the law, what would make…"

Harry trailed off when Severus slammed his fist down on the desk,

"Damn it, I have to know what spells he used on her." It was a lie, he knew what spells were used but he needed to get into that cell with Redding for only a few minutes.

Harry sighed, he was too tired to fight about this. And honestly he didn't want to, he wanted Redding to suffer more than anyone he had ever encountered before.

"I can only get you ten minutes." Harry said.

"That will be more than enough."

"I'll have to take your wand."

"I don't need a wand." Not for what he had planned for the man, he handed his wand to Potter saying.

"Lead the way."

Harry sent all but two of the guards away, the two he knew wouldn't talk about what happen as the three of them had been talking about doing this very thing earlier. He led Severus to a cell at the end of a long hallway, he opened the door letting Severus step in.

"Ten minutes." Harry said as he shut the door.

Redding was sitting on a cot in the room, he looked up before saying.

"So you have come, it must have worked. Well I will not tell you anything."

"You assume I am here for information, I am not."

"Then what would you wan…. No you cant… Guard!"

"No one can hear you, you idiot."

Severus advanced on the man, Redding stood up taking a fighting stance. Severus smiled a deadly smile at the man before taking another step when he went to grab the man a fist connected with his eye. Severus looked up to see a smiling Redding looking at him as if he had gotten the upper hand.

Severus took another step toward him before gabbing him by the throat and slamming him into the wall. Letting the man fall to the floor, Severus stalked over to him kicking him in the ribs before picking him up again holding him to the wall his feet off the floor Severus said to him

"Now let's see if you have any thoughts of raping girls anymore." Severus kneed him hard in the groin, the man screamed."Of course that would be hard to do with your dick shoved up your ass." Severus kneed him again before letting the man drop to the floor.

Severus kicked him again saying,

"That's for holding my world at wand point."

Then he kneeled beside the Redding punching then bashing his head in to the wall behind him before saying,

"And that is for Hermione."

Severus knocked on the door, when he stepped out straightening his sleeves Potter said.

"All taken care of."

"Dementors are too good for him."

They walked back up the hall, Severus finally said.

"When everything calms down come see me, I'll tell you anything you want to know." Severus had always avoided telling anything to Potter of his past with Lily.

"No, Severus you don't owe me anything. Ever, no debts to repay."

Severus looked sideways at the man beside him.

"You don't owe me for something that I wanted to do myself." Potter said.

"Very well, if you change your mind….." Severus let the sentence hang in the air.

"Come to the house, you can get some rest before going to Hogwarts."

"No, I have some other things to attend to today." He still had to go pick up Hermione's Christmas present.

"Last minute shopping?"

"No, just a pick up."

"I'll see you later." Potter said as he handed Severus his wand back.

Severus nodded at him before turning to leave.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	60. Chapter 60

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Harry came home a few hours before they had to leave, he went straight to Ginny wrapping his arms around her. All he kept thinking about since they picked up Redding was what if it had been Ginny in Hermione's place.<p>

He didn't blame Severus for wanting a piece of the man, he granted him that. Yes it may not have been the right thing to do by law, but it was by everything else.

"So is everything okay?"

"Gin you know you can come out and ask about her directly."

"Do I have that right after everything that happen?"

"Why wouldn't you, you both were friends for years."

"But I was horrid to her, if it was me I don't know if I would ever be able to let that go. Not after the things I said to her."

"You think you said terrible things to her…."

"No, I really did. I don't deserve to be forgiven for them, they really were awful."

Ginny never told Harry what she actually said to Hermione, he had tried to get her to tell him in the last several months after she found out what Ron had done, but she always refused. Harry let it be figuring that when she was ready she would talk to him about it.

"Let's just get through today, we are staying at the castle tonight and maybe you can talk to Hermione tomorrow."

Ginny nodded, Harry leaned over kissing her before following her up to go help get the boys ready to go.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Luna stood in front of the full length mirror looking at the dress she wore, Hermione thought it was a beautiful dress that suited Luna. It looked to made of some kind of satin that depending on how she moved would change colors. It had long sleeves that created a "V" at her hands and a loop that went over her middle fingers. It reached the floor to trial behind the petite blonde girl.

"Luna, that dress if beautiful." Hermione said as she came out of the bathroom.

"It was my mothers."

"Well it suites you so well, I'm sure your mother would be so happy that you chose to wear her dress."

"Days like today I miss her terribly."

"I know." Hermione said thinking of her own mum that was lost to her. But she quickly pulled herself out of her funk to say,

"So, let's get these flowers into your hair."

Hermione had never been much for messing with her own hair, it always seemed like a lost cause. But it was fun creating a style for Luna that would suite her and allow for the small daises she had to put in her hair.

Once they were finished with Luna's hair Hermione sat to work on her own when Luna came up to her saying,

"I have a comb for you to wear today."

She handed Hermione a box, she took the lid off to reveal a silver and emerald comb.

"Oh Luna this is beautiful."

"It belonged to my grandmother, it just doesn't suite me." Hermione thought about how true her statement was, Luna's personality was more light and airy. Hermione saw how pastel colors suited the woman better. "I would like for you to have it, a gift for being my ribbon barer today."

"Luna," Hermione said overwhelmed, "I couldn't possibly…."

"I'll never have use for it, and it deserves to be out of the box once in a while."

"But it belongs in your family."

"And do you not think you're a part of my family? I insist."

Hermione gave up trying to talk her out of giving it to her, hugging Luna she said,

"Thank you so much, I'll always cherish it."

"You're welcome, now let's get your hair fixed up then I think we will pretty much be ready."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus barley made it back for the handfasting, he stood just outside the door against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest before he heard.

"Come on Al, let's go see grams." The voice was female, Severus assumed it was Mrs. Potter.

He heard the child fuss then Longbottom say,

"Let him be, I don't mind. Al can be honorary ribbon barer for me."

"Are you sure Luna…." Potter said.

"She's not going to care, I think she might even appreciate it." Neville said.

"Very well." Ginny said before he saw her come out of the door, she turned looking at him before back to where her parents were with Ronald. She turned back to Severus saying,

"Professor." Before heading off toward her family.

Next Longbottom came out with Potter who was holding a boy that was not quite a toddler yet. The child looked at Severus, then he smiled at him. Severus had no idea what made the child do that but he gave a small smile back.

When he felt a tug at his leg he looked down to see Scropius standing there, he leaned down saying.

"Are you not suppose to be with your parents?"

"Dad said I could." The boy said.

Severus looked up at Draco who nodded, Severus nodded back before saying.

"I suppose."

The boy leaned against the wall as Severus was with his arms crossed over his chest.

Unknown to the two of them against the wall Draco had turned to check on Scorpius, then he tapped Astoria who turned to look. They smiled at one another before turning their attention back to the front.

Luna was standing at the closed door to the courtyard, she took a deep breath before Hermione said,

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I have been for a long time."

The door opened and Luna stepped out followed by Hermione.

Severus looked up to see Hermione, his breath froze in his chest at the sight of her. She was a beautiful sight, the dress flattered her to no end and sent his thoughts into a spiral of what was held under the dark green fabric. She glanced over at him giving him a smile that he knew was meant for only him and it truly lit up his whole world. He watched as her expression changed then he remember he had a very nice black eye, he gave her a small smile before she turned back around.

He watched as they walked toward where Longbottom stood with Potter and Minerva, he couldn't take his eyes off of her if he tried. He finally closed his eyes releasing a long held breath as he tried to calm the storm that suddenly stirred in him.

Hermione reached the fountain behind Luna, when Al saw her he held his arms out to her. Luna whispered,

"Go on." Before walking up to Neville.

Hermione took Al from Harry smiling at the boy as she went back to where she was suppose to stand beside Luna.

Severus watched as she took the boy from Potter smiling at him, his heart clenched as he remembered the child his mind conjured up the other morning. As he watched the scene before him he realized what a good mother she would have been, nothing like his own. Standing there his chest ached at not being able to ever give her a child.

The ceremony went as expected Severus watched as Mrs. Potter came up to take Albus from Hermione, he didn't know what he expected but he watched as the women looked at one another before Al went to his mother, Hermione kissing the top of the boys head before walking away.

Severus stood against the wall just watching her, how did he ever deserve anything so beautiful in his dark damaged life? She was walking toward him when she was stopped by the younger Mr. Weasley he couldn't hear what was being said but he knew by the look on Hermione's face that it was not pleasant.

He started toward them as Potter came up to the pair,

"Ron, let's go in and get some cake." Harry said.

Ron looked between Harry and Hermione before saying to Harry,

"She told you didn't she?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about Ron, come on."

"She told you what happen that night, of course I'm sure she left parts out."

Hermione looked between the two men, both who use to be her friends.

"I said nothing Ronald." She finally said turning to walk away when Ron grabbed her arm just as Severus stepped up to them saying to Hermione.

"Let's go inside."

"Yes." Hermione said as Ron said.

"You are no longer bonded to her Snape, this is none of your concern."

Severus lowered his voice to an dangerous level before saying to Ron.

"Let. Her. Go."

Ron let go of her arm, Severus smiled before offering his arm to Hermione which she took as they walked inside toward the great hall.

"What happen between the two of you?" Severus asked wanting to know why the younger Mr. Weasley held such hatred for her.

"Not now, I will not be the cause of ruining Luna's day."

He nodded his head to her as they entered the hall.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	61. Chapter 61

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>An hour later Hermione seemed to be out of the dark mood she had been in when they entered the hall, she was smiling at him. Laughing with others, and he caught her several times now looking at the dance floor.<p>

Finally he went to her holding out his hand he said,

"May I have this dance?"

She smiled up at him shyly before taking his hand letting him lead her to the dance floor, once he had her held close to him he whispered to her,

"You look beautiful Hermione."

He was rewarded when her cheeks turned a bit pink.

"Thank you." She finally said, "The eye, do I want to know?"

"I'll tell you later."

He pulled her closer to him as they danced.

Hours later once most of the hall had cleared out, the newlyweds on their way to unknown destination Severus asked,

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water."

"I'll be back."

She watched as he walked across the room, when from behind her she heard.

"May I?" she turned to see Ginny behind her pointing to a chair.

"I suppose." Hermione said.

Ginny sat before saying,

"I'd like….. I have something….."

Hermione held up her hand saying,

"Not tonight, honestly I'm in the first real good mood I've been in for some time. I don't want anything to dampen it right now, which I am sure anything we need to say will do. Your staying over Christmas, we can talk tomorrow or the next day."

Ginny looked at her for a long moment before finally saying,

"Sure." She got up to leave as Severus came back.

Hermione stood saying to him.

"Let's go for a walk."

He took her arm leading her out of the hall, once they were away from everything he asked,

"Did Mrs. Potter upset you?"

"No, I won't let her tonight."

"Good." He said as he moved his hand to hers. She looked over at him before pulling him into a dark corner of the hallway, she wrapped her arms around his neck before kissing him. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip, he deepened the kiss. His hand going to her hair, hers moving down to his waist.

When he pulled back she kissed along his jaw back to behind his ear making him hiss when her tongue darted out licking a sensitive spot right behind his ear. He moved his arms around her pulling her closer to him as she found his mouth again.

When she pulled back she whispered to him,

"Let's go."

He took her hand in his leading her to the rooms they shared in the dungeon, when the door closed he pressed her against it before kissing her again deeply. Before he pulled back saying,

"You're so beautiful Hermione."

He took her hand leading her to the chair before the fireplace, sitting in his chair he brought her down onto his lap where he wrapped his arm around her, his other hand laying on her thigh before he kissed her again.

He ran his hand up and down her side as he kissed her, his fingers lingering over the outside of her covered breast. When she pulled back he watched as she tilted her head back, he looked at her exposed throat groaning a sound that barely made it further than his chest as he kissed her neck, then nipped and licked the same spots.

Hermione had one hand in his hair, the other was undoing the buttons on his frock coat. Once she had enough of them undone she slipped her hand inside feeling his heat though the thin shirt he had on as she ran her hand around to his side then back around.

Severus moaned at her touch, it felt like lines of fire being left against him where she ran her fingers across him.

Suddenly what Ron said earlier popped into her mind, she jumped off Severus' lap moving to the other side of the room before saying,

"God, I'm so sorry. I didn't… I just… I lost…"

Severus felt her tense a moment before she was off of him walking across the room, he tried to get his mind out of the fog of desire he was in. She was apologizing to him,

"What?" he said before he fully had all of his mental capabilities back.

When she just kept staring at him he stood walking toward her but she backed up.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm not…. I shouldn't have done it, I'm sor…."

"I'm not, now what is wrong?"

She just looked at him for a long moment and he was sure she wasn't going to answer him when finally she said,

"I'm not some harlot."

"What? I never thought that." Suddenly the answer came to him clearly. Weasley.

"What did he say to you?" Severus asked.

"Nothing."

"Hermione, what happen between Ron Weasley and you?"

"No, I can't." She was backing up again.

"It cannot be as bad as what I've done to you."

"It doesn't matter Severus."

"yes it does."

"No, I don't want to talk about it."

"Then come back over here, we can…."

"No, I'm going to bed." She said.

Severus sat back in the chair wondering what happen, his hand going to the rings that he still wore around his neck. He would wait until she was ready, if it didn't kill him first.

He heard the water run in the shower for some time before it became quiet, he finally went to his room not sure he would find her in his bed tonight. But she was there asleep, he dressed for bed in the dark before laying down beside her.

Hermione heard him come into the room, she had thought about what happen while she was in the shower. Was it really fair to him if she didn't know if she could ever get over the past to have sex with him.

When he got into bed she turned to him before saying,

"I shouldn't have let it get that far, not when I'm not…."

"It's fine Hermione," he cut her off. "I know it's going to take time. Would you tell me what happen between you and Ron Weasley?"

"No, and honestly I don't know if I ever will."

"Why?"

"It's just….." what could she say? She just didn't want him to know, it was bad enough that Harry knew and she swore him to secretary over it. Harry wouldn't know if he had not been there at the end of what happen. "I can't." She said.

He didn't know if she meant she couldn't talk about it or if she just couldn't tell him.

He wrapped his arms around her pulling her to him before saying,

"Someday then."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	62. Chapter 62

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione had woke early the next morning, she was nervous about the present she got him for Christmas.<p>

She made breakfast while she waited for him to join her, when he came out he said.

"Smells good."

"I hope it taste good."

"Everything you cook does."

Hermione dropped the turner she was holding, it made a loud clatter on the floor before she turned to him. Did he even realize what he just said, when she saw the smile on his face she knew that he knew. She went to him throwing her arms around his neck kissing him before saying,

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Somehow Severus knew that everything about his comments about her cooking would be all forgotten by both of them.

Severus watched her as they ate breakfast, he wanted to know what happen between her and Weasley. Something told him it was important, this morning though he couldn't bring himself to ask about it she looked so happy.

Hermione knew that he wanted to know about Ron and what happen, she just didn't know if she could tell him. She had thought about it a lot over the years and though Ron was an ass and lied through his teeth she really didn't blame the Weasley's for believing him, he was their child and that was is how it should be. Though she was disappointed that they thought that badly of her after knowing her all that time.

She looked up to see Severus watching her, she still wondered at times what went through his mind, though she even had to admit he was more open with her than she ever thought he would be. It surprised her at times that he would be like that toward her after all that happen, his treatment of her. Now she really wanted to know about the black eye he was sporting now, though she thought she might know the answer anyway.

"How did you get the black eye?" she asked.

Severus sighed, he didn't want to tell her. He really didn't know how she would react to what he did. He could feel her eyes on him as he kept his on his plate.

"I'll tell you later." He said quietly.

Hermione sighed,

"Very well," how could she demand that he tell her when she wouldn't tell him her secret. She looked down at her plate pushing her food around with her fork.

Severus watched her for several moments before he sat the box that he had been hiding under the table next to her plate saying,

"Merry Christmas."

Hermione looked up at him her eyes wide in surprise, she had not expected anything from him. Not after what she knew about the music box when they were bonded. She looked up at him seeing something that she never thought she would ever associate with Severus Snape, he was nervous. She took her wand off the table calling his gift into the kitchen before saying,

"Merry Christmas."

"You go first." He said quietly, he didn't realize that he was nervous about this gift until now.

She tore the paper, taking the lid off then she pulled back the tissue paper gasping when she saw what was in the box. Tears sprang to her eyes, nestled in the box was a crystal otter. She took it out holding it up, it had a bluish tint to it looking almost like her patronus. Carefully she set it back in the box before standing going to him, she leaned over kissing him, he pulled her to sit on his lap as he deepened the kiss.

Severus broke the kiss when he tasted salt, he pulled back looking at her.

"Thank you, it's beautiful." She said.

Severus reached up brushing her tears away before saying,

"You're welcome."

"Your turn." She went to move but he held her still as he picked up the wrapped package off the table.

He opened the gift, the first one he ever opened in front of her. He tore the paper then taking the lid off he saw a set of stirring rods, a complete set. Each were engraved with _Master Severus Snape_, he didn't know what to say. It was a very thoughtful gift, a useful gift that he would think of her every time he used them every day. He couldn't think of any words that would do justice to what he felt at the moment. He captured her mouth with his kissing her deeply before pulling back saying,

"Thank you, you know now I'll think of you ever day when I use them."

She smiled at him thinking, '_Yes you will when the charm works and shows you the rest of the engraving'_.

"You're welcome."

They spent the remainder of the day wondering around the castle and grounds, Hermione couldn't seem to settle herself at the moment.

"What is on your mind?" Severus finally asked.

"I don't know, maybe it's just that it's Christmas and I miss my parents they always loved this time of year."

Severus put his arm around her as they walked back up to the castle entrance saying,

"I'm sorry they are lost to you."

"I knew what I was doing, they are safe and having a life that they probably wouldn't have if I had not done what I did."

He squeezed her to him before letting her go as they walked into the great hall for the Christmas fest.

Everyone sat around one table in the hall, as there were very few students that stayed over the Christmas holidays anymore. Severus sat in silence as he listened to Hermione talk to Potter, when the two lowered their voices and had their heads together Severus strained to hear what was being said. Though he was interrupted by Minerva who inquired about how his Christmas day was.

Hermione sat next to Harry, they talked about her apprenticeship that was starting in the next week. Finally Hermione moved her head closer before whispering.

"Severus wants to know what happen."

Harry looked over at her then said,

"So tell him, I don't see what it would hurt."

"It's just, I would rather forget what happen."

Yes Harry knew she did.

"I want to release you to tell him what happen, I don't think I'll ever be able to."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I'll take care of it." Harry would pretty much do anything right now to see Hermione happy again and she hadn't truly been happy since that night he walked in on a very drunk Ron trying to force her to have sex. "I'll be back on New Year's Eve, well the day before I'll take care of it then."

Severus had a very bad feeling that something was about to happen, something that was not going to bode well for someone. No he didn't take any stock in divination but being a spy for years did teach him to pay attention. Moments later when Ron Weasley walked into the hall and then he knew why, the man looked directly at Hermione with a look of hatred.

Hermione looked up when she felt someone's eyes on her, when she locked eyes with Ron she stood saying to Severus,

"I'm going," Severus started to raise when she said, "No you stay, I just lost my appetite."

Severus watched her as she walked to the opened doors of the great hall, then he saw Weasley follow her. He stood, following her, he didn't care for the way Weasley was looking at her. He didn't have to go far, just outside the door hung enchanted mistletoe which when she walked under Weasley stepped up to her.

Severus stayed back far enough to see what was going to happen but close enough to step in quickly if need be.

Hermione stopped suddenly, she looked around her to see Ron too close to her.

"Ron." She said quietly.

"Look I'm sorry about yesterday, I don't know what happen."

"It's fine, now if you'll excuse me….."

Harry had come out to find where Ron went but was held back by Severus who shook his head at him.

"Well, I sort of cant." Ron said.

"What do you mean 'cant'?'"

Ron pointed up, Hermione followed where he indicated to see the mistletoe when she looked back down Ron was leaning in to kiss her she pulled back, not in this life time would anyone other than Severus kiss her again.

"No, I don't think so. Someone will come out soon enough."

"Oh come on, we have kissed before."

"Well not anymore."

"What is just one kiss."

"Ronald, I don't want to kiss you."

He tried again, when she pulled away from him saying,

"I said no."

"What Hermione, you first claim that you were raped so I would still accept you then when I do one thing…."

"Not for the first time, and I'm not doing this it was ten years ago. Let it go Ron."

"Oh so Snape was good enough, I'm sure he was the one that you claimed that raped you."

Hermione raised her hand slapping him before she even registered that she was going to.

She moved so fast that Severus wasn't expecting what she was going to do until it happen, Potter and him quickly left their hiding spot before anything else could happen.

"What's going on here?" Severus asked.

"None of you fucking business, as I told you yesterday you are no longer bonded to her so fuck off."

"For one Mr. Weasley you will hold your tongue if you cannot speak to me with respect, as for being bonded you should check your information."

"What?" the other three said at the same time, which would have been comical if Hermione looked as if she was going to slap him next.

"Nothing." He said, yeah not how he intended to tell her that he had never completed the filing.

"Severus Snape you will tell me this instant what the hell you meant by that." Hermione said not in the mood to play this game and not caring that Ron or Harry was standing right there.

"Later." He hissed at her.

"Like you were going to tell me about your eye later? No, I want an answer now."

He knew that he was just going to upset her more by keeping silent.

"I never completed filing the papers."

Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	63. Chapter 63

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>"You what!" Hermione yelled.<p>

"I told you Hermione he could never be trusted." Ron said.

"Shut up!" Severus, Hermione, and Harry all yelled at him.

Minerva came up to them saying,

"What in the name of Merlin is going on here."

"Release the spell." Severus said.

Minerva looked at the each of them seeing who was caught in the mistletoe before saying,

"Yes." She released the spell.

Hermione started to walk away and Severus followed she turned on him saying,

"You had better not, not right now."

When Ron started to follow she said,

"Don't you ever come near me again in this life, got it?"

"But I'm not the one….."

"Who what? Lied? And fucking Lavender and whoever else then telling me you were not wasn't a lie? Just stay the hell away from me."

Harry grabbed Ron's arm holding him back as Hermione hurried away.

Severus stood stunned looking after her when Ron turned on him saying,

"You did this."

Severus slowly looked at him saying,

"What is it exactly is it you think I did Mr. Weasley."

"Oh don't play dumb, you were screwing her when we were here. Then you cooked up some story about her being raped. Why else would she save you?"

Severus grabbed his throat saying,

"You have no idea what your speaking of."

"Severus." Minerva said calmly "Let Mr. Weasley go, I'm sure he's just upset and didn't mean to accuse you of any misconduct, did you Mr. Weasely?"

Ron stared at Severus, almost daring him to take it one step further. Severus shoved him back against the wall,

"Do not ever attempt to contact my wife again."

Severus stalked off down the hall robes billowing behind him. Leaving three shocked people staring after him.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus stalked outside, blowing up anything that he felt like. He was not going to tell her, at least not right now that he couldn't bring himself to finish filing the papers that would grant them the divorce. He was letting her go, he just couldn't find it in himself to finish the process. After sometime he found that he didn't want to, he knew he was taking a terrible chance that she would find someone else which would have caused all sort of problems for her. Which knowing her she was now off beating herself up thinking that he did it to fuck with her mind one last time.

There was nothing further from the truth, in May it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Five years was the limit, after that it would have been automatic if no one showed up to finish the process. He did wonder why she hadn't done the job herself, either of them could have.

"Severus." Draco said walking up to him slowly.

Severus sighed, he knew it wouldn't take long for Draco to find him. He also knew that Draco came to find out if it was true.

"Yes Draco, I didn't finish filing the papers. Hermione is pissed, she's going to think I did it to play a mind game with her one last time."

"So why are you standing here telling me this and not going to find her?"

"She's pissed, she has every right to be. I should have just followed through."

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to."

"Why?" Draco wanted Severus to admit that he loved Hermione and that was what kept him from going through with the divorce.

Severus turned to walk away when Draco laid a hand on his arm stopping him before saying,

"Even if you don't want to tell me, someday you are going to have to admit it to her."

Draco turned going back into the castle.

Severus knew Draco was right, he was going to have to tell Hermione someday his true feelings for her.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione was livid, she couldn't believe that he would do that. If she had found someone that she wanted to sleep with the result would have been terrible, it would have been breaking the vows and that came with a hefty price for her anyway, because in this backwards world the man always had all the power. There were consequences if she was unfaithful but not if he was. And to find out that she thought she was divorced, not under the binds of the vows any longer.

How could he lie to her like that, albeit a lie of omission, and she could have very well went and finished the filing herself instead of assuming that he did it. She had thought at the time that being free of her was what he wanted, but what does it say that he didn't go the ministry of magic to complete the process?

She looked down from the window in the tower she was standing in to see Severus stalking around outside blowing bushes up, she watched him for some time knowing that he was angry at Ron for forcing him to tell her…

"That son of a bitch." She said before running down the stairs, back to the great hall to only find Draco and Astoria there.

"Where's Ronald?" Hermione asked.

"Potter made him leave, for his own good."

"Damn it."

"What?" Astoria asked.

"Ron had to know the un-bonding was not finished."

"So he set all of this up just so that you would know and what? Be angry at Severus?"

"I think so, Ron told me once that if couldn't have me no one else would. He was drunk and I never thought much about it at the time but now I don't know. Why even play this game? What could he possibly gain now?"

"He's not trying to gain anything, I just think he doesn't like to lose."

"But he didn't lose, I did."

"But you also gained, which he didn't."

At her questioning look Draco said,

"Yes whatever he did made you cut ties with the Weasley's but bonding to Severus gained you our friendship, albeit a….. tenitive one at first."

Hermione thought about that, he was right. She reached over patting the back of his hand saying,

"Your right, I can't ever see any of them doing for me what you did that night."

Draco didn't have to ask what she was talking about.

"Yes well….."

Astoria smiled, she had known what Draco did and she was proud of him for comforting someone like that though it did embarrass Draco when it was brought up.

"I need to go find Severus." Hermione said standing.

"He was outside the east door."

"I know, I'll see you both later."

Hermione went outside, she walked around until she saw him standing by the side gate to the forest.

"Severus." She called but he didn't turn around. She walked up to him, standing next to him she didn't say anything for a long time. Finally she said,

"I need you to answer one question for me?"

He nodded.

"Why if you gave me the papers to sign at the first possible opportunity why did you not go to the ministry to have them fully filed?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	64. Chapter 64

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus sighed he knew she would want to know, he just wasn't sure he wanted to tell her. Finally he said,<p>

"I had every intention of doing so, but your last words to me hit me harder than I….. I only had one thought at the time I gave them to you to sign and that was freeing you to be happy." he stopped, he had no idea what to say. "I don't know what to say Hermione, yes I didn't follow through with filing the papers. But you didn't either."

"I assumed that since it was the first possible chance that you would have finished filing them that day and there would be no need for me too."

Severus stared off into the forest, finally he said.

"I couldn't do it, not after overhearing you and Potter. To know that you felt that way after everything I said and did to you was…. Overwhelming. Those few words broke down walls to feelings that I hadn't had or dealt with in a very long time. When you left I honestly didn't know how to stop you, I thought you would finally tell me that you cared and didn't want to go. When the door slammed I was lost, I knew you couldn't stay no matter how much I wanted it to be after everything I had done to you. I just couldn't figure out why you would care when I gave you every reason in the world to hate me, I still don't."

Hermione stood staring at him for sometime not knowing really what to say, she knew the truth would be the best but she wasn't sure she wanted to admit to anything from then. Finally she said.

"I saw through it, the mask that you wore…. Wear to the outside world, even me. I knew that something was wrong, that you were not happy with me. I just had no idea what it was. I knew your vile words or actions were a defense meant to keep people back. Hell I even understood that you felt if you keep everyone away then there is no way anyone can hurt you."

"That turned out not to be true."

"Yes I know that now."

"When you left" Severus took a breath before saying "It did hurt me when you left."

"Do you think you were the only one?"

"No." he realized that the answer was true, he knew the moment he saw her that morning she was hurting.

"Were you ever going to tell me the bonding was still there? Or were you hoping that I wouldn't find out and in May it would be automatic?"

"I wanted to tell you several times, but then again I didn't. I didn't want you to be angry that I didn't follow through and then we have words again. I'm wanting…" Severus trailed off.

"Unless you tell what you want I won't know." She said when he didn't continue.

"I want us to move forward, you know this."

"Yes I do, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded of it."

He looked over at her for the first time since she stepped up to him. She moved to stand in front of him before saying.

"Severus, ask me what I want."

He looked down into her eyes, he quietly asked.

"What do you want Hermione?"

"I want to get over my past and our past so we can move forward." Then she smiled saying, "Oh and I want you to kiss me."

He smirked at her before lowering his head touching his lips lightly to hers, her arms snaked around his neck as she ran her tongue across his bottom lip. He deepened the kiss letting her deepen the kiss. When he felt her tongue slid across the roof of his mouth he moaned. He ended the kiss laying his forehead on hers, finally saying.

"We need to stop."

"I know."

"Will you please tell me what happen."

"I caught Ron sleeping around, several times. He never believed that I was… that Redding did what he did. He even went so far as accusing me of screwing you while I was a student because I saved your life and visited you while you were in St. Mungo's. When I finally had enough, after a huge fight that got violent, I left. He just never wanted to accept things were over and lied to anyone who would listen to him about it. Of course I made his lies true when a week later I filed the bonding intent. Ron and I were over long before that, but he had found out about the bonding from Harry and it gave him all he needed to pretty much make everyone believe him that I…. that we were having an affair."

"How is it I never heard of this?" Severus asked.

"I don't know, could be that when you woke up you were in Azkaban almost at once and by the time you came back here to teach it was mostly a forgotten story. Ron had married Lacey by the….. why was she not here?"

"Off topic." Severus said smirking when she looked up at him.

"Anyway they married, I had already cut ties with the Weasley's by then and I assumed that all of that was over with. Hell I hadn't even seen Ron in almost ten years until yesterday."

"Does it really matter what they believe? I've seen what happen, I believe it. We also know the truth that the first time….."

"That when I was a student nothing went on."

"Yes."

"No it doesn't, that was why I cut the ties with them. Really everyone else was just because I left this world. Now it really doesn't seem the big deal it was at the time."

"You won't do that again." He stated.

"No I will not."

"Hermione, I need you. Don't abandon me again." Severus said looking directly in her eyes, Hermione gave him a small smile before saying,

"Never." Yes she still held something's against him, but she truly wanted to get past them.

Severus took her hand leading her back to their rooms in the castle.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	65. Chapter 65

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Hermione was sitting at the table the next morning for breakfast when Ginny came up to her asking,<p>

"Do you mind?"

Hermione looked up, Ginny had been trying to talk to her for a few days now. Hermione thought she might as well get this over with.

"No."

Ginny sat across from her before saying,

"I owe you an apology, a huge apology. I believed Ron when I….."

"Ginny, Ron is your brother that is how it should be."

"No, I spent a lot of time with you in your sixth year I knew you weren't sleeping with any professor yet I let Ron tell me you were. I didn't believe you when you caught him with anyone."

"I never said…"

"Harry, anyway I said some truly terrible things to you and about you and I'm so sorry that I did."

"Ginny I understood, Ron is family, it's important that you believe him…."

"That may be, but he was so wrong."

Ginny slid a photo across the table saying,

"I ran into Lavender about six months ago, she told me a story when I asked about her daughter."

Hermione looked down to see Lavender and a girl that looked to be about ten with red hair. She looked back up at Ginny.

"Yeah I was shocked too, I found out from her that Ron gave her money to leave….. no I didn't believe her until I confronted Ron. He finally spilled the whole story, but he pissed me off to no end trying to lay the blame everywhere but at his own feet."

Hermione looked between the photo and Ginny wondering what the woman across from her really wanted her to do with this information. None of it mattered anyway.

"What do you want Ginny?" Hermione finally asked.

"Just for you to know that I am sincerely sorry for what I said to you and about you, I said some truly awful things behind your back. Wished for some truly terrible things to happen, I didn't understand then like I do now."

Hermione knew that Ginny was trying to clear her conscience, and she may even be in earnest but she didn't know if she'd ever be able to forgive the red head girl.

"I have a question."

"Anything."

"You always thought I was a terrible person after I left Ron, why in the world did you agree to allowing me to be godmother to your children?"

Hermione watched as tears started to fall down Ginny's cheeks before she took a deep breath saying,

"I…. I was angry at you when….. about the intent you filed. I said something truly awful that I hoped would happen."

"What was that?" Hermione asked.

"I…. that you would….. never have kids."

Hermione gasped, Ginny had known that Hermione had wanted to have at least a child.

"I…. when I had James within a month of your last….. I felt so awful for saying that, I can't imagine the pain you went through losing a baby I know how I would have felt. I told Harry that I didn't care what they thought I wanted you…. That I would share ours with you. That I didn't care if you ever talked to me again, but I wanted our children to know you."

Hermione had no idea what to say, she reached across the table laying her hand on Ginny's. finally saying,

"I can't say things would ever be like before, but….. I do appreciate what you've said and done. Maybe the rest will just take time."

Ginny nodded at her not able to speak.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Harry started to walk into the great hall when he stopped at seeing Ginny and Hermione across from one another.

"About time." He whispered.

"For what?" Severus asked as he had been watching them also.

"Ginny's carried a lot of guilt over what happen between them. Yes I know it was Ginny's fault, but it didn't stop her from having terrible guilt over the things she thought and said."

"I see."

"Come on, let's join them."

Harry sat down next to Ginny putting his arm around her shoulder, he looked at Hermione who nodded at him. Severus sat down next to her rubbing her back as he asked,

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, fine." Hermione said she'd tell him later about what was said. "Oh, Harry about what we talked about last night. Don't worry about it, I took care of it."

"Sure."

"Okay, now tell me how you got the black eye." Hermione said.

Severus sighed he had avoided the question the last three days but he thought that was at an end.

"I went to see Redding."

"What does that mean?" she asked suddenly tense.

"Just that."

"And how did he look when you left?" Hermione asked.

"Worse." Harry said.

She looked over at him then back to Severus.

"Do I want to know?"

"If you do I will tell you."

"No, I will." Harry said. "It seems Redding had an accident, broke a few ribs, oh and his nose and cheek bone. I don't think he'll even think about a sexual act ever again."

Hermione's head whipped around looking at Severus, he beat someone up for her. She smiled at him feeling him relax next to her before saying,

"Well I would think he needs to be more careful."

"Yes he should." Severus said as he started eating his breakfast.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	66. Chapter 66

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>In the early evening of New Year's Eve Minerva informed them that there was an impromptu party taking place in the great hall and they were expected to be there.<p>

Hermione sighed, so much for her plans like they were huge. She just wanted a quiet night on the sofa reading, in a few days she was going to start her apprenticeship and she was already nervous as it was about it.

"Hermione." She realized that Severus called her name several times she looked over at him.

"I was going to say that we could find an excuse but I think you need a distraction."

"No, I was just thinking."

"My point, in the last week you've been in the library more than here. Everyone needs a distraction, go get ready."

"I don't have anything for a party here." She said hoping the excuse would work.

"It doesn't matter, it's just the few students that are here and the staff now go."

When she came out twenty minutes later Severus looked up to see her and stopped breathing. She had on a pair of jeans that were form fitting, and a sweater that showed the figure she had. He stood going to her before saying.

"You want me to let you out dressed like that."

"Do you have a choice?"

He knew she was right, he wouldn't stop her if he could he was not going to control her again.

"No, but I will be keeping an eye on the boys."

"Yeah, I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"I do." He leaned down kissing her, his hands slipped down to her bum pulling her to him. When he broke the kiss he said, "Are you ready?"

She nodded as words wouldn't string themselves together in her mind.

Hermione had to admit she had fun for something she hadn't wanted to do in the first place. At a quarter to twelve Severus took her hand leading her outside to the courtyard then down a small path. They could still hear the music coming from the great hall, but she was sure no one would see them. Leave it to Severus to know about this place, she wondered how many students he had chased out of here during dances in the past.

When he stopped he turned to her saying,

"Hermione, I know I didn't tell you about not taking care of the un-bonding between us. A new year starts tomorrow would you like for me to take care of that now? I can go ….."

"Severus stop talking a moment." She said as she thought about this, did she want it done? Her automatic answer would be no, but she needed to think this though. How much would it tell him if she said no?

"Hermione stop thinking about it so much, don't analyze it."

"What do you want?" she asked him.

"No, we got to where we are today because each of us was trying to make the other happy with what we thought they wanted."

"That's why we are talking about this." She said, "What do you want at this moment?"

"Honestly, I want to leave it as it…. No that's not true, I would prefer to retract it."

"I want to leave it as is right now." She said, she couldn't bring herself to retract it just yet.

He nodded at her saying,

"Very well, I'll leave it as it stands right now."

"Severus, I've been thinking I want us to go into this new year without some of the things that we've carried around for far too long."

"So what do you want to let go of?"

"Not just me, us. I can honestly say that the only things I'll be taking into the new year is…. Well, very few things."

"Redding?"

"Yes, I've still not quite got all of that settled yet."

"What I…. sexual relations with me, the things….." Severus didn't know quite how to word what he wanted to say, of course he never seemed to be able to when it came to sex.

"Yes, but I'm not so sure if it's what you said or what I did about it that makes me angrier. And that is something that I'll have to work out on my own."

"Very well."

"Your turn."

"I just agreed to yours."

"Severus there are many things in the past, some you need to rid yourself of."

"I….. you know if there was something I want to let go of more than anything it's the doubt I have that I'm forgiven."

"If I have told you so you are. Is it so hard for you to accept that your forgiven?"

"Hermione I don't think you understand, no one in my life has ever forgiven me for what I have done wrong from the smallest infraction to the most horrendous things you can think of."

"Well I'm not everyone, I can find it in myself to forgive and mean it."

"I know, it's the reason I want to let go of the doubt."

"What do you want out of next year? Where do you see things three hundred sixty five days from now?"

"I want us to be standing of this very spot sharing the first kiss of the new year, what about you?"

"I want to have peace, I want to be free of everything else that I still am unable to let go of. I want to be happy with you."

Severus reached up brushing her cheek with his fingers before saying,

"I want to make you happy more than anything."

She ginned at him before stepping to him leaning up just as the clock stuck twelve they kissed, he wrapped his hand around her neck pulling her in closer to him deepening the kiss as she allowed him entrance to her mouth, their tongues sliding around one another. She laid her hands on his waist as he dropped his hands behind her pulling her closer to him. She could feel the effect this was having on him, she broke the kiss smiling up at him.

He laid his forehead on her regaining his breath before saying,

"I'll never tire of this."

"I hope not, Happy New Year Severus."

"Happy New Year Hermione."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	67. Chapter 67

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>The evening before her apprenticeship started he set down in the classroom with her saying,<p>

"You are really not going to like the first several weeks of this."

"I figured that."

"Your first task after breakfast tomorrow is to remove, clean, record amounts, and reset all the ingredients in the class storeroom, without magic."

He watched her eyes widen at this and knew what was going through her mind, that he was going to use her to clean his class room. He stayed his ground though, it was really going to be a rough few weeks.

"Very well." She said, "Is that all Professor?"

"For now yes." He said.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

The first three weeks of her apprenticeship was about to make Hermione scream, it really wasn't worth all of this. She was so tired of cleaning the storerooms, having to ask permission to go to lunch and supper.

But then almost every night he would remind her that as soon as she was ready he would be under her control. The idea was tantalizing to her the more she thought about it, but would it still erase how much her arms and back hurt from cleaning the same rooms over and over again.

The last Monday in January Hermione was standing in the classroom having ate breakfast in their rooms, she was waiting. When Severus entered the room he said.

"Miss. Granger, you know what your job is."

"No, I am here to learn potions not clean your class room like some bloody house elf."

"And you do not think that the task you've been given has not taught you anything."

"No I do not, other than you and your students are a bunch of slobs who have no idea how to put things away."

Severus walked over to the cabinet taking out a cauldron then went to the storeroom taking out ingredients adding them so quickly that Hermione couldn't keep up with what he was brewing.

"Miss. Granger, come."

Hermione looked in the cauldron and knew it was close to blowing up as Severus said to her.

"You have about thirty seconds before this potion blows and removes all air out of this room for twenty seconds. Bring me the aspen needles."

Hermione didn't even think going to the storeroom grabbing the bottle that was needed bringing it to him, she watched as he added it and the potion went from an angry green color to a pale blue. She looked up at Severus as he spoke.

"How long did you have to search for this bottle?"

"I didn't have to search."

"Why was that?"

"I knew where it was." She said lowering her head, so she had been learning after all.

"Some potions have less time than that for you to react to, you have to know the location of every ingredient in that room."

"I understand sir." She said

He lifted her chin to look at him,

"I would never give you a task that does not have a reason behind it."

"I know, I should have known."

"As you were quick with that I think you might skip this room today." He winked at her before dropping his hand and walking away as the first of his fifth years walked in.

Hermione stared at him, she shook her head as she walked back toward his office and then into their rooms where his private potions lab was.

Severus watched as she left the room, he knew that if she had been some out of school apprentice he would have been scathing with his remarks about her being a student or better yet that she was bound to do what he told her to without question. She wasn't though, she was at least twelve years older than most apprentices would be. Then there was the small fact that they had been bonded so they knew each other on a different level.

Tonight when they met before supper he would tell her that starting tomorrow he wanted her to sit in on his first year classes, though he knew she wasn't going to like what he had planned for her. He would be surprised if she had brewed anything in the last five years, so he was going to give her a crash course in brewing. Though he didn't know why, this was the girl who brewed polyjuice in her second year though she did end up in the infirmary when it went wrong it was still an owl level potion and as far as he could tell the only mistake was the hair she added.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Before supper she came back into the classroom for tomorrows work.

"Miss. Granger, tomorrow you will be sitting in the first year classes. I'll let you choose which one, the remainder of your time you can do your research on the potion you want to develop."

Hermione's eyes widened, was he really going to let her have that much research time?

"Do not get to excided, you will be brewing with them."

"First years?"

"Yes."

"But….."

"Miss. Granger, you have not been in a potions lab for I would say five years. No matter your skill with an OWL level potion in your second year, one that you did get wrong. I want to make sure you still have the skill before you advance on."

"I did not brew the polyjuice wrong."

"You were a cat." He said.

"But Harry and Ron were Crabbe and Goyle." She said as she turned walking into their rooms leaving a stunned Severus behind her.

By the end of the week Severus started to question letting her do research without limits, the only time she had been to supper all week was when he forced her to go last night after he noticed that she was not eating lunch. She was keeping later hours than he was, that was how he ended up tonight alone in bed yet again.

He heard the door open then her bag being dropped by it, he waited for her to enter the bedroom but she went to the shower first. He laid there playing with the chain around his neck until he heard the water shut off.

Once she was in bed with him he said,

"Hermione."

"Ummm."

"I would like for you to have join me for supper tomorrow night."

"I would love to but…."

He cut her off saying,

"You added a provision to our agreement concerning what you termed as date nights, I will expect you here after classes."

Hermione sighed, yes she had added the provision but then neither had followed through with it.

"I'll have to ask." She said smiling at him.

"I am sure it will be fine." He said to her before pulling her into his arms.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	68. Chapter 68

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus slammed the door to their rooms as he walked in, it would figure the one day he wanted to be done early and the dunderheads were not having any of it. Two exploded cauldrons later, it took them nearly two hours to clean the potions room. He had sighed when he finally looked up, Hermione was sitting in his chair a book in her hands though he didn't think it was any kind of text from this school.<p>

"I'll just grab a shower then….."

"Supper is done, I heard about the exploding cauldrons. Just go shower, I'll have it ready when you come out."

Severus looked at her for several moments before saying,

"The point was…."

"It says that on the date nights in I would cook on one and you the other, well now the next one you can cook." She stood slowly going toward him she kissed him on the cheek before turning toward their small kitchen leaving him staring after her.

Twenty minutes later he was sitting at the table with her when she asked,

"So other than the accidents how was your day?"

"The same as always, though I did have a fifth year say something that surprised me."

"Oh, what was that?"

"She told her partner who was complaining about my….. methods that he must have forgotten the accident they had in their second year when two students and the professor died. Her cousin was one of the students, she told him that he may not like how I teach but there has not be any major accidents since I've been here."

"See some people understand why you're so…. Strict when it comes to your class. One mistake is all it takes to have a terrible accident."

"Yes it is. So how goes the research?"

"Tedious, I didn't realize how many different potions had been tried to cure the effects of that curse."

"Well I'm sure you'll be able to wade through it all and give me a well thought out theory with more information than his required."

Hermione looked up to see him smiling at her, she smirked back at him before stabbing at her salad with her fork.

Severus had no idea what in the world she had fixed but it was some kind of chicken, which he had found that she eats more of than anything else when she bothered to eat at all.

"What is this?" he asked poking the piece of meat with his fork.

"Chicken."

He sighed, "I figured that. I meant what is the name of this dish."

"It doesn't have a name, if you don't want to eat it….."

"No, I was just wondering."

"Severus, I know you're not fond of chicken but since my surgery most meat dishes don't set well with me."

He did not know that but was glad she told him or he would have been fixing something with beef on his night to cook.

"I will reserve judgment until I've tried it, I wasn't trying to say…."

"I know, it's just…. Well Poppy is trying to adjust the potion I have to take, it just makes me…. Off. It's either too much or not enough. Either way makes me moody or upset or just downright depressed."

He had a thought occur to him, setting down his fork he asked.

"Is that why you spend most evenings in the library?"

She looked up at him, how did he do that she probably would never know.

"I don't want to snap at you over nothing, and believe me it's hard not to snap. So yes I spend less time around you because I don't understand why I want to bitch at you, it's not that I'm unhappy. It's really rather disconcerting."

Severus sighed laying his hand over on hers, finally he said.

"Did you read the latest potions monthly? There was an article about a new hormone potion, maybe we should try it."

"Yes I read it, it also said that it's only for half blood or pure blood witches. Something about being a muggle born makes the potion inert."

"Well then I'd say it's a good thing you know a potions master who cares about you, I'll see what can be done with it. Do you still have the medication the doctor gave you?"

"Yes." She started to rise when he said,

"Later, just leave it in my lab."

"Okay."

"We'll figure something out."

She smiled at him as she went back to her supper.

Severus told her after supper that even if he wasn't much on chicken it was still a very good meal and he wouldn't mind having it again.

As Hermione started cleaning the dishes, no matter how much he told her that she could leave them she never would, Severus transfigured the sofa into one with a wider seat, after he helped her finish the dishes he took her hand leading her to the sofa. He sat down having her set between his legs. He handed her the book she had been reading and a glass of wine. Then he picked up his own book and his glass.

"No old dusty tomes tonight?" he asked as he found his place in his book.

"No, I just need some mind numbing reading."

He made some non committal sound as he started to read his book.

He had stopped reading some time ago when he noticed she was humming, he closed his eyes listening to the soft sound coming from her. Finally he leaned over whispering in her ear making her tense.

"What are you humming?"

"I'm humming?" she asked as she kept her eyes on her book.

"Yes you are, it's a beautiful tune what is it?"

Hermione closed her eyes as she started humming again, paying attention this time to what the tune was finally she said.

"It's just a muggle song called _In Your Eyes._" She hadn't even realized she was humming. The song she had been humming had struck her as odd. Then of course her mind started to reason it out, this time she saw what she had wanted before every time she looked into his eyes. At times it was like getting lost in his soul, at times it scared her to no end how lost she could become if she let herself.

"I see." He said making a mental note to find a copy so he could hear it.

Sometime later he looked down to see what she was reading when he felt her tense against him. As he read the page that she was currently on he smirked, he would have never pegged her for the trashy romance novel type.

In her ear he whispered softly,

"That does not seem like something I would have ever caught you reading."

"I found it in your office." She said a slight humor in her voice.

"I'm sure it was confiscated."

"I'm sure." She said distractedly.

He laid his book aside along with his empty glass before leaning close to her ear whispering,

"Have you ever done that?" then he mentally kicked himself, here he was in his late forties and still couldn't say the word masturbate.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	69. Chapter 69

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

So this chapter has what I term as "heavy petting" in it (I know there is another term I've seen for it but don't remember what it is at the moment….. If you do not want to read it I have it marked off by a row of XXXXXXXXXX … I also (in my demented brain) think that it's ironic that the first chapter where they venture to anything of a more sexual nature is chapter 69… See warped I tell ya, ask my boyfriend he'll agree:D

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>She closed the book setting it on her lap before closing her eyes saying,<p>

"Yes."

Severus ran his fingertips up and down her arms as he spoke softly to her.

"And who were you thinking about?"

Hermione sighed, the small amount of wine along with the very erotic passage she had been reading combined with the feeling of his fingers tracing up and down her arms and his soft silky voice in her ear made her forget everything. She leaned her head back on his shoulder before saying,

"You."

Severus closed his eyes, her admission caused his body to respond in ways it never had to anyone.

"Would you show me?" he asked her slowly.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

She turned looking at him then leaned up to kiss him, he met her lips then entered her mouth with his tongue when she opened for him. When the kiss broke he looked down to see that she had undid the buttons on her top and had them pushed aside along with her bra. He looked over her shoulder as she lightly rubbed her nipples then pinched them , rolling them between her thumb and finger. He kissed her neck again, running his tongue to a spot behind her ear that drew a gasp from her.

She turned her head kissing him again, he kept his fingers tracing lightly up and down her arms.

When Hermione had answered his question she had only thought about she wanted him to know that it wasn't wrong, the way his father had told him. All those thoughts fled when she thought of him watching her, it was erotic to know that he was looking her hands on her own breast making her nipples hard.

She finally took his hands leading them to her breast. She slipped her hands down to undo the button and zip on her jeans, lifting her hips she pulled them down along with her panties. She lightly ran her fingers over herself, she hissed turning to kiss his neck. How many times had she done this very thing this very same way imagining him behind her? Hermione hesitated, this was a very intimate thing she was about to do in front of him.

"Don't think, just feel. Show me how you bring yourself pleasure."

She moaned as she laid her head back on his shoulder again.

He kissed along her neck as he watched her move her hand lower again. He moaned when she slipped a finger inside herself. He worked her nipples lightly as she pulled her finger up to her clit where she ran slow circles she moaned as she touched herself, her head laying back on his shoulder, she whispered to him.

"I use to dream it was your hands doing this to me, making me feel so good."

He had the hardest erection that he ever recalled, even when he was a teenager it was never like this. He watched her, learning what she liked how she liked to be touched.

He moved his hand lower across her stomach. She whimpered as he rubbed along her lower abdomen barley touching of her pelvic area. Finally he took her hand away laying it on his thigh, slowly he moved his hand to where hers had been lightly brushing the curls there. She arched into his hand trying to get him to touch where she needed. When he slipped a finger in her then another he sucked in a breath at how wet she was, she arched up into his hand, he pulled them out of her moving to her clit. She let out a little cry when he touched her. She arched up to him, he slowly circled her clit drawing moans from her.

Severus had never thought something he had always thought of as minimal and very wrong would turn out to be so erotic and so much more. Just this simple act making her moan and whimper had him so hard that he wondered if any stimulation would even be needed to make him release.

Hermione wondered if he knew how much his hands on her, his delectable fingers on her made her feel. He moved just right, when he slipped his fingers inside her she would clamp around them making him moan into her neck then he would slowly bring them back to where she wanted them most.

He didn't think he was capable of the restraint he showed, watching her turned him on so much that he was sure he would come without aid. She was gripping his thighs so tight it was bordering on painful, but then she would moan or clamp onto his fingers and he'd forget everything but her withering against him.

He could feel her tense, somehow he knew she was trying to reach for the release she wanted.

"Relax, tell me how." He whispered to her.

"Up." She panted to him. "Faster."

He went a little higher she cried out he whispered to her,

"Yes, come for me. Scream my name Hermione."

He had her held so tight she couldn't move, his legs were draped over hers and his arm was around her holding her tightly to him. She tightened her hold on his thighs as she panted and cried out. Once she broke she screamed his name, as waves of pleasure crashed over her.

He knew that he was so close himself that it wouldn't take much to make him come, and it didn't her screaming his name moving against him what little she could sent him with her. He grunted biting into her shoulder as he came.

He pulled the blanket on the back of the sofa over them as they tried to regain a normal breathing rate.

Once their breath was normal again he kissed her gently on the shoulder making her shutter as he tightened his arms around her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

They laid there for some time before he moved his hand running his fingers through her hair, just to give his hand something to do before he finally asked,

"Hermione?"

"Humm?"

"Could it have been like that?"

She turned to look at him, she wondered what he was asking about. The question must have shown because he said,

"If I hadn't been so angry about the bonding, making the sex part as…. cold as I could. Would it have been like this?"

She moved her hand out from under the cover laying her palm across his cheek running her fingers into his hair before saying quietly.

"I don't know, maybe. I know this was better than anything I have ever done for myself."

He leaned over kissing her before saying,

"I need a shower."

She went to set up when he pulled her back to him kissing her again. He knew the question he wanted to ask was going to make him sound so insecure but he had to know. In her ear she finally heard,

"Was it really?"

It was the first time she ever remembered hearing this man being unsure about anything. She turned onto her knees so she could face him taking his face in her hands making him look at her.

"Yes, very much so. I…." He watched as she blushed before saying, "I…." she couldn't tell him she just couldn't make the words come out so she kissed him before moving so he could get up, she waited while he showered. Then she took another one also before climbing into bed, she was almost asleep when she heard him say.

"Next week we have a date, at the new restaurant in Hogsmead."

"That's nice." She mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.

He wondered if she knew that next week was Valentine's day.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	70. Chapter 70

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Valentine's day came, Severus hadn't seen Hermione much since their night on the sofa last week and he wondered at times if she regretted what happen. Then he remembered the smile that was on her face the next morning and the way she went out of her way to touch him and how those touches lingered on him.<p>

This morning before he left her sleeping he conjured a red rose leaving it on his pillow beside her.

It was just fate, between him having to set detentions and her research they only really saw one another in his third year classes that week and at breakfast which they ate in their rooms.

He had found the wizarding equivalent of a muggle CD with the song she said she had been humming, when he listened to it alone in his classroom the words really hit him and he wondered if that was what she truly felt, he found himself playing the chorus over and over in his mind.

_in your eyes  
>the light the heat<br>in your eyes  
>I am complete<br>in your eyes  
>I see the doorway to a thousand churches<br>in your eyes  
>the resolution of all the fruitless searches<br>in your eyes  
>I see the light and the heat<br>in your eyes  
>oh, I want to be that complete<br>I want to touch the light  
>the heat I see in your eyes<em>

Of course the company he bought it from was new and wanted to have repeat business so they had also sent another Wizarding Compact Disk a WCD they had called it, with three songs on it. The first one he hated, it just sounded like noise to him. The second one that played was one he remembered from growing up in the muggle world, the third one though had him replaying it several times. If he had ever heard words that reminded him so much of what he had done to her this one was it.

He spent all of his free time today day making everything prefect for tonight, though he had never cared for this day he wanted her to have no doubt how he felt when the day ended.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione knew she was alone when she woke, there were no arms wrapped around her. She turned over to his side of the bed to see one red rose, a conjured one, laying on his pillow. She smiled, as she picked it up. She never thought that he would have a side such as this, she went to the kitchen to find her morning coffee and gasped. On the table was breakfast with a stasis and warming charm. A note was beside her plate.

_Don't forget, front gate at six._

He had reminded her ever night this week that they had a date tonight. Smiling she wondered if he was anxious or nervous. She did feel as if she was forgetting something today but it just wouldn't come to her what it was.

Once she dressed and left the room she was accosted in the hall by a cupid and then it came to her suddenly. It was Valentine's day, of course she wasn't worried about getting him anything. She had made up her mind in the last week that this date would end with her giving him the pleasure he had given her. No, intercourse was still not on the table yet, but there were always other ways.

At five she was still in the library a house elf popped beside her when she looked over seeing Dobby she said,

"Hello, how have you been?"

"Fine miss, Dobby is to remind Miss. Granger that she is to be at the gate at six."

Hermione looked at her watch,

"Thank you Dobby, the time got away from me."

"You are welcome miss."

Dobby blinked out and Hermione gathered her things to go shower and dress for her date with Severus.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus had finally had his sitting room the way he wanted, using a concealment charm to hide everything so when Hermione came in to get ready for this evening she wouldn't see the items. He had banked on the fact that she more than likely lost track of time and would be in too much of a hurry to notice the magic around the room.

Severus had been to Hogsmead twice already today, he was returning from his second trip when he heard a sound from the woods on the side of the path. He had his wand in his hand in a moment moving off the path to investigate, he kept telling himself that it was more than likely just some animal scurrying around.

He made it to the edge of the woods when his world went black.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Hermione stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door, the grey colored dress she chose fell just below her knees she had barrowed Ginny's knee high green boots to wear. She stood in front of the mirror looking at herself, she had one last thing to do, she took the comb Luna had given her and worked it into her hair. She had thought about it after Luna gave her the comb and decided that she would be the holder of it until either death or if they had a daughter and she married.

She grabbed her black cloak as she walked out the door.

She waited at the gate, being a few minutes late she thought she would have to listen to Severus complain about the fact but he wasn't there yet. She paced the area in front of the gate for half an hour, she wasn't angry, just a little upset that he had put so much emphasis on this and was running late himself.

Fifteen minutes later she started to become concerned, he had been really good about letting her know if something came up and he was going to be late for anything.

When seven came she gave up and started to really worry, she trekked back up to the castle straight to the Headmistress' office. When she knocked she heard a muffled 'enter' from behind the door.

"Hermione, you look lovely tonight." When Minerva's eyes landed on her face she became serious asking, "What's wrong?"

"Severus was suppose to meet me at the front gates an hour ago, I was wondering if you knew what was keeping him."

"No, I spoke to him briefly this afternoon but he was going to Hogsmead then coming back."

She opened a drawer in her desk bringing out a parchment, after running her wand over it she said,

"He's not the grounds, you said he was to meet you at the front gate?"

"Yes, I just came from there he's not there." Hermione's worry went up considerably.

"I'm sure we'll find him, maybe he was just detained."

Hermione hoped the older witch across from her was right, but somewhere deep inside she knew something was very wrong.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	71. Chapter 71

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Psst! I am finally finished writing this story, all I have left is the posting. *Does happy dance around the computer* I cannot wait for you all to read the ending. *grabs the celebratory drink* What? it's five o'clock somewhere. I'll have more to say when I post the last chapter.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus slowly came awake, he looked around the room he was in. He knew he was in the shrieking shack, but he didn't know why. He remembered coming back from Hogsmead, something on the path getting his attention. Then nothing, hearing footsteps he closed his eyes. He said a silent spell that removed the binds that held him. Mentally shaking his head, who ever had him wasn't very strong magically or they underestimated him. Either way it was their mistake that he would take full advantage of.<p>

He was surprised and shocked when water hit him in the face, he couldn't pretend to be still out so he opened his eyes.

"Good you're up."

Severus rolled his eyes, not only at the statement but the man standing over him.

"What do you want?" Severus asked.

"The truth, the thing you seem to keep hiding. Not that I'm inclined to believe you, I don't think you know how to tell the truth if it was sitting in your lap."

Severus stared at the man as he paced in front of him, oh he wanted to know why but the man would reveal himself in time.

"You will tell me the truth."

"You already have heard the truth, you choose not to believe it."

"There is no way that I will ever believe you did not seduce her while we were in school."

"That would seem more your problem than mine."

"I am making it yours."

In the time the man has paced in front of him Severus had worked his wand out of his sleeve. He brought his wand around pointing at the other man.

"_Petrificus Totalus_" Severus said quietly as his wand was pointed at the other mans back, he stood when the other fell. Going over he stood over him saying,

"Now Mr. Weasley we are going to see what you've lied about. _Legilimens_."

He waded though several items that were of no consequence until he found what he wanted. At seeing the 'fight that turned violent' as Hermione had called it he wanted nothing more than to use the killing curse at this moment. Hermione hadn't lied, she just didn't tell him how bad it really was or the fact that she probably would have been beaten to death if Potter hadn't come in.

As he left the others mind he stood over him for several moments before saying,

"If you ever attempt to make contact with my wife again, I will not hesitate to kill you and I will enjoy it."

He went to step over the prone figure on the floor when he kicked him in the ribs then used a sticking charm to stick him to the wall before leaving the room, he knew if he stayed what he had done to Redding would look like a small slap.

He left the shrieking shack cursing the fact that he had the passage to the school closed while he was headmaster. He knew he missed their date and wondered how long he had been out for, he fought the urge to go back and kick Weasley again for his actions.

He had no idea what spell he was hit with but every muscle and joint in his body ached, he apperated to the front gates. When he opened his eyes to find a very worried looking Hermione staring at him who finally said.

"Where have you been?"

"Later, where is everyone?" Severus asked, he just wanted to inform them where they could find Weasley and go find a potion.

"Harry is down on the path with a couple of other aurors, we didn't know what happen to you." Hermione said biting her bottom lip.

Severus heard the worry in her voice, he reached for her putting his arm around her shoulders pulling her to him. That simple act cased an amount of pain that made him hiss, he looked at her to see if she noticed and of course she did.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously.

"Nothing."

She moved away from him, he had not realized that he had been studying himself until he had to catch his balance.

"Yeah nothing, don't lie to me Severus Snape what is wrong?"

"Nothing a potion won't cure."

"Severus." She said in a warning tone. "Please tell me what's wrong, I can see your in pain."

Severus sighed before saying to her,

"You do realize that men like to be the caregivers, we do not admit to physical pain as to not look weak in the eyes of those we care for."

"Stop the bullshit, either tell me or I will call Poppy down here and maybe Minerva too and let them deal with you."

"Damn it woman, you don't play fair."

"Neither do you, so get on with it." She took her wand out pointing it toward the gate.

"Every joint and muscle hurts, I must have been out longer than I thought. I'm not a young man anymore."

"_ Expecto Patronum"_

"I thought you said….."

Hermione smiled at him before turning to the otter before her saying,

"Find… Harry Potter the message is; Severus is at the gate now. We are going to head up to the castle." Turning to Severus she said, "I would think you would know that I keep my word."

"Of course I know that, I just…."

"Let's go, you need a potion or two and maybe a long soak in a hot bath."

"Men do not take long soaks…."

"I have missed my date, do not argue with me Severus."

"Very well, come here."

Hermione stepped up to him he leaned down but she put a hand on his chest saying,

"This is causing you pain."

"I don't care, I would endure any amount of pain to kiss you."

He closed the distance lightly placing his lips on hers, then deepening the kiss. It was always the same, such an overwhelming feeling of headiness when he kissed her like this. It was the reason he always kissed her like this.

Hermione knew this was causing him pain, even if he didn't want to admit it. She broke the kiss placing his arm around her shoulders before saying,

"Let's go, you can tell me what happen along the way."

"Can you wait for Potter, I don't want to have to retell this more than neccarry."

Hermione sighed finally asking,

"Just one question then, where were you?"

"The shrieking shack."

"Okay." She didn't ask any more questions she understood him not wanting to have to repeat the story several times.

"So where do you want to go? Hospital or potions lab for the potions?"

Severus sighed, he really didn't want to be under Poppy's care. Not tonight and if he went to the hospital the woman wouldn't let him leave no matter how much he tried to goad her into doing so. Poppy was nothing if not tenacious when it came to the health of students and factually at the school.

"Potions lab, we can floo Minerva from my office to meet us and Potter there."

"What about me?" Harry asked coming up behind them.

"Were going to the potions lab, we can contact Minerva to meet us there." Hermione said.

Harry looked at the two of them then turned telling the aurors behind him,

"It seems he has been found you can return….."

"You may not want to do that yet." Severus said.

"Okay, they can wait in the great hall."

Once they were far enough away Harry moved closer to Severus saying,

"Here let me help."

"I am fine Mr. Potter."

"You are a liar Professor Snape."

"I will make it to my potions lab under my own power."

"Very well," Harry said before saying under his breath "too damn proud."

Severus chose to ignore him concentrating instead on moving down the stairs to his lab.

The stairs seemed to be the worse, every step felt like his knees were grinding. He wondered again what the hell the spell was that hit him, he had never heard on one that caused this effect. Once he reached the bottom step he stopped leaning against the wall.

Hermione was worried, she didn't think he realized that he was putting more and more weight on her. When he stopped she moved to stand in front of him saying,

"Severus, tell me what potions you need I'll go get them."

"We are almost there…."

"Don't argue with me, just tell me."

Severus knew it was the best choice, and maybe the only one that would allow him to make it to his classroom.

"Pain reliever, muscle relaxer, anti-inflammatory, and joint rebuilder."

"I'll be right back." Hermione said kissing him on the cheek before going half way down the hall then into the classroom.

"Why don't you sit." Potter said.

Severus looked to see a chair behind him, he gratefully took a seat. It helped his knees but not much else.

Harry watched Severus as the man's eyes closed, he could even tell the man was in great amount of pain.

Hermione was back in moments giving him the potions one at a time, when Severus started to get up she said.

"Just relax for a few more minutes, I sent for Minerva. Let the potions do their work."

Hermione looked at Harry the worry efferent in her face.

Severus knew he was worrying Hermione, he hated that he was. She should never have to worry over him, he was suppose to take the worries away from her. He reached for her hand, he was starting to feel better. Hermione knelt by the chair saying,

"Feeling better?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I should not be worrying you so."

"Oh hush, you couldn't stop it even if you tried. It's what happens when you care for someone."

Severus reached over brushing the back of his fingers along her cheek, wondering yet again what he had done right in his life to deserve this beautiful woman. Finally he said,

"Come on, I want to get this over with so I can move on to the rest of the evening."

She tried to help him stand but he waved her hand away as he stood feeling much better, he took her hand leading her to the classroom.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	72. Chapter 72

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>It was not long before Minerva joined them, leading Severus to tell what happen. He relayed what happen, waiting until the end to tell them who it was until the end.<p>

"Potter, you'll find him stuck to the ceiling in the shrieking shack. If you could find out what spell he hit me with it would be great."

Harry nodded, still in disbelief that Ron would do something like this. He was almost to the door when Severus said.

"Potter," when the younger man turned toward him he said, "I don't want him around Hermione again, is that clear?" what the others in the room didn't know was that he was also showing Harry the images that he pulled out of Weasley's mind. He saw the look of shock, so the boy didn't know everything that happen.

"I can very well understand that, I'll make sure of it." Potter left followed shortly by Minerva who told Severus that she would find someone to take his rounds this weekend and to rest.

Once they were alone Hermione asked,

"How are you feeling Severus?"

"Fine, don't give me that look. I'm feeling much better, as soon as I know the spell it will be taken care of."

"You still look a little…. Pained."

"It's not physical, can we talk about it tomorrow? I want to show you something tonight."

"Very well, but don't think I'll forget."

"I don't want you too, I just want to salvage what is left of tonight."

"That would be nice." Hermione tried to put the worry behind her but she also wanted to keep an eye on him.

Severus stood leading her to their rooms, when they were inside he discreetly canceled the spell in the room to hear Hermione gasp, every flat surface had roses on them in all different kinds of vases. There was soft candle light casting a soft glow in the room. On the low table in front of the sofa was a bottle of champagne in a bucket along with two glasses. Tears came unbidden to her eyes, this was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever done for her. She turned to Severus as she heard music start to play,

"This…. You did this for me?"

"Yes." He stated plainly "Hermione," he moved so he was standing in front of her before saying, "I know I never acknowledged any day between us, I want to change that. I want you to have no doubt as to how I feel about you."

"Severus, I haven't doubted that for a while now. You show me in ways that I don't even think you are aware of."

"Dance with me?" he asked.

"Always."

He led her to the clear spot behind the sofa, pulling her to him. Hermione noticed the song palying asking,

"Where did you find this?"

"I'll show you later." He said kissing the top of her head.

The second time he yawned without meaning to she said,

"We should go to bed, you've had a trying day."

"Why Miss. Granger some would believe that you are trying to seduce me?"

"Severus." She said in the tone that said he had just overstepped that line again.

"Bad joke." He said.

"After the day you've had I'll let it slide, but you are still tired and had a long day."

"Fine, let's go to bed."

Hermione stopped as the words of the next song penetrated her mind, she stood in the doorway as she listened.

_This time, this place_  
><em>Misused, mistakes<em>  
><em>Too long, too late<em>  
><em>Who was I to make you wait'<em>

_Just one chance, just one breath_  
><em>Just in case there's just one left<em>  
><em>'Cause you know<em>  
><em>You know, you know<em>

_That I love you, I have loved you all along_  
><em>And I miss you, been far away for far too long<em>  
><em>I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go<em>  
><em>Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore<em>

_One my knees, I'll ask_  
><em>Last chance for one last dance<em>  
><em>'Cause with you I'd withstand<em>  
><em>All of hell to hold your hand<em>

_I'd give it all, I'd give for us_  
><em>Give anything but I won't give up<em>  
><em>'Cause you know<em>  
><em>You know, you know<em>

_That I love you, I have loved you all along_  
><em>And I miss you, been far away for far too long<em>  
><em>I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go<em>  
><em>Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore<em>

_So far away, been far away for far too long_  
><em>So far away, been far away for far too long<em>  
><em>But you know<em>  
><em>You know, you know<em>

_I wanted_  
><em>I wanted you to stay<em>  
><em>'Cause I needed<em>  
><em>I need to hear you say<em>

_I love you, I have loved you all along_  
><em>And I forgive you for being away for far too long<em>  
><em>So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore<em>  
><em>Believe it, hold on to me, never let me go<em>

_Keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore_  
><em>Believe it, hold on to me, never let me go<em>  
><em>Hold on to me, never let me go<em>  
><em>Hold on to me, never let me go<em>

Severus turned when he reached the bed noticing that Hermione wasn't with him, he saw her still standing leaning against the door with her eyes closed. He just stood watching her as she listened to the song that was playing. He wondered if she understood the meaning behind the words, why he chose this song for tonight. He found that he was willing to accept her forgiveness, to forgive himself for his actions. He slowly walked over to where she was standing, she didn't open her eyes or move. He stood in front of her as the song was ending he reached up using his thumb to brush the tears from her face.

Hermione knew he had move to stand back in front of her, she leaned into his hand when his thumb brushed across her cheek. She opened her eyes to look up at him and almost took a step back at the intensity of his gaze on her. She licked her suddenly dry lips before asking.

"Why that song Severus?"

He reached taking her hand, giving himself a little time to collect his thoughts before he answered her. He brought her hand to his chest holding it against his heart as he stared into her eyes finally saying,

"When I heard it," he took a breath. "It's what I did, it's what I feel, it's what I need."

Hermione sucked in a breath, she looked up at him finally laying her hand against his cheek he leaned into it closing his eyes. She studied his features, this man who had captured her heart so long ago. She had known when she agreed to the bonding there had to be some kind of feelings on her part to do such a thing. This man who she had tried so hard to please for five years, always thinking of ways to have him see that she wasn't a bad wife.

Severus opened his eyes looking down at her saying,

"You broke the walls I had and have taken up residence here." He held her hand tightly to his chest above his heart. "I just didn't see it until it was too late, or thought it was."

"I forgive you Severus." She said quietly watching as a shocked expression crossed his face. "Now forgive yourself."

He nodded at her before lightly kissing her on the forehead, she smiled up at him before saying.

"This is my domain, correct."

"Yes." He said without hesitation. "It will always be as such."

She had no idea when she had changed her mind about making love with him, just that the time was now. It had to be now, she took his hand leading him to the bed turning she smiled at him before saying.

"So for our first lesson….."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day. The song in this chapter is "Far Away" by Nickleback I heard it long after I started writing this story but it fit so well that I have made a video for it but I'm also going to be redoing it in the next couple of days be sure to check it out.<p>

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	73. Chapter 73

Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me and keeps me writing.

Warning: If you couldn't guess from the last chapter this one is…. Sexual in nature, and honestly you don't absolutely have to read it to understand what happens next. If you skip to the ending A/N there will be a condensed version of what is discovered in this chapter.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>When they reached the side of the bed she stepped back from him running her hands up his chest to the clasp of his robes, undoing the clasp she pushed his robe to the floor. She undid every button then pushed the coat from his shoulders letting it fall to the floor behind him.<p>

Severus started to reach out but then drew his hand back, he wouldn't touch unless she told him to. She was the master to him in this place.

Hermione watched as he lowered his hand, taking she said.

"I want you to touch me." Turning her back to him she asked. "Unzip me?"

Severus reached up with shaking hands that he balled for a moment before grabbing the tongue of the zipper slowly sliding it down to the top of her rear. Hermione sucked in a breath at the feel of his lips on the skin he exposed, she felt his hands lightly push the sleeves down her arms letting the dress fall to the floor. She sucked in a breath as he ran his fingertips back up to her shoulders.

Severus watched the goose bumps rise on her skin at his touch, as he ran his fingers back down her arms he leaned over lightly kissing her shoulder as he intertwined their fingers together. She brought his arms around her middle as she stepped back against him leaning her head to the side giving him access to her neck. He placed light kisses along her neck, darting his tongue out to taste her. He could feel her shiver at his light touches.

Hermione let go of his hands moving she sat on the bed after kicking the dress away, Severus watched her in the black bra and panties she wore. He became more aware of his erection pressing against his pants.

"Boots." She said.

Severus leaned over pulling one at a time off, placing light kisses along her calves as he did so. He kicked off his boots at the same time.

She reached for his shirt pulling it out of the waist band of his pants before going to work on the buttons. With every button she slipped through the hole she would lean up placing a kiss to the patch of skin that was exposed. When she could pull the sides of his shirt apart enough she ran light kisses along the scar on his neck from Nagini.

She reached for his pants unbuttoning them carefully pushing them to the floor before going back to his shirt buttons, she undid the next one pulling the side back to place a kiss on his chest making him hiss in a breath. When she undid the next button something caught her eye, she undid the next two buttons quickly pulling the shirt fully open.

She gasped when she finally saw what caught her eye, their rings. Her stomach tightened at the sight and she felt a heat between her legs. Severus looked down to see what drew such a reaction out of her watching as her hand shook as she reached out to touch the rings hanging around his neck.

"How long?" she asked her voice shaky.

"Since the day you left." He said realizing that his voice was full of emotion.

"Severus." She whispered his name as she touched them, she wanted him right now. He had kept her close to his heart since the day she walked out the door telling him that she didn't love him. She was overcome with the need to have him inside her right now.

She climbed back on the bed saying,

"Make love to me Severus, now."

He looked at her the raw desire he saw there made his control slip for a moment as he leaned down capturing her mouth with his in a searing kiss that left them both breathless.

"Severus I need to feel you inside me right now. Love me."

He moved to between her legs, when he was at her entrance he took her hand in his as she wrapped her legs around him.

He slowly entered her watching as she closed her eyes throwing her head back at the feel of him inside her.

"Hermione look at me." He said quietly. She opened her eyes to stare into his. He knew in his soul that this was how it should have been the first time they made love, she was so tight around him. He sucked in a breath closing his eyes, as he laid his head lightly on her shoulder. He felt her fingers in his hair.

"Hermione, you feel so…." He raised up over her again, "This is how it should have been."

He closed his eyes again, just feeling her. He felt her shaking hand on his face, he opened his eyes looking down at her finally she said,

"I can't believe you kept them."

"It was all I had left of you."

"Severus."

He let go of her hand leaning down on his elbows taking her mouth with his, he kissed her deeply wanting to never forget how welcoming, warm, and loving she was.

He looked into her eyes and knew in that moment that she had forgiven everything, that he accepted she had forgiven him, and he knew that he had forgiven himself.

He moved his hips back, almost pulling out of her to slowly enter her again. She was so hot and wet, he never wanted to do more than love her this way.

"You're so beautiful Hermione." He said to her, her hands went to his arms gripping his biceps.

Slowly he moved in and out of her until she was shaking under him, her nails digging into his back. Words were lost in whimpers and gasp.

"Severus, please." She begged as he moved over her slowly still.

He knew he was right on the edge, if he moved just right or faster he would loose himself in all of this and he wanted to hear her scream his name as he made her come undone around him.

He stopped himself fully sheathed in her, he leaned down on his elbows again kissing her lips then her neck. He raised above her again, looking into her eyes.

"My beautiful angel." He whispered to her, he watched as her hand came to the rings around his neck again.

"You kept them, close to your heart. I…."

He watched as she closed her eyes, tears slipping out of the corners. He leaned down kissing them away before saying,

"Don't cry my witch."

"Overwhelmed." She breathed out, at this moment so close to the edge of a climax knowing that he did love her the whole time.

He moved up onto his hands again, he started moving in and out of her faster. He felt her moving to meet his thrust as her breath quickened.

"Yes my angel, let go."

He felt her tighten around him moments before she screamed.

"Severus!"

Her tighter around him sent him spilling into her with her name on his lips.

"Hermione." He ground out as he thrust into her one last time.

He collapsed on top of her, mindful to not put his weight fully on her. He was breathing hard matching hers, she was shaking still and he ran his shaking hand into her hair.

His breathing calmed, he said.

"Hermione." She had been running her hand up and down his back for some time now staring off toward the wall away from him.

"Did I hurt….." he started causing her to whip her head around to face him. He saw the tears on her face, his heart lurched thinking it was something he had done.

"Still overwhelmed." She said quietly.

"Don't cry, we don't…."

She laid her palm on his cheek saying,

"Shut up Severus, I'm just… this is how I always wished it was. I love you Severus…. The rings…. It's all just… don't ever…" she gave up trying to tell him anything, she couldn't at the moment her mind was still trying to process all of it. He leaned up kissing her lightly on the lips that he deepened quickly, when she pulled back she said,

"You always kiss me like it's the first time or the last."

"If you don't….."

"Don't you dare, I love it. Makes me feel like you don't take this for granted."

"I never will." He said moving off of her laying on his side gathering her into his arms, he was no where ready to let her go yet. "I will never take any of this for granted. Your still shaking."

"It's just…. Everything was so…. Right. Promise me it will always be this way."

"For as long as I'm able." He kissed the top of her head as his eyes closed.

"Hermione, I will always keep you in my heart. Your truly mine."

"Yes I am."

That was the last words he heard as he drifted off to sleep knowing that he was truly forgiven for his past transgression against her and that he had forgiven himself.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

Ok for those of you who skipped to here: Hermione discovered that he was wearing their wedding rings on a chain around his neck since she left. Severus discovered that he had been forgiven and forgave himself.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	74. Chapter 74

EDIT: I finished the video that goes along with the this story link is in my profile.

Author's Note: So here it is the last chapter…. I wanted to take this time to thank everyone who commented, put this story on alert, or added it to your favorites. It all means so much to me to know that more than just a few people enjoyed my little story that ended up not being so little and stuck through to the end. It's been a wild and fun ride to get to the ending without giving it away.

I am currently having this story beta'ed and doing some minor rewrites with it, I will be posting it again after the first of the year, hopefully more polished than it is now and little better along with a new title. I'll post here so any of you who are interested may read the redone version.

Again thank you all so much, it means a lot to me and I love all of you wonderful readers.

I'm off to duck behind the sofa... when you start reading you'll understand why.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).

* * *

><p>Severus slowly opened his eyes again to look up into a pair of hazel brown eyes looking at him anxiously. He felt her small wrist in his hand, he looked down where his hand was wrapped around her wrist then he looked back up at her. She had tears in her eyes and gave him a small smile before saying,<p>

"I think you're going to be okay."

His throat felt as if it was on fire, but he had to tell her.

"Don't….." he swallowed as she said,

"Don't try to talk, it will be okay." She smoothed his hair out of his face with a shaking hand.

He shook his head as he tried again,

"Don't….. don't abandon…. Me… Hermione."

He saw the total look of shock on her face then soften into something else as she laid her other hand on top of his before saying,

"I never would."

"Be….. here….. when I wake."

"Yes, I'll be right here." She smiled at him before leaning over kissing his forehead saying, "So close your eyes and rest, I'll be right here."

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

What only felt to Severus like seconds later he opened his eyes to find his surroundings had changed, he was in the hospital wing. At least he thought he was, it was hard to tell with the curtains drawn around the bed.

When he went to move his hand it brushed something, he looked down to see a head of brown hair. Tears came to his eyes, she hadn't abandoned him like everyone else did. She was right here, his Angel. He laid his hand on her head smoothing her hair down, this was real she was here and it hadn't mattered what he had done in the end he was finally forgiven. He really didn't deserve her, she was too good for him but now he wouldn't know how to live without her.

She raised her head looking up at him.

"Your awake." She stated.

"Yes, what happen."

She looked kind of scared looking around for what he didn't know.

"What's wrong Hermione?"

"Um…. Maybe I should go find Madam Pompfry." She started to get up, he grabbed her hand looked down when something didn't feel right.

"What happen?" he asked her looking at her bandaged hand.

"Oh its just a burn I got in the battle."

"What battle?" the last battle he remembered was the one at Hogwarts when Voldemort tired to kill him all those years ago.

"Um… I'm going to go find….."

"Hermione sit." He said a little more sternly than he intended, when she did as he said he really got a good look at her. She looked so young, so much younger than the last time he remembered seeing her.

"Hermione when was the final battle?"

"I really think I….."

He took her hand again saying softly,

"Just tell me please."

It was the word please that got her, she never remembered Severus ever using that word in the seven years she's known him. She wondered what had come over him, he had always held a distane for her and her friends. When she looked back at him she saw someone so different than the professor that never had a good word to say to her.

She thought over what happen at the boat house and here, she had stayed with him because she promised she would. He had sounded so…. Lost and scared in those few moments he had woke that she couldn't refuse him.

"About two weeks ago." She finally answered.

He looked up at her, trying to judge if she was telling the truth or not. That couldn't be right, it had been ten years since that night. Then he looked down at there hands, was it all a dream? He dropped her hand, he had no right to her. None of it happen, he started breathing heavely.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"Leave me."

"What?" she asked perplexed by his words.

"I said leave me."

She stood to go but then turned around saying to him.

"No, you asked me not to abandon you and I haven't. I've been here the whole time, you asked me to be here when you woke. I'm here, I don't know what game your playing at but I cared enough to do as you asked me to. And if you really want me to leave I care enough that I will, but I want to know why."

"None of it was real."

"None of what?"

"Nothing, just go."

"I told you my condition on my leaving."

"I just had a dream is all." More to himself he said, "one I'll never be allowed to have."

"Who says?" She asked him.

"I told you, just go."

"Professor, I….." she had no idea how to say what she wanted to without sounding like a school girl.

"Her….. Miss. Granger just leave me alone." It was so hard after everything that happen in the dream to not want to call her his, but she wasn't.

She turned and was almost through the curtain when she turned back coming back to his bedside before saying,

"No, you will not push me away until you hear what I have to say. I care about you, more than you know. When you asked me not to abandon you I knew you saw me. I can't just walk away and leave you to be alone again."

"Her…. Miss. ….."

"Stop." She said.

He looked up at her, it was mistake. He couldn't tell himself that she was a child or a student, all she had done was what he asked and he was trying to tell her it didn't matter. It did matter though, he had a choice to make right here, right now. He was going to take a huge risk, but he had nothing left to loose in his mind he already lost her.

"I dreamed you and I had a life together, it wasn't easy. I did many things to hurt you then I had to get you back. When I asked you to not abandon me I thought…." He couldn't finish it was all still so real.

She surprised him by sitting on the side of the bed taking his hand in hers before saying,

"Were we happy?"

He looked over at her, did he dare hope?

"In the end, it was a long road to that happiness though."

"I'm sure it was a rough one too."

"Yes, it was."

Hermione took the chance with the next question,

"Would you like to go out to supper with me after Poppy releases you?"

Severus looked at her in shock, was this girl really asking him out?

"Don't look so surprised, I want to hear more about this dream. I also realized something during the battle, I don't ever want to miss an opportunity again. So many things have been lost, I don't want this chance to be one of them."

He watched her for any sign of deceit but saw none, did he dare hope? If he accepted he would do it right this time, no more hurtful words or actions. He didn't think there would not be differences, but he wouldn't degrade or belittle her. This girl…. No young woman sitting on the bed holding his hand in hers was worth so much more than he every realized.

"Many relationships that last a very long time start with one supper." She said to him.

"Why?"

"You'd have to ask someone who….."

"No, why would you want to go on a date with me."

Poppy chose that moment to come around the corner,

"Severus, your awake."

"Obviously."

"How are you feeling."

"Thirsty."

"Any other pain."

"No, why?" he asked sensing something was wrong.

"It's just that nothing is known about Nagini's venom, it could cause lasting effects that we are not aware of." Hermione answered.

Poppy handed him a glass of water, he took it drinking when he noticed Hermione absently rubbing at her arm. He handed the glass back taking her arm, she tried to pull away but he stopped her with a look. When he saw it was still there he asked.

"How long ago?"

"About six weeks or so." She answered quietly, he saw the look pass over her face. This was something she was sure he would care about, but something that he couldn't of something he would care less about. Turning to Poppy he said,

"Magneta drought."

"I wasn't aware that you were under the cru…."

"Not for me, for Miss. Granger."

"Oh, right away."

"What is…."

"It's a potion that hopefully will help you avoid some of the lasting effects of the curse Bellatrix used on you."

"How did you know that…."

"She does like to leave a signature."

She looked down where he still held her arm lightly tracing his thumb around the word carved there.

"There's nothing they can do about it, if you don't want…."

"Do be insecure, I can think of nothing I care less about."

She gave him a small smile as Poppy returned handing her the drought to take.

Once Poppy ran all of her checks and stated that several more days of rest were in order, leaving them alone again Severus asked.

"Now back to my question, why would you want to go on a date with me."

"Because I care about you, because I want to get to know you not as a professor but as a person, a man."

"Is that all?" he said with a smirk, wanting her to say that she was attracted to him.

"That's all I'm willing to tell you at the moment, a woman has to keep some secrets." She smiled at him.

He smirked at her as his mind traveled to dreams he had while dreaming, but they weren't dreams. They were the reality, but the one that stood out was Lily telling him that he was meant for Hermione.

He squeezed her hand, oh yes he was back before the start. He knew the mistakes he made in the dream, that wouldn't happen this time. He would only show and give her the best of himself, it was the least he could do for the witch that saved his life in more ways that knew needed saving.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.<p>

I wanted to thank you all again for all of the wonderful comments and helpful answers through this journy, Love all of you.

So now that I'm done with this story I have several (Eight I think) on my hard drive that are either finished or close to being finished and was wondering which I should go with next. I have a couple of takes on the required marriage law fic, (It just seems with this ship you have to at least write one;) oh and a time turner fic. A couple of AU's that have them both living in America. A couple (that might be combined into one) in which Severus has a sister it's still SS/HG just takes a while to get there. One that I call days, it starts at the beginning of Hermione's sixth year but her age isn't what everyone thinks and there are reasons for it. Oh and a couple of darker ones in which the war didn't go well. If everything works well these will go by the beta before I ever get them posted;) so it might be after the first of the year before I start a new one. Well that is unless the muse decides that I need to write something short (Like that ever happens)

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.


	75. Never Alt Ending

A/N: Hey everyone! Great news, the sequel is finished *does happy dance* I will be starting to post it after Aug. 30th, the reason for this is because I wrote it for sicfi bigbang on livejournal.

There were a couple of other things I wanted to let everyone know:

1. I've had this story beat'ed, (at least the first several chapters so far) so I am going to be reposting it, and I have decided to change the title to Far Away, if anyone is interested in reading the beat'ed version just look for the title in my profile.

2. I am posting an alternate ending to Never, (because it worked better for the sequel) and I'm posting it with this note so I don't get into trouble, though I think that might be coming someday with the writing police on here. With that said I've posted links in my profile to where my stories are also being posted if anyone is interested.

Thanks to everyone whos reviewed and added this story to their alerts and now on to the story….

* * *

><p>Severus slowly opened his eyes again to look up into a pair of honey brown eyes looking at him anxiously. He looked down where his hand was wrapped around her wrist then he looked back up at her. She gave him a small smile before saying,<p>

"I think you're going to be okay."

His throat felt as if it was on fire, but he had to tell her.

"Don't…" he swallowed as she said,

"Don't try to talk." She smoothed his hair out of his face with a shaking hand.

He shook his head as he tried again,

"Don't… don't abandon…me… Hermione."

He saw the look of shock that crossed her face before it softened into something else as she laid her other hand on top of his before saying, "I never would."

"Be…here… when I wake."

"Yes, I'll be right here." She smiled at him before brushing his hair back from his eyes saying, "Rest, I'll be right here."

Once his eyes were closed she knew she needed to get him medical help quickly, his breathing was labored, and she was sure the venom was closing his throat. She did what she could with the lacerations, and where his throat was ripped by Nagini.

She raised her hand to wipe her forehead when she saw the amount of blood on it, then looking at the floor she knew that the blood replenisher potion she gave him was not enough. She tried to remember how much blood the human body could lose without dying, but the fact was escaping her at the moment.

She finally stood, casting _Mobilicorpus_ to levitate him to the castle; she took him through a side entrance to an abandoned classroom. She laid him on a table then turned to go find Madam Pomfrey, as she closed the door Hermione wondered why she was going to so much trouble for the man that killed Dumbledore. But something in the way he looked at her when he woke briefly made her want to help him.

There was also the fact that she had always thought there was more to that night than what Harry had said, something about it never made sense to her. If Professor Snape had always been a death eater then why didn't he kill her when he had the chance? The supposed brains of the group. If he truly believed the propaganda that Voldemort spouted, then she was nothing more than a Mudblood.

Hermione saw Madam Pomfrey standing outside the great hall, she ran up to her before saying, "Madam Pomfrey, there is someone I need you to come check on."

"Who dear?" the matron asked.

"I don't want to say here, just hurry, I don't think they have much time."

"Hermione, I have people here who need my help. Unless you tell me who you are talking about I am not leaving them."

Hermione knew telling her would more than likely sign Severus Snape's death warrant so she aimed her wand at the at older witch saying, "I need you to come with me now, someone's life hangs in the balance."

"What are you doing Miss. Granger? Who is it that's so important?" Madam Pomfrey asked taking a step back.

"You will see. Come."

"Fine," the matron said, upset that she was being called from those who needed her, and at wand point also.

Hermione guided the mediwitch back to the classroom, and closed the door before hearing.

"He killed Albus," Pomfrey said with a choked voice, "why would I help him?" the mediwitch took in the blood covering the front of Snape's clothes and Miss. Granger. She walked up to the table wondering what she could do for him, there was so much blood she was sure he had bled out already.

"Because it's your duty as a healer, and for some reason Voldemort did that to him. Now please, I don't know if what I did was enough."

"Hermione…" She started in a pleading voice.

"Just help him, if it makes you feel better, think of it this way: If he dies he will not be able to stand trial for what he did to the headmaster."

Poppy pulled the collar of his shirt aside to see that his skin was ripped apart in two places, she thought it looked like bite marks and gasped.

Hermione knew it was worse than she thought when she heard the mediwitch gasp. Hermione looked up to see Madam Pomfrey waving her wand in an intricate pattern over Snape. Finally she looked up saying, "I don't know if I can do anything for him, what happened?"

Hermione took a deep breath and started to explained the attack on the professor "Harry saw that Voldemort had called Professor Snape to the boat house - we were outside as they spoke - then he cast _Sectumsempra_ before ordering Nagini to kill. I closed the wounds from the hex and then found an anti venom in his robes, it did heal the bite some."

"Hermione, I think he is beyond anything I am able to do..." Hermione looked crestfallen, she had already seen too many people die, and though she couldn't explain it, she didn't want to see another person die, even Professor Snape, "But there is a doctor here-."

"Who is he, I'll go find him." Hermione said as she started toward the door.

"Dr. Bryce, he felt as if he needed to help. Says his daughter being a witch saved her life. I will send him my Patronus and have him come here

Before Hermione could answer, the mediwitch had her wand drawn and when a nightingale came forth she said, "Find Doctor Bryce, he needs to come alone."

Once the Patronus was gone Hermione turned to look out the window, she wondered what Harry had found from the memories that Professor Snape gave him. Was it a way to end this once and for all? She hoped so or all of this will be for nothing.

"Oh, Severus you've really done it this time." The sound of Madam Pomfrey speaking brought Hermione out of her musings, she turned to see the older witch smooth back the professor's hair, then she looked up to see such a look of compassion on her face. Hermione walked over to the table as Poppy looked up at her,

"He's always getting hurt, his whole time here. He was always in the hospital wing for something or another. I've always been able to fix him, but this..."

"I'm sorry I forced you to come, I just didn't know how else to get him the help he needed."

"I know, dear, it's just that I'm so angry at him. How could he kill Albus, then come back to be the headmaster?"

"I'm sure it was what Voldemort wanted, but there might be things we don't know."

"I'm sure there are," Poppy said as the door opened, admitting a middle aged man with dark hair graying at the temples and striking blue eyes.

"What have you got?"

Poppy explained as the man looked over the professor.

"I don't see how he is able to get any air, his throat is so swollen. I'm going to do a tracheotomy, it should-"

"A what?" Poppy asked.

"He's going to put a tube below where his throat is swollen so he can breathe better," Hermione answered automatically.

The doctor looked up at her before asking,

"Muggle-born?"

"Yes," Hermione said, nodding.

"Do you have any first aid or medical training?"

"Some, my parents are -were- oral and maxillofacial surgeons." She honestly didn't know if they were or not since she _Obliviated _them and sent them away.

"Can you prep?"

"Yes, do you have gloves?"

He handed her a pair of gloves before passing her the items she needed.

Hermione pulled the professor's shirt further apart, ripping the buttons off. She applied the alcohol, and then the iodine, to a big area above where the clavicle bones meet the manubrium bone.

Hermione looked up as the man standing across from her closed his eyes a moment before handing her the instruments that he would need for her to hand back to him, at her questioning looked he said,

"Never hurts to pray that all goes well."

Hermione watched as the man made the incisions then placed the tube, she hadn't realized how bad his breathing was until the tube was in and the wheezing stopped.

Hermione had to admit that she hadn't noticed the professor was wheezing that badly until the sound wasn't in the room any longer.

"Well that sounds better, but I think it's all I'm able to do for him now."

"I just hope the anti-venom was enough." Poppy said.

"He had a few years to work on it, Nagini attacked Arthur a few years ago and he came out fine."

"I hope you're right," Poppy said, "I hate to, but I think it would be best to leave him here for now. I just don't want to leave him alone, and I don't trust anyone else to not say something." She looked at Hermione.

"I have to get back to help Harry." Hermione said.

"Can you make some of those hospital screens here?" the doctor asked.

"Yes." Madam Pomfery replied as she took her wand out of her apron pocket and with a quick flick transfigured a nearby chair into a set of infirmary screens.

"We'll move the table to the corner, then, if anyone else needs me you have them brought here."

Three hours later it was over. Ron was gone, killed by Bellatrix. Harry was still alive. Hermione was hugging him close; They started walking back to the great hall, his arm around Hermione's shoulders when he said,

"Oh my God, the memories. Snape didn't kill Professor Dumbledore… well he did, but under orders, and we just left him there. Hermione, we need to go get his body before they take it. I don't even want to think what they will do to him, knowing that he was a traitor to them." Harry grabbed Hermione's hand, starting to pull her toward the boat house.

"Harry, slow down, come with me first."

"Hermione, you don't-"

"Just come with me, you'll see."

She tugged on Harry's hand until he followed her to the room that she had left the doctor and Professor Snape in. As she opened the door the doctor looked up, nodding at her as she looked at him. She took Harry to the other side of the room, pulling him behind the curtain when Harry saw Professor Snape's prone body he stopped fighting her.

"How?" Harry asked, shock evident in his voice.

"I just… Harry, after that attack I couldn't just do nothing."

"You are brilliant, Hermione." Harry said, putting an arm around her shoulders and kissing the side of her head.

"It wasn't me; the doctor is the real hero in this."

As if he heard, the doctor came behind the curtain.

"Well I suppose a thank you is in order, Mr. Potter. You really have made this world safe for everyone like my daughter."

Harry blushed, not knowing what to say so he only nodded before asking,

"Is he going to be okay?"

"It's too soon to know, one good thing is he seems to have a strong heart. It's not weak as I would expect, though I'm not truly happy with his respirations. Poppy said that his magic is good and it would seem the swelling has stopped."

"He's alive, that is more than I expected," Harry said.


End file.
